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Life in the Driver’s Seat (extended)


Seraphim
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24 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

We found a way to deal more effectively with my son’s meltdowns. We just say nothing and don’t engage him. He goes off and decompresses and processes and comes back and is agreeable. Just don’t engage. 

That is great, Seraphim.  Very happy you found a way to deal with it easier.  

I still don't know if our Viking Child has a sensory issue, or if it's a touch of autism (?)... but he still has some meltdowns and he's almost 8, which just seems old for regular tantrums.  And he does sometimes run off or run away when extremely flustered at something new.  I understand that feeling of being terrified... he could get lost or run into a car, it's insane and feels so out of your control as a parent.  I keep thinking he's going to grow out of these things, but so far he hasn't.  

Has your son developed coping mechanisms?  I know one friend whose adult daughter with autism uses headphones with music and that helps her when traveling to kind of separate from those feelings of anxiety at something new.

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4 minutes ago, maritalbliss86 said:

That is great, Seraphim.  Very happy you found a way to deal with it easier.  

I still don't know if our Viking Child has a sensory issue, or if it's a touch of autism (?)... but he still has some meltdowns and he's almost 8, which just seems old for regular tantrums.  And he does sometimes run off or run away when extremely flustered at something new.  I understand that feeling of being terrified... he could get lost or run into a car, it's insane and feels so out of your control as a parent.  I keep thinking he's going to grow out of these things, but so far he hasn't.  

Has your son developed coping mechanisms?  I know one friend whose adult daughter with autism uses headphones with music and that helps her when traveling to kind of separate from those feelings of anxiety at something new.

My son wears headphones 24/7 almost. It happens when he is upset but mostly when something is different or he is in a different place. The psychologist explained to me that he has never been there there is no way he can anticipate what will happen. He has to build from knowledge he already has. In the case of new experiences it isn’t there. So it causes extreme distress. Then his brain just ceases to function and the first thing he does it is to run so he can be alone to process. 

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I am angry. We are talking chaotic effen evil angry. Someone better be careful because chaos doesn’t care . I don’t usually get like this but you take a go at my family it is go time. 

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10 hours ago, Seraphim said:

I am angry. We are talking chaotic effen evil angry. Someone better be careful because chaos doesn’t care . I don’t usually get like this but you take a go at my family it is go time. 

So yesterday my husband gets an irate call from his boss. Apparently he was supposed to remember to keep his boss appraised of the situation. The guy doesn’t know the severity of my husband’s injury and didn’t seem to get it until the end of the phone call. My husband could barely spit out words . I was running between my new little guy and helping my husband rubbing his back and telling him to go slow . I am a total total total wreck now because he has gone backwards now in progress and confidence. He is going to mental health this Friday and they are getting him an appointment with the concussion clinic. I was ready to go kodiak marmoset on his boss and rip him a new ass. I just got my husband speaking normal and mostly confident. That is all blown to shyte. 
 

Now, I am a total wreck. I am responsible for 3 disabled people . My son and my husband and my mom who is deaf and mobility disabled and 3 daycare kids and one of whom is also disabled. I didn’t need ans my husband didn’t need this shyte . We are totally a family in distress. The anxiety and stress is now affecting my physical and mental health anything else coming from the Forces I am literally going to become chaotic evil. 
 

 

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WOW ☹️ can you schedule a talk with his boss just to try to help explain his injury from a caretaker point of view? 

I know sometimes with military they want to know things from the spouse's point of view, especially if it's an injury maybe they'd listen and get the point?

Hoping the boss calms down, and that your husband recovers from the outburst ☹️

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1 hour ago, maritalbliss86 said:

WOW ☹️ can you schedule a talk with his boss just to try to help explain his injury from a caretaker point of view? 

I know sometimes with military they want to know things from the spouse's point of view, especially if it's an injury maybe they'd listen and get the point?

Hoping the boss calms down, and that your husband recovers from the outburst ☹️

He did say at the end of the conversation to my husband he was very sorry for what he was going through. 
 

