Dinner “date” with ex

[EnglishRose9]

But, the parents dictate his life, so they are your problem.

 

Yes but not a problem I can personally do anything about. That’s down to him alone.

[Hollyj]

He has shown you that the parents control his life. That means no English Rose, unless you are satisfied with being a secret?

[Hollyj]

Have you met all of his friends?

[EnglishRose9]

English, before you go on this date, make a two column table with the headers being "positive" and "negative". In the positive column write down all the positives that could happen because this meeting and in the negative write down all the negatives. Be 100% honest. Then look at it as a whole and see which column outweighs the other. That will give you the answer you seek.

 

That’s a good idea. I will do that.

 

As a side note, at the event where he asked me out we had a conversation and I made it clear that I would not be his friend because it wouldn’t work. This was before he asked me for a drink. Probably doesn’t mean anything but I set that boundary.

[EnglishRose9]

Have you met all of his friends?

 

Yes I know his friends well and met his parents numerous times. I was never a secret

[Hollyj]

I'm curious what his culture is?

[EnglishRose9]

I'm curious what his culture is?

 

White privilege

[Honeycomb8]

I’m 32 - why? Yes, I should know better

 

Don't you think at your age you really should start moving towards something with potential and stop wasting your time? Darn. I thought you were 22 max.

[Honeycomb8]

This guy is kid, and you want him to settle down to something serious.

 

24 isn't really a kid, but too young for her.

[EnglishRose9]

Dinner was fine, had a chat and a laugh. Went back to his and he did try and hook up. I stopped him and said unless we’re going to try again it’s not something I can do. He doesn’t want to try again so I left. No drama. I’ve re-blocked and looking forward now. There’s no more “what if’s” and I won’t accept an invitation again. I’m not upset, slightly disappointed but I need to focus on me now.

[SherrySher]

You've done well for yourself, honestly. You found out whether he was going to treat you properly or keep using you for a booty call. He doesn't deserve you.

 

Now you can finally get rid of that and move onto something better. I know it might seem sad right now but you did the right thing in calling him out and getting away from a man who was wasting your time and your emotions.

[EnglishRose9]

You've done well for yourself, honestly. You found out whether he was going to treat you properly or keep using you for a booty call. He doesn't deserve you.

 

Now you can finally get rid of that and move onto something better. I know it might seem sad right now but you did the right thing in calling him out and getting away from a man who was wasting your time and your emotions.

 

Thank you. I am proud of myself for not accepting less than I want. I know the next few weeks/months will be hard but I’ll focus on me and get back to the gym. I think I gained some of my self respect back too.

[SherrySher]

You most definitely did!!

[figureitout23]

Good for you Rose. You can walk away with your head held high.

[catfeeder]

Thank you. I am proud of myself for not accepting less than I want. I know the next few weeks/months will be hard but I’ll focus on me and get back to the gym. I think I gained some of my self respect back too.

 

Excellent! I'm proud FOR you. You deserve someone who can see you through the right lens and fully appreciate your unique value. Hold out for that, and consider this guy someone who has contributed to your growth into the best version of your Self.

 

Head high.

[SGH]

Cheers for not sleeping with him and accepting the reality of his words. Some day you will look back and wonder why you fretted so much over this manchild.

[Hollyj]

Good for you!

 

It's time to move forward.

[Wiseman2]

At least this confirmed where you stand in his "white privilege" life as an older woman his parents have a problem with.

Went back to his and he did try and hook up.

[EnglishRose9]

I do know where I stand and it’s not a position I want to be in. I know my worth, it’s absoluely his loss and I treated him exceptionally well. I will not be walked over by a mummy’s boy with multiple issues any longer.

[ninjabib]

Brilliant news!

[EnglishRose9]

Thank you for all the advice and support. Bit annoyed with myself that it took me this long to realise! I know I’ve got a long road ahead in terms of my healing but hopefully I’ll come out of this stronger.

[catfeeder]

I know I’ve got a long road ahead in terms of my healing but hopefully I’ll come out of this stronger.

 

You will, if you decide on that outcome. We get to choose whether our experiences will weaken us or make us stronger. It feels counter-intuitive to opt for strength despite feeling weakened, but that's a matter of deciding that our grief will be temporary rather than chronic.

 

Head high, you can do this.

[boltnrun]

Just be prepared.

 

You will "miss" him. You will be tempted to contact him "just to say hi" or to "see how he's doing" or because it's his birthday or Arbor Day or whatever. When you get tempted, reread this thread. It will remind you why contacting him is a bad idea.

 

And do not agree to see him ever again. He will try again to "hook up". After all, it worked before.

[EnglishRose9]

I know I will miss him. I already do! I also know he will probably try and contact me in the future to see if I’m up for “it”

 

As previous posters said before I went to dinner, I should have asked his intentions and if he ever does extend an invitation again I will ask the question first or simply ignore! Although he’s blocked so contacting me won’t be easy for him!