Partner has moved out and wants a break

[boltnrun]

You're at risk for allowing emotion to override your very legitimate concerns about the possible extent of his debt and spending issues.

[abitbroken]

Thank you everyone for your advice.

 

I just wanted to give you an update on the situation... we went 5 days with no contact and finally I gave in and messaged him and said that I didn’t like the way that he was treating me and felt like he was stringing me along by leaving the door open and asked for the keys back.

 

He quickly responded and said that wasn’t the case and that he wanted to meet me at the weekend and see if we can start over.

 

I spoke to him on the phone this evening and he opened up more about how he had been feeling and the strain my work situation had put on us but he wants to work on our relationship. He’s been messaging me since, all very positive.

 

I have been such a mess crying and missing him so much, this outcome was what I was hoping for. But now I have it, I’m not so sure. I feel really hurt by his actions and I’m not sure I can trust him again. Especially on top of the money issues.

 

I’m going to meet him and see what happens...

 

Change the locks.

do not commit to giving him a chance.

The more time and space that is between you, things will become more clearer.

I would change the locks and not expect the key back or i would accept his return of the key, but have him drop it in your mailslot, have a friend or relative WITH you who won't be sympathetic to him and try to take his side, or do anything but be support, even if they are at the restaurant in another booth. meet him in public only.

[LaHermes]

Harriet:

 

He is giving you the runaround (again) and you are falling for it (again).

 

".......he wants to work on our relationship. He’s been messaging me since, all very positive."

 

As Wiseman said in an earlier post, you need to get your life back together.

 

And you need to examine why you let these losers into your life.

[Jibralta]

I have been with my partner for three years. We have lived together for the past two years.

 

I am confused. Is this the same person?

 

I met my current boyfriend on a dating app a few months ago and it was a bit of a whirl wind romance....Fast forward two months, he has moved in and the country goes into lockdown.

[Lambert]

Harriet, dear, you are kidding yourself, if you really think he doesn't tell you things for your benefit.

 

He doesn't want to or can't own and address his own issues. He doesn't want to admit what a poor partner he is to you. He doesn't like who he is, but he can't help it. That's addiction. Whether it makes him a bad guy, makes no difference.

 

You cannot allow yourself be manipulated. and no doubt about it, addicts are the best manipulators. Mostly, because they, themselves believe their lies and BS.

 

he will drain you for all your worth, materially and emotionally to feed his addictions. And then when you nothing left to give, he'll move on to a new enabler.

 

Its your place and he's gone. See this as the blessing it is. You have to save yourself... change the locks and block.

 

Your happiness in life is 90% the partner you choose. their happiness is yours, just as their problems are yours. Why would you short change yourself and build your life around a guy that has gambling, financial, lying, and inconsistency of commitment problems?

 

This guy is a loser. Why don't you think you deserve better? You need to do some serious soul searching, find yourself under all this "but I love him" and love yourself.

 

Go buy yourself a beautiful new tv set. And enjoy it!

 

Good ridden to this guy.

[Wiseman2]

Agree. You need to check your credit scores, credit cards, bank balances, etc. If you allowed a compulsive gambler to be in your home unattended. Immediately change all the passwords to all accounts.

Harriet: He is giving you the runaround (again) and you are falling for it (again). And you need to examine why you let these losers into your life.