Am I not worth the drive?

[DancingFool]

C'mon. He can see that she is not getting off, unless she is faking orgasms. I would think that most men would know that riding a gal for two minutes, is not going to do anything. He gets off, then rolls over. That's awful. But, she has put up with it.

 

That's my point precisely though, she doesn't have to put up with it and when she does, she is indicating to him that she is totally good with that.

[DancingFool]

The flip side of this sucks too!

Two hours later, he's stilllll goooooing.....and you're praying for it to end so you can sleep lol

 

lol....that's when you gaze lovingly deep into his eyes and then meaningfully glance at your watch and go "listen buddy, I've got sh$t to do."

[SweetGirl28]

lol....that's when you gaze lovingly deep into his eyes and then meaningfully glance at your watch and go "listen buddy, I've got sh$t to do."

 

LMFAO I'm laughing so hard I'm crying

[thealchemist]

The flip side of this sucks too!

Two hours later, he's stilllll goooooing.....and you're praying for it to end so you can sleep lol

Well I have been on both sides of that fence.

 

When I was younger I was worried about not lasting long enough.

 

Now it is lasting too long.

 

I would MUCH rather be on the "lasting too long" side. I can always call it quits after awhile.

 

Whereas the other doesn't give you much on the way of options.

 

When I was in a ldr when I was like 19 I used to take care of myself before my Gf came over. Otherwise after 2 or 3 weeks of no sex I wouldn't last 5 min. Not enough time to do much...

[SweetGirl28]

Well I have been on both sides of that fence.

 

When I was younger I was worried about not lasting long enough.

 

Now it is lasting too long.

 

I would MUCH rather be on the "lasting too long" side. I can always call it quits after awhile.

 

Whereas the other doesn't give you much on the way of options.

 

When I was in a ldr when I was like 19 I used to take care of myself before my Gf came over. Otherwise after 2 or 3 weeks of no sex I wouldn't last 5 min. Not enough time to do much...

 

Yes, all true. I can have multiple orgasms, so it's okay, but you know the lady parts start to get sore

after a while! Like, helllooo isn't there an intermission, like at a play?? Lol

[Batya33]

I think he’s not comfortable in your particular living situation. It must feel crowded. Maybe he knows he won’t sleep well and then he’ll have the long drive back. If he treats you once you travel then that seems fair as far as your gas money.

[Hollyj]

the flip side of this sucks too!

Two hours later, he's stilllll goooooing.....and you're praying for it to end so you can sleep lol

 

lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Hollyj]

That's my point precisely though, she doesn't have to put up with it and when she does, she is indicating to him that she is totally good with that.

You are right!

[LadyAbbey31]

That there hasn't been good communication in terms of our sex life is maybe more my fault than his. He and I both have difficulty talking about things, unfortunately. He insists the reason he doesn't last long is because he isn't circumcised. My ex wasn't circumcised but we'd have amazing sex marathons...but I sure as hell am not going to tell my current boyfriend that. Again, I have a lot of ownership with this issue of ours...he knows he doesn't last long, but I have not told him that our sex life is not doing it for me, I have not been very good at sharing my needs either. I know some women might find it easier to be open, but opening my mouth and saying certain things is so just so much harder than it sounds. What scares me as I know this will be a big hit to his ego and confidence in bed if I go about it the wrong way.

 

Maybe that he doesn't try more often to 'please me' before or after is half my fault, but also half due to what I think of as his 'sexual laziness'. Sometimes he has a boner but doesn't use it. He lies there beside me with a boner but doesn't do anything. I ask why he doesn't just do me if he has a boner. I've never turned him down except for ONE morning when I was grumpy. His response: "I dunno."

[LadyAbbey31]

It's not like he doesn't come up to see her and take her out on dates in the city. It seems that the only bone of contention is that he refuses to sleep over at her place. This is quite different from not coming over at all.

 

OP, I really have to ask you if this is really about this guy or this is really about you and the fact that you feel bad about yourself for being in the financial situation you are in and living the way you do and you are seeking some kind of validation from him for your living arrangements. Basically, you are creating this giant stink about it because him coming over would somehow validate your current living situation and him refusing just highlights to you what is already uncomfortable for you.

 

Maybe....probably....yes. Maybe I need some sort of reassurance from him.

[itsallgrand]

If he didn't think you have a good head on your shoulders, he wouldn't be dating you so seriously and offer to share a home with you.

 

You traded in some financial comfort in the future ( which is now, now) for the experiences you had travelling. I think you should stop beating yourself up about that. You gained experience, you have a plan now and are making the choices to go where you want to go for the future.

 

He accepts that and you - he just doesn't want to stay at the condo. And that's reasonable. He made different choices, and wants to enjoy the fruits of the sacrifices he made earlier.

 

If it continues as a serious relationship headed to forever, you'll meet up in the same place relatively soon.

 

Just my two cents. Not going to comment on the sex. As that's its own issue. But it does sound like you both have trouble talking feelings.

[Hollyj]

That there hasn't been good communication in terms of our sex life is maybe more my fault than his. He and I both have difficulty talking about things, unfortunately. He insists the reason he doesn't last long is because he isn't circumcised. My ex wasn't circumcised but we'd have amazing sex marathons...but I sure as hell am not going to tell my current boyfriend that. Again, I have a lot of ownership with this issue of ours...he knows he doesn't last long, but I have not told him