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About kalikat

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  • Birthday October 12
  1. Part of the problem right now is that the only people aware of the situation are all people telling you that you are in the wrong. Shut out those voices. You know in your head and in your heart what you need to do. Get someone in your family to come help you get out. I had a POS husband similar to yours. On a particularly bad day, I called his mom to see if she could talk some sense into him. Her response - "He isn't my problem anymore - you married him, You deal with it!" Really opened my eyes to what his upbringing was like
  2. Both my parents have passed, as have most of my aunts & uncles. I am divorced. Not only is it Christmas, but today is my daughter's 30th birthday. It still amazes me that I went from having huge family gatherings during the holidays (around 50 people), to being completely alone. Except for my doggies - they are a blessing. Daughter lives out of town, plus Covid thing.... Merry CHristmas y'all. One of the few things that cheer me up during the holidays is something my father told me before he passed away. "At Christmastime, make sure you light up the sky with Christmas lights
  3. This is an "all hands on deck" situation. Yes - your mom is overwhelmed. And possibly in shock. Both of which can cause someone to freeze instead of act. I had my own hideous marriage once upon a time. So I'm speaking from experience. These are my thoughts: Yes she needs to get out of this situation asap BUT she needs to do it very carefully. He can't know what's coming. Any plans she makes for her exit strategy must be done away from the house (my psycho-ex had hidden cameras in every room). She (or you) need to maybe contact his previous parole officer to see if they can help
  4. So sorry you are going thru all of this. i was stuck in a similar situation awhile back. Very manipulative ex. She never hesitated to show her worst side. And would use the kids as weapons of mass destruction. What I finally realized is that He was allowing it to happen. Because (in my circumstance) she had instilled in him massive guilt over the divorce, over "abandoning his children" - which was not at all the reality. But She convinced him AND the kids that everything was his fault. He was always trying to make it up to the children (who took advantage of the situation) and allowed the ex
  5. Thanks for all your thoughts and ideas. Really gives me things to consider. Yes, I have done everything possible up to now, but because of the nature of the fracture, surgery is really the only possibility of being pain-free. Trust me, i have been living with this for over 10 years. Enough is enough, right?
  6. Many years ago, I injured my back. Actually, I fractured it. And have been living with pain ever since. I finally got approval from insurance for surgery. But surgery for this is not easy. Doctor says it takes about 5 to 6 hours. They start with an incision in the front, and end with another incision in back to install rods & screws. This is something I'd been wanting for years - to finally live without pain! But the closer the surgery gets, the more I am freakimg out. Here's why: I don't have much family or friends, but I need to have someone who will not only take me to the hos
  7. Its not destroying anything. I didnt say "burn it" or Shred - I just said put it in the trash. Going thru the process of pulling it out day after day - eventually forces you to create new habits.
  8. First of all - Definitely NOT your fault that she had the affair. If she felt distance from you, there are 1001 other ways to deal with that before affair ever gets on that list. Might be a good idea to take a break for the moment from the marriage. Don't jump straight into divorce because if she is emotionally unstable that just might throw her over the top. Instead - Go for a 6 month separation where you can go back to your country and try to reestablish yourself in your line of work. Get your feet under you, build a foundation. Then go back, get the kids, and file for divorce
  9. Here's a Solution for you: my dad taught me this when I was a kid. Don't just shove his stuff into the corner - THROW IT AWAY! Anything you trip on or step over or whatever it may be. Gather them into a big black trash bag, and at the end of each day - take the trash out. He probably won't even realize at first that his stuff is missing (will think you're still cleaning up). But when he can't find his shoes, or any underwear, or he has run out of clean shirts...he'll ask if you know where they are. That's when you tell him (out in the trash). If the garbage truck has already passed by - oh
  10. Yeah - I get it. He cheated and that totally sucks. BUT - just because this girl shows him a report saying that some other guy isn't the dad - doesn't necessarily mean that he is. SHe might have been with more than just 2 guys. My thought is to deal with one issue at a time. Have him do a dna test to see if he is a match or not. Once you have that answer, move on to the next part.
  11. It seems like you have been upfront with him from the beginning. So he knew early on that this was the situation. You still feel the same way about your choices. He wants you to change. Not going to happen. SO just tell him straight forward - this is who you are. You shouldn't feel anxiety with people in your life. Let him go. Tell him whatever you want him to know - that you do enjoy being in his company, etc. but if he can't accept the way you are, then it's time to move on
  12. kalikat


    So sorry you are going thru this mess. And it's impossible to turn your back when it's your parents going thru the craziness. When I was 35, my mom decided to divorce my dad. Completely out of nowhere! There was no affair, nothing like that. But I can understand the "shock" you are feeling. And questioning your own relationships, etc. People think that you can handle it better when you are an adult. Nope - it just pulls up a whole bunch of other questions and doubts. If your dad has always been strong & the provider, there is no way he is going to admit to anyone his failures. It jus
  13. WOw - some of you are amazingly fierce. SGH - NO - it's not an attempt to get back in with the ex when he's vulnerable. You are completely way off base with that idea. And yes - all I meant to do was to send a card out. Not a call or an email. Nothing that would seem to need a reply. All I know is that this poor 95 year old man lost the love of his life. They both came to my dad's funeral - AFTER My ex & I had split. And you know what - it meant a lot to me that they were there. So despite all the negative energy and comments, I am going to send out a card. I feel its the leas
  14. Hi all - Wondering what you think on this: I just found out that my ex boyfriends mom recently passed away. She was a sweet lady, and I have many fond memories of her. She and her husband were married over 60 years (!). I really want to reach out to her husband to let him know he is loved and not alone. I can not even imagine the loss he is feeling (he is around 93 years old). My problem is that my ex and I did not end on friendly terms. But to contact the dad, I have to communicate thru the ex. Don't want to "stir the pot", But I truly do want the dad to know how much they meant to me.
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