chronoid Posted June 15, 2019 Share Posted June 15, 2019 Hello, I’ve been struggling with my relationship for about half a year now. I’ve been together with my boyfriend for almost 4 years now, but especially since Christmas I’ve had some sort of background stress emerging about the relationship and it’s starting to make me go crazy. I really care a lot for him, we have known each other for this long already that it’s impossible to feel otherwise. And despite that I’ve been fighting with myself about if this is the right relationship for me. He is 6 years older than me (29) and has been in the working life ever since I’ve known him, and it would be important for him to have a stable life in the same general area where his family lives. One of the reasons I chose to study marine biology was that the whole world would be open, so the thought of having to settle here eventually is stressful. We have talked about this several times and decided to deal with it when the time comes, and he is okay with the idea of me going abroad for shorter periods of time (eg 6 months ~ 1 year). For some reason no matter how much we talk about this the concern about it always comes back. Then he of course would like to move in together as soon as I am willing to. I live in my parent’s apartment with my brother and thus don’t need to pay rent, and as a student there is no financially wise reason for me to move out before I have an actual job. This has been talked about and agreed upon, and it shouldn’t be an issue. One of the worst problems is that I realized that I’m asexual about half a year into the relationship. He assured that it’s fine and low and behold we are still together over 3 years later (we’ve literally never even seen each other naked like who can actually stand bull like that without even knowingly signing for it). However, it does bug him quite a lot and he has been trying to encourage me to try it at least once. We’ve made some ridiculously slow progress during the years but I’m still nowhere near ready for it... his encouragement sometimes feel a little pushy though. He’s been trying to set time limits and stuff like that which obviously never work, and just generally wants me to try it once because it can’t be that bad. I’ve told him that this feels like he’s pushing me, but he argues back that he’s not. Along with other things he feels like I’m demanding a lot from the relationship without giving up anything in return. He’d like me to bend on something, but these three things mentioned (living abroad, living together, asexuality) are not exactly something I can change my mind upon easily. I’ve tried but the stress always comes back eventually. I am constantly swaying about whether to call it quits or if I am just too selfish. He’s been adamant that he wants to spend his life with me and has stayed by my side even though I’ve been the cause of a lot of drama. In the end I don’t know what someone can be expected to sacrifice for a relationship. I know I’ve always been asking a lot from him and it makes me feel horrible that I can’t really give back on the same extent. Holy this was way longer than I expected – anyway if possible I’d love to hear what you lovely folks have to say about this. It’s probably obvious to pretty much everyone else except me lol Link to comment
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