Camber 2019 Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 We are both older. She 63 and I am 68. ...We have a great relationship along with a really great sexual relationship. Well, if nothing else, you should be thankful that you can maintain an erection at the age of 68!!!! Link to comment
Andrina Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 A woman who goes for or accepts the attentions of a married man cares nothing about being in a serious relationship with him. People with good moral compasses don't do this. And you didn't divorce and give yourself a good year to get to a good place mentally to make a good choice for a lifetime partner, so it's no wonder you're not satisfied now. You say her marriage isn't an issue, and yet you can't wake up each morning next to each other day, and share everything in life a monogamous couple without other ties should be sharing. After 3 years together, you don't even have any knowledge of how she gets the money for all of this traveling? Normally, a partner wants to know if their mate is financially secure, so that when aging out, retirement will be doable without a lot of debt and financial stress. Sounds like that won't even matter in your case, because you've chosen to live in limbo without the normal progression of a no constraints union. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 Ok, so you knew this going into the affair. What changed is that you got divorced. But she has maintained her lifestyle as before. Why is it suddenly bothering you? Maybe it's time to see a therapist/doctor and sort through the loneliness left from your divorce and the fact that she still has the same life as when you were both married lovers. She has always done this type of traveling with her friends. Actually, the marriage thing is really not an issue. We met which led to my divorce from an unhappy marriage. Link to comment
maew Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 You guys started out as an affair... and while you got divorced, she is still married and living life much like before. You are attempting to move the relationship forward and are trying to change the dynamic while she wants it to stay the same and is digging her heels in about including you more in her life. The fact that she doesn't want to go on vacation with you and that she is still married likely indicates she doesn't see a serious future with you. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 I presume her husband makes a good living and that's why she won't divorce him and why she can afford all these trips with her friends. I wonder what she told her husband when she was traveling with you. How about meeting and dating unmarried women? Link to comment
Salvatore Posted October 30, 2019 Author Share Posted October 30, 2019 We will never marry. Not all relationships need to point in that direction. Yes she is still married and will be. There is no reason to at our ages. Do you think she would really rather go on vacation with her friends as I presented in the Hawaii example? Link to comment
Salvatore Posted October 30, 2019 Author Share Posted October 30, 2019 Sooo......a married woman having an affair with you (of course your situation is totally special and different from all other affairs) can't quite swing going on romantic trips with you while she is going on said trips with her friends, husband, family, etc. Well...friends as far as you know. I mean yeah, why are you surprised or acting hurt? You are just a third wheel in someone else's marriage and have no rights, no leg to stand on and nothing to complain about outside of put up and shut up and enjoy whatever bs she tells you, 'cause sex is worth it and the affair is exciting. She doesn't go on trips with husband, family, etc. just friends. She's not having sex with husband or anyone else but me. She send pictures when she is on vacations with her friends so it doesn't appear that she is really going on vacations with other men. I would just like your opinion on why it appears she would rather go to Hawaii with her 75 lb over weight friend instead of me. As it appears to me. I was stunned when she told me she was going to Hawaii with her friend. Link to comment
Salvatore Posted October 30, 2019 Author Share Posted October 30, 2019 You guys started out as an affair... and while you got divorced, she is still married and living life much like before. You are attempting to move the relationship forward and are trying to change the dynamic while she wants it to stay the same and is digging her heels in about including you more in her life. The fact that she doesn't want to go on vacation with you and that she is still married likely indicates she doesn't see a serious future with you. She says its not true that she would rather go on vacation with her friends. What am I to believe after pulling the Hawaii stunt? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 You would do great on any of those over 50 dating sites. That would be better than what you have now. It's not going to change with her. Even when her husband dies. A nice lady you meet under better circumstances could be a great travel companion, lover, companionship, etc and no you don't have to remarry anyone.Do you think she would really rather go on vacation with her friends as I presented in the Hawaii example? Link to comment
Salvatore Posted October 30, 2019 Author Share Posted October 30, 2019 I presume her husband makes a good living and that's why she won't divorce him and why she can afford all these trips with her friends. I wonder what she told her husband when she was traveling with you. How about meeting and dating unmarried women? Her husband is retired and has some mental difficulties which made her want to seek someone to fill the emotional voids in her life. Much like I had done. She tells her husband that she is going with her friend. He never questions her. We have a great connection with each other from the start but this whole Hawaii thing has thrown me for a loop. Link to comment
