Is it likely I have HIV or am I a hypochondriac?

[DissyLu]

Hello guys, I thought I'd give an update: I'm getting a complete physical done with labs next Friday. I called and asked to schedule an STD screening and was told the physical examination is part of this screening. I'll be sure to have blood drawn for testing this time. I work Monday-Thursday nights so next Friday is the soonest appointment I can make. Do you think that's too long of a wait?

 

Not at all Rugger

 

Sometimes docs are booked out for awhile so this is pretty typical

 

A physical exam along with an STD panel is great! It indicates your doc is thorough in his/her assessment.

 

Remember to breathe and take to easy. You're probably fine.

 

Keep us posted

[Rugger937]

Not at all Rugger

 

Sometimes docs are booked out for awhile so this is pretty typical

 

A physical exam along with an STD panel is great! It indicates your doc is thorough in his/her assessment.

 

Remember to breathe and take to easy. You're probably fine.

 

Keep us posted

 

I'm terrified now because the past two-three times I've awoken from sleep I'm drenched in sweat in the groin area. It's currently summer heat, I never have my windows open because I don't want bugs getting in. I do also wear boxer-briefs and a full-blanket when I sleep but there's no reason I should be waking up sweating unless I was sick. I'm aware people with HIV have this condition and I'm even more terrified now.

[SherrySher]

You're okay. It is highly unlikely that you have any kind of STD, honestly. You are not showing any symptoms and it sounds like very very low risk.

 

You don't need to worry like this.

 

The sweating is a part of the anxiety, nothing to do at all with any disease. Besides the fact that it's hot out so these two things in combination would make anyone sweat.

 

You're okay. Take slow deep breaths.

[Wiseman2]

Air conditioning?

It's currently summer heat, I never have my windows open because I don't want bugs getting in.

[Batya33]

There are many ways to get tested other than at your primary care doctor's office so I would do it for peace of mind. When I was in college and we first learned that HIV could be spread to heterosexuals and easier than we thought I thought I had it because yes, I'd kissed a male stripper at a bachelorette party. And I was a virgin. I was terrified (yes I am fine!) and could not get tested -it just wasn't that available back then in the mid 1980s. Once I was sexually active there was a point where annual testing became more typical as part of a physical exam so I think I did get tested somewhat annually when I was single -no big deal. I never had another real scare or felt obsessed -and I also kept my numbers of partners very low and they were always tested too. I think you are fine -the symptoms can appear in many other illnesses/situations than HIV that you are describing. My young child gets swollen lymph nodes when he has a cold sometimes. Normal. For example. But yes get tested for the peace of mind.

[tiredofvampires]

Here's a true story for you to consider, as told in a presentation I saw, by the late Jesuit, Anthony DeMello, an inspirational and non-demonimational speaker whom I dearly love:

 

A colleague of his was doing mission work in South America. There was a folk myth in the region that a certain particular stone could kill a person if touched. So given this handed down "wisdom", everyone stayed away from it. One day a young boy was playing and fell on the stone. He became petrified that he would die. By evening, he was running a very high temperature, with sweats. He was very sick. His mother, frightened, called in one of the misson priests to help, who explained to the boy that the old myth was just that: a silly rumor. That rocks don't have that kind of power. But the boy didn't buy it; he continued to get sicker, fell into a coma, and by morning, was dead.

 

Now, this isn't to say that you will give yourself HIV and die. You can't invent a germ in your body that isn't there. So the story is only offered here to show you that the mind is so powerful, that if you believe something is going to happen to your body strongly enough, it will, including death. The fact that you already had researched what HIV infection symptoms could be, gave you knowledge but it also gave you information that is now tormenting you, just like the boy who fell on the rock came to the situation with a set of beliefs that were very compelling to his mind. Although HIV isn't a matter of magic, the human mind will predictably work this way -- if you are extremely afraid of something, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy, even if in this case it's just you making yourself as sick as someone who has AIDS, while you are HIV negative.

 

I agree that it's ludicrous that any doctor told you that because you seem healthy, you don't need an STD test. That's insane. I'm not a medical professional, but having learned a lot about STD's due to my own concerns about safe sex, keep in mind that typically, one doesn't know they have contracted HIV until many years later, when they start presenting with AIDS.

