Did he breakup with me?

[Sandypants]

Why did you tolerate this:

"My ex bf of a year plus only uses texts as a form of communication. It aggravates the hell out of me. I’ve told him that I would prefer a phone call for serious stuff. Mind you it’s long distance. You would think he’d want to FaceTime me sometimes. Nope. As far as I know he wasn’t seeing anyone else. I told him that let’s set a time on his day off when we can FaceTime. I think we did that twice. I stopped complaining because even though we were “exclusive” we hadn’t made it official."

 

Because his good side out weighed this. This is the first time he’s ever lashed out like this to me. But it was like this outburst he had took the scales off my eyes. Since I have experienced this type of relationship before in the past I know it maybe the first time but it won’t be the last.

In the past after we argue about this. We won’t speak for a couple of days. Then I would reach out to him and it would be back to the status quo.

 

This time. I said no. I am not reaching out. If it ends then let it end.

 

If he had messaged a called me within a couple of days to apologize or explain his outburst then maybe I would stay in the relationship. Knowing him he was expecting me to reach out.

[Hollyj]

"I was in an on again off again relationship with a man who made that statement for FIVE years! I’m never doing that again. Trust me."

 

Same situation, but different guy. Your picker is off.

[MissCanuck]

"I was in an on again off again relationship with a man who made that statement for FIVE years! I’m never doing that again. Trust me."

 

Same situation, but different guy. Your picker is off.

 

Bingo. You need to adjust your standards, OP. They're way too low.

[Hollyj]

Because his good side out weighed this. This is the first time he’s ever lashed out like this to me. But it was like this outburst he had took the scales off my eyes. Since I have experienced this type of relationship before in the past I know it maybe the first time but it won’t be the last.

In the past after we argue about this. We won’t speak for a couple of days. Then I would reach out to him and it would be back to the status quo.

 

This time. I said no. I am not reaching out. If it ends then let it end.

 

If he had messaged a called me within a couple of days to apologize or explain his outburst then maybe I would stay in the relationship. Knowing him he was expecting me to reach out.

 

You have tolerated the limited contact for the entire relationship. You said he has only FaceTimed you twice. This is unacceptable. The "good" could not outweigh the complete lack of communication. How good could the good times be, when you saw one another 6 or 7 times a year? Your expectations are extremely low. You're still not getting it.

 

Just block him. he does not care or even want to be in a relationship with you. This is what you said. Please seek out some counseling to deal with your self esteem issues.

[Sandypants]

"I was in an on again off again relationship with a man who made that statement for FIVE years! I’m never doing that again. Trust me."

 

Same situation, but different guy. Your picker is off.

 

Yeah if I allow it.

I know you all think I am naive about him having a girlfriend or cheating. It wasn’t his thing. It just wasn’t.

[Hollyj]

I give up.

[Hollyj]

Yeah if I allow it.

I know you all think I am naive about him having a girlfriend or cheating. It wasn’t his thing. It just wasn’t.

 

You did allow it.

 

It makes me cringe, to see women allow this type of behavior from men.

[Sandypants]

You have tolerated the limited contact for the entire relationship. You said he has only FaceTimed you twice. This is unacceptable. The "good" could not outweigh the complete lack of communication. How good could the good times be, when you saw one another 6 or 7 times a year? Your expectations are extremely low. You're still not getting it.

 

Just block him. he does not care or even want to be in a relationship with you. This is what you said. Please seek out some counseling to deal with your self esteem issues

 

I’ve never been told that because I do not.

[Hollyj]

You have tolerated the limited contact for the entire relationship. You said he has only FaceTimed you twice. This is unacceptable. The "good" could not outweigh the complete lack of communication. How good could the good times be, when you saw one another 6 or 7 times a year? Your expectations are extremely low. You're still not getting it.

 

Just block him. he does not care or even want to be in a relationship with you. This is what you said. Please seek out some counseling to deal with your self esteem issues

 

I’ve never been told that because I do not.

 

Told what?

[Sandypants]

I’m in my 40s and this is the first relationship that I’m not sure if he broke up with me or not.

 

My ex bf of a year plus only uses texts as a form of communication. It aggravates the hell out of me. I’ve told him that I would prefer a phone call for serious stuff. Mind you it’s long distance. You would think he’d want to FaceTime me sometimes. Nope. As far as I know he wasn’t seeing anyone else. I told him that let’s set a time on his day off when we can FaceTime. I think we did that twice. I stopped complaining because even though we were “exclusive” we hadn’t made it official. We’d never said “I love you” even though I was already in love with and I felt he was in love with me too.

