Is This An Effective Punishment?

[katrina1980]

But punishing a child because they were upset they couldn’t talk to their mom and they changed their mind about the store is ridiculous .

 

First off I wish I hadn't read this thread cuz I'm pretty upset now thinking about your poor nepthew and how he will never be able to play with the dogs again, the one and only thing in the world that gave him pleasure.

 

Second I agree with S and others, the punishment does NOT fit the "crime". I mean not wanting to go to the store? How is this not having manners and being rude and inconsiderate?

 

Is there more to this OP that you're not sharing? Like did your nephew start swearing at his grandfather, stomping his feet, throwing a tantrum or something?

 

I mean, that might warrant some form of punishment, perhaps not allowing him to play with the dogs for a few days, but permanently????

 

I'm just not understanding this at all, and yes it does sound like some form of mental/emotional abuse.

[Seraphim]

That phone call was with the childs mother ... if life gets in the way you cannot expect a child to just say ahhh ok then ...This could have felt like his world collapsing ....he is a child ...

 

Exactly, it would make a child heartbroken. I remember when my son was 14 my MIL took my son’s phone under the guise of “ keeping it safe” but it was so he didn’t talk to me. My son has bad anxiety ( which most Autistic people have)and separation anxiety. I ROASTED her azz for doing that.

[itsallgrand]

That phone call was with the childs mother ... if life gets in the way you cannot expect a child to just say ahhh ok then ...This could have felt like his world collapsing ....he is a child ...

 

That's what I was thinking too. He must be feeling so confused, sad, and alone.

 

I don't know as much about autism and children as others on the board. I think any child though would be struggling with this situation. He's only 11, his mom isn't there, suddenly he's living with grandma and grandpa, and now grandpas telling him he can't even play with the dogs. How lonely he must feel! Poor little guy.

[Seraphim]

That's what I was thinking too. He must be feeling so confused, sad, and alone.

 

I don't know as much about autism and children as others on the board. I think any child though would be struggling with this situation. He's only 11, his mom isn't there, suddenly he's living with grandma and grandpa, and now grandpas telling him he can't even play with the dogs. How lonely he must feel! Poor little guy.

Exactly, this whole situation is devastating to a child never mind a child with a disability . Grandpa better inform himself.

[pippy longstocking]

I am dossed out on my sofa watching something and this keeps creeping in my mind ..imagine ..using a dog as punishment , given that a punishment was needed and in my mind there is no reason here ..he needed some calm time , he needed a cuddle and some understanding . But to use the dogs ...it is no different then me telling my daughter when she was younger , right that's it , you can't play with the cat , ever again ...there are no words to describe how ridiculous and sick this is .

[pippy longstocking]

What should be done?

 

he should be removed from this mans care immediately is what should be done .

[figureitout23]

[/b]

What? Like you brother has done to him you mean?

 

Say it louder for the people in the back!

 

I cannot STAND when people think a mother has more of an obligation to their children than a father.

 

Your BROTHER and your nephews mother are letting their son down, that’s the biggest take way im getting.

 

Do I think he deserved the punishment? Absolutely not, but you know what? a bunch of people bashing him on a message board doesn’t change the fact that a man who finished raising his kids is now being saddled with the responsibility of raising his kids, kids. That has to be incredibly draining, add to it a child with disabilities, I say cut the guy some slack and focus on the real problem, when are these parents going to raise their own child. Auntie stop right fighting and be this child’s advocate. He needs his parents, he’s acting out because he doesn’t have his parents and he isn’t being raised by people who understand how to raise children with disabilities properly, and might just be a bit frustrated that they’re being forced into this for being responsible adults. This whole thing is a mess.

[MIApac]

The punishment of not allowing him to play/walk the dogs ever again is quite frankly cruel, abusive, and malicious for ANY child, let alone one with autism. There is something very very wrong with your father. Has he always been like this?