For me it would have to be a phone conversation as I work from 7 AM to 5 PM. 3 nights a week I drive my son back and forth from town from 6 to 9.  So , I am doing a lot for many. In between the time I do have I drive my husband places and once every few weeks I care for my mom. I am pretty run ragged . I fall asleep at midnight and drag myself out of bed at 6 AM. 
 

But I might talk to him when I don’t want to raise him off the pavement. Now I have to spend another month building my husband up. 

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Okay, I have a serious beef with my husband’s unit . They said they would drive him to appointments because I work every day. Lucky I have today off because my new little guy mom forgot to tell me they are camping today. Well, someone who was supposed to take him never showed up at all or on time so I had to throw on clothes not even comb my hair or brush my teeth and run out and drive him myself. Always rely on yourself . Jerks! 

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His boss called to apologize to say he forgot to get someone to pick my husband up. 🙄🙄 You know like my husband with the brain injury forgot but you roasted him . Did my husband give you grace to forget? Yes. 
 

I got ahold of my husband’s Padre’s wife and we got a home visit . I think it helped him a lot . 

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I am so thankful for the Padre’s visit yesterday. He is behind my husband and will help integrate his return to work. He would back my husband up. He also spoke to some concerns my husband had that he was being bullied by a female officer who expects perfection and feels he should know his new job with no learning etc etc and criticizes him. The worst of it happened 2 days before his accident. It had been wearing at his confidence. The Padre basically told him to stand his ground and respectfully tell her that she isn’t correct. He told him to make goals in his recovery and celebrate successes and that he would support him along the way. Set realistic goals for his recovery like I am going to be speaking xxx well by this date etc and slowly work your way until you are 100% better or close to 100% better as you are going to be and work the same way in goals for getting back to work. 
 

He is going to work Monday to say hello to everyone. 
He starts his Physio soon. I think he is feeling more confident but it goes up and down. 

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My little brother ( by little I mean he is 52 😄. I have always called him little brother and he calls me big sister. Hilarious as he is 6’0” and I am 5’3”. ) comes to visit us with his gf. He hasn’t been to this house yet. He was at this base before though for his basic in 1991. It is good for my husband to talk with other people as part of the language difficulty is brought on by anxiety. The anxiety exacerbates the brain injury when he is exposed to others but he has to practice and it is best with people he trusts and who love him. 

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My sweetheart is fast asleep. So he is going to try to go into work tomorrow. Just half a day. Then he has his doctor’s appointment. My brother was here for a visit. While my husband was outside grilling the steaks he said he felt my husband was a mess and his career was finished but my brother is intensely pessimistic. My hubby called his aunt and I talked to her and she said he was putting a brave face on things and he was more injured then he said. I explained it all to her. She was a nurse for 40 years so she knows. She is sad about her nephew of course. So, am praying hard for my sweet honey to be ok tomorrow. 

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Poor guy, I think he is nervous. He was up at 2:38 going to the bathroom which never happens. It woke me up because he had the light on. Then at 5:35 he grabs my foot and I am fast asleep and scares the crap out of me by saying he is going walking . Now I am half dead and work in less than hour . 

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I want to get an Ad Astra stone dedicated to my husband at the National Air Force museum. The dedication wouldn’t be until next year as I am too late for this year’s dedication. He definitely deserves it. It is only $200 for the dedication stone . 

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So , my brother has to take a restraining order out on his ex wife. She has sent him hundreds of emails saying she is going to destroy his life, destroy his business, go after his gf and turn his kids against him and she wants to push him into killing himself. RESTRAINING ORDER LEVEL NUTCASE. 

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My husband’s sister is picking up my son in 2 weeks from Friday to Tuesday. I don’t think he is going to make it that long but ok. He is almost 25 so it is not like I can say no. He will be sleeping at his grandmother’s house . These two people don’t have Wifi though. So he might not make it too long. He is also not very comfortable when not at home . I really hope he makes it over the weekend though as he hasn’t stayed with anyone in about 7 years. When he did my husband’s parents were still in their house not condo and my son was texting me at 3 AM to pick him up. 

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