Is This An Effective Punishment?

[pippy longstocking]

Thanks for the advice everyone but I think this is going to be my last post. Based on some of the other posts by one particular that I've read on this thread. I came here looking for some advice, NOT for some troll to try to expose me and make some sort of baseless assumption about me. Peace Out eNotAlone !!

 

Sorry you feel you would rather not be here ...Can I just ask you ...if you can sway your dad in anyway , please let him have the dogs back

 

edit to say ....that sounded like I don't care if you go x I do

[figureitout23]

The Op asked if the punishment was appropriate. It wasn't appropriate... Period. It wasn't about the Op or his posting history or anything else for that matter.

 

A punishment needs an end date because if you take away a privilege for something minor then its cruel and inhuman to make him be punished for that minor indiscretion for the rest of his life. Even some murderers get paroled for good behaviour after a certain time for goodness sakes.

 

I agree, the punishment wasn't appropriate. I said that pages ago, multiple people said that pages ago. Its like having your house on fire and asking if you look fat in your new pants. The point I keep trying to make, this grandfather is who he is, the odds of him changing are slim to none, his son and his sons girlfriend...wife? Decided to fail their child and left him in the grandfathers care. Whether or not the grandpa was being fair pales in comparison, come on the man cant literally keep dogs away from him forever, ignoring that and acknowledging it was wrong, THE FATHER IS WHO HE IS and yet NO ONE saw fit to take the boy in???? They left it for the parents to clean up their sons mess.

 

There is no way on Gods green earth I would leave children in the care of my mother, not mine not my nieces or nephews. If I needed help figuring out what to do to help I can understand posting and getting tips and all that, but this devolved into right fighting and attacking the grandpas parenting skills and nit picking and nothing more.

 

Case in point:

 

Thanks for the advice everyone but I think this is going to be my last post. Based on some of the other posts by one particular that I've read on this thread. I came here looking for some advice, NOT for some troll to try to expose me and make some sort of baseless assumption about me. Peace Out eNotAlone !!

 

 

All the while this poor boy is left with NO parents, NO support system, NO pets which seemed to be his peace.

 

That is devastating to me. Is anyone going to be this boys advocate? That is all I have been saying, the grandpas punishment wasnt appropriate, ok we get it, what now? Because this event is not what hes going to be damaged by as an adult, theres too many other factors going on here, sorry I pay attention to what posters write.

 

OPer FWIW, I hope once your dad calms down someone can convince him to give the dogs back, and I hope it all works out

[pippy longstocking]

I appreciate what you are trying to say figure

[Seraphim]

I agree the child needs a strong advocate. Grandpa needs to learn to be one by talking to adult Autistics that are Autistic advocates not necessarily medical professionals . He was not a strong advocate for his son so if he wants to raise a Happy well adjusted grandson then he needs to do that . I would tell him to start with strong Autistic advocates actual Autistic people themselves. https://autisticadvocacy.org

 

 

And not push occupations on people. This was done to my husband which contributed to his lack of self-esteem, depression and anxiety . Finally at 38 he told everyone to screw off and did exactly the career HE is good at and what makes him happy not what daddy dearest felt he should do.

[ThatwasThen]

That is devastating to me. Is anyone going to be this boys advocate? That is all I have been saying,

Well, actually, that is not all you have been saying, you questioned the op's own mental health and implied that he may be on the spectrum himself. All the other stuff you are saying about having an advocate for the child I agree with.

 

Nitpicking the grandfather's parenting skills? Well the grandfather's parenting skills suck and when a poster (not you) tries to make the child look like he deserved what he got, or even that the punishment wasn't actually meant and will likely be relented at a later date, then I'm going to nitpick. A better phrase is "hammer home" the point.

[figureitout23]

Well, actually, that is not all you have been saying, you questioned the op's own mental health and implied that he may be on the spectrum himself. All the other stuff you are saying about having an advocate for the child I agree with.

 

Nitpicking the grandfather's parenting skills? Well the grandfather's parenting skills suck and when a poster (not you) tries to make the child look like he deserved what he got, or even that the punishment wasn't actually meant and will likely be relented at a later date, then I'm going to nitpick. A better phrase is "hammer home" the point.

 

Understood. With the limited info given I agree, I don’t think the punishment fits the crime, but I am still curious about whether or not the poster is on the spectrum. How far reaching are all these issues? I mentioned tunnel vision because that’s how I read it, the post is titled “Is this an effective punishment?” The focus on the child was mainly done by responders.

 

I think that’s why there were so many mixed responses, not everyone read this as my nephew is in trouble what can I do, some read it as the post was titled “Is the an effective punishment” And as I’m sure many know from spank vs no spank debates the responses will be mixed when that question is asked which technically it was.

 

I guess in the grand scheme of things my question was irrelevant. So I apologize to the OPer for that, I wasn’t asking to be mean or insulting, I was and still am curious why the focus is on being right . I mean the original post states the child won’t be there long term and everyone is trying to tell the grandfather he is wrong. Theres just so much finger pointing, the boy is lost in the mix, I guess I was just having a hard time comprehending that. I realize I am alone in this and I’m not stating it to be insulting, I honestly read the post as ‘ he’s wrong and we’re right, huh?’

 

I know adults and Ive seem some posters here who are in terrible situations and they’re paying attention to the most irrelevant thing. In abusive relationships but asking if their boyfriend should care about their income, wanting us to validate them but change nothing. Yes it’s the question asked but that doesn’t mean that the question that needs to be answered. The grandfather is who he is, the odds of him changing are slim But even with that being said I still think he should be taught rather than criticized because at the end of the day he’s the one who stepped up where others failed to.

 

Did he have to? Honestly that’s also why I was asking to figure out how bad this situation was because maybe the grandpa did have to maybe there is no one else, Make it even more important to teach rather than criticize. He needs someone truly in his corner, looking at the big picture, not snap shots.

[ThatwasThen]

Thanks for elaborating but the only thing I can respond with is the Grandfather is not the one asking the question (unfortunately), if he was, we could do what you're trying to do and give him advice on how to change his ways (not that he would, he's set in them after all)

 

Hopefully the Op will have some "ammunition" to take to his grandfather about how unjust and wrong his punishment is whereas before he asked the question, he didn't have a sense of what he could do to persuade his father to change his M.O. when it comes to how to discipline. With any luck, the boy will be out of there sooner rather than later because Gramps doesn't have a clue in how to handle his grandson.

 

Cheers.