What did i get myself into?

[Ljbx]

Hello, this is going to be a long thread so I’m sorry in advance. Also, english is not my first language, I did my nest with the ponctuation!

 

I met this guy while being just out of a very difficult relationship. He was sweet, caring, wanted to see me everyday, would call me, text me, introduce me to all his friends..but i was still hung up on my ex (which i told him) and so I told him that I’d like it if we take things slow since im still a bit confused about my situation. He said he completely gets it since he himself just got out of an 11 YEARS relationship a year ago. I was surprised but left it at that.

 

Couple of weeks later, i cant forget my ex, and so i tell him that i dont think i can keep going with him, and wish him the best, without really giving him any chance to say anything. He would still try to talk to me every once in a while but I would rarely answer. Went back to my ex, posted pictures, he saw them and stopped trying to talk to me. Instead, he would ask about me to my friends or to people that may know me.

 

Fast forward a couple of weeks, my boyfriend and I break up again, this time for good. I’m out with my girlfriends, and i see him with his friends. He comes over and starts talking to me. We end up talking the whole night and going over to his friends house after the club with all of our friends. We’re drunk, having fun, cuddling, but nothing crazy..no kiss or overtouching. He starts to talk to me about how bitter he was with how things ended & that i shouldve never gave him any hope or entertain him in the first place if I was planning on going back to my ex, that there’s a difference between having a hard time coping with a break up & actually thinking about going back & putting a 3rd person in this kind of position (HAHAHA...)

 

I apologize and explain to him that this time, there’s no turning back. And that I really tried to do what’s best considering the position I was in. He says we should have a fresh start. We start seeing each other and it’s going ok.. i find him wierd because he would let out some rude comments about the situation every once in a while but would snap out of it & apologize right after.

 

We get closer and closer. We’ve been seeing together everytime we can.I start to develop very deep feelings for him. I’m so surprised that something like this could actually happen to me after being so hurt by my last relationship. A week ago, while were out to diner. We start talking really seriously about everything. I said that I don’t mind anything, but trust and honestly is important to me. I hate liars. If you own up to your mistakes, anything is fixable.

 

He looks at me with those puppy eyes and says “I havent been honest with you. I lied and now I wanna tell you everything but the minute this comes out of my mouth you’re gonna leave me and never talk to me again. And i know you are because you did the same thing last time and you never looked back” “Please, you have to tell me.” I said. “Omg i cant. Im gonna lose you. Im so scared. You’re gonna hate me and you’re gonna leave. Im so sorry.. i’m still with the 11 year old girlfriend. She’s actually my fiance. There’s no love between us. We don’t sleep together anymore. Theres no future with us.. were together because we have 2 houses. 2 dogs that I love and cars. Its a business partner, we never see each other and you know that because I’m always with you. You sleepover here all the time. She lives _____ and we don’t even touch each other anymore.”

 

My mouth drops. I don’t know what to say. I just look at him I dont say anything. After a while, i say “this is the last time you’re ever going to see me. I don’t hate you, I’m happy you told me the truth and let me make my own choice weither I wanted to stay or leave, and I’m sorry but I choose to leave. I am deffinatly not desperate enough for this type of relationship. I wish you the best but maybe you need to fix what you have at home before trying to fix something that never really existed in the first place. “ “Dont make me beg you. I like you so much .. I would lose everything if I left her. I dont know what to do because there’s nothing to fix. Everything died between us.”

 

Anyways I didnt change my mind but knowing it would be the last time I’d see him, I slept with him. I wanted to have a last taste of him before leaving him for good. The next morning, hes holding me very close & tells me “please dont stop seeing me..” At this point im very cold and my decision is made. I dont want to go breakfast, I wanna go home. And I start planning my week : everything to not think about him. He texts me the next day saying “ I feel awefull about what happened. You’re an amazing, funny, beautiful person & I know its too much to ask but I really wanna see you this week. I dont know why but you’re all that i think about. Its been bothering me all day. I know im but i just wanna see you. Can we at least be friends? “ “Really? No.”

 

Weekend, I suspect one of my snapchat friends may have told him where I am because there he is again. He comes right up to me and asks to speak to me. I dont really pay attention. But since our mutual friends actually vibe with each other, we end up in the same penthouse again. Im taking my distance, i stay close to my friends and I dont even look at him. Hes watching my every move and I can feel it. He follows me everywhere. Tries to hold my hand. I end up sitting next to him & talking to him.

