Why did he disappear?

[bluecastle]

Great.

 

If you don't hear back from him, then you know it's a wash. If you do? You'll see him Tuesday. And with that? You just keep doing the glorious thing you were doing before texting him, which is being you on planet earth.

 

I get that this is newish terrain, and edgy terrain, but the time-stamping of everything (30 minutes from first text, now 1.5 hours of "dead silence") is pretty intense to my eyes. Maybe he's at dinner. Maybe he's just not that interested. At this stage, both those possibilities, along with everything in between, should be fine, not something to occupy a whole lot of mental and emotional bandwidth.

[kiwistwbry]

I get that this is newish terrain, and edgy terrain, but the time-stamping of everything (30 minutes from first text, now 1.5 hours of "dead silence") is pretty intense to my eyes. Maybe he's at dinner. Maybe he's just not that interested. At this stage, both those possibilities, along with everything in between, should be fine, not something to occupy a whole lot of mental and emotional bandwidth.

 

Point taken. I’ve just been burned a lot in the past. Will try to take things as they come and if they don’t, then move on.

[Jibralta]

She was an author whose writings are-- IMO justifiably-- considered particularly verbose.

 

I guess by people who have not read her writing and/or are not familiar with late 18th - early 19th century English?

[Wiseman2]

It seems like you are trying to have too much regular chichat as if you are dating and in a relationship.

Point taken. I’ve just been burned a lot in the past. Will try to take things as they come and if they don’t, then move on.

[kiwistwbry]

It seems like you are trying to have too much regular chichat as if you are dating and in a relationship.

 

Not at all. Just agreeing with bluecastle’s point of not using so much mental and emotional energy on this guy at this point. That if nothing comes from this most recent attempt for a date, then I’ll move on to other options. I’ve appreciated everybody’s advice on here.

[LaHermes]

Kiwi:

 

You know what. (Never mind what they did or said in England in times past lol).

 

Looking at it from here, Kiwi, I'd call it a day on this one.

 

"He was vague when it came to making plans yet again, by giving me very little to work with"

 

Is there some reason you are so set on this man?

 

IMO it is far too much like hard work.

[catfeeder]

He was vague when it came to making plans yet again, by giving me very little to work with.

 

Now is your time to relax and leave the ball in his court. You reached out and let him know that you are still interested. That's the best you could have done, so now, leave it alone. If the guy wants to try setting another date, he'll reach out. If not, he's done.

 

The most liberating thing to grasp when dating is that most people are NOT our match. That's just natural odds. So if you find yourself working too hard to pin down someone, then you are trying to force a fit that's just not a fit.

 

Think 'needle in a haystack' to avoid getting discouraged by natural odds against finding true simpatico. Hold out for the simpatico, instead. Allow wrong matches to pass early, and you will thank yourself later. When the RIGHT person can view you through the RIGHT lens, he will appreciate your unique value without you needing to try too hard.

 

Head high, dating requires resilience and an ability to view rejection as a statement of someone else's limits rather than as any reflection on you. A few lengthy texts won't change that, but they also wouldn't discourage the RIGHT man for you.

[LaHermes]

Kiwi:

 

Just to add that it is always advisable to keep business and social/romantic separate. And change your tactics and don't go for unavailable men. Not just this one, but the past and the future ones.

 

This man picked up the "romantic interest" vibe quite some time back and he shut it down well before now. Am I right?

 

Just because someone (a man who is also an employer) is kind and pleasant to you does not mean he has any other interest in you.

[DancingFool]

For what it's worth, I don't think you did anything wrong other than get way too hung up on this guy and trying to make something happen.

 

A large part of basic compatibility when it comes to dating is matching schedules. In this case, they don't. Setting up even one date is practically an impossible task, so you chalk this up to not going to work out and move on. His job and schedule isn't going to change and neither will yours. Your life, lifestyles don't match.

 

Also, when a guy doesn't respond to you in days, please just walk away and don't contact him again. He is not that into and it's nothing to do with you or what you did or didn't do. It means he was lukewarm from the get go.

[kiwistwbry]

Yeah I see what you all are saying. I can also understand how I might have made scheduling harder for him, along with a not so good impression. Now that I’ve learned all of this I can use it moving forward either with this guy or someone else. By the way, thanks to everyone’s suggestions planning seems to be going much smoother now! This is what happened later in the day yesterday:

 

Me: Hope everything's well! I’m free in the evening tomorrow and Tuesday. What days this week work for you?

 

Guy: Doing great. Out on the boat for a few days. At Bainbridge island right now. Interesting cloud formations. (inserts picture). Planning on getting back Tuesday at around 5 PM.

 

Me: Sounds like fun. Nice picture! Does that mean Tuesday evening works for you too?

 

Guy: Yes. I may have to make it 6:30 depending on when I get back but that would be the latest. Is that ok?

 

Me: No problem. I might actually need more time too. How about 7?

 

Guy: Perfect.b

Guy: oops. Minus the "b"

 

*9:30PM*

 

Me: Hehe, no worries. Well it’s getting late, details can be talked about sometime tomorrow. Enjoy this weather!

[HeartGoesOn]

Under review...