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Life in the Driver’s Seat (extended)


Seraphim
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The message I sent to my dad’s sister. 
 

They were definitely divorced in *. They moved there in 1970 just after* was born. And they divorced when * was 2 and I was 6. Anything before 1986 is archived . They charge about $70 for a certified copy or a little less for an uncertified copy. So, I don't know which kind of copy you need. If you send me the money we can order it. 

Mom is pretty much immobile now due to needing a new hip. * is seriously sick and needs testing. * dad's Parkinson's has advanced so much he can no longer speak and that's if even remembers you. 

We are going to * probably in July, could be early August. 

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Posted (edited)

So ,my mom finally figured it out.  She  figures she was divorced in April 1974 because she married my first stepdad in August 1974. My aunt told me that the lawyer for my dad‘s estate has to do all this stuff so I sent her the page for archived decrees and told her the date and my mother’s  maiden name. My bet is she will never contact me again in my life. She used to contact me to come and look after my father then it was gee she needed the money from his estate now that everything‘s coming to a close my bet is she never contacts me again. She never had contact with me for oh I don’t know 50 years of my life why would she bother now. She only bothered  contacting me the last five years of my life because her brother was a pain in the butt to her. She was only like 16 when I was born so she didn’t care about baby nieces. My dad also was not close to his younger siblings he had long since left home. She was like nine or 10 years old when he left home at 15. 
 

I am starting to have some real anxiety about moving I hate change I really do it disturbs me on a whole different level. As much as I want to go I don’t want to change everything in my life. I will have to change doctors and dentists and all kinds of things. Trust  is extremely hard for me so finding new doctors and dentists is like a horror show to me. if anyone is going to be in a position of power over me there has to be a vast amount of trust in this person. I trust my new doctor very much he seems like a great person and he allows the patient to talk and he doesn’t pretend to be smarter than you. My dentist is very patient with me. She’s also very good with my son. 
 

 

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Almost 55 years of my life goes by and I *JUST* figured out why change bothers me. It comes down to trust and what trust means to me and how easy it is to upset my apple cart. And the reason change is tangled up particularly moving is tangled with trust is so many of my moves were catastrophic. My parents breaking up many times and moves following. My mom and first step dad breaking up and us moving across the country was horrifying as I had lost another father. My mom sending us to visit our father just weeks after my grandmother’s death in my arms and leading to my dad kidnapping us and my brother and I being horrifically abused. 
 

Very important link to figure out. 

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1 hour ago, Seraphim said:

Almost 55 years of my life goes by and I *JUST* figured out why change bothers me. It comes down to trust and what trust means to me and how easy it is to upset my apple cart. And the reason change is tangled up particularly moving is tangled with trust is so many of my moves were catastrophic. My parents breaking up many times and moves following. My mom and first step dad breaking up and us moving across the country was horrifying as I had lost another father. My mom sending us to visit our father just weeks after my grandmother’s death in my arms and leading to my dad kidnapping us and my brother and I being horrifically abused. 

Makes perfect sense! 

I love those a-ha! moments. 

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19 hours ago, Jibralta said:

Makes perfect sense! 

I love those a-ha! moments. 

Absolutely. They are necessary. My husband says to me isn’t it difficult to live this way ? Well, of course it is but counselling with just counsellors have done all they can. For me care I would need a psychiatrist they already told me that . “ You are fully functional and there is very little more we can do to help you we have taught you ever single thing we know, for further care you would need a psychiatrist. “ I can’t look for that in my last month here. The first psychiatrist who saw me as a teenager said I would need help throughout my life as I encountered different situations and different stages of life.  

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1 hour ago, Seraphim said:

The last few days of work are dragging . I have learned some stuff though if you and the parents don’t have the same parenting methods don’t keep the kids forever. 

Interestingly, my mother used to care for a young boy before school. He behaved very well for my mother but as soon as HIS mother walked into our house he started misbehaving. His mother complained that her and her husband had to adjust their lives around the boy and that he "cramped their style". So I guess they either didn't know how to parent or their parenting method was "give him whatever he wants so he'll shut up and stay out of our way". So he acted out with her. But with my mom? He behaved.

Kids are smart!

How many more days are you open?

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10 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Interestingly, my mother used to care for a young boy before school. He behaved very well for my mother but as soon as HIS mother walked into our house he started misbehaving. His mother complained that her and her husband had to adjust their lives around the boy and that he "cramped their style". So I guess they either didn't know how to parent or their parenting method was "give him whatever he wants so he'll shut up and stay out of our way". So he acted out with her. But with my mom? He behaved.