 

Also, as others have pointed out, AIDS is actually hard to catch. You would have to have had scratches or some break in the skin for the virus to get into your bloodstream. It is not absorbed just by contact with bodily fluids, even IF she had AIDS.

[SherrySher]

I've heard this story before, I don't like the premise of it and it tells me that whomever told this story has no clue how the anxious mind actually works.

 

I get it, it's meant to be positive, but it actually isn't. Why can't the story focus on someone ill who was cured by the power of his own thoughts?

How positive thinking CAN heal and make a person stronger, calmer, etc.

 

Why can't the message be more about the mind being powerful enough to heal the anxieties and symptoms that we worry about? Put things in a positive light on how powerful our minds our to do us good, rather than the ill we can do to ourselves.

 

Yes, anxiety can cause symptoms, that's very true. But it's rare to impossible to think yourself sick to the point of death. That's highly ridiculous and not something any anxious person needs to have in their head.

 

Our minds do have the power to cure us and heal us. Learning to take control of the anxiety will in fact ease the symptoms and worry and thus,make us better.

 

Stay strong, OP. Try not to worry, take deep breath's, focus on positive, let your body relax and believe in a good outcome. Repeat as many times as necessary.

[Batya33]

I've heard this story before, I don't like the premise of it and it tells me that whomever told this story has no clue how the anxious mind actually works.

 

I get it, it's meant to be positive, but it actually isn't. Why can't the story focus on someone ill who was cured by the power of his own thoughts?

How positive thinking CAN heal and make a person stronger, calmer, etc.

 

Why can't the message be more about the mind being powerful enough to heal the anxieties and symptoms that we worry about? Put things in a positive light on how powerful our minds our to do us good, rather than the ill we can do to ourselves.

 

Yes, anxiety can cause symptoms, that's very true. But it's rare to impossible to think yourself sick to the point of death. That's highly ridiculous and not something any anxious person needs to have in their head.

 

Our minds do have the power to cure us and heal us. Learning to take control of the anxiety will in fact ease the symptoms and worry and thus,make us better.

 

Stay strong, OP. Try not to worry, take deep breath's, focus on positive, let your body relax and believe in a good outcome. Repeat as many times as necessary.

 

I agree and also understand that HIV can be transmitted through bodily fluids and you don't always know if you have an opening through which it can travel. Having said that, as I wrote, an STD test is a good thing to do just for closure and I think it's highly, highly unlikely you have it.

 

I have made myself feel sick from panicking. And I think it's a mistake to suggest to someone in a vulnerable spot emotionally that he can get himself actually sick and near death from the anxiety alone. And obviously the boy in the story likely was coming down with an illness already and likely fell in the first place because he was feeling off (I've seen this happen to my son right before he spiked a fever).

[boltnrun]

The local free clinic in my area conducts free HIV testing.

 

Perhaps something you can look into.

[abitbroken]

I agree that it's ludicrous that any doctor told you that because you seem healthy, you don't need an STD test. That's insane. I'm not a medical professional, but having learned a lot about STD's due to my own concerns about safe sex, keep in mind that typically, one doesn't know they have contracted HIV until many years later, when they start presenting with AIDS.

 

If this doctor has seen him for a very long time and knows his history of being a hypochondriac and there is a "new" problem to obsess about every week - i understand the doctor's point. This sexual encounter was quite some time ago and it could be that the doctor thinks the op has invented yet another malady to obsess over --- it might be paranoia about being exposed to something in childhood next week... The doc could be negligent or he could know this guy's number.

[tiredofvampires]

I've heard this story before, I don't like the premise of it and it tells me that whomever told this story has no clue how the anxious mind actually works.

 

I get it, it's meant to be positive, but it actually isn't. Why can't the story focus on someone ill who was cured by the power of his own thoughts?

How positive thinking CAN heal and make a person stronger, calmer, etc.

 

Why can't the message be more about the mind being powerful enough to heal the anxieties and symptoms that we worry about? Put things in a positive light on how powerful our minds our to do us good, rather than the ill we can do to ourselves.

