Should I sign this lease?

[LaHermes]

Fully endorse what Fudgie is saying:

 

" You are in control. That can be scary but it's also very freeing. You can adjust your habits and spending accordingly to make ends meet as well. You don't have to worry about a roommate blowing half of their rent money on alcohol and not paying up.

 

And, of course, it's safer. You don't have to deal with guests you don't like and you don't have to ask anyone's permission about anything."

 

The freedom will be exhilarating.

[boltnrun]

Home should be your sanctuary.

 

A friend was in an unacceptable living situation with an uncle (of all people). She hated going home. She'd often just sit in her car in a parking lot somewhere just to get away, but since she had pets she couldn't stay away for long. One thing her uncle did that drove her absolutely crazy was to feed her dog "people food" including junk food after she'd repeatedly asked him not to.

 

She finally got her own place and her life has improved exponentially. She's now at peace when she goes home. Totally worth it.

[LaHermes]

Look forward now, Rivoli, better things ahead!. Not backwards, mulling over what these individuals did and said. They aren't even worth while discussing and who cares what their future holds.

 

Wishing you every luck.

[maew]

Just want to chime in here and say... yes, a resounding yes, to living on your own... I decided to do this after my separation... splurged on a place that was in the neighbourhood I wanted, and had everything I was looking for... and while it was tight and sometimes I worried, I have to say it was worth every cent to have a space all to myself, a sanctuary that I could come home to... it was so peaceful and grounding.

[RuedeRivoli]

Thank you all for the well wishes! I truly appreciate it!

 

During this lockdown, I realized that even if you have people around you (physically), you can still feel incredibly lonely and isolated. I'd rather live on my own than to have a bunch of ghosts in my personal space. At least I'm comfortable with myself.

[Batya33]

Thank you all for the well wishes! I truly appreciate it!

 

During this lockdown, I realized that even if you have people around you (physically), you can still feel incredibly lonely and isolated. I'd rather live on my own than to have a bunch of ghosts in my personal space. At least I'm comfortable with myself.

 

Totally. It's a leap I get it but I totally relate to how you are feeling and you are doing the right thing. I hope the move goes smoothly.

[RuedeRivoli]

I ended up signing the lease. About two hours or so after, someone in the neighborhood started some fireworks & I was able to watch through my window. There's never any fireworks over here, so that was a pleasant surprise!

 

I also ran into my previous roommate today. She and I had issues with one another from the get-go & she had the exact same attitude as my current rude roommate (including the unwanted guests). She ended up moving out after 6 months and took an apartment in the same complex. I now run into her once a week or so. There's just too much negative energy attached to this complex (for me). On top of dealing with an unpleasant new roommate, I also had the anxiety of running into the previous one who was just as unpleasant.

 

Once the keys are returned, I hope never to see them again in my life! The new neighborhood is more like "Noting hill" (I don't live in London) whilst my current neighborhood is more like Canary Wharf/Financial Center (for those who are familiar with London), so it will be an adjustment, but I think I needed to have the same scenario repeat itself with a second roommate to realize it was time to move on. It has been eye-opening. If it weren't for this whole pandemic, I would have never moved!

[Jibralta]

Congratulations!

[LaHermes]

So pleased for you RR. Congratulations and may you be content and at peace in your new home.

[RuedeRivoli]

Thank you everyone!

 

I got the keys yesterday and started moving in. I have to say, I'm feeling completely disoriented and scared.

 

Disoriented because it is a different neighborhood, so different from the neighborhood I've been living in four years. It's a bit more "suburban" and family oriented than my previous one, which is was a financial center. I feel a bit strange and starting to wonder if I made the right decision. Don't get me wrong, the neighborhood is lovely and much more lively than the financial center with tons of shops, people, restaurants etc.. (even during this pandemic time).

 

I'm a bit scared, because now I'm completely on my own. I've been craving this independence, but I'm scared of a million scenarios playing in my head.

 

Part of me is thinking of terminating the lease already because I was so used to the comfort (or discomfort) of my the apartment I'm moving out of.

[boltnrun]

Please reread all the posts about how much you disliked living in the shared apartment.

 

You're worried about health risks, that won't change. You're worried about being pushed out of the common areas, that won't change.

 

What are the "million scenarios" you're afraid of, and are any of them legitimate things to be frightened of? And if so, what are some things you can do to mitigate those things?

[RuedeRivoli]

Please reread all the posts about how much you disliked living in the shared apartment.

 

You're worried about health risks, that won't change. You're worried about being pushed out of the common areas, that won't change.

 

What are the "million scenarios" you're afraid of, and are any of them legitimate things to be frightened of? And if so, what are some things you can do to mitigate those things?

 

Yes, you're right. I think I'm starting to get sentimental instead of being logical. The above mentioned (health risks/common areas issues) definitely don't change.