I could write an entire novel about the things that happened in my childhood but I'll share one... My nephew's father, my older brother, has show similar characteristics and symptoms of the Autism Spectrum but was never formally diagnosed when he was younger. He has very narrow interests and is fixated on having the same routine. He also has a very explosive temper, especially if those routines are disrupted in any way. For many years, he clashed with my father whenever his routines were disrupted. These meltdowns happened at 3-4 times a year but instead of trying to get to the root of the problem, my father always blamed it on outside interests, such as violent video games, rap music and professional wrestling, all of which were taken away from my older brother as "punishments" for his meltdowns, which were not met well. I mean, imagine trying to tell an 18 year old boy that he's not allowed to watch a certain TV show or listen to music. The meltdowns continued and both of my parents never even considered taking my older brother to a counselor or someone who could've diagnosed him or taught him how to handle his meltdowns.

 

But the biggest blunder made by my father when he tried to get my brother to follow in his footsteps. When he started college, he had my older brother major in accounting and register for a few accounting courses, despite the fact that my older brother always struggled in Math. Predictably, my brother always skipped his classes in college and failed all of his courses. My father assumed this was because he didn't study enough and began to micromange his study schedule, sometimes forcing him to study upwards of 12 hours a day. Predictably, my brother still failed in his second semester. Eventually, he changed his major to communications and never finished college. In one of those communications courses, he met the woman he eventually married and had a child with...my nephew. Their was very tumultuous as well and he continued to have meltdowns throughout his marriage.

 

I had some clashes with my father as well but I'll leave that for another post.

 

First off I wish I hadn't read this thread cuz I'm pretty upset now thinking about your poor nepthew and how he will never be able to play with the dogs again, the one and only thing in the world that gave him pleasure.

 

Second I agree with S and others, the punishment does NOT fit the "crime". I mean not wanting to go to the store? How is this not having manners and being rude and inconsiderate?

 

Is there more to this OP that you're not sharing? Like did your nephew start swearing at his grandfather, stomping his feet, throwing a tantrum or something?

 

I mean, that might warrant some form of punishment, perhaps not allowing him to play with the dogs for a few days, but permanently????

 

I'm just not understanding this at all, and yes it does sound like some form of mental/emotional abuse.

 

It was my mother's birthday this weekend and he was going to go to the store to buy a birthday present but after he couldn't speak to his mother, he said that he changed his mind and didn't want to go to the store.

[mines]

Cutting off his access to the dogs is abuse, not "punishment". Why anyone would do this to a child is beyond me??? WTAF?

 

I never understood punishment with children. I have two lovely grown daughters. Their dad and I didn't really use punishment to raise them. Instead we used positive reinforcement.

[Seraphim]

I could write an entire novel about the things that happened in my childhood but I'll share one... My nephew's father, my older brother, has show similar characteristics and symptoms of the Autism Spectrum but was never formally diagnosed when he was younger. He has very narrow interests and is fixated on having the same routine. He also has a very explosive temper, especially if those routines are disrupted in any way. For many years, he clashed with my father whenever his routines were disrupted. These meltdowns happened at 3-4 times a year but instead of trying to get to the root of the problem, my father always blamed it on outside interests, such as violent video games, rap music and professional wrestling, all of which were taken away from my older brother as "punishments" for his meltdowns, which were not met well. I mean, imagine trying to tell an 18 year old boy that he's not allowed to watch a certain TV show or listen to music. The meltdowns continued and both of my parents never even considered taking my older brother to a counselor or someone who could've diagnosed him or taught him how to handle his meltdowns.

 

But the biggest blunder made by my father when he tried to get my brother to follow in his footsteps. When he started college, he had my older brother major in accounting and register for a few accounting courses, despite the fact that my older brother always struggled in Math. Predictably, my brother always skipped his classes in college and failed all of his courses. My father assumed this was because he didn't study enough and began to micromange his study schedule, sometimes forcing him to study upwards of 12 hours a day. Predictably, my brother still failed in his second semester. Eventually, he changed his major to communications, where he met the woman he eventually married and had a child with...my nephew. Their was very tumultuous as well and he continued to have meltdowns throughout his marriage.