smackie9 Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 like I said, does that not tell you something? You are only an extension of her busy, independent style life. You are just her boy toy when she feels like it to satisfy the itch her husband can't scratch. She's gonna live life the way she wants it. I think your relationship goals are not matched. You want more attention than she's willing to give. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 She doesn't go on trips with husband, family, etc. just friends. She's not having sex with husband or anyone else but me. She send pictures when she is on vacations with her friends so it doesn't appear that she is really going on vacations with other men. I would just like your opinion on why it appears she would rather go to Hawaii with her 75 lb over weight friend instead of me. As it appears to me. I was stunned when she told me she was going to Hawaii with her friend. When someone will lie and cheat, they will never tell you the truth about their marriage. You literally do not know. Regardless, what you do know is that you are nothing more than a side dish in her life and not a very important one at that. Her life, her husband, her friends - pretty much everything else is more important and the sooner you get it the better. The whole sex is amazing is really nothing more than sex fueled by the adrenaline rush of lies and sneaking around. However, you divorced your wife and are now starting to act like a whiny boyfriend who actually needs her attention - so not fun anymore. The more you start to act like a needy boyfriend, the more she'll push you away. You see, actual relationships aren't much fun, they are rather mundane and all about giving and meeting someone else's needs as well as your own. That pesky two way street. She is making it very clear to you that the street is one way. Keep pushing for more and I dare say that one day soon she'll simply send you packing because deep down, she is a user and you are on par with a used napkin. Welcome to cheater life. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 Her husband is retired and has some mental difficulties which made her want to seek someone to fill the emotional voids in her life. Much like I had done. She tells her husband that she is going with her friend. He never questions her. We have a great connection with each other from the start but this whole Hawaii thing has thrown me for a loop. Wow, people still buy those old, tired cliche stories that married cheaters trot out? Aren't there any nice single ladies you can date? Link to comment
Rose Mosse Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 This seems like a mess. I'm not sure why you don't go to Hawaii on your own or find another female friend to go with. You're being a little too clingly (I'm sorry to say that) and you're both not on the same page in this relationship. Both of you (perhaps one more than the other) has other commitments also with friends or existing marriages. Please be smart about this and don't get dragged down a thorny path. Start finding more available and appropriate women to hang out with and date. Link to comment
shellyf62 Posted October 31, 2019 Share Posted October 31, 2019 she would rather go to Hawaii with her 75 lb over weight friend instead of me Charming! I would drop you like a hot rock speaking about my friends like that Link to comment
LC8328 Posted October 31, 2019 Share Posted October 31, 2019 OK -I'm going to sidestep everything else and just talk about the trip, just for the heck of it, and come at this from a different angle. Let's say I go out with my siblings every month to a Broadway show. You and I are dating, and you ask me if I would like to go with you to this show. I say no, that it doesn't sound fun, because I just don't feel like it. That doesn't mean I don't love you. I do plenty of other things with you. Then you discover that I am going to that exact show with my siblings. This hurts your feelings, but here's the thing. It is natural for me to go to see a show with my siblings because it is something I have always done and is a natural part of my life. It isn't rejecting you by saying I don't want to go to this show with you. I could have had any number of reasons. Maybe...when I see the show with you, I want it to be a certain way. Special or at a place in my life where I can enjoy it more with the man I love. Or maybe I compartmentalize my life such that there are certain things I do with you, that I don't do with anyone else. And rearranging all that would be chaos for me. So with you I will go dancing and do some amazing things that are just for us. Do you see what I mean? Now having said that...I would feel the same way in your shoes. I would just think over how you relate and interact with each other on a normal basis, and that could tell you how to proceed. Is there mutual respect? Do you listen to each other? Or are you constantly being put on the backburner in her life? I also want to note that you saying "maybe it would be fun if we went to Hawaii" isn't exactly the same as letting her know you'd like to go there with her. So it's also possible that she didn't realize how seriously you intended that comment to be. And maybe you sort of planted that idea of Hawaii in her head, and she planned with with her friend because, well, it's easy for her to travel with someone she always travels with. Just playing devil's advocate. However I just want to slip in that her showing you pictures from her vacation is not proof of her loyalty to you - not in any way, shape, or form. You have to know this. I know you've been a bit wary of the advice we've all given you, but hopefully it'll help you to have very different, objective thoughts on this. Good luck. Link to comment
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