Life in the Driver’s Seat (extended)

[Seraphim]

10 minutes ago, mylolita said:

Would you say it runs in families then Seraphim?

 

This is very interesting about yourself! Can I ask what makes you and your son think you are autistic? And it’s quite a change to hear you are not bothered about a diagnosis - from the interviews I have seen most people find it a relief. You are obviously doing your own thing and happy as things stand! 
 

We just have my mums middle cousins son, who is now 46, who is Autistic. I think I might have said before but he is one of my favourite people to talk too! We only whatsapp, he lives very far away, but we get on. I adore his straight up honesty! So refreshing. 
 

Did you know from your son being a baby or toddler that he was different? 
 

x
 

 

It is absolutely genetic. I know for sure if my second son had been born he would have been Autistic as well. 
My mom kept telling me from the time my son was born he wasn’t your “ average “ baby. Autism wasn’t talked about in the late 90’s and I had never heard of it. But in my heart I knew as well he wasn’t like other babies. At 7 weeks old if you laid him on a hard surface to change his diaper he would be absolutely terrified. You could see actually horror in his eyes and face and he would scream until he vomited and cut his own skin by clawing. If you laid him on a soft surface he was absolutely fine. Sunshine made him scream, wind made him scream, rain made him scream. Pretty much everything but sitting at home with mom made him just lose his mind. 
 

Foods he didn’t like he would gag and vomit. He still only eats 25 different foods and that is it. 
 

The transition to school was REALLY BAD . I was called several times a week he needed picking up. 
 

The list is endless really. 
 

About myself I am more heavily heavily masked due to age and unforgiving society. I got the typical accusations girls get, “ you are over sensitive “, “ you’re ridiculous “. I had a few behaviour issues at school. I would sing constantly and daydream. I would get picked on as the “ little weird kid.” Noise drives me INSANE. I will actually almost have a breakdown over it. 
 

My son said he sees glitters of it in situations. Hard to describe I guess. 

[Seraphim]

41 minutes ago, mylolita said:

I hope as well Seraphim that you don’t mind me making this observation - I have noticed, so sweetly, that you often mark dates and facts. For example I notice you will post about a date something happened, and exactly how long ago it happened. 
 

My Mums cousin is exactly like this! He will randomly message me telling me how long I have been married and happy anniversary, even when I forgot - HA! And, he will give me a run down of his football match, who scored when, and the exact time the match went on for; with a full weather report! It’s fab and endearing and I love it! I love it because of the detail orientated behaviour. It is so opposite to me. I am a big picture kinda gal and I can’t see or focus on tiny details. I often forget what day it is, or if we have moved into a new month! It’s nice to talk to someone so different, who thinks so differently. 
 

x

That is probably an obvious marker for me. I am incredibly detail oriented about every single thing . I mark dates and count things and if things are not as exactly as they “ should be” or I believe they should be it drives me into meltdown. Like if holiday expectations are not as “ tradition” as I have always known I will go into complete distress and cry even to this day. My mom calls me insane and a control freak but it is anxiety because someone changed beloved security. I have brought it up to my mom that I maybe Autistic and she laughs uproariously and says I am being ridiculous. It is ableist really, she says you had no troubles learning anything and did well in school and university. Like there are only Autistic people that aren’t well educated, you know ? 🙄 There are many many many very well educated and successful Autistics and those who have much higher support needs. There are hundreds of millions of Autistic parents etc etc. 
I may have lower support needs than my son because I don’t present with as many disabilities. I was also raised in a vastly different time. When I was raised it was crack on with it or drown. My mom was also a relentless pusher of achievement and perfection. My mom won’t accept anything but perfection in her own kids, but her grandchildren …… awwwww poor little disabled darlings. 🤦‍♀️🙄

 

The great uncle I speak of was my father’s uncle, his mother’s brother. I don’t remember him at all he passed away of diabetes when I was 11. I had moved away from all family when I was 4. My mother says seeing him in the light of today’s society and knowledge and knowing my son she thinks very likely Uncle D was Autistic. 