 

I had some clashes with my father as well but I'll leave that for another post.

 

 

 

It was my mother's birthday this weekend and he was going to go to the store to buy a birthday present but after he couldn't speak to his mother, he said that he changed his mind and didn't want to go to the store.

Then your father has no clue how to treat Autistic people other than to make them feel badly about themselves. He should really learn about Autism instead of bashing his views through. I don’t think it is a massive issue an 11 year old didn’t want to go to a store that would probably cause him sensory issues. I feel so so bad for your brother and his son.

[pippy longstocking]

Then your father has no clue how to treat Autistic people other than to make them feel badly about themselves. He should really learn about Autism instead of bashing his views through. I don’t think it is a massive issue an 11 year old didn’t want to go to a store that would probably cause him sensory issues. I feel so so bad for your brother and his son.

 

He could have also been very concerned with missing his mums call . I know we live in a world of call anyone anywhere , but this may have caused an overload as well ..going to the shops , the noise , the distraction all while expecting a call from his mum .

[figureitout23]

I could write an entire novel about the things that happened in my childhood but I'll share one... My nephew's father, my older brother, has show similar characteristics and symptoms of the Autism Spectrum but was never formally diagnosed when he was younger. He has very narrow interests and is fixated on having the same routine. He also has a very explosive temper, especially if those routines are disrupted in any way. For many years, he clashed with my father whenever his routines were disrupted. These meltdowns happened at 3-4 times a year but instead of trying to get to the root of the problem, my father always blamed it on outside interests, such as violent video games, rap music and professional wrestling, all of which were taken away from my older brother as "punishments" for his meltdowns, which were not met well. I mean, imagine trying to tell an 18 year old boy that he's not allowed to watch a certain TV show or listen to music. The meltdowns continued and both of my parents never even considered taking my older brother to a counselor or someone who could've diagnosed him or taught him how to handle his meltdowns.

 

But the biggest blunder made by my father when he tried to get my brother to follow in his footsteps. When he started college, he had my older brother major in accounting and register for a few accounting courses, despite the fact that my older brother always struggled in Math. Predictably, my brother always skipped his classes in college and failed all of his courses. My father assumed this was because he didn't study enough and began to micromange his study schedule, sometimes forcing him to study upwards of 12 hours a day. Predictably, my brother still failed in his second semester. Eventually, he changed his major to communications and never finished college. In one of those communications courses, he met the woman he eventually married and had a child with...my nephew. Their was very tumultuous as well and he continued to have meltdowns throughout his marriage.

 

I had some clashes with my father as well but I'll leave that for another post.

 

 

 

It was my mother's birthday this weekend and he was going to go to the store to buy a birthday present but after he couldn't speak to his mother, he said that he changed his mind and didn't want to go to the store.

 

So I read this and I also went back and read your other posts, I’m curious, are you also possibly in the spectrum? You just seem to have tunnel vision with each post, it seems one persons always all bad and you write a post retelling all their deeds, then it’s silence then it’s onto the next person and why they’re all bad. Don’t get me wrong I have friends who do a variation of this as well, they get mad and that person becomes the devil incarnate then when they calm down it’s crickets and suddenly everything’s all hunky dory. I guess at the end of the day it doesn’t truly matter since you were asking advice l. I just sometimes get a kick out of all the responders going back and forth of information that is probably limited, biased or one sided.

 

I still stand by my previous post, the focus shouldn’t be on a grandpa being essentially forced to raise more children because his kid can’t get it together, but I wonder how much more there is to this.

[DancingFool]

I still stand by my previous post, the focus shouldn’t be on a grandpa being essentially forced to raise more children because his kid can’t get it together, but I wonder how much more there is to this.

 

Since grandpa is being an abusive control freak and it appears has been so all his life, then YES, the focus needs to be on grandpa. Just because he didn't count on the grandson living with him or doesn't like that, or whatever, doesn't give him some special exemption to abuse the child. Lots of unexpected things happen in life, but so what. You have to deal with it and you don't get to use excuses or a license to abuse anyone.

