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Life in the Driver’s Seat (extended)


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I have to put down my sweet Shay . He is also diabetic now. 😢😓😢😓😢

After the kiddos left I really got to hug my hubby and just sobbed in relief that he was home. 

Hard to say.... From a color standpoint, they both work in different ways. The top ribbon has the same warm tones as the yarn as well as hints of the yarn's cream color. The bottom ribbon contrasts mo

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Here is the message I sent:

I just sent this

 

Hello (),

I don’t know if you would remember me. My name is ,(). My mom, () was married to your dad in the 1970’s. We lived in () BC and (), AB when my mom was married to your dad, (). My brother () and I have often thought of your dad and wonder how he is. He did a lot to make us who we are today. It would be good to know he is ok. Sincerely,

()

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I really have to say I’m probably becoming depressed . With all the changes and death and everything going on in the family . And then the two spouses Facebook groups I am on have predominately extremely left views . I would say I’m probably left of centre but they are extremely left . They also dog pile on any view that’s not theirs and only consider the freedom of speech when it has to do with them . So I told them I was embarrassed to be part of their community , embarrassed of the community and left the group . I also told them they should actually read the charter of rights and freedoms as they seem to have a few facts mixed up.

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It is really sad when these women don’t even know what their partners are upholding . They’re not just upholding your right to flap your gums. And since 9/10 of them weren’t even born when the Charter of Rights and Freedoms came into effect maybe they should read it . And I feel particularly betrayed since most of these women I’ve looked after all their children to give them a break .

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So my father-in-law had to be restrained and sedated yesterday . He knew my husband for part of the visit but went to sleep for a short bit woke up didn’t know who my husband was accused him of selling his house stealing the money and told him he was going to punch him in the face . It took eight nurses including men to hold my father-in-law down . Mother-in-law is in the same hospital for her hip replacement and heard the code white called . She knew it was for her husband . Pretty soon they are getting him a place at a behavioural unit in a hospital for seniors with chronic life end issues . No one can control him anymore at home because he’s getting violent . As much as I don’t like my in-laws as people in my heart I do love them . And it made me cry my heart out to see what is become of my father-in-law . He was always a proud ,independent strong man . And even though he could be rough and rude he was always truthful and that I appreciate . To see his end like this is devastating . Cry my heart out for my husband and my son. For my husband his father was always his biggest mentor and someone he held up very high regard .

 

I never thought I would be this devastated but they are people I have known my entire adult life .

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It is just so crazy to see someone once so vibrant become this . It’s devastating . They were just a little bit older than I am when I met them . And though it’s been a very hard road there is love in my heart for almost every person . Everyone has good qualities except for those who are truly evil . He was an honest and forthright man which I really appreciated . At least you knew where you stood with the man . And I know he loves his son because when my husband was going to go to Afghanistan there were tears in his father’s eyes . He was very choked up and it’s the only time I’ve ever seen the man cry and all he could mutter was , take care of yourself boy , keep your head down. “ and you could tell he was heartbroken .

 

And you could see the way his eyes sparkled when he saw his grandson . And he would always say, how is me fine mate, hows me fine Nipper. ( in his east London accent )

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My father-in-law never much cared for my husband being in the military . My father-in-law was forced into National Service. And my father-in-law hated and still hates to be forced into anything . He’s not a very cooperative human being and never has been. So he hated being in the army hated it beyond all dimension . He ended up serving in Malta and Egypt and hated the sand all the more . So he could never understand his son’s love for the military . When my father-in-law was a child in East London during World War II there was a lot of bombing and he spent a lot of time running to bomb shelters and some of his little friends were killed . And he carries deep deep wounds from that experience . Which I’m sure affected his temperament . Although I hear from my mother-in-law that his mother was just the same . My husband‘s grandmother died the year I met him so about 30 years ago . And as she lived in the UK I never had a chance to meet her. Although she only ever saw her grandson maybe three times in her whole life .

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I am so bad today I haven’t even brushed my teeth and I am sitting here drinking a beer. Rock bottom. I woke up all night with horrific panic attacks. Took four times my medication and fell into exhaustion. ( 4 times my medication is only 1 mg of clonazepam.

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Ok, I think I have myself together today. Hubby is home . I can’t be a mess in front of the kids .

 

Dementia is almost like a death because the person ceases to be who they were . The body is there but not the person not the mind not the personality .

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