 

Yes, anxiety can cause symptoms, that's very true. But it's rare to impossible to think yourself sick to the point of death. That's highly ridiculous and not something any anxious person needs to have in their head.

 

Our minds do have the power to cure us and heal us. Learning to take control of the anxiety will in fact ease the symptoms and worry and thus,make us better.

 

Stay strong, OP. Try not to worry, take deep breath's, focus on positive, let your body relax and believe in a good outcome. Repeat as many times as necessary.

 

Speaking as someone who is prone to high levels of anxiety, myself, as well as someone who has a couple of physical diagnoses that are exacerbated by stress, and some OC "tendencies" thrown in (I do not have OCD per se):

 

Part of what helps me when I'm freaking out is to think, "I'm freaking out because I'm attributing symptoms to the thing I'm afraid about, when it might in fact be the very act of freaking out that is causing this chain reaction." It could be that I'd have the symptoms anyway, even if there was nothing to fear (like an oncoming cold), but illness symptoms can be created in the body because of what's going on in the brain. It is KNOWN FACT, based on extensive neuropsychological research, that symptoms become magnified when we obsess and focus on them, and based on our beliefs or fears about them.

 

This is powerfully productive and encouraging news. Because it allows us to stand back and see our own agency in what's happening, and instead of being consumed with the idea of a killer virus, we can then take a breath to realize that we could be creating a situation that looks scary. So that's much less scary. If I know it's my mind and not a killer virus, you can bet that's "something I want to hear as an anxious person"!

 

The story was not meant to be "positive", SherrySher. It was meant to illustrate how strong belief is (and in the talk this was given, Anthony DeMello was not addressing himself to physical maladies; he was talking about the nature of our minds to put on blinders so that we can't see the forest through the trees of our fears. That could be extrapolated to any situation, but it's especially true when you're talking about the mind-body connection with illness and wellness.) That's a sobering message, it's not supposed to be candy-coated.

 

Of course it's just as important to know that our minds can heal ourselves. So the flip side of that, absolutely! But if I were in the OP's shoes and afraid I had a deadly virus, and someone said to me, "Just breathe, you'll be okay, you're probably fine" these words would just wash right over me and I'd be back to panic. If such tactics were helpful, he wouldn't have a psychological disorder in the first place. Likewise, if I were him and someone said to me, "You know, you can heal yourself with your mind" that would mean what? That if I have HIV, I won't have a deadly disease? That I can reduce the size of my lymph nodes through positive imagery? I'll let the OP decide whether or not that's something that would reassure him. I'll let him decide whether "being positive" is at all helpful to him, or whether it seems as though everyone who he talks to feels like "positive thoughts" have actually addressed irrational fear.

 

The only way to address irrational fear is to call it out. That's not "positive", that's REAL. And that's the only way to identify the problem so that he can mark that as his challenge: how to greet irrational fear, as well as knowing that it can cause seemingly threatening symptoms that are otherwise totally benign.

 

I also took care in my post to say that the story isn't an exact parallel, because making himself sick as if he had ARC/AIDS isn't the same as the dramatic thing in the story. So I did make a distinction. But nothing I said was "highly ridiculous". It's on the books, in history, not just this one story. It's solidly enshrined as a phenomenon in the world of psychiatry (two words: "conversion disorder".)

 

A cautionary: some approaches may help more for some than others. I have never been helped by people telling me to "think positive" when I'm in a spiral of worry. I do benefit from stories about the mind's ability to heal, but that is not very pertinent to this case because you can't heal the contracting of HIV with your mind.

[tiredofvampires]

I agree and also understand that HIV can be transmitted through bodily fluids and you don't always know if you have an opening through which it can travel. Having said that, as I wrote, an STD test is a good thing to do just for closure and I think it's highly, highly unlikely you have it.

 

True, you don't always know when you have an opening in the skin. Which is why I, too, told him to get tested. But in the meantime, it's reassuring to know that just touching bodily fluids doesn't give you HIV. That's important to help relieve some of the worry.

