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Life in the Driver’s Seat (extended)


Seraphim
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10 minutes ago, mylolita said:

Would you say it runs in families then Seraphim?

 

This is very interesting about yourself! Can I ask what makes you and your son think you are autistic? And it’s quite a change to hear you are not bothered about a diagnosis - from the interviews I have seen most people find it a relief. You are obviously doing your own thing and happy as things stand! 
 

We just have my mums middle cousins son, who is now 46, who is Autistic. I think I might have said before but he is one of my favourite people to talk too! We only whatsapp, he lives very far away, but we get on. I adore his straight up honesty! So refreshing. 
 

Did you know from your son being a baby or toddler that he was different? 
 

x
 

 

It is absolutely genetic. I know for sure if my second son had been born he would have been Autistic as well. 
My mom kept telling me from the time my son was born he wasn’t your “ average “ baby. Autism wasn’t talked about in the late 90’s and I had never heard of it. But in my heart I knew as well he wasn’t like other babies. At 7 weeks old if you laid him on a hard surface to change his diaper he would be absolutely terrified. You could see actually horror in his eyes and face and he would scream until he vomited and cut his own skin by clawing. If you laid him on a soft surface he was absolutely fine. Sunshine made him scream, wind made him scream, rain made him scream. Pretty much everything but sitting at home with mom made him just lose his mind. 
 

Foods he didn’t like he would gag and vomit. He still only eats 25 different foods and that is it. 
 

The transition to school was REALLY BAD . I was called several times a week he needed picking up. 
 

The list is endless really. 
 

About myself I am more heavily heavily masked due to age and unforgiving society. I got the typical accusations girls get, “ you are over sensitive “, “ you’re ridiculous “. I had a few behaviour issues at school. I would sing constantly and daydream. I would get picked on as the “ little weird kid.” Noise drives me INSANE. I will actually almost have a breakdown over it. 
 

My son said he sees glitters of it in situations. Hard to describe I guess. 

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41 minutes ago, mylolita said:

I hope as well Seraphim that you don’t mind me making this observation - I have noticed, so sweetly, that you often mark dates and facts. For example I notice you will post about a date something happened, and exactly how long ago it happened. 
 

My Mums cousin is exactly like this! He will randomly message me telling me how long I have been married and happy anniversary, even when I forgot - HA! And, he will give me a run down of his football match, who scored when, and the exact time the match went on for; with a full weather report! It’s fab and endearing and I love it! I love it because of the detail orientated behaviour. It is so opposite to me. I am a big picture kinda gal and I can’t see or focus on tiny details. I often forget what day it is, or if we have moved into a new month! It’s nice to talk to someone so different, who thinks so differently. 
 

x

That is probably an obvious marker for me. I am incredibly detail oriented about every single thing . I mark dates and count things and if things are not as exactly as they “ should be” or I believe they should be it drives me into meltdown. Like if holiday expectations are not as “ tradition” as I have always known I will go into complete distress and cry even to this day. My mom calls me insane and a control freak but it is anxiety because someone changed beloved security. I have brought it up to my mom that I maybe Autistic and she laughs uproariously and says I am being ridiculous. It is ableist really, she says you had no troubles learning anything and did well in school and university. Like there are only Autistic people that aren’t well educated, you know ? 🙄 There are many many many very well educated and successful Autistics and those who have much higher support needs. There are hundreds of millions of Autistic parents etc etc. 
I may have lower support needs than my son because I don’t present with as many disabilities. I was also raised in a vastly different time. When I was raised it was crack on with it or drown. My mom was also a relentless pusher of achievement and perfection. My mom won’t accept anything but perfection in her own kids, but her grandchildren …… awwwww poor little disabled darlings. 🤦‍♀️🙄

 

The great uncle I speak of was my father’s uncle, his mother’s brother. I don’t remember him at all he passed away of diabetes when I was 11. I had moved away from all family when I was 4. My mother says seeing him in the light of today’s society and knowledge and knowing my son she thinks very likely Uncle D was Autistic. 

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22 hours ago, Seraphim said:

It is absolutely genetic. I know for sure if my second son had been born he would have been Autistic as well. 
My mom kept telling me from the time my son was born he wasn’t your “ average “ baby. Autism wasn’t talked about in the late 90’s and I had never heard of it. But in my heart I knew as well he wasn’t like other babies. At 7 weeks old if you laid him on a hard surface to change his diaper he would be absolutely terrified. You could see actually horror in his eyes and face and he would scream until he vomited and cut his own skin by clawing. If you laid him on a soft surface he was absolutely fine. Sunshine made him scream, wind made him scream, rain made him scream. Pretty much everything but sitting at home with mom made him just lose his mind. 
 

Foods he didn’t like he would gag and vomit. He still only eats 25 different foods and that is it. 
 

The transition to school was REALLY BAD . I was called several times a week he needed picking up. 
 

The list is endless really. 
 

About myself I am more heavily heavily masked due to age and unforgiving society. I got the typical accusations girls get, “ you are over sensitive “, “ you’re ridiculous “. I had a few behaviour issues at school. I would sing constantly and daydream. I would get picked on as the “ little weird kid.” Noise drives me INSANE. I will actually almost have a breakdown over it. 
 

My son said he sees glitters of it in situations. Hard to describe I guess. 

This is tough Seraphim!

 

It’s hard enough raising a normal baby without extra hurdles! Hats off too you, really!

 

And I really do wonder sometimes how other disabled parents manage. Again, it’s hard enough for me, and well, I’m classed as normal, whatever that is anyway - LOL! 
 

Maybe we are all handicapped to an extent? Your son and yourself, you have a brain that is wired differently. I am sure this has been a blessing and curse for you both at different times?