Kids are smart!

How many more days are you open?

I am open 5 more days. 
No , it’s basically about the two little girls I’ve had for about three years. The parents have little to no boundaries and thinks everything they do is a freaking hoot. Me, not so much. 

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1 hour ago, Seraphim said:

I am open 5 more days. 
No , it’s basically about the two little girls I’ve had for about three years. The parents have little to no boundaries and thinks everything they do is a freaking hoot. Me, not so much. 

Ah.  I get it.

Like my son's cousin's parents, who deemed she is "highly intelligent" and decided any attempt to correct or discipline her, no matter how badly needed, would "stifle her intelligence".

She's doing better now but their complete lack of discipline led to a pretty rough patch during her teen and young adult years.

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2 hours ago, boltnrun said:

He behaved very well for my mother but as soon as HIS mother walked into our house he started misbehaving.

Same with my friend Rachel. Kids behave for her. But when their parents come in, they turn from angels to devils. It's so crazy to watch. A kid could be starting a meltdown, and Rachel will say "Hey. What do you think you're doing?" And it's like the clouds clear and the sun goes away.

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24 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Ah.  I get it.

Like my son's cousin's parents, who deemed she is "highly intelligent" and decided any attempt to correct or discipline her, no matter how badly needed, would "stifle her intelligence".

She's doing better now but their complete lack of discipline led to a pretty rough patch during her teen and young adult years.

I can tell you right now their youngest is going to be giving them the big FU while she steals a family car in front of them when she is 16. And I’m sure even then they will laugh it off. 

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6 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

I can tell you right now their youngest is going to be giving them the big FU while she steals a family car in front of them when she is 16. And I’m sure even then they will laugh it off. 

My kids' cousin was a lightweight compared to that.  She just did drugs and became a teen mom.  But she's doing well now so that is good.

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8 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

My kids' cousin was a lightweight compared to that.  She just did drugs and became a teen mom.  But she's doing well now so that is good.

Oh this five-year-old is smart as a whip but a major sass azz. I have had her since she was two. When she was in daycare all day every week I had her sorted out but when she went to school it all got shot to crap. When her mom comes to pick her up she throws her bag on the sidewalk says to her mom in a dismissive tone pick it up and carry it and she walks down the driveway. I told her to get her butt back here and pick up her mom isn’t a slave but mom says diddly so I am fighting a losing battle . And hey she’s only here three more days so screw it. 

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1 minute ago, Seraphim said:

Oh this five-year-old is smart as a whip but a major sass azz. I have had her since she was two. When she was in daycare all day every week I had her sorted out but when she went to school it all got shot to crap. When her mom comes to pick her up she throws her bag on the sidewalk says to her mom in a dismissive tone pick it up and carry it and she walks down the driveway. I told her to get her butt back here and pick up her mom isn’t a slave but mom says diddly so I am fighting a losing battle . And hey she’s only here three more days so screw it. 

My friend's daughter screamed "I said get me ice cream NOWWWW!!!"  And my friend jumped up to get her ice cream.

Shockingly (not!), she also had a lot of trouble with her daughter.  Her school called nearly every day with some kind of problem.  My friend said her daughter has "anxiety".  Well, yeah!  At home she does anything she wants but at school she's expected to follow the rules.  A schizophrenic upbringing.

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3 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

My friend's daughter screamed "I said get me ice cream NOWWWW!!!"  And my friend jumped up to get her ice cream.

Shockingly (not!), she also had a lot of trouble with her daughter.  Her school called nearly every day with some kind of problem.  My friend said her daughter has "anxiety".  Well, yeah!  At home she does anything she wants but at school she's expected to follow the rules.  A schizophrenic upbringing.

Oh yeah that’s this kiddo. When they came for their  interview for Daycare she sat her bum on my couch and screamed I want to watch Dora get it on now. It took four months of daily screaming to give up on Dora. Mom has told me herself she’s just a lazy parent. Well good luck to her kids. 

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So while Cringe and Whinge are complaining they were cut off it comes out in the Queen’s annual financial report that they were given 4.2 million dollars from Prince Charles right before Whinge sat and slagged him off on Oprah. EVERY SINGLE THING they have said in that interview has been proved to be a lie. 

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