 

Besides that, what more there may or may not be to this story is not relevant to the fact that taking away the animals that the child has a bond with, is hands down cruel, malicious and abusive. Conflict with a child should never ever be handled in this manner. There is literally nothing to argue about this point. Even if that boy screamed and cussed out grandpa in ten different languages it's still NOT an excuse for this type of punishment. You don't discipline a child by emotional abuse. How is this not clear?

[Seraphim]

My mom and step dad who are 73 and 80 are raising their GREAT grandson they don’t blame him for them taking responsibility. If he doesn’t want the responsibility he shouldn’t take it .

[figureitout23]

Since grandpa is being an abusive control freak and it appears has been so all his life, then YES, the focus needs to be on grandpa. Just because he didn't count on the grandson living with him or doesn't like that, or whatever, doesn't give him some special exemption to abuse the child. Lots of unexpected things happen in life, but so what. You have to deal with it and you don't get to use excuses or a license to abuse anyone.

 

Besides that, what more there may or may not be to this story is not relevant to the fact that taking away the animals that the child has a bond with, is hands down cruel, malicious and abusive. Conflict with a child should never ever be handled in this manner. There is literally nothing to argue about this point. Even if that boy screamed and cussed out grandpa in ten different languages it's still NOT an excuse for this type of punishment. You don't discipline a child by emotional abuse. How is this not clear?

 

My mom and step dad who are 73 and 80 are raising their GREAT grandson they don’t blame him for them taking responsibility. If he doesn’t want the responsibility he shouldn’t take it .

 

Can we look at the big picture here? Chill on the social justice warrior thing for a minute and look at the reality’s of this, that’s all I’m trying to say, let’s look at the cold hard facts minus emotion:

 

A.) the OPer has a tendency to have tunnel vision and is quite possibly embellishing based on past posts. He also made mention of a hoarding situation, and the brother is a while other issue there so many layers here.

 

B.) I’m not saying what the grandpa is doing is right. I’m saying what good is it to call him abusive when no ones making any changes and no advice is being given to make any changes. I think everyone acknowledges based on what the OPer has said that the father isn’t very good at parenting, many people shouldn’t have kids, that’s a well known fact, it’s not something to sit in a circle and complain about though if nothing’s being done. It’s complaining for complaining sake while this child still lives with the grandpa. Where the hell are the parents? Who’s going to step up and raise this child right? That’s not even the OPers focus y’all come on, look at the subsequent responses, there are SO many layers here, so after all this complaining and finger pointing the OPer is doing, everything is going to stay the same.

 

So many parents can’t parent because they were never taught how to parent how to have proper coping skills, I fight my instincts every day while parenting because I was failed so it doesn’t just come naturally to me and you know what? I know doezens of other parents doing the same, it is just a vicious cycle so instead of pointing fingers HELP should be given, I highly doubt that grandfather is sitting there with an evil gleam as he plots how to make his grandchild’s life miserable, he’s doing the best he can with a crappy situation which is better than the child being thrown into the foster care system, so cut the guy some slack. Teach don’t judge, so many want to judge parents. Parenting ain’t easy and it’s doesn’t come with a manual!!! That’s all I’m saying. He’s failing how can he improve? How can this situation improve, why is everyone watching and not stepping up? That’s all I’m saying. There are children being beaten and starved and killed by the hands of their own parents everyday, a grandpa going overboard on his punishments doesn’t rise to the level, this can be rectified. But no ones stepping up. I don’t mean on this board I mean in this actual situation.

[lostandhurt]

You are not going to change your father and I think you know that.

 

What you can do is try and see if you can facilitate a better place for your nephew to live.

 

Why is his mother so quick to push him off on others? Is your brother totally incapable of caring for his own son? You would think he would have some empathy.

 

Your father is doing all he knows which is obviously well short. If he didn't go the extra mile for his own son he will not for his grandson.

 

If your nephew has any hope of being independent on any level a well educated care giver needs to be with him as soon as possible.

 

What are the long term living arrangements for your nephew? What are the hopes of the family? Do you see him ever living independently?

