Advice needed for potential relationship with marriage in mind.

[Snny]

Yeah i didn't think too much on the K-1 visa thing. but the thing is if i dont start now then when?

 

K-1 visas are done if you are engaged. You have to prove it and then marry her within 90 days of entry or depart from the US.

 

And getting a citizenship is a LENGTHY process. They strongly prefer applicants to be married to an American within 3 years, and you both will be interviewed by Homeland Security to make sure it’s not a sham marriage (her using a marriage as an easy way in for a citizenship, and then leaves you as soon as she gets it). It took my husband 14 months to get his, which was last year.

[SherrySher]

is there a reason why, OP you wouldn't find a woman in the same country as you?

 

I don't understand why you would go to all this trouble and with someone you don't know who can't speak your language.

 

It sounds like a recipe for disaster, quite frankly, and I would say your chances of a happy ending are slim to none.

 

Edit: read your reasons why.

[SherrySher]

Snny has a good point. You can't just pick a stranger and marry and expect her to get into the US for permanent.

 

Immigration will want proof that you are in love and have been for a long time. At the interview they will ask for proof such as pictures, messages of love via platforms like Skype, letters etc.

It is a long process and you need to be legitimately in love and be able to prove this.

 

If you do this application and you've got nothing to show and only messages that sounds more polite or friendly, her chances of being approved are very small.

You'd do much better to have several visits first, save ticket receipts, have pictures, prove that this has been long term and real love etc.

 

If you don't have those things, don't bother. Honestly, they aren't going to let some woman in on the hopes that you'll like each other.

You should have spent a significant amount of time together, and ideally in person. With lots of loving photos and family members who can vouch for you two being in love etc. for immigration to be convinced.

[lioil]

Snny has a good point. You can't just pick a stranger and marry and expect her to get into the US for permanent.

 

Immigration will want proof that you are in love and have been for a long time. At the interview they will ask for proof such as pictures, messages of love via platforms like Skype, letters etc.

It is a long process and you need to be legitimately in love and be able to prove this.

 

If you do this application and you've got nothing to show and only messages that sounds more polite or friendly, her chances of being approved are very small.

You'd do much better to have several visits first, save ticket receipts, have pictures, prove that this has been long term and real love etc.

 

If you don't have those things, don't bother. Honestly, they aren't going to let some woman in on the hopes that you'll like each other.

You should have spent a significant amount of time together, and ideally in person. With lots of loving photos and family members who can vouch for you two being in love etc. for immigration to be convinced.

 

I agree. I am not trying to speedtrack this BUT i know i can't waste years and years when everyone's biological clocks are ticking. If i spend 2 years and fail then the chances of getting someone who accepts a 40 year old guy is slim. If our first meeting dont go well then that's that. I really tried finding someone here but cant find anyone. is the path really just stay put and hope someone drops on my lap locally? its like hunting for food - stay and wait for a herd to come or starve to death or travel to another location to hunt? I guess i dont understand what the alternative is if i can't find anyone locally if it's too impractical to meet someone introduced by mutual friend. If she is a total stranger i definitely agree. But i feel she is safer due to the 20+ year relationship between the friend and the family?

 

 

K-1 visas are done if you are engaged. You have to prove it and then marry her within 90 days of entry or depart from the US.

 

And getting a citizenship is a LENGTHY process. They strongly prefer applicants to be married to an American within 3 years, and you both will be interviewed by Homeland Security to make sure it’s not a sham marriage (her using a marriage as an easy way in for a citizenship, and then leaves you as soon as she gets it). It took my husband 14 months to get his, which was last year.

So can she come and stay before that? Or it goes like:

Engage-> apply for visa -> visa approved -> she comes and marry within 90 days?

 

I heard from someone that a non-citizen got married from someone from another country and they are fine? maybe not full citizen conversion?

[tattoobunnie]

Move to NY! 40 for a man is very typical of someone getting married and having kids.

 

I'm Chinese and know well over 1000 chinese people who came here in their late teens to late 20's and are awesome. Not sure where in the US you are, but so many Asian (Chinese) ladies in Cali and NY.

[lioil]

Move to NY! 40 for a man is very typical of someone getting married and having kids.

 

I'm Chinese and know well over 1000 chinese people who came here in their late teens to late 20's and are awesome. Not sure where in the US you are, but so many Asian (Chinese) ladies in Cali and NY.