 

Sometimes I also wonder about disabled people, mentally and physically, during our long human history. What did they do? We’re they cast out? Some obviously survived to pass on their genes. We maybe weren’t as heartless as some history will suggest. I wonder about all the mothers, in all of history. I see the medical tapestries of women working in fields, doing hard labour, with their toddlers and small children bare footed in the mud, working behind them, most of them dying. They had thoughts and fears and happiness just like mine. They had troubles I will never know; and highs I will never experience. Survival has changed throughout the decades, but I think human feeling, and experiencing, has not. I look at those flat figures on those tapestries and wonder what her dreams were? I wonder what her worries and blessings were at that time she raked the hay? 
 

Your brains being different I am sure is hard Seraphim, but I can’t help thinking it’s an amazing thing. You get to experience things differently. That’s pretty cool!

 

x

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22 hours ago, Seraphim said:

That is probably an obvious marker for me. I am incredibly detail oriented about every single thing . I mark dates and count things and if things are not as exactly as they “ should be” or I believe they should be it drives me into meltdown. Like if holiday expectations are not as “ tradition” as I have always known I will go into complete distress and cry even to this day. My mom calls me insane and a control freak but it is anxiety because someone changed beloved security. I have brought it up to my mom that I maybe Autistic and she laughs uproariously and says I am being ridiculous. It is ableist really, she says you had no troubles learning anything and did well in school and university. Like there are only Autistic people that aren’t well educated, you know ? 🙄 There are many many many very well educated and successful Autistics and those who have much higher support needs. There are hundreds of millions of Autistic parents etc etc. 
I may have lower support needs than my son because I don’t present with as many disabilities. I was also raised in a vastly different time. When I was raised it was crack on with it or drown. My mom was also a relentless pusher of achievement and perfection. My mom won’t accept anything but perfection in her own kids, but her grandchildren …… awwwww poor little disabled darlings. 🤦‍♀️🙄

 

The great uncle I speak of was my father’s uncle, his mother’s brother. I don’t remember him at all he passed away of diabetes when I was 11. I had moved away from all family when I was 4. My mother says seeing him in the light of today’s society and knowledge and knowing my son she thinks very likely Uncle D was Autistic. 

I think I understand! Maybe!

 

I always find it endearing the way you note and marker these types of things! I actually appreciate it! It’s so unlike myself! I think it’s a great thing.

 

I mean, regular people, most of us, don’t like it when things don’t go to plan either. And most of us settle and feel comfort to routine and predictability. I get the feeling in a lot of ways, you feel more intensely? Maybe the autistic brain is more emotional? 
 

I’m sorry your Mum isn’t understanding or doesn’t quite “believe” the diagnosis. I suppose it takes along time for previous generations to get on board with new ideas. 
 

x

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On 8/7/2022 at 5:54 AM, mylolita said:

I think I understand! Maybe!

 

I always find it endearing the way you note and marker these types of things! I actually appreciate it! It’s so unlike myself! I think it’s a great thing.

 

I mean, regular people, most of us, don’t like it when things don’t go to plan either. And most of us settle and feel comfort to routine and predictability. I get the feeling in a lot of ways, you feel more intensely? Maybe the autistic brain is more emotional? 
 

I’m sorry your Mum isn’t understanding or doesn’t quite “believe” the diagnosis. I suppose it takes along time for previous generations to get on board with new ideas. 
 

x

 I will answer more love when I’m feeling better . I have a phone conversation appointment with my doctor today. This is a sinus infection and not going away. 

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1 hour ago, Seraphim said:

 I will answer more love when I’m feeling better . I have a phone conversation appointment with my doctor today. This is a sinus infection and not going away. 

Seraphim no pressure to respond at all - I hope you feel better soon!

 

Take it easy, ignore me! I can be a fuss! Haha! 
 

x

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Am starting to finally feel a bit better. Last night was the first night I slept all night in a few weeks without waking to hack my head off. Yesterday I could actually feel the feeling returning to my face and my nose drain. I had a migraine last night though . My lungs are starting to feel better. Sinus infections really affect my asthma badly . 

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On 8/7/2022 at 5:51 AM, mylolita said:

This is tough Seraphim!

 

It’s hard enough raising a normal baby without extra hurdles! Hats off too you, really!

 

And I really do wonder sometimes how other disabled parents manage. Again, it’s hard enough for me, and well, I’m classed as normal, whatever that is anyway - LOL! 
 

Maybe we are all handicapped to an extent? Your son and yourself, you have a brain that is wired differently. I am sure this has been a blessing and curse for you both at different times?

 

Sometimes I also wonder about disabled people, mentally and physically, during our long human history. What did they do? We’re they cast out? Some obviously survived to pass on their genes. We maybe weren’t as heartless as some history will suggest. I wonder about all the mothers, in all of history. I see the medical tapestries of women working in fields, doing hard labour, with their toddlers and small children bare footed in the mud, working behind them, most of them dying. They had thoughts and fears and happiness just like mine. They had troubles I will never know; and highs I will never experience. Survival has changed throughout the decades, but I think human feeling, and experiencing, has not. I look at those flat figures on those tapestries and wonder what her dreams were? I wonder what her worries and blessings were at that time she raked the hay? 
 

Your brains being different I am sure is hard Seraphim, but I can’t help thinking it’s an amazing thing. You get to experience things differently. That’s pretty cool!

 

x

I think just enough survived to pass on the genetics. Most people who were different in any capacity throughout history were ostracized or killed or put in institutions and tormented to death. Sad, but true. The human race is cruel. 
 

As it stands now about 1% of the human race is autistic. 

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I finally feel 100% better from my sinus infection but have 3 more days of antibiotics to complete . Always complete your prescription otherwise you are contributing to the creation of super bugs. 
 

I am going out tonight to a spouses meet and greet. Nervous but I will try it once anyway. 

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