PurpleButterfly Posted August 14, 2019 Share Posted August 14, 2019 Hello everyone, So my MIL passed away Monday morning at 2am. My husband and I took the 5 minute drive to say our goodbyes. I was due to go to work early that day, so I thought I'd stay to say my goodbyes and pay my respects to the family who cared for her at the time of her death. As time ticked on, the Dr came round to declare time of death and then the undertakers were called to collect her at 6am. The people present were my sister and brother in Law (her carers) and my husband and myself. So my sister in law and I agreed we should wash and dress her instead of total strangers, it is considered a final act of kindness before burial. I didn't think much of it at the time as I'd helped with some personal care toward the end of her life. But this was an hour and ten minutes of pure shock for me. I've never seen a dead body ever and it has left me really traumatized. I know it sounds very dramatic but I don't know how else to describe it. She went cold and stiff so quickly, her eyes wouldn't stay shut and her hands went black. I was so scared I was going to hurt but there she was dead in her bed. I tried to bend her arm into the top we chose for her but was just too preoccupied about her head just .... lulling with her mouth open. I didn't want to harm her incase she physically broke. She was extremely fragile at 80 yrs old. I'm glad I did it because we made her look like how she should look. We put glasses on her and brushed her hair. We put her cardigan on, which was her signature look. My husband and my Brother in Law just broke into raw emotion because she looked like their Mum and not the Ill, old lady in bed in a hospital gown. The reason for my post is to just talk about the experience. It's left me really stunned and I've barely uttered two words. I've hidden it as grief but in all honesty I'm just scared. I can't bare to be left alone because I'm just a bit frightened. I don't know what of.... But I feel weird. I loved her very much, knew her for 6 years but we became very, very close in the last year. I love that I have this gift of delivering their Mum as they knew her, I'm truly humbled but I can't get the images of her dead, naked body out of my head. Seeing death like that has just silenced me. I'm so sorry for the graphic nature of my post but I need to talk to someone, I can't talk to anyone here. I didn't go to work, I just came home and scrubbed my body in the shower, crying my eyes out. I just needed to get her scent off me. Will this numbness go away? Link to comment
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