Jill0501 Posted November 24, 2018 Author Share Posted November 24, 2018 Redirecting - this is what I want to know: “I have posted to understand the dynamic behind this one affair. Am I making too much of it by thinking he’s emotionally involved with her? Because if it’s just sex, I can live with it. But if he has feelings for her, I’d have to reassess our entire marriage” Link to comment
Hollyj Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 Have you shared his activities with friends and family? Do they all think that he is a great guy, and this is acceptable? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 Redirecting - this is what I want to know: “I have posted to understand the dynamic behind this one affair. Am I making too much of it by thinking he’s emotionally involved with her? Because if it’s just sex, I can live with it. But if he has feelings for her, I’d have to reassess our entire marriage” Bottom line: He does not love or respect you. He will not stick around, as he is not invested in your marriage. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 But does the amount of time, and going back and forth when he’s had other women, mean he has feelings for her? You don't seem to care if he is "doing" other women as long as there are no emotions involved. Ask him if he loves her and if he denies it then you can just go on denying your dismal situation if that is what keeps you sane and fine with his extra-curricular activities. Bottom line: Don't fool yourself into THINKING you're happy as long as he isn't emotionally connected with his eff buddies. Be honest with YOURSELF and then proceed from there. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 Seraphim, you must be incredibly young. Or not have children of your own, if you can’t understand the different dynamics in a marriage, and those in raising children. I am not incredibly young. I am 52 and been married almost 30 years and have an adult child. Thanks though. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 My dad was a cheating pryck and guess what? I figured it out. Link to comment
Jibralta Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 Redirecting - this is what I want to know: “I have posted to understand the dynamic behind this one affair. Am I making too much of it by thinking he’s emotionally involved with her? Because if it’s just sex, I can live with it. But if he has feelings for her, I’d have to reassess our entire marriage” I see that you are struggling with this. However, you can't understand the dynamic of an affair if you don't understand what values are. I honestly think that an inordinate amount of status, be it beauty, intelligence, or wealth, allows people to live outside of the rules of regular society. You have that backwards. The actual fact is that some people (you) will allow themselves to be abused by people who have some form of status, be it beauty, intelligence, or wealth. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 I have also worked in daycare for years and have my own daycare. I have looked after almost a thousand kids and have raised my own special needs child to adulthood all while being with the same man since I was 22 and living a military life . Link to comment
maew Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 I get the feeling we are being trolled.... it’s hard for me to imagine that someone truly believes that wealth, status, and beauty excuse someone’s $hitty behaviour. Then again if the OP is a gold digger and status chaser and is only in this so she can be with a good looking and wealthy man despite his being a lying cheating a$$hole then OP you get what comes with that. You chose to stay with him knowing he was a cheater and expecting his behaviour wouldn’t escalate. This is completely unrealistic on your part OP. If you are going to be in an open relationship you need to accept the consequences of that decision no matter what they are. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 I think you are right about the trolling. I can't imagine that someone would expect so little for themselves. Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 Redirecting - this is what I want to know: “I have posted to understand the dynamic behind this one affair. Am I making too much of it by thinking he’s emotionally involved with her? Because if it’s just sex, I can live with it. But if he has feelings for her, I’d have to reassess our entire marriage” If you can’t find the answer to your question in all the other posts, you’re delusional. The consensus is: You are NOT making too much of this. Your boundary is way more lenient than anyone else here would tolerate. A 10 year affair has feelings. I’m 100% sure of that. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 Redirecting - this is what I want to know: “I have posted to understand the dynamic behind this one affair. Am I making too much of it by thinking he’s emotionally involved with her? Because if it’s just sex, I can live with it. But if he has feelings for her, I’d have to reassess our entire marriage” Nah. You'll stay until he discards you. And that's a matter of time, as wiseman pointed out. When it strategically and financially works for him. Your marriage sounds transactional. Of course not everyone marries for love nor respects the person they are with. For some people, it's just trading one thing for another. Hopefully you have other things going for you to be on your own rather than playing the one card over and over again. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 Have you been and are you regularly tested for STDs? I'm pretty sure being "inordinately blessed" doesn't prevent someone from contracting and spreading nasty infections and viruses such as HIV, herpes, BV, hepatitis or gonorrhea. Or from spreading them to innocent children. And it doesn't seem like your husband's attachment to this woman is "sex only". If it was, he could just get sex from one of the many other women he's banging. He likes sex with this ONE PARTICULAR WOMAN. For whatever reason. Link to comment
Jibralta Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 I get the feeling we are being trolled.... it’s hard for me to imagine that someone truly believes that wealth, status, and beauty excuse someone’s $hitty behaviour. Yes, I wondered that myself. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 Yes, I wondered that myself. Nope, there's another thread today where the woman excuses her boyfriend for lying and deceiving her because "he's so handsome". Apparently it's a thing for some people that a person's looks make up for everything and anything else. It's got me shaking my head, but I guess that's what is most important for some people. Link to comment
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