 

Debating your father is fruitless at this point, there are much bigger issues that need to be addressed than an old man set in his ways on child rearing.

 

Lost

[DancingFool]

Can we look at the big picture here? Chill on the social justice warrior thing for a minute and look at the reality’s of this, that’s all I’m trying to say, let’s look at the cold hard facts minus emotion:

 

A.) the OPer has a tendency to have tunnel vision and is quite possibly embellishing based on past posts. He also made mention of a hoarding situation, and the brother is a while other issue there so many layers here.

 

B.) I’m not saying what the grandpa is doing is right. I’m saying what good is it to call him abusive when no ones making any changes and no advice is being given to make any changes. I think everyone acknowledges based on what the OPer has said that the father isn’t very good at parenting, many people shouldn’t have kids, that’s a well known fact, it’s not something to sit in a circle and complain about though if nothing’s being done. It’s complaining for complaining sake while this child still lives with the grandpa. Where the hell are the parents? Who’s going to step up and raise this child right? That’s not even the OPers focus y’all come on, look at the subsequent responses, there are SO many layers here, so after all this complaining and finger pointing the OPer is doing, everything is going to stay the same.

 

So many parents can’t parent because they were never taught how to parent how to have proper coping skills, I fight my instincts every day while parenting because I was failed so it doesn’t just come naturally to me and you know what? I know doezens of other parents doing the same, it is just a vicious cycle so instead of pointing fingers HELP should be given, I highly doubt that grandfather is sitting there with an evil gleam as he plots how to make his grandchild’s life miserable, he’s doing the best he can with a crappy situation which is better than the child being thrown into the foster care system, so cut the guy some slack. Teach don’t judge, so many want to judge parents. Parenting ain’t easy and it’s doesn’t come with a manual!!! That’s all I’m saying. He’s failing how can he improve? How can this situation improve, why is everyone watching and not stepping up? That’s all I’m saying. There are children being beaten and starved and killed by the hands of their own parents everyday, a grandpa going overboard on his punishments doesn’t rise to the level, this can be rectified. But no ones stepping up. I don’t mean on this board I mean in this actual situation.

 

Well, where is your constructive advice? I don't see it beyond just pointing fingers at the OP and inferring something there that I'm not clear about. I don't see tunnel vision in her post, I see a very clear question. Quite frankly, what you are inferring comes across to me as unnecessarily hostile toward OP. Sometimes people ask because they need the support and confirmation of strangers that their perception and understanding is correct. Sometimes it may give the OP the strength to fight for what's right, to confront the issue or the problem person in a constructive way, to take action to protect the nephew better, to even show the person the opinions of others as a form of intervention. These things actually do work in effecting desired change in attitude, yes even in an old man who likely has his own issues.

 

The OP asked for opinions on whether this is or isn't appropriate. If she wants solutions on how to deal with her father specifically, I'm sure she can ask that as well.

[Seraphim]

Can we look at the big picture here? Chill on the social justice warrior thing for a minute and look at the reality’s of this, that’s all I’m trying to say, let’s look at the cold hard facts minus emotion:

 

A.) the OPer has a tendency to have tunnel vision and is quite possibly embellishing based on past posts. He also made mention of a hoarding situation, and the brother is a while other issue there so many layers here.

 

B.) I’m not saying what the grandpa is doing is right. I’m saying what good is it to call him abusive when no ones making any changes and no advice is being given to make any changes. I think everyone acknowledges based on what the OPer has said that the father isn’t very good at parenting, many people shouldn’t have kids, that’s a well known fact, it’s not something to sit in a circle and complain about though if nothing’s being done. It’s complaining for complaining sake while this child still lives with the grandpa. Where the hell are the parents? Who’s going to step up and raise this child right? That’s not even the OPers focus y’all come on, look at the subsequent responses, there are SO many layers here, so after all this complaining and finger pointing the OPer is doing, everything is going to stay the same.