 

The two leases are currently overlapping, so I'm doing the back and forth between the two places. Whenever I'm in the shared apartment, I get crippling anxiety. I don't enjoy myself even if I'm sitting on the couch or in my room. Yesterday, I spent the whole day and evening in the other apartment and for the first time in weeks, I was able to finally sleep properly at night (I slept in the shared apartment). My insomnia had gone crazy in the last few weeks due to my anxiety. Again today, I was so anxious in the shared apartment when I got up, but then I spent the afternoon at my own place and I left completely relaxed. All the anxiety went out the window.

 

I think I'm scared of three things:

1. Taking a leap, increasing my rent during a pandemic which will have long-lasting effects on the economy. I'm afraid of something happening and me not being able to afford it anymore (although I've done the maths about 10 times before signing-off).

2. I'm afraid of missing those ceiling to floor windows from the shared apartment and neighborhood and beat myself up over giving up on those. An apartment like the shared one was obviously way out of my price range, no way to find something like this in my budget and I'm aware of this.

3. Simply returning the key and having regrets

 

I haven't terminated the lease in the shared apartment yet, but this past year in this apartment has just been plain horrendous. We had a great three years all three of us original renters, but when of them left last year, it just killed the equilibrium of the apartment and it went downhill from there. Even if this roommate leaves, I might encounter someone worse. The previous one stayed 6 months and she wasn't great either. When got this new one as a replacement and it hasn't solved the issue. To me, it's clearly a sign it's time to move on as the scenario keeps repeating itself, but I keep reminiscing on the past and the great things that happened in this apartment. I'm just so attached to it, it feels like I'm leaving a part of my life/heart behind. It's really painful, but then again, I think of all the roommate crap and it makes me want to run back to my own apartment right now.

[boltnrun]

I'm not trying to minimize your fears, but the only one that I feel is legit is the increase in rent. I wouldn't view that as something to be frightened of, but something to be aware of. That could happen even in a shared apartment. You can be financially conservative to help offset that fear. Also, if you continue to pay rent on two places I can see that being problematic. When do you plan to officially move out and terminate the old lease?

 

The windows? I have to presume you don't mean you're "afraid" of not having big windows!

 

And if you're nostalgic for how things used to be, remind yourself that is in the past. Remind yourself of how things are NOW, not last year or the year before.

 

I suppose you could cancel the lease and go back if you really want to. But you have to be realistic about how things will be if you do choose to stay.

[Jibralta]

You took a big step, and it's perfectly normal to feel anxiety as a result. I think you will come to find that this was a good choice. Those big windows in your shared apartment may have been beautiful, but they didn't make your roommates considerate, ease your anxiety, or help you sleep at night.

[RuedeRivoli]

Well, as I was typing the above and bawling over the past ... the roommate's boyfriend rang at the door (unannounced, as usual) and he's staying here for the night.

It calmed me down right away. Some things will never change unless I make the change myself. The shared apartment's agent will also change come the new year and while the current one has been fantastic, it could be the new one will be horrendous.

 

I have a 56 days notice period and I've already paid my December rent in both places. The January rent will depend on how quickly my potential replacement can move in.

I'm not going to be paying for both places indefinitely. I have to make up my mind this week as I'm also thin on time due to my shared apartment rental notice requirements. Once I reach the 4 years mark (on Dec. 31st), my notice period requirement will increase from 56 to 84 days. I'm not planning on paying three months of double-rent.

 

With one bedroom rentals, you have to be able to move in immediately as they get taken off the market really quickly due to high demand, hence the fact I made an exception for this one. I took this into consideration in my budget when applying for apartments (I took into consideration deposit + overlapping rents for 2 months).

 

Those big windows...I'm not afraid of not having them, but they were my favorite part about this place, but yes, they were useless in the grand scheme of things. It's just windows. Perhaps one day I'll have them again, the new apartment is just a stepping stone towards a bigger picture, that's what I'm telling myself. As a matter of fact, I was heartbroken when I left the place prior to this shared apartment. It took me a good 3/6 months to get over it entirely and in hindsight, it was the best decision at the time.

 

As far as the rent going up, I made a financial forecast until the end of the lease and I'm planning on cutting down on costs with the hope of recuperating the upfront costs within 2-3 months, if all goes well.

[itsallgrand]

I agree with Jib. It's not unusual to feel the way you do. It's not always easy saying goodbye to a place you've built so many memories in, even if it is time to go and amazing things in front of you.

Think of it this way :it's so much better leaving while you feel you have choice and control. It's great if you can leave a place before totally hating it to the point all the good is gone.

It's a new adventure. You've got this!

[LaHermes]

RR. I echo what Bolt said.

 

"Remind yourself of how things are NOW, not last year or the year before."

 

It is vital RR, (leaving aside this move to a new place) that you somehow get on top of the catastrophising, futurizing and worst case scenarios. And, feel the fear but do it anyway! Yes!

 

Call yourself out on storytelling. Say to yourself, "I am making up a story right now."

 

You were miserable and unhappy in the shared apartment you are just leaving (have you left already?). Look forward, not back, and imagine how marvellously the new place and its environment will make you feel.

[catfeeder]

It's natural to remember the unity you shared when all the roommates were 'good'.