 

“I missed you so much. You have no idea how hard this is for me. I was bawling my eyes out when I texted you the other day. I just couldnt stop crying and feeling sorry for muself and this whole mess that I created. I hate how my life turned out to be but for some reason i can’t keep myself away from you. Since the moment I saw you you drove me crazy. I had to see you as much as I could and you knew the effect you had on me. Back then, you didnt care about me. You barely answered me, you were completely detached. Your feelings were with someone else and I didnt care because it was still worth it for me. I don’t want to touch you I don’t want to do anything with you I just want you there. I dont wanna lose you.”

 

It’s enough for me to give in to him. And we stayed like that, in each others arms, surrounded by our friends, that had no idea about the whole situation, and they would come up to us and yell stuff like “you guys are sooooo cute!” Which he would answer with a kiss on my forehead, massaging my hair and holding me close like that for the rest of the evening. Now I left him again. I’m not answering his texts and phone calls, but I’m hurt. I miss him. I never thought I’d find myself in the position where I could even get close to considering being “the other woman”. But here I am.. This is awful.

[JaggerJim]

He'd like to keep the 2 houses, the 2 dogs and the cars just in case it does not work out with you. Sorry.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. He's playing you. Stop all contact and stop helping him cheat on her. You can do better than this player. Why haven't you been honest with your friends? This was your cue to leave and delete and block him:

i’m still with the 11 year old girlfriend. She’s actually my fiance.

[Ljbx]

@jaggerJim I figured..and it’s not like it’s an easy decision to make either. Losing someone you really like or losing everything you’ve worked for your whole life?

[Ljbx]

I was just so embarrassed about it. You don’t know how much of a slap in the face this whole thing is. I thought he was the most perfect, nicest guy ever. And they think the same..if anything they think I could be the one hurting him. The way he treated me couldve never gave any clue about this secret life he has.

[Cope]

Honestly, you are handling it very well! Now comes the tough part. Stand your ground and block him if he tries to message you again, tell him that yo'll do so if it makes you feel better, but this is horrible.

 

Honestly? It IS an easy decision to make. Think about it without you in the picture. He's living a life he claims he doesn't want just because of things(not talking about the dogs). The only thing I'd be really upset about are the dogs. BUT there are solutions. If he hated his life so much, he'd be single, end of story.

 

You have a hard journey ahead, stay strong and keep posting, people here are extremely helpful!

[reinventmyself]

There’s no love between us. We don’t sleep together anymore. Theres no future with us.. were together because we have 2 houses. 2 dogs that I love and cars. Its a business partner, we never see each other and you know that because I’m always with you. You sleepover here all the time. She lives _____ and we don’t even touch each other anymore.”

.

They never see each other, yet they are together?

 

" I would lose everything if I left her."

And he loses you if he stays.

The choice is up to him.

 

I get he still wants to see you, but it's not right to ask you to do so on these terms.

Tell him not to contact you unless he becomes available.

[Ljbx]

@Cope Thank you. First time in my life that doing the right thing makes me so sick to my stomach. Not only that, now there is the thought in my head where once a cheater, always a cheater.

 

Leaving her for me then leaving me for another..is that really the way I want to start this relationship..with doubts,regret and remorse? I just hate him for doing this to me. Bob Marley once said “The biggest coward of a man is the one who awakens the love of a woman without the intention of loving her.”

[Ljbx]

@reinventmyself Yes. That is why I would’ve never thought he was taken! Who goes days without going home to their “fiance”? He would spend 2 days with me, and I’M the one who’d want to go home. He would try amd convince me to go to the spa, or shopping for those shoes he wanted...

 

That’s where we’re at right now. But selfishly, I can’t get myself to block him. If the only thing I can have is the confirmation that I’m still in his mind, even if I don’t answer, it’s enough for me..

[Cope]

@Cope Thank you. First time in my life that doing the right thing makes me so sick to my stomach. Not only that, now there is the thought in my head where once a cheater, always a cheater.

 

Leaving her for me then leaving me for another..is that really the way I want to start this relationship..with doubts,regret and remorse? I just hate him for doing this to me. Bob Marley once said “The biggest coward of a man is the one who awakens the love of a woman without the intention of loving her.”

 

Again, you're right. Especially in this case, once a cheater always a cheater applies to the T. I doubt that you're his first. Even if you were his first, you will probably not be his last. IF, in the rare case, he really is serious about you, he will leave his life for his own reasons and approach you single and over her, but awe're talking about at least a couple of years. You will be long gone by then.

 

Marley's quote fits perfectly here!

[Ljbx]

@cope I have the feeling he’s gonna show up at my work. I’m a bartender so it’s gonna be hard if he does. Any advice as to how I should handle the whole thing?

[Hollyj]

The guy is a sleaze bag and waste of time.

 

Why do you still talk to him? He is a liar and there is no future.

