Bf going to party without me

[Latinagirl]

Alright so my bf and i have been together for a year we do lots together he's my best friend and he's even said I'm his we go to parties and social gatherings together, hockey games, clubs, game nights with freinds which is usually mostly guys sometimes I'm the only girl (raised around nothing but men so used to it and prefer it as because of being raised with nothing but men I communicate and am more comfortable this way) , we have fun date nights you name it we do it together we also do have our occasional things we'll do sepratly but not often. Before me he was a massive player now he's not chased me for 3 months and has been fully committed to me since day. Recently he was invited to this party that I can't be included in he has said to me in the past that if there's something going on that I for some reason can't go to he won't go and same applys for me life partner you do things together to create good fun memories to always have that lively spark on the relationship but this time he's willing to go to this party in the beginning I was able to go to this party it since then has changed and it's going to be a once in a lifetime party. I am extremely upset and am trying to roll it off but can't they have decided I can camp out at where the party is being held but I'm not allowed to be included and I'm pulling strings to help make this party epic. I'm very upset and heart broken and he doesn't get why, I don't know what to do and am considering breaking up with him due to this situation. Somebody help me please I love this man very much and want to marry him but this situation is making me question a lot. Am I in the right of being upset, advice is welcome.

[DanZee]

I'm not clear on the problem. You want to break up with him because you can't go to a party with him and because he made some promise that he would never go anyplace without you?

 

If this is the only time he's going to a party where you're not invited, can't you give him this one time? Being together doesn't mean you're joined at the hip. You don't have to do everything together. In fact, some relationships work when both people have their space. So you didn't mention your age, but this seems to be a bit immature that you don't want to let him go to the party and that you want to sabotage it somehow. As long as he takes you out on dates and so forth, give him some space. And you can go out with your friends that night as well.

[Latinagirl]

We have our separate times absolutely but yes we made a mutual promise that social gatherings, parties, events we go to together. We have our separate hobies and separate hangout times with friends but like I said we made a mutual promise that memberaboal events we share together. I was originally allowed to go now it's been changed to where I can't. I'm not sabotaging it in any way if anything I've been helping to make it more epic and now it's been decided I'm not allowed to participate but can camp out at the site where the party is basically how it feels and comes across as to me right now is here see us have fun that you pretty much paid for and pulled work strings to help get the site to where the party is being held but you go sit over there and watch. I'm in my late 20s to be exact 28

[j.man]

We have our separate times absolutely but yes we made a mutual promise that social gatherings, parties, events we go to together

That's one of the goofiest things I've ever read.

 

Assuming there's a real reason you can't attend and not you personally getting blacklisted, there's no reason your boyfriend shouldn't be able to enjoy the party. That just sounds crazy putting a social leash on someone like that.

[Usa1ah]

Don’t understand something. Why were you able to go at the beginning now they are saying you can’t?

 

Why are you helping with it then. Sounds like a movie drama. Another Cinderella story.

 

This I really hard to follow, why are you not allowed to go?

[Wiseman2]

Why aren't you able to attend now? Do you have to work?

Recently he was invited to this party that I can't be included.he's willing to go to this party. in the beginning I was able to go to this party. it since then has changed

[Latinagirl]

Exactly that part makes zero sense to me. I was helping in the beginning so I would feel bad if I stopped now. The party to whom it's being thrown for wife disapproves of me being there her words not mine because I'm more attractive then her. It's dumb I know and personally I think childish the whole situation.

[Latinagirl]

No. The party to whom it's being thrown for wife disapproves of me being there.

[Wiseman2]

Did she or your bf tell you this?

because I'm more attractive then her.

[Pleasedonot5]

Loyalty. If someone didn't invite my partner out of spite, they'd either have me politely insist they be invited too, or they'd get the finger.

 

Different if they didn't allow guests to come because it's an intimate gathering.

[Latinagirl]

I don't have a social leash on him we have our separate times absolutely and separate hobbies. Special events and parties we always have gone together it's just how it's been and he's the one that has mentioned in the past about special events and parties we always go together share that fun memory and i agreed yet this situation is ok after I was able to go to the party put my own hard earned money into it and then the guy who the party is being held for wife finds out I'm going to be there and now I can't go. That seems a ok to you and my BF could care less I've put 1k into this party already.

[Latinagirl]

My BF showed me the txt from his buddy saying the reason I can't go.

[Latinagirl]

Finally someone gets why I'm upset and fusteration!

[rosephase]

I don't have a social leash on him we have our separate times absolutely and separate hobbies. Special events and parties we always have gone together it's just how it's been and he's the one that has mentioned in the past about special events and parties we always go together share that fun memory and i agreed yet this situation is ok after I was able to go to the party put my own hard earned money into it and then the guy who the party is being held for wife finds out I'm going to be there and now I can't go. That seems a ok to you and my BF could care less I've put 1k into this party already.

 

This sounds like an issue you have with this guy and this woman. They are the folks that un-invited you after you put money and energy into the event. Have you talked to them about it?

 

If my partner had been uninvited from an event I would skip it too. That's some high school drama right there. I take it that this is a big festival (something you can go to and not be a part of that group?) why not go with just your partner. Then he can go over and say hi and people who are your friends can come over and hang out with you two and everyone can see what an odd and rude lady this person is.