 

unfortunately i am bit far from NY... I did meet some chinese women from ny but they want to stay there and dont want to do long distance dating. And I am not in position to just quit my job and move to NY..

[WithLove]

unfortunately i am bit far from NY... I did meet some chinese women from ny but they want to stay there and dont want to do long distance dating. And I am not in position to just quit my job and move to NY..

 

I feel like it would be more cost efficient and less of a hassle to visit someone from this country than overseas. Have you tried to look into meeting someone from here, with the same goals in mind (marriage and family as soon as possible) instead of another country. You know, finding a matchmaker and going that route?

[Hollyj]

Yes, insulting the person asking for advice is not constructive criticism, by implying he wasn't a gentleman. He has a reason for being hesitant to visit, which was explained. He just can't relatively soon. I agree he should definitely visit her.

 

Whatever.....

[Hollyj]

unfortunately i am bit far from NY... I did meet some chinese women from ny but they want to stay there and dont want to do long distance dating. And I am not in position to just quit my job and move to NY..

 

Don't you think it would be much easier to find a Chinese woman within The States, instead of having to go international. There are many eligible and amazing Chinese women in your own country. I don't get it!

[Tinydance]

I know many people do the "mail order bride" thing but I just want to ask, are you absolutely sure this is your last resort? You really can't find anyone at least in your own country from avenues like online dating, Meetup groups, community groups from your own culture? Have you spoken to this Chinese woman on Skype and actually "seen" her in real life? I don't think you should go over there or she come to the US unless you've seen each other on Skype and you also feel at ease with her and have a click with her. And find her attractive of course. I think as a male who is not that old yet and perfectly biologically able to have kids, I don't think you should be getting too desperate yet. Are you being pushed by that woman to meet and start dating? It's true, her biological clock is ticking but you don't need to just settle for her only for that reason. This is YOUR life, your future. Wouldn't you rather spend it with the right person?

[lioil]

Don't you think it would be much easier to find a Chinese woman within The States, instead of having to go international. There are many eligible and amazing Chinese women in your own country. I don't get it!

Well, i dont know? people have different selection criteria and since ignoring message doesnt tell me anything it is hard to figure out. I had some luck but very low. Like last girl she believes in god and found out i wasnt ghosted me. The one before wanted to marry

 

 

I know many people do the "mail order bride" thing but I just want to ask, are you absolutely sure this is your last resort? You really can't find anyone at least in your own country from avenues like online dating, Meetup groups, community groups from your own culture? Have you spoken to this Chinese woman on Skype and actually "seen" her in real life? I don't think you should go over there or she come to the US unless you've seen each other on Skype and you also feel at ease with her and have a click with her. And find her attractive of course. I think as a male who is not that old yet and perfectly biologically able to have kids, I don't think you should be getting too desperate yet. Are you being pushed by that woman to meet and start dating? It's true, her biological clock is ticking but you don't need to just settle for her only for that reason. This is YOUR life, your future. Wouldn't you rather spend it with the right person?

 

 

I dont know if this through friend is considered "mail order bride" though? if locally your best friend introduces a girl/guy to you is that considered legit? Sure there will be more time to get to know eachother and the language thing but other than that i dont see a huge difference.

 

I do try different online stuff and tried matchmaker too but i haven't found anyone yet. I will be 38 and it is true my biological clock is still OK but it will be harder to find women with better biological clocks like 28-32ish. I mean a lot of the sites i look at women filter out guys who are 3-4 years older than them. I dont think i am being rushed by anyone but the mutual friend did say to let her know status of discussion sooner than later so it is good for everyone. They are kind of pushing me to visit there but i dont see that happening at least 2 months out. I might go there and visit her and couple others if there are.

[WithLove]

The one before wanted to marry

 

 

So wait, you did find someone that wanted to get married quickly, but you thought it was too quick? Don't you want to send for a bride with the intention of getting married quickly? I don't get it. I think you're leaving out stuff.

[lioil]

So wait, you did find someone that wanted to get married quickly, but you thought it was too quick? Don't you want to send for a bride with the intention of getting married quickly? I don't get it. I think you're leaving out stuff.

 

well she is a student and i think she wanted a green card hence getting married before she graduates. Plus she kept talking about investing in business how she wants a business partner in addition to friend and mate. We met few more times but didn't feel any connection. But she is different from this one since she was a total stranger, at least this one i have some info from the mutual friend and I wont be scammed or anything.

 

I am also trying to talk to couple locally but one kept putting me off with "busy with work". I talked to her sister (she "screened" me) but it seems she didnt feel like it.