[mylolita]

22 hours ago, Seraphim said:

It is absolutely genetic. I know for sure if my second son had been born he would have been Autistic as well. 
My mom kept telling me from the time my son was born he wasn’t your “ average “ baby. Autism wasn’t talked about in the late 90’s and I had never heard of it. But in my heart I knew as well he wasn’t like other babies. At 7 weeks old if you laid him on a hard surface to change his diaper he would be absolutely terrified. You could see actually horror in his eyes and face and he would scream until he vomited and cut his own skin by clawing. If you laid him on a soft surface he was absolutely fine. Sunshine made him scream, wind made him scream, rain made him scream. Pretty much everything but sitting at home with mom made him just lose his mind. 
 

Foods he didn’t like he would gag and vomit. He still only eats 25 different foods and that is it. 
 

The transition to school was REALLY BAD . I was called several times a week he needed picking up. 
 

The list is endless really. 
 

About myself I am more heavily heavily masked due to age and unforgiving society. I got the typical accusations girls get, “ you are over sensitive “, “ you’re ridiculous “. I had a few behaviour issues at school. I would sing constantly and daydream. I would get picked on as the “ little weird kid.” Noise drives me INSANE. I will actually almost have a breakdown over it. 
 

My son said he sees glitters of it in situations. Hard to describe I guess. 

This is tough Seraphim!

 

It’s hard enough raising a normal baby without extra hurdles! Hats off too you, really!

 

And I really do wonder sometimes how other disabled parents manage. Again, it’s hard enough for me, and well, I’m classed as normal, whatever that is anyway - LOL! 
 

Maybe we are all handicapped to an extent? Your son and yourself, you have a brain that is wired differently. I am sure this has been a blessing and curse for you both at different times?

 

Sometimes I also wonder about disabled people, mentally and physically, during our long human history. What did they do? We’re they cast out? Some obviously survived to pass on their genes. We maybe weren’t as heartless as some history will suggest. I wonder about all the mothers, in all of history. I see the medical tapestries of women working in fields, doing hard labour, with their toddlers and small children bare footed in the mud, working behind them, most of them dying. They had thoughts and fears and happiness just like mine. They had troubles I will never know; and highs I will never experience. Survival has changed throughout the decades, but I think human feeling, and experiencing, has not. I look at those flat figures on those tapestries and wonder what her dreams were? I wonder what her worries and blessings were at that time she raked the hay? 
 

Your brains being different I am sure is hard Seraphim, but I can’t help thinking it’s an amazing thing. You get to experience things differently. That’s pretty cool!

 

x

[mylolita]

22 hours ago, Seraphim said:

That is probably an obvious marker for me. I am incredibly detail oriented about every single thing . I mark dates and count things and if things are not as exactly as they “ should be” or I believe they should be it drives me into meltdown. Like if holiday expectations are not as “ tradition” as I have always known I will go into complete distress and cry even to this day. My mom calls me insane and a control freak but it is anxiety because someone changed beloved security. I have brought it up to my mom that I maybe Autistic and she laughs uproariously and says I am being ridiculous. It is ableist really, she says you had no troubles learning anything and did well in school and university. Like there are only Autistic people that aren’t well educated, you know ? 🙄 There are many many many very well educated and successful Autistics and those who have much higher support needs. There are hundreds of millions of Autistic parents etc etc. 
I may have lower support needs than my son because I don’t present with as many disabilities. I was also raised in a vastly different time. When I was raised it was crack on with it or drown. My mom was also a relentless pusher of achievement and perfection. My mom won’t accept anything but perfection in her own kids, but her grandchildren …… awwwww poor little disabled darlings. 🤦‍♀️🙄

 

The great uncle I speak of was my father’s uncle, his mother’s brother. I don’t remember him at all he passed away of diabetes when I was 11. I had moved away from all family when I was 4. My mother says seeing him in the light of today’s society and knowledge and knowing my son she thinks very likely Uncle D was Autistic. 

I think I understand! Maybe!

 

I always find it endearing the way you note and marker these types of things! I actually appreciate it! It’s so unlike myself! I think it’s a great thing.

 

I mean, regular people, most of us, don’t like it when things don’t go to plan either. And most of us settle and feel comfort to routine and predictability. I get the feeling in a lot of ways, you feel more intensely? Maybe the autistic brain is more emotional? 
 