[Wiseman2]

Who are these people? How do you and your bf know them? Why would you dump this much money into a party for a guy whose wife you have an antagonistic relationship with? It sounds like your bf is making the reason up and simply doesn't want you to go. Why is that?

the guy who the party is being held for wife finds out I'm going to be there and now I can't go.

[hyden]

No real advice to offer...other than add this site to your favorites bar on your browser as you are bound to be visiting us frequently. Good luck.

[DancingFool]

It seems like you have three separate issues going on here.

 

First issue is with the people that have uninvited you to the party. You've dropped 1K on this? That's insane, but that aside, you still continue to help after being uninvited? Wth? You need to talk to these people and get your head screwed on straight. You owe no help to people who will exclude you after all you've done. Stop helping. It's absurd. Also, confront them. Honestly, how dare they exclude you like that.....

 

Second is I don't care how epic the party, if my partner was being snubbed like that, those people would stop being my friends. It's just beyond unacceptable.

 

Third is that you seem to be insecure deep down about your bf's party animal past and don't trust him. The whole idea that you never go without each other to parties is quite frankly absurd. It is trying to control each other because deep down you don't trust each other to behave in a party environment. I think you need to face up to that and decide once and for all if you can or cannot trust him and go from there. Don't lie that you are all cool and it's just this agreement that you have. It's not a normal or healthy agreement. Sorry.

[reinventmyself]

. . .just curious. What exactly is the issue between you and the wife?

Outside of you being too pretty, that is.

 

And I think it would almost be unanimous here. .

If my partner were invited to a party (that he put time and money into) and then after the fact was uninvited, I wouldn't be going to the party without him.

 

But I just think there is more to this story that we are missing.

[yatsue]

we made a mutual promise that social gatherings, parties, events we go to together.

 

I agree you two should dissolve this pact. It is absolutely not healthy to restrain each other like this in social settings. That said, I too would be pissed off if I was initially invited to this party, dropped 1k on it, and then was uninvited over a stupid reason such as the host wife is jealous you're too hot and doesn't want you cramping her style.

 

If I were you, I would demand your 1k back from the wife or other host(s) (put up a strong front). However, I would prepare yourself mentally to kiss the money goodbye because you essentially made a donation and cannot legally get it back.

 

In regards to your bf, tell him how you feel. Ask him if he can help get your money back and just tell him you are distressed about the reason why you cannot go and would appreciate if he would talk to the hosts or not go out of respect for you. The host wife disrespected you and something isn't exactly right for him to go when this was so unfair towards you; you were nice and got screwed over.

 

See what he does, but do not demand for him not to go. Just tell him how you feel and see how he responds. See if you can deal with his actions at that point or not, then go from there.

[RetroMama77]

What in the world did you spend $1K on?? My boyfriend goes where he wants, when he wants. I do the same. We trust each other. If I was uninvited to a party, he wouldn't go and he would no longer consider these people friends and vice versa.

 

I agree with other's comments...something else must be going on.

[Capricorn3]

I've put 1k into this party already.

What on earth kind of party is this where one person puts 1k!?? Are you the only person who is paying for expenses? WHY would you put this much money into a party for someone who's wife dislikes you? And why isn't his WIFE paying for his party? Nothing is making any sense at all. Too many pieces of the story missing here. It would be a lot more helpful if you give us the FULL story so that people can give you constructive advice.

[rosephase]

What on earth kind of party is this where one person puts 1k!?? Are you the only person who is paying for expenses? WHY would you put this much money into a party for someone who's wife dislikes you? And why isn't his WIFE paying for his party? Nothing is making any sense at all. Too many pieces of the story missing here. It would be a lot more helpful if you give us the FULL story so that people can give you constructive advice.

 

It sounds like the "epic event" is a kind of festival (OP tell me if I'm wrong) where you camp with people. Where the group of people the OP was planning on going with are a camp that shares resources... like a kitchen, a bar, a common space to hang out in. You can spend 1k easy on food, booze, drugs, camping equipment, clothes.

 

I go to burning man every year and sometimes I have to sit down in a group and talk about who can and can not be in our camp. But that is something you do EARLY. And something you have to have a real good reason for. And you do it WAY before people are putting money into the event. My guess is that the OP could go, that the money she's spent already is on stuff she could easily use herself.

 

My advice is to go to the event with your partner and stay away from people who act like teenagers. It's better to know this about this group of friends now instead of later. If you can get kicked out because you make someone insecure through no fault of your own? That's not a very good group of friends.

[Capricorn3]

It sounds like the "epic event" is a kind of festival (OP tell me if I'm wrong) where you camp with people. Where the group of people the OP was planning on going with are a camp that shares resources... like a kitchen, a bar, a common space to hang out in. You can spend 1k easy on food, booze, drugs, camping equipment, clothes..

ok, that would make sense. Still blows my mind anyone would put that much money into a party. Yikes. I'm clearly out of touch, lol.

[Latinagirl]

I couldn't agree more but my BF doesn't see the issue and that's why I'm upset. It's a big birthday party we are doing for my BF buddy that I've put a a good 40% of the money in my BF has put in 40% as well the remainder got split between 50 people and the spot we're doing it at is a spot I had to pull work connection to get it's a beautiful spot up in the mountains and about 50 people will be there a good 75% of the people are good Freinds of mine and my BF. But what his buddies wife says goes apparently so while everyone is enjoying them selves I get to stay at home alone literally all of our friends are at this party.

[Latinagirl]

It's a special birthday that my BF and I are throwing for a buddy of his.