 

Why haven't you blocked this creep?

 

Tell your boss that the guy has been bothering you.

[Hollyj]

I was just so embarrassed about it. You don’t know how much of a slap in the face this whole thing is. I thought he was the most perfect, nicest guy ever. And they think the same..if anything they think I could be the one hurting him. The way he treated me couldve never gave any clue about this secret life he has.

 

He does not sound perfect or nice to me. He played you.

 

He could be married. She could think that he is traveling for work. You do not know what the truth is. Do you have any mutual friends that can set you straight? i would not trust a word out of his mouth.

[DanZee]

You know, a lot of cheaters are like this guy, that's how they find women to cheat with. And I'm sure you actually haven't heard the entire truth, just a sanitized version of the truth. He might be married. He might have other girlfriends he's working. He's probably a con artist.

 

You've still haven't blocked him so you're leaving a door open for him to come back into your life, and you're giving him hope that he talk his way back into your good graces. I think you're a silly girl and chances are you might be tricked again.

[Ljbx]

The guy is a sleaze bag and waste of time.

 

Why do you still talk to him? He is a liar and there is no future.

 

Why haven't you blocked this creep?

 

Tell your boss that the guy has been bothering you.

 

I’m not talking to him anymore..

[Ljbx]

He does not sound perfect or nice to me. He played you.

 

He could be married. She could think that he is traveling for work. You do not know what the truth is. Do you have any mutual friends that can set you straight? i would not trust a word out of his mouth.

 

Our mutual friends met through us. His friends won’t tell me anything. In fact when I first met him his friends told me «My friends really likes you..he’s a good guy, give him a chance.»

[Ljbx]

You know, a lot of cheaters are like this guy, that's how they find women to cheat with. And I'm sure you actually haven't heard the entire truth, just a sanitized version of the truth. He might be married. He might have other girlfriends he's working. He's probably a con artist.

 

You've still haven't blocked him so you're leaving a door open for him to come back into your life, and you're giving him hope that he talk his way back into your good graces. I think you're a silly girl and chances are you might be tricked again.

 

I figured.

 

You guys think I should block him and never talk to him again? I live in a small town, and since I stopped talking to him I’ve seen him twice already. Chances are, im going to bump into him again.

[boltnrun]

You can bump into him without being required to be involved with him. Say hello and move on.

 

If your friends think he's so awesome maybe one of them would be willing to be his side chick.

[Hollyj]

block him.

[DanZee]

I agree. Don't give this guy a way into your heart again. Block him!

[MissCanuck]

I figured.

 

You guys think I should block him and never talk to him again? I live in a small town, and since I stopped talking to him I’ve seen him twice already. Chances are, im going to bump into him again.

 

Yes.

 

Living in a small town is no excuse. I am from a small town too and many years ago, I too discovered a guy I was briefly seeing was actually engaged. The house, car, dog, the whole 9 - all shared with her. Turns out she had been out of town for work the one time I went over to his house; he claimed his "ex" decorated the place and that's why it looked so feminine. Wasn't his ex but the woman he was engaged to and living with. I stopped talking to him completely, and yes, did run into him from time to time. I didn't budge on cutting him off. He wound up married to her with her kids, but I know the truth about him. He's a total tool, and so is the guy currently playing you.

 

Seriously, OP. This man is the worst type to become involved with. Not only was he attempting to cheat on his fiancee, he's also a liar and manipulator. Here he had you feeling bad when he was lying though his teeth about his status the entire time. And he's still trying to sweet-talk into being his "friend." He is a bottom-feeder, and not the nice and sweet man you thought he was. That guy is a fantasy.

 

You can do a lot better than this. He thinks you are a fool, girl. His fiancee too.

[Cope]

@cope I have the feeling he’s gonna show up at my work. I’m a bartender so it’s gonna be hard if he does. Any advice as to how I should handle the whole thing?

 

Oh yeah that's gonna be hard. How exactly did you leave it? Did you talk after the party or have you just been ignoring him?

I wanted to say you can send him a text telling him you don't want anything to do with him and please don't come by your work, but I don't think that it's a good idea to break NC, he may find meaning in your text and get his hopes high or say something that you will cave you. Yes even if you're rejecting him. When you bump into him the next time, because as you say it's a small town and it's inevitable, tell him you don't want anything to do with him. If he comes by the bar and you can't handle it, tell some colleague that this man is harassing you.

 

Also, you need to tell your friends about this so you'll have someone to help you when you feel it's hard to resist. You can even have one to come over if he visits your bar. Don't worry about his reputation or anything, he doesn't, and always remember he's not such a nice guy. If you have thoughts about your reputation, stop, you didn't do anything wrong.