I’m sorry your Mum isn’t understanding or doesn’t quite “believe” the diagnosis. I suppose it takes along time for previous generations to get on board with new ideas. 
 

x

[Seraphim]

On 8/7/2022 at 5:54 AM, mylolita said:

I think I understand! Maybe!

 

I always find it endearing the way you note and marker these types of things! I actually appreciate it! It’s so unlike myself! I think it’s a great thing.

 

I mean, regular people, most of us, don’t like it when things don’t go to plan either. And most of us settle and feel comfort to routine and predictability. I get the feeling in a lot of ways, you feel more intensely? Maybe the autistic brain is more emotional? 
 

I’m sorry your Mum isn’t understanding or doesn’t quite “believe” the diagnosis. I suppose it takes along time for previous generations to get on board with new ideas. 
 

x

 I will answer more love when I’m feeling better . I have a phone conversation appointment with my doctor today. This is a sinus infection and not going away. 

[mylolita]

1 hour ago, Seraphim said:

 I will answer more love when I’m feeling better . I have a phone conversation appointment with my doctor today. This is a sinus infection and not going away. 

Seraphim no pressure to respond at all - I hope you feel better soon!

 

Take it easy, ignore me! I can be a fuss! Haha! 
 

x

[Seraphim]

Yay, prescription for antibiotic coming for this sinus infection. Not Covid! Thank goodness. 

[Seraphim]

Am starting to finally feel a bit better. Last night was the first night I slept all night in a few weeks without waking to hack my head off. Yesterday I could actually feel the feeling returning to my face and my nose drain. I had a migraine last night though . My lungs are starting to feel better. Sinus infections really affect my asthma badly . 

[Seraphim]

Jesus H, hubby accidentally step on my middle toe breaking the top joint. I am sick and tired of BS. 

[Seraphim]

On 8/7/2022 at 5:51 AM, mylolita said:

This is tough Seraphim!

 

It’s hard enough raising a normal baby without extra hurdles! Hats off too you, really!

 

And I really do wonder sometimes how other disabled parents manage. Again, it’s hard enough for me, and well, I’m classed as normal, whatever that is anyway - LOL! 
 

Maybe we are all handicapped to an extent? Your son and yourself, you have a brain that is wired differently. I am sure this has been a blessing and curse for you both at different times?

 

Sometimes I also wonder about disabled people, mentally and physically, during our long human history. What did they do? We’re they cast out? Some obviously survived to pass on their genes. We maybe weren’t as heartless as some history will suggest. I wonder about all the mothers, in all of history. I see the medical tapestries of women working in fields, doing hard labour, with their toddlers and small children bare footed in the mud, working behind them, most of them dying. They had thoughts and fears and happiness just like mine. They had troubles I will never know; and highs I will never experience. Survival has changed throughout the decades, but I think human feeling, and experiencing, has not. I look at those flat figures on those tapestries and wonder what her dreams were? I wonder what her worries and blessings were at that time she raked the hay? 
 

Your brains being different I am sure is hard Seraphim, but I can’t help thinking it’s an amazing thing. You get to experience things differently. That’s pretty cool!

 

x

I think just enough survived to pass on the genetics. Most people who were different in any capacity throughout history were ostracized or killed or put in institutions and tormented to death. Sad, but true. The human race is cruel. 
 

As it stands now about 1% of the human race is autistic. 

[Seraphim]

I finally feel 100% better from my sinus infection but have 3 more days of antibiotics to complete . Always complete your prescription otherwise you are contributing to the creation of super bugs. 
 

I am going out tonight to a spouses meet and greet. Nervous but I will try it once anyway. 

[Seraphim]

So I went to the meet and great and around the end I did have a bit of a panic attack and felt out of place so I left . It was ok. The people were nice. I will try it again. 
 

Today the boy goes with his aunt and nanny, they are picking him up at 4:30. My husband and I are planning on going to a dark skies preserve to see the stars tomorrow night and who knows what else. 
 

They are working the Q attached to mine right now making an awful racket with drilling and hammering and keeping the daycare kids awake for nap time . Fun, not. This ought to be a fun few months. 