 

So many parents can’t parent because they were never taught how to parent how to have proper coping skills, I fight my instincts every day while parenting because I was failed so it doesn’t just come naturally to me and you know what? I know doezens of other parents doing the same, it is just a vicious cycle so instead of pointing fingers HELP should be given, I highly doubt that grandfather is sitting there with an evil gleam as he plots how to make his grandchild’s life miserable, he’s doing the best he can with a crappy situation which is better than the child being thrown into the foster care system, so cut the guy some slack. Teach don’t judge, so many want to judge parents. Parenting ain’t easy and it’s doesn’t come with a manual!!! That’s all I’m saying. He’s failing how can he improve? How can this situation improve, why is everyone watching and not stepping up? That’s all I’m saying. There are children being beaten and starved and killed by the hands of their own parents everyday, a grandpa going overboard on his punishments doesn’t rise to the level, this can be rectified. But no ones stepping up. I don’t mean on this board I mean in this actual situation.

And they are not likely to. If he felt he was right with his kids he feels right now. My own dad was all kinds of crap and abusive and to this day he still is. Which is why he has never seen his grandson alone in 21 years. I won’t allow it.

 

But if he resents the job he should not have taken it.

[abitbroken]

I could write an entire novel about the things that happened in my childhood but I'll share one... My nephew's father, my older brother, has show similar characteristics and symptoms of the Autism Spectrum but was never formally diagnosed when he was younger. He has very narrow interests and is fixated on having the same routine. He also has a very explosive temper, especially if those routines are disrupted in any way. For many years, he clashed with my father whenever his routines were disrupted. These meltdowns happened at 3-4 times a year but instead of trying to get to the root of the problem, my father always blamed it on outside interests, such as violent video games, rap music and professional wrestling, all of which were taken away from my older brother as "punishments" for his meltdowns, which were not met well. I mean, imagine trying to tell an 18 year old boy that he's not allowed to watch a certain TV show or listen to music. The meltdowns continued and both of my parents never even considered taking my older brother to a counselor or someone who could've diagnosed him or taught him how to handle his meltdowns.

 

But the biggest blunder made by my father when he tried to get my brother to follow in his footsteps. When he started college, he had my older brother major in accounting and register for a few accounting courses, despite the fact that my older brother always struggled in Math. Predictably, my brother always skipped his classes in college and failed all of his courses. My father assumed this was because he didn't study enough and began to micromange his study schedule, sometimes forcing him to study upwards of 12 hours a day. Predictably, my brother still failed in his second semester. Eventually, he changed his major to communications and never finished college. In one of those communications courses, he met the woman he eventually married and had a child with...my nephew. Their was very tumultuous as well and he continued to have meltdowns throughout his marriage.

 

I had some clashes with my father as well but I'll leave that for another post.

 

 

 

It was my mother's birthday this weekend and he was going to go to the store to buy a birthday present but after he couldn't speak to his mother, he said that he changed his mind and didn't want to go to the store.

 

So, by not going to the store, its not just about not going to the store, its about skipping doing something nice for YOUR mother as well.

 

So your father sees an exact copy of your brother in the 11 year old and indeed the 11 year old might be. I don't know how old your brother is, but it was general wisdom that if the child is being reclusive/anti-social and being rude you take away the anti-social activities such as video games. Honestly, it works for some kids. So your father is treating the 11 year old like your brother. So what constructive thing can you do instead of saying your dad is abusive?

 

Encouraging your child to take up the same profession as you have is not abusive. Just look at all the kids who take over their parents medical practices.

 

I think you need to decide - do you want to help your nephew, or do you want to crucify your father for his relationship with your brother?

If its the former, then maybe go to workshops or whatever on autism and then offer to spend time with the 11 year old. Or is there a family member that approaches your parents differently (not from a spirit of blame) and says "hey, this might help...have you ever explored the idea that he may be autistic...it might help his behavior if you did x"...

[abitbroken]

honestly, i don't think that it is realistic that the grandfather meant "forever". When parents are very upset -- they say things. My own parents who were very loving would say "not for a million years" when they were VERY frustrated with us. or "you won't see your video game again" but after things blew over -- a week later we were earning it back.

