Entourage09 Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 So, to being I am a man at the age of 24. About a year ago I began seeing a woman who was 32 (I was 23) who I had a crush on for a long time. We began by deciding it would be a playful relationship, where we would mainly hookup rather than seeing where we could go long term (even though we would go out to the movies, dinner, and hangout regualarly.) about 3 months into the relationship we shared some personal information, and she ended up going on vacation for a few weeks. I was a little nervous considering the personal information was pretty huge, and unfortunatley let the relationship dissolve by saying how busy I was with family and schooling (which I was considering my grandfather was dying of terminal cancer and I was taking care of him downstairs while going through my final semester of undergrad.) So when she came back and was very clearly still pursuing to hangout with me.. although I did still enjoy spending time with her and still felt feelings towards her, I decided to let it die due to my nervousness about wasting her time considering the age gap and not wanting to lead her on. Since we stopped “seeing” each other, we have remained close and friends, considering we work together and still find a very personal connection with one another. Throughout the year we have both seen other people, and we always find comfort in talking to one another. About 6 months ago I was seeing a girl who was 21 and was pretty much my “ideal” girl in my mind years before.. however I just did not enjoy her nearly as much as the first woman.. and even remember totally blowing this girl off one night to just sit in the office and talk to my first woman (we will call her Dany). At this point I start to realize that I may have stronger feelings for Dany, and begin to really think things over since I DID NOT want to just play with her heart again. After about 3 months of thinking it over in the back of my head and these feelings continuing to grow, I decided I did want to start things back up with her and *STUPIDLY* asked her one night in November if she would like to “play” again. She laughed and shrugged it off assuming I wasn’t joking and said it wasn’t a good idea. I decided to leave it alone and asked her a little less than a month later about it again. My thinking here was “if it worked the first time, it’ll work this time and I can do it right! I can actually take her out and make her realize I’m more than just play”.. however, again she shrugged it off as just “play” and although she was very close to hanging out with me one night, she requested time to think. After about 2 more weeks I approached her again and she said just play was not a good idea, so I requested that we hangout and talk things over. So now she has agreed to talk and she comes to my house one night late after work and we talk. I tell her that I would like to seriously take her out on dates and start to see her... and she says that she wished she knew I meant this all along, as she thought I only wanted to hookup. She continues that although she would love to, and that although she still does like and have feelings for me, she has since started talking to another man (much older at the age of 47) for about 3 weeks now. Only HERE’S THE KICKER... this man has been in a relationship for 6 years and it currently living with his girlfriend and her children form a previous marriage. He however has told Dany that he is unhappy and wants to leave her, but feels obligated to stay with her since they live and care for the kids together. I guess he has begun telling Dany that he wants to leave his girlfriend for her, and is a genuinely nice guy when they hangout (considering I vouch for this girl fully and know she wouldn’t spend time with an ..) even though he is a total piece of for doing what he is doing and is hooking up with Dany while seeing his girlfriend still. (The girlfriend has no idea) Dany tells me she will not hookup with me while she’s in a situation, as she will not be in two at once. I respect this and she says she would like to continue to hangout and spend time with me though as we have always been close friends. So we go to dinner and a movie later in the week and I stupidly try to hookup with her, which she resists but reiterates several times that it’s not because she doesn’t want to. So I continue to buy her flowers and try to prove to her how serious I am this time around, as I know the factors in play are the stability this other man has the potential to provide (since I’m younger and still searching for a career), my way of handling the relationship the first time around (and although I was ALWAYS respectful, endearing and fun, I abandoned it cause I was nervous) and my age gap considering I am much younger than she is.) However we continue to see each other but since she told me about the other man and I realized there may be a chance of losing her forever, I have had a pit in my stomach where my heart fell deeply into and I have been a shell of myself. I have been hooked on girls before and been upset and all that, but NEVER like this.. and it was about this time that I realized I LOVE Dany.. like for real, head over heels, love her. So after a few not so good sleep nights and my appetite deminishing, I decided I’m going to tell her exactly how I feel.. because I’m thinking how could 1 month with some guys who’s cheating on his 6 year relationship compare to 6 years of building up trust with me and all of our past history together.. so I write this letter expressing everything I feel.. and I buy her a bouquet of flowers, and I have her over and we watch Perks of Being A Wallflower (which I love and she now loves) and the entire time her leg is on mine, and I’m rubbing my hand up and down her leg and she makes no motion that it’s bothering her.. but instead seems to like it. I shoot her looks through all the romantic parts and when it is over I turn to her and ask her to allow me to talk for a bit. At this point I tell her everything, I tell her how stupid I was to throw what we had away, I tell her how much I have always cared for her and how my feelings towards her have only grew, I tell her all the things I love about her and even that I know I love her.. and after me pouring my heart out, she explains that she needs time to think. She says that she knows she likes me and our past proves that, but she is the kind of girl that only has eyes for one at a time.. and since she is already looking at this guy, then he is the one she is focused on right now.. even though she knows it’s a bit wrong, she feels for him and whatever he has told her and wants to give him a chance to see... she has not told any family or friends about it besides me, as she is private about love and mostl likely doesn’t want the backlash. So she tells me that I just have to be patient and give her some time to think. She again said that she wants to continue hanging out. She says I should stop with ya he romantic gestures, as she truly does not know which route she will take and does not want to lead me on, or have me hate her if I don’t get the anwser I want.. I tell her the only way I’ll stop is if she tells me we will never be together. She says she can never tell me that as tomorrow she may wake up and realize she’s making a huge mistake... she’s requested time as I said, and mentioned she could realize tomorrow or in two months.. (seemed like 2 months is the most shell take) but since right now she’s happy (even though she feels wrong sometimes) she’s going to continue with it... At this point I’m split between heartbroken and hopeful.. mostly because I thought me pouring my heart out (which I know for a fact is truly how I feel) would turn the tables and have her choose me, I was surprised she continued to see this jerk.. however from an outsiders prospective I don’t see how this fling between them could last considering it was started in a bad place and those things RARLY work out.. therefor I feel that it’s only a matter of time before she realizes and gives me the last chance I’ll ever need. I hate feeling like the second choice but I almost feel like this is my punishment for letting her down the first time and not being the man she needed me to be.. I know for a fact I am crazy in love with this woman, and I’m sorry it took me so long to realize and say it... which is why even though it kills me, I will wait. I just want to make sure that she is weighing the options out between her two choices, rather than just waiting on this man to either make a move or make a mistake... which I can’t help but feel like is happening. So now I ask your take guys, what do you think about all this? And I ask you please, try to keep the negativity out of your responses Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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