 

I have made myself feel sick from panicking. And I think it's a mistake to suggest to someone in a vulnerable spot emotionally that he can get himself actually sick and near death from the anxiety alone. And obviously the boy in the story likely was coming down with an illness already and likely fell in the first place because he was feeling off (I've seen this happen to my son right before he spiked a fever).

 

"Obviously"?

 

You have no idea what bug the child had or didn't have prior to the event in the story. That's a leap.

[Batya33]

True, you don't always know when you have an opening in the skin. Which is why I, too, told him to get tested. But in the meantime, it's reassuring to know that just touching bodily fluids doesn't give you HIV. That's important to help relieve some of the worry.

 

 

 

"Obviously"?

 

You have no idea what bug the child had or didn't have prior to the event in the story. That's a leap.

 

Yours is a leap too and a much larger one. My leap is science based - that his symptoms - assuming the story is true which of course we don't know in the least- were based on a physical illness not on his anxiety over touching the rock. And it's also a leap to believe that it happened that way in the first place.

[tiredofvampires]

I agree that it's ludicrous that any doctor told you that because you seem healthy, you don't need an STD test. That's insane. I'm not a medical professional, but having learned a lot about STD's due to my own concerns about safe sex, keep in mind that typically, one doesn't know they have contracted HIV until many years later, when they start presenting with AIDS.

 

If this doctor has seen him for a very long time and knows his history of being a hypochondriac and there is a "new" problem to obsess about every week - i understand the doctor's point. This sexual encounter was quite some time ago and it could be that the doctor thinks the op has invented yet another malady to obsess over --- it might be paranoia about being exposed to something in childhood next week... The doc could be negligent or he could know this guy's number.

 

Whether or not this doctor thinks this is the "obsession du jour" and a manifestation of hypochondriasis, if he actually had unprotected sex, he is like any other person at risk for STD's, and that needs to be dealt with as such.

[tiredofvampires]

Yours is a leap too and a much larger one. My leap is science based - that his symptoms - assuming the story is true which of course we don't know in the least- were based on a physical illness not on his anxiety over touching the rock. And it's also a leap to believe that it happened that way in the first place.

 

Physical illness can be caused by anxiety (either as attributable to a concern over a health issue itself, or just in a general way). This is something anyone with anxiety disorders or tendencies should know intimately. There is no separation between the immune system, which moderates infection and inflammation and the central nervous system. They are two faces of the same coin and in fact, they prompt eachother every nano-second. Established science.

 

But we're not here to separate the physical from the mental (which you can't). We're here to show the OP ways that he can view this to calm down, and pointing out how jacked up fear can actually massively amplify physical ailment is my contribution to this thread, as someone who's been there.

[Batya33]

Physical illness can be caused by anxiety (either as attributable to a concern over a health issue itself, or just in a general way). This is something anyone with anxiety disorders or tendencies should know intimately. There is no separation between the immune system, which moderates infection and inflammation and the central nervous system. They are two faces of the same coin and in fact, they prompt eachother every nano-second. Established science.

 

But we're not here to separate the physical from the mental (which you can't). We're here to show the OP ways that he can view this to calm down, and pointing out how jacked up fear can actually massively amplify physical ailment is my contribution to this thread, as someone who's been there.

 

Yes, I've gotten stomach and headaches from feeling stressed for sure. I don't think the message in the story you shared is a helpful one and I agree with the other poster on that point. You absolutely can separate HIV from the mental - you cannot get HIV from feeling anxious and that's also true of many other physical illnesses. So yes there certainly is a separation.

 

When I had the fear that I'd gotten HIV from kissing a gay male dancer the only thing that helped me was venting about it, distractions ,etc Unfortunately tests weren't widely available back then.

[Seraphim]

Physical illness can be caused by anxiety (either as attributable to a concern over a health issue itself, or just in a general way). This is something anyone with anxiety disorders or tendencies should know intimately. There is no separation between the immune system, which moderates infection and inflammation and the central nervous system. They are two faces of the same coin and in fact, they prompt eachother every nano-second. Established science.

 

But we're not here to separate the physical from the mental (which you can't). We're here to show the OP ways that he can view this to calm down, and pointing out how jacked up fear can actually massively amplify physical ailment is my contribution to this thread, as someone who's been there.