[ThatwasThen]

So, by not going to the store, its not just about not going to the store, its about skipping doing something nice for YOUR mother as well.

Oh for goodness sakes. The father has zero success in how he dealt out punishment to his own son so why in the world would he think that doing the same kind of discipline would work on his grandson.

 

I wish people would stop trying to make their point by grasping at straws that this little boy was deserving of the crap his grandfather has dealt him.

 

It it poor form IMNSHO to tell a child that they will never be able to do something again if you're in fact, just going to relent.

 

Saying something like "not in a million years" is not giving a direct "you will never play with those dogs again" (or whatever). The latter is definite ("never again") and the the other is at least giving a (ridiculous) time frame as to when the punishment will end.

 

A time frame as to how long he could not interact with the dogs was what he should have given the child but he sounds too controlling and yes, his punishment is abusive (IMO). The time did not fit the crime.

 

Encouraging your child to take up the same profession as you have is not abusive. Just look at all the kids who take over their parents medical practices.

... and just look at all the sons and daughters that fail at something their parents wanted them to do, that they didn't want to do and that they did not excel at. It may not be abusive but it's certainly not in the child's best interests to INSIST they do something they do not do well at. It screws with their self confidence, their self esteem and it can cause anxiety for goodness sakes. I don't know about you but I certainly wouldn't want to go to my doctor's son or daughter if they knew nothing about science or chemistry and failed their schooling in it all because they were ill equipped and were forced to take the course.

[figureitout23]

I will respond fully later when I’m able to I just wanted to drop back in really quick and point out that the original poster pointed out that the child isn’t even going to be living there permanently the mother supposed to get back custody or potentially someone else.

 

Also I just really am not understanding how the focus is on whether or not a punishment needs an end date while this kids parents don’t even have a place to live And are playing hot potato with him, boggles my mind, I find that much more damaging than the grandpa taking away the pets which is still bad, the child needs a safe space and the animals seem to be that so it’s a sucky situation all around, but yeah I’ll reply fully later.

 

Carry on.

[Seraphim]

I think emotional abuse is just as bad as no food or physical abuse. My husband has GAD and OCD since GRADE school from emotional abuse. He was passing out and puking from 5th grade. His parents emotionally massacred his self esteem. He had food and shelter and clothes and schooling. He played hockey and swim team and base ball and soccer and European vacations and Florida vacations etc. But emotionally flogged on a constant basis. My husband is also neurodiverse and they bullied him for it. In his 30’s my husband tried to kill himself. He has had more than 10 years of psychiatric care and will be on lifelong medication. He STILL knuckles under to these crazy old baztards. It IS damaging.

 

Let’s not dismiss it by saying there are worse things in the world.

 

I WAS starved and denied necessities of life and raped and physically abused and you know I think my husband suffered just as much .

[MIApac]

Thanks for the advice everyone but I think this is going to be my last post. Based on some of the other posts by one particular that I've read on this thread. I came here looking for some advice, NOT for some troll to try to expose me and make some sort of baseless assumption about me. Peace Out eNotAlone !!

[ThatwasThen]

I will respond fully later when I’m able to I just wanted to drop back in really quick and point out that the original poster pointed out that the child isn’t even going to be living there permanently the mother supposed to get back custody or potentially someone else.

 

Also I just really am not understanding how the focus is on whether or not a punishment needs an end date while this kids parents don’t even have a place to live And are playing hot potato with him, boggles my mind, I find that much more damaging than the grandpa taking away the pets which is still bad, the child needs a safe space and the animals seem to be that so it’s a sucky situation all around, but yeah I’ll reply fully later.

 

Carry on.

The Op asked if the punishment was appropriate. It wasn't appropriate... Period. It wasn't about the Op or his posting history or anything else for that matter.

 

A punishment needs an end date because if you take away a privilege for something minor then its cruel and inhuman to make him be punished for that minor indiscretion for the rest of his life. Even some murderers get paroled for good behaviour after a certain time for goodness sakes.