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Life in the Driver’s Seat (extended)


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And what really makes me angry is that she knew my dad was in the hospital five days ago and she couldn’t friggin call me ??????? Five friggin days ago you knew this Marilyn and you thought you would tell me Friday right before my holiday . You’re a . Feel like calling her right now because she’s going on holidays today and telling her what her nice fabulous brother did. Do you want to know that your other brother is a rapist and a child molester I hope you have a good holiday .

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Found out a friend has terminal cancer. 😓

Sometimes you just need to because the body can’t recover otherwise . Thankfully, your back is better now .     By yesterday I was just beside myself, really bad . My anxiety is horrendous and

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I decided to try this since our weekly you know what dried up and seems to have flown away. I missed the interaction with others.

 

Yesterday as we crossed the border someone with a truck hit into the back of our truck . Just a tap but still. Then he tries to feign innocence. But really we were at the border so couldn’t deal with it.

 

We are going to be seeing Revolutionary War battle fields while here. Right now we are headed to Vermont.

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Sadly , today we head for home. Some winding “ silent hill” roads out there in Vermont. For the first time in a long time I got motion sickness. My son who has never had it got it.

 

My son was starting to suffer from a lot of stress yesterday. He is greatly learning self regulation though. Me and his dad calmly talked him through his agitation and claustrophobia and anxiety. Ever since I did my course in mental health First Aid I can help him a lot better. Many many Autistic people don’t like travel and my son is one of them . Too many unknown factors for him to judge what will happen and to make a plan. So we discussed and heard his concerns and validated his feelings and you could see him relax and open up more. Then he started joking and laughing.

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Last night for some unknown reason we lost cable. I am so tired of losing some service or another every single month in this place . Power service is crappy cable service is crappy ..... and we pay an arm and a leg for it .

 

Today I’m going to see my mom and have some mother and daughter in time which I very rarely get and she very rarely gets .

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I am home now and it is back to work tomorrow. 😒 Holidays are too short. I had a good time with my mom. I bought her some Birkenstock’s and took her and my step dad out for supper.

 

I had the worst most embarrassing case of IBS driving down on Friday though . For the past two days I’ve taken like seven Imodium .

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So I heard through the grapevine that my uncle has employment driving a bus in Vancouver . Great more access to people. Anyway I think it’s about time his family found out exactly what he did . Maybe then they will leave me alone .

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Yesterday we had a barbeque with some really good friends that are being posted out . And exciting too they are giving us their fence ! So that will greatly help me with the daycare . That’s the military life we all come and go . :( I am kind of happy for them because they’ve been here 10 years and they’ve hated every year of it .

 

Tomorrow I head out for a provincial convention at 6:30 AM . I am kind of scared to leave the girls in charge of the daycare but .... they know what they’re doing it is just my anxiety . I am strongly considering though not doing the president position anymore and maybe quitting the organization altogether . What the two previous presidents wanted was a puppet and that’s not me . Plus I’ve had a few really rude and indirect socially faux pas kind of insults from both of them and I’m kind of done .

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I am struggling a lot between conscience and logic . It has been bringing me to tears a lot . Why can’t the negative crap of the past just go away . Really ,generation that created all this crap go away . I am so glad my son will never have to suffer for my massive crappy decisions . I’m not saying I’m a perfect parent and I’m sure I’ve made mistakes but I haven’t made massive monumental life long horrific mistakes .

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Thank you.

 

This convention had a lot of time for prayer and I do feel better . Not that this is my style but my husband has said he would run interference with my aunts . Really think everybody should handle their own families but I’m at a point where I’m done with these people.

 

 

I am back home again. It was a 5 day convention but I could only leave the daycare for 2 days.

I'm so sorry, Sera. You are in my prayers.
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My mom fell again today and broke her hand . I give up between my mom and my dad and my in-laws all stubborn as sh*t. None of them have any clue what they’re doing to us . Someone punch me in the face if I ever do this to my kid .

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