[WithLove]

well she is a student and i think she wanted a green card hence getting married before she graduates. Plus she kept talking about investing in business how she wants a business partner in addition to friend and mate. We met few more times but didn't feel any connection. But she is different from this one since she was a total stranger, at least this one i have some info from the mutual friend and I wont be scammed or anything.

 

I am also trying to talk to couple locally but one kept putting me off with "busy with work". I talked to her sister (she "screened" me) but it seems she didnt feel like it.

 

Ah okay, that makes more sense.

 

I don't know, it seems like you're sticking with this idea because you know someone that can vouch that the lady isn't simply out to get a visa or green card. I can understand that. But can this same woman, the "matchmaker", assist you in finding a girl in the US instead? That still seems like it'd be a lot easier.

[RyanFox1219]

If our first meeting dont go well then that's that.

 

Thing is though, your first meeting likely will go very well. You'll be new, fresh faces, in "vacation mode," doing fun stuff. This will give you little to no insight on your actual long term compatibility.

[SherrySher]

Things have toughened up considerably now a days with immigrants and the US, as I am sure most of you know that.

 

Op, I'm not kidding, you will have to have an interview and prove to immigration that you've spent a lot of time with this woman and that you two are indeed very much in love and you will have to prove it with pictures and messages and letters over the course of at least a year but should be even longer, really.

 

I'd hate to see you try to bring her here, marry and then shoot yourself in the foot when immigration does not approve your application because you have no proof that your relationship is real and based on true love and not just as a marriage thrown together quickly.

 

It will be all for nothing and she won't get to stay.

[abitbroken]

Yeah i didn't think too much on the K-1 visa thing. but the thing is if i dont start now then when? unless i find someone here i am basically pushing away any chances out further and what would seem to be several months be year +. Also, i would be getting older all the while so the choices in US will be slimmer too. I guess what i am saying is while i am ideally looking for someone here , i can't just ignore the other chances...

 

At 37 you are HARDLY too old to find wife. you are in your prime as far as that goes. Women in their mid 20s through 40 are interested in you age-wise. you are in their age range to want to date. your biological clock is not ticking and time is not running out. you will meet a LOT of women who are single and have never married - you will meet some divorced with kids, but at your age, the odds are in your favor to select to date only women looking to have kids, etc.

 

If marriage is your top priority and you were told that a particular town had tons of single Chinese women who were citizens or otherwise legally there in their own right, would you not hussle yourself over there? I mean, you are alright traveling around the world, but won't budge in your own country? What about putting up a dating profile and set your search criteria out wider - up to 250 miles away and see how may women you meet, etc. and be willing to relocate for the right one? And if NYC is too far, is there not a TON of Chinese women in California if you are closer to there.

 

If you decide to meet this woman in China, you should still make an effort to meet other women while you decide if there is compatibility, etc. just coffee dates, etc.

 

It is true, cultural background, similar family backgroud go a long way into a happy marriage, of course, --- meet her, then, but don't decide you are marrying her before you even meet.

[abitbroken]

 

I'd hate to see you try to bring her here, marry and then shoot yourself in the foot when immigration does not approve your application because you have no proof that your relationship is real and based on true love and not just as a marriage thrown together quickly.

 

It will be all for nothing and she won't get to stay.

 

Good point. Are you willing to move to China if she can't come?

Also, if you had attended a university together or were colleagues at one point, it would be easier to prove that it was legit. Or you spent significant time in China before you courted her and therefore could have met her and had some in person relationship prior

[Snny]

So can she come and stay before that? Or it goes like:

Engage-> apply for visa -> visa approved -> she comes and marry within 90 days?

Sorry, I’m not the right person to answer this question. I just know visa types. There is NO quicker way to get a visa because of the Patriot Act and heavy background checks. it is also a process. You have to speak to immigrations office personally.

 

I heard from someone that a non-citizen got married from someone from another country and they are fine? maybe not full citizen conversion?

That example has nothing to do with US immigration laws.

 

Move to NY! 40 for a man is very typical of someone getting married and having kids.

If he goes to NY or any metropolitan city, then it will take even LONGER process through their homeland security office for the girl to get her visa/citizenship because it’s high immigration traffic there.

[Snny]

Btw this was in the news today. It’s very relevant to this thread...

