I love you but I’m not in love with you

[ShirleyB]

I will do my best to wrap this up in as little words as I can. My boyfriend and I had previously separated and gotten back together. Lately things have been really good. But the catch is it’s good because we no longer live under the same roof and he is always out with the boys or having the boys over to what used to be our home. I’m supposed to be moving back in here in a couple weeks as the separation was temporary. I spent a few days this last week at the house because I was off work and that’s what we agreed upon, and things were ok. He spent a lot of time with the boys and not any time with me though. So Sunday I sat down and decided we needed to have a face to face conversation because I had not gotten upset, mad, irritated once this weekend while he did his thing. Although I was starting to get frustrated. He has continually our whole relationship dropped subtle hints that he doesn’t see a future together and that he would like to get transferred. And bear with me here. I realize that I ALONE am solely responsible for not acting on what he said and by choosing to stay. But things had for the most part always been fine and well. While we were having a conversation Sunday he mentioned that he loved and cared for me but he was not in love with me. He tends to get really crabby and short when I try to have any conversation so I dropped it and left him alone. The next day he was fine. Haven’t seen him in three days now and he acts super “friendly” and “loving” in the little we do talk. He is supposed to spend Christmas with my family tomorrow and still plans to come. Part of my can’t help but wonder if I need to get through the holiday period and be the one to cut ties due to him mentioning he is no longer in love with me or give him some time and space to work through whatever he may be going through mentally. I know him well enough to know he does care, but I also know him well enough to know he’s selfish. And why would he cut ties when he gets to do whatever he wants essentially and then react poorly if I say my feelings are hurt only to be super nice the next day.

 

He still often tells me he loves and cares for me but I can’t help but feel that is because he is feeling guilty.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this is happening. When you let go of him, his drinking, his indifference and his selfishness, you will find clarity and perhaps start to meet men who are not heavy drinkers,party animals, users and this selfish. You are not going to change and fix him. He will not turn into a decent man with your martyrdom and grand love.

 

You may finally find out how real men act and what real love is. Why waste your life away on a childish drunken jerk who treats you like rubbish?

 

My advice remains the same as in your other thread on this: https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=562954&p=7186949&viewfull=1#post7186949

we no longer live under the same roof ..

He has continually our whole relationship dropped subtle hints that he doesn’t see a future together

he mentioned that he loved and cared for me but he was not in love with me.

[Seraphim]

Doesn’t see a future with me , doesn’t love me and spends all his time with the guys? Buh bye. Realize you are worth more than that.

[Billie28]

He loves and cares for you. So do platonic friends and family.

Your friends and family are not in love with you and neither is he.

 

We know that because he told you ! Guys don’t beat around the bush about that stuff!!! (They will still have sex with you though if you are up for it)

 

So, you are single. And young!

Enjoy it !

 

It’s been a relatively short lived thing.

But hopefully lesson learnt not to move in with someone out of convenience rather than commitment.

 

It always ends up being inconvenient as you now know.

 

Since you moved out you are in the process of break up and moving on. That’s good!

Don’t ever consider living with another guy until at least year 2022 and at least 2 years of dating.

 

Best of luck , happy new year! New start !!

[Gary Snyder]

That phrase means he does not love you.

 

He may love you as a friend, but not romantically. He may have been in love with you at one time, but no longer. I'm sorry.

[SherrySher]

The things he has said to you and the way he treats you is terrible.

 

You deserve better than that and if you won't and can't give that to you, then it's up to you to walk away.

 

But staying and hoping and praying and allowing him to behave this way, is only telling him that he can treat you as badly as he wants and you'll keep taking it.

[Hollyj]

He is not in love with and does not see a future. He also has you low on the priority list. I don't get understand what you get from this? You are wasting your time.

[boltnrun]

Do you think by continuing to hang around he will rediscover his lost feelings?

 

Please regain your dignity. Please stop staying over there and please, do NOT move back in!

[RayRay63]

My boyfriend (26m) and myself (26f) broke up about a month ago because he said he just didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore. Point blank. Wanted to focus on himself and not be responsible for worrying about anyone else. Well a week went by and I had just signed a 3 month lease at an apartment and was packing the rest of my belongings and such and he showed up at the house. We talked briefly and he agreed to continuing the relationship while living apart.

 

 

My boyfriend and I had previously separated and gotten back together. Lately things have been really good. But the catch is it’s good because we no longer live under the same roof

 

And it does not appear to have been much good at all when you spent a few days there. It sounds to me like he is barely tolerating your presence, and "continuing the relationship" is a euphemism for having an F-buddy.

 

Time to move on. Do you jointly own any property, or is the house a renter?

[catfeeder]

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