[Seraphim]

Success!!!!!! Yesterday our son was accepted for the disability tax credit (DTC) from birth to indefinite!!!! After 2 denials we finally have success!!! This means we never have to reapply. His provincial designation is also permanent. He is now determined federally and provincially to be 90% or markedly disabled under mental cognition or lack of ability to live on his own and advanced social support needs . 
 

They will reassess 10 years of my husband’s income tax payments since he is the higher income earner.  They owe me 3 years of the child disability credit, and we get the caregiver credit. 
 

Guys, I won’t lie, I was sobbing on the floor when when we got the news.  My husband got an email that the CRA ( Canada revenue agency )had made their judgement and were mailing us a letter . He has an online account we looked at the credits sections and saw he was accepted from birth to indefinite!!! I immediately burst out sobbing and running around. I immediately called my mom and my best friend and sat crying on the floor. My son was like what the hell mom, what is going on? But the enormity of the financial pay back and enormous good this will do for his life he doesn’t have full knowledge of . 
 

My SIL and MIL had just arrived to pick up my son to have him for 5 days they thought I was nuts until they knew what happened … lol. 

[Seraphim]

I still can’t believe it, really. 👆

[Seraphim]

I still can’t believe it, really. It is still like a dream. I can’t wait to get our letter in the mail and hold it in my hand and the certificate number. I can’t wait to see what our credits get reassessed at. 

[Seraphim]

From the way I figured it we might get close to 35,000 back. 

[Seraphim]

Hubby seems to be doing better every week . Last Friday he spoke to his boss about the person who he felt was bullying him . It had blown his confidence out of the water . Now this week he is doing great and his confidence has gone up a lot. He has never spoken up for himself in a work place before so I am very proud of him . He did it in a very professional manner. He gave 3 suggestions on how to aid his recovery . They are going to probably move him to a unit where there are people in different stages of injury recovery until he is better and then send him back to his unit . 
 

He seems to be able to work longer and more complicated issues and his confidence has increased. 
 

All his medical appointments have gone down to every 2 weeks. So he is out of critical care now. 

[Seraphim]

Hubby has also gone back to running and walking and hiking and back to the gym. All very important for his recovery as well. I am going to buy him fish oil supplements which help the brain and turmeric powder in food which reduces inflammation in the body to reduce whatever inflammation is in his brain . He has eye and other exercises from the physiotherapist. At some point she also wants to test his autonomic nervous system while he is running on a treadmill. 
 

We are trying to have full recovery by November . ❤️

[Seraphim]

Booked my second booster for Sept 3 and hubby gets his Sept 1. 

[Seraphim]

 

I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning, I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own

I used to roll the dice
Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes
Listen as the crowd would sing
Now the old king is dead, long live the king
One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles stand
Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand

I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can't explain
Once you'd gone, there was never, never an honest word
And that was when I ruled the world

It was the wicked and wild wind
Blew down the doors to let me in
Shattered windows and the sound of drums
People couldn't believe what I'd become
Revolutionaries wait
For my head on a silver plate
Just a puppet on a lonely string
Oh, who would ever want to be king?

I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing
Roman Calvary choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can't explain
I know Saint Peter won't call my name
Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world

Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh, oh
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh, oh
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh, oh
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh, oh
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh, oh

Hear Jerusalem bells are ringing
Roman Calvary choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can't explain
I know Saint Peter won't call my name
Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world
 

Coldplay

[Seraphim]

Not sure why people find someone’s distress funny . 🙄😳

[Seraphim]

Today is the day 2 years ago that I found out my dad was going to die. He went into palliative care and had stopped his dialysis a few days before. He lived about 10 days without dialysis. Even for all his very poor health his body still fought to live , but his spirit was finished. Dad died 4 days before his 75th birthday which was his wish to die before. 

[Seraphim]

This day two years ago is the last day I saw my dad conscious. We talked for a bit at the hospital and he had tears when I left and so did I . The next time I saw him he was unconscious and the next day he passed away in the morning . 

[Seraphim]

I too bendy. 

[Seraphim]

In Sept we are going to our first military event in 3 years almost. We are going to a Surf and Turf dinner at the Officers Mess.