 

Last month he said he loved me and I said it too and we made it official. So I was like great maybe he will start making time to call me. He didn’t. So I would call him and he wouldn’t pick up and would respond with a text hours later. I would tell him I still want to FaceTime him. Nothing. He would go cold for 3 days. So last Friday (almost 2 weeks ago). I brought it up again. This time he snapped and basically accused me of “forcing” him into a relationship. I was taken aback. So I was like ok. I didn’t break up with him. But he said I just “assumed” that the relationship had moved to the next step. I was like I wish it were done via text but this conversation happened in person.

 

So I asked him what does he want to do? He responded “let’s see how things go”. I told him I could not accept that answer. I needed to know where he stood. He never responded to that text. This was 12 days ago. I told myself I wasn’t going to contact him. In the past I would be the one to reach out to him after a disagreement. But this time I feel like the ball was in his court. I thought maybe after a couple days he would cool off and reach out to me. But nothing. I can’t bring myself to contact him. I want to assume that we’ve broken up because this is not the kind of relationship I want. But at the same time we didn’t explicitly breakup.

What should I do?

 

 

I do appreciate everyone’s insight and it only reinforces what I was planning to do. Like

I have been in healthy relationships and it did not feel like this.

 

He’s been blocked

[MissCanuck]

I know you all think I am naive about him having a girlfriend or cheating. It wasn’t his thing. It just wasn’t.

 

Based on your extensive knowledge and experience with him?

 

Look, I'm not trying to be harsh. But I really do think you've written an entirely different story in your mind to mask the painful reality that this guy has always been out of reach and you two are not very close. Poor communication, limited time spent together in person, resistance to being official with you - he doesn't want you coming any closer.

 

The facts just don't add up to a man who you know on a deep level, and whose character and day-to-habits you can really vouch for. To claim that having another woman just isn't his thing? You don't have a sufficiently-developed connection with him to know that, one way or the other. Perhaps he doesn't, but you would be wise to recognize that you are not part of his daily landscape, and that is by design. He keeps you out, unable to have a look around the darker corners and clear out the cobwebs. You don't know what you don't know, hon.

[Hollyj]

I do appreciate everyone’s insight and it only reinforces what I was planning to do. Like

I have been in healthy relationships and it did not feel like this.

 

He’s been blocked

 

Thank god. Now, seriously address your choices and make some change. I would also suggest local relationships, only.

[bluecastle]

Based on your extensive knowledge and experience with him?

 

Look, I'm not trying to be harsh. But I really do think you've written an entirely different story in your mind to mask the painful reality that this guy has always been out of reach and you two are not very close. Poor communication, limited time spent together in person, resistance to being official with you - he doesn't want you coming any closer.

 

The facts just don't add up to a man who you know on a deep level, and whose character and day-to-habits you can really vouch for. To claim that having another woman just isn't his thing? You don't have a sufficiently-developed connection with him to know that, one way or the other. Perhaps he doesn't, but you would be wise to recognize that you are not part of his daily landscape, and that is by design. He keeps you out, unable to have a look around the darker corners and clear out the cobwebs. You don't know what you don't know, hon.

 

This, with an emphasis on the bold.

 

We learn who people are in two ways: spending time with them and communicating with them. You, for a year, have done very little of these things with this man. You are clearly smart, confident in your intelligence, but in this case, and perhaps more generally when it comes to romance, I think your smarts aren't doing you a favor, since you've put a much higher value on your perception of reality than what is real.

 

Since there has been some history of that, it's worth, in these blocked days, reflecting on a bit.

 

Does he have another girlfriend? I don't know. Does he have a whole life that you know very little about? For sure. There is generally a period in relationships, pretty early, in which some cobwebs come out on both sides, emotional or logistical, and need to be cleared away to make space for the new connection to flourish. This dynamic sidestepped that. For you, it seems that worked because you could take comfort in the story you could write in your head. For him, I think the comfort was different—being able to live multiple lives, instead of just one. It's not accidental that he blew his fuse when the two compartments became too close.

[maew]

I know. I was going to wait till day 14 before I block him for good.

Only because my ego wants to tell him to go eat

s—t. if he does text a lame “hi” So day 14 he will be blocked for sure.

 

So if he texts at day 13 you would take him back? I mean... why? He left you hanging for 12 days... that sends a pretty clear message. Why do you want to put up with someone that holds your feelings hostage for any length of time?

[Cherylyn]

He never wants to chat on the phone and NC (no contact) for 12 days? That's a real deal breaker. What should you do? Apparently, he's ignoring you so return the favor.

 

Ditch the loser and move on with your life!

[smackie9]

Good you blocked him...when they start to back peddle and accuse you of "forcing them into a commitment" that's when you next them right then and there.

[Wiseman2]

Have you read the book " He's Just Not That Into You" ? :https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/6842.Greg_Behrendt