 

https://www.dallasnews.com/news/immigration/2019/05/14/massive-immigration-marriage-fraud-ring-spread-throughout-texas-feds-say

[SherrySher]

Yes, it's much harder now a days to get into the US and be able to stay permanently.

 

Just because you put in an application does not mean it will be approved. Its a very long process and it has to be proven that you and she are really in love and have spent lots of time together online or in person or both with lots of proof to back it up. Even then there is no guarantee that immigration will approve your application.

 

The days of a 90 day fiancee and bringing people over quickly, are over.

[lioil]

Ah okay, that makes more sense.

 

I don't know, it seems like you're sticking with this idea because you know someone that can vouch that the lady isn't simply out to get a visa or green card. I can understand that. But can this same woman, the "matchmaker", assist you in finding a girl in the US instead? That still seems like it'd be a lot easier.

 

She did, unfortunately i am too old for some of the women she know. I dont know where the stat of women in 20s going for guys ~40s..but pretty much all i seen are maybe 4-5 years older.

 

 

Yes, it's much harder now a days to get into the US and be able to stay permanently.

 

Just because you put in an application does not mean it will be approved. Its a very long process and it has to be proven that you and she are really in love and have spent lots of time together online or in person or both with lots of proof to back it up. Even then there is no guarantee that immigration will approve your application.

 

The days of a 90 day fiancee and bringing people over quickly, are over.

 

hmmm. maybe its something i need to figure out now? cant she stay here till it gets approved? Will she get deported if she comes here and marry and not work out? Or perhaps the student visa is a route? Come here to attend school, get married and then process while she in school? idk...

[abitbroken]

 

If he goes to NY or any metropolitan city, then it will take even LONGER process through their homeland security office for the girl to get her visa/citizenship because it’s high immigration traffic there.

 

What i meat by moving to NY is not for the intent of marrying this woman, but increasing the chances he meet a chinese woman to date and eventually marry. Or somewhere else in the country with a higher Chinese population. Really, though, i think if he has never met anyone - he can stay put and increase his search radius on OLD. He can also try to go to Meetup groups.

[abitbroken]

She did, unfortunately i am too old for some of the women she know. I dont know where the stat of women in 20s going for guys ~40s..but pretty much all i seen are maybe 4-5 years older.

 

 

 

 

hmmm. maybe its something i need to figure out now? cant she stay here till it gets approved? Will she get deported if she comes here and marry and not work out? Or perhaps the student visa is a route? Come here to attend school, get married and then process while she in school? idk...

 

If she is approved for a visitors VISA she is basically approved to come here for a vacation. She can stay for a few months and then has to go home, but it gives you time to get to know one another a little better before making any promises. Then she can go home for awhile and come back to visit if its allowed. I really think you are getting ahead of yourself. You might meet her and you both decide you don't like eachother at all. I really think that you should keep your options open. I think sometimes matches like this work if someone knows your family, her family, knows her well - sort of like a good friend setting you up with someone with great care. But i would not put all my eggs in one basket. Meet women here, too. There are plenty of women you have not met yet.

 

I dont know where the stat of women in 20s going for guys ~40s..but pretty much all i seen are maybe 4-5 years older.

 

well, you are not in your 40s. you are 37. If you have important things in common - your culture is important to you and you are both marriage minded and serious, I see no obstacle to women at least in their late 20s being interested -- lots of guys in their 20s are not ready to marry. If a woman is 26-30, let's say, and wants a family, already has had her schooling etc, she is going to be open to a 37 year old guy. a 22 year old woman - nope, unless she is from overseas wanting to come here.

[SherrySher]

Yes, she will be deported even if you marry while she's there and the application is not approved and you've not proven without a reasonable doubt that your love story is authentic.

 

The student route visa is much more costly, I would say minimum 10,000. That again does not guarantee permanent and she'd have to legitimately be studying for something and obtain a good job once she finished her studies and (again assuming she will be hired.)

 

With her poor english skills, I'd say you're going to have an extremely tough go in that department too.

 

If I were going to advise you, I'd say you should either get to know this lady, meet in person a few times. Actually find out if you can fall in love with her and visa versa.

Have a long distance love affair for at least a year or more. You visiting her, she visiting you and spending time online chatting when you're not together and it being actual love.

 

Then keep all proof of your time together and try for a K-1. As Snny posted above, they are cracking down hard on sham marriages or marriages just thrown together.

 

Other than that, you do still have the option of finding a Chinese community around you or (at at least within the US), and getting to know the people and possibly mates.

To be honest, this makes much more sense.