 

Absolutely, anxiety and stress have almost completely destroyed my entire body . There is 100% linkage between the mental and the physical .

[SherrySher]

To a degree ,Seraphim. But it also takes loads of time...as in many years. Not one day you worry about it and boom, you're dead.

 

I think that was the one important distinction that this story was very mixed up with.

[tiredofvampires]

Now, this isn't to say that you will give yourself HIV and die. You can't invent a germ in your body that isn't there.

 

You absolutely can separate HIV from the mental - you cannot get HIV from feeling anxious

 

..........

 

I don't think the message in the story you shared is a helpful one

 

Well, I have been helped by that story, so since I am a person, I pass on what could potentially help another person. That may or may not resonate with you or the other poster, but it may resonate with the OP, and that's all that matters to me. And if it doesn't, well, that's the nature of this forum.

 

It also can take a relatively short time for someone to "think themselves sick". Like I said, it's in the medical literature. This is not an opinion.

 

I find it relieving to know that I can "think myself sick", if I am obsessing and know I'm obsessing, because that means I've got a lot of power and control, with my own mind. And then I know that I may be seriously distorting the external threats, when the more real threats are internal ones, within my own mind. And that, I have control over. Anxiety comes from a feeling of being out of control, so the more I can find a locus of control within myself, the more I can deal with how I perceive outside threats. Some of them may have become so exaggerated in my mind, that they are making me physically ill, and that's something I then need to work on.

 

To the extent that it's useful to know where one's mind goes when one is anxious, this is important, in my view, to understand, even if the OP isn't going to die (and I don't even think he believes that he will die overnight, like that child in the story, which was not a legend, but a description from one colleague to another about an experience "on the job".) My late uncle was a molecular biologist, and we often discussed how amazingly swift the body is in recognizing danger, and acting accordingly, and that within 2 minutes of great fright, you can swab your cheek and find evidence of certain immune cells plummeting. The OP had this sexual incident in Feb/March and it's half a year later, so could he be manifesting symptoms that are an extension of his catastrophic thoughts? Absolutely, according to medical literature. Could it be that he has come down with a benign virus in response to the stress, that's also quite possible. Either way, his thinking about this is likely contributing to the symptoms that scare him, and then he's more scared, and then we have a vicious cycle.

[Batya33]

Yes you are a person and you are entitled to share these scary stories if you think it will help. In this particular situation given that the fear is HIV and he cannot get HIV from feeling anxious I think sharing this story which can't be proven in any way and likely didn't happen in any way as implied is not helpful IMO. I am person too and I disagree that it was a helpful story in this situation. I am glad it helped you in your anxious times. Anything that works, right?

 

Like I said, of course you can think yourself sick. Like when you eat a meal under stress as one of many examples (and you can hurt a growing fetus from too much emotional stress of course, I was well aware of that risk too). I don't agree that that particular story is helpful because it's not science or fact-based -no way to determine whether anything about it is true much less that the rock and the death were connected in any way. I am a person as you are and I would find it much more helpful to read an article about the mind-body connection that was science based and balanced as far as describing how you can make yourself even healthier by how you deal with anxiety. Especially for this OP.

 

Obviously it need not be science based to be helpful. This kind of fable/rumor seemed to go to the opposite extreme in a situation where the focus is the science of whether he could have contracted HIV as well as his anxious thoughts that likely could be helped by facts about HIV transmission as you also shared, which was helpful.

[katrina1980]

Just had a chance to read this thread and 100% agree one can "think" himself sick manifesting in all sorts of sometimes devastating symptoms.

 

But I don't see how it would be medically possible to *think* yourself into contracting a deadly virus, such as HIV or any other deadly virus.

 

You might think yourself into having various *symptoms* associated with the virus, but not the virus itself. Not that I am aware of and I am someone who used to become quite ill from anxiety.

 

To add, to the OP, the symptoms you have described that you are experiencing, these symptoms are not associated with early HIV.

 

Most people don't even know they have contracted the virus until years later when it and IF it develops into full blown AIDS. Unless of course they get tested.

 

It's AIDS that is deadly.

 

That said have you been tested yet?