 

That's no longer the case, and you traded the wildcard of what you cannot control to one that you CAN.

 

We can adapt to environments with the right mindset, but lousy roommates? Not so much.

 

CongrAts for taking leap of faith, and adopt resilience and forward thinking as your mantra.

 

You will thank yourself later.

[Fudgie]

Moving can be really scary and, frankly, I hate doing it. Don't worry about how it was when things were better. It's not that way now. The past is a moot point. Think of how miserable you've been in your current living situation and focus on the benefits of being on your own.

[catfeeder]

Moving can be really scary and, frankly, I hate doing it. Don't worry about how it was when things were better. It's not that way now. The past is a moot point. Think of how miserable you've been in your current living situation and focus on the benefits of being on your own.

 

Yes! And instead of talking yourself into being scared and miserable, direct your focus forward toward your goal of liberation and control of your own peace.

 

It's harder to flee from the 'bad' than it is to move TOWARD the better.

 

Focus on the better, and this needn't dismiss your fears. Just put those on the back burner to draw on if or when you need to, and focus instead on what motivates you and makes you happy.

 

You get to decide whether this will be difficult or a natural climb to higher ground.

 

Choose wisely!

[RuedeRivoli]

Thank you, everyone!! I really appreciate all these encouraging words!

 

I'm struggling a bit at the moment as I am navigating between the two apartments (my notice period will end mid-January), so it is a bit hard for me to detach emotionally from this place I spent four years of my life in. I get emotional every single time I think about having to return the keys for good, but I know it is not for me anymore. I was at my own place yesterday to organize some things and time flew! I was only meant to be there for an hour or two and I ended up being there all night because I didn't want to come back to the shared apartment. Yet, when I'm the shared apartment, I get a pit in my stomach when I think about leaving for good. It's a very bipolar situation. I could cancel my new lease (it would be far easier than to cancel the other one), but again, I know that things will not change if the girl is still around.

 

That said, I got to enjoy my "independence" for the first time yesterday by going to the local shop and buying a few things for the place. It felt really good. I truly felt like an adult and where I need to be at this stage of my life. Then again, when I come back to the shared apartment, the comfort of the past holds me back from mentally moving forward.

 

I told the roommate of four years I was moving out. He and I have always gotten along and would spend evenings chatting away. His response was: "OK, I guess you will need to tell the landlord then". He didn't ask about where I'm going or anything of the sort. He barely looked at me as he was more interested in what was going on on his phone than me, clearly. I was a bit disappointed, but it is what it is.

 

As far as the girl goes (the rude one), suddenly, she's become amenable and "nicer". She deep cleaned the apartment yesterday (which she never does) and went as far as asking me if she could throw my trash (I have my own bins in the kitchen), which she never did before. I've always been the made of the apartment, religiously cleaning. She's trying to play some kind of reverse psychology or maybe feels guilty, but either way, it is too late now. I certainly won't forget the rudeness I've been subjected to since she moved in and more specifically, the inappropriateness of inviting her boyfriend during a lockdown on repeated occasions and them making out in the entryway for everyone to hear. She thinks by throwing my trash away, it's going to mend things. It goes far beyond the trash, I can throw my own trash.

 

Funny thing though ... both the TV and the washing machine broke own last night. Both have been monopolizing either or both. So, they're now winding up with neither while I went to my own place and did my own wash there. I shouldn't be laughing at this, but I somewhat feel this is a sign.

[Jibralta]

That's funny about the washing machine and the TV. Great that you got to see that.

 

Why don't you just turn in the shared apartment keys for good, and make a clean break?

 

Leave with the humor of the current situation in tact.

[Fudgie]

Agree, make a clean break. You're torturing yourself by doing this back and forth. You have the new place now so there's no reason not to finally move ALL of your stuff over and then give the keys to the landlord. You can pay your roommates rent/part of utility bills through your phone or give to the landlord directly. Why make it harder on yourself?

[RuedeRivoli]

Well, the reason why I'm doing the back and forth is because my notice period is currently running.

 

My notice period is 56 days, so I am bound until mid-January. The length of the notice period is a regulatory stipulation depending on the duration of your rental. Not my own choice unfortunately. You can't just give 28 days and leave, otherwise you're facing penalties.

 

This means that my rent for December is paid already. I'm not going to let this amount of rent go down the drain without me being there. I would do my roommates a huge favor, which I'm not willing to. I'll return the keys once the notice period is up or in the instance where a tenant is found before the end of the notice period. Until then, I'm tied to this place. I could choose not to be there, but I'm still awaiting for the bed to be delivered to the new place as well.

 

I will definitely need a clean break. I thought about sub-letting, but it will just drag out the inevitable ... meaning terminating the lease and it is an added burden.

[RuedeRivoli]

That's funny about the washing machine and the TV. Great that you got to see that.

 

Why don't you just turn in the shared apartment keys for good, and make a clean break?

 

Leave with the humor of the current situation in tact.

 

Haha, I agree. It's quite funny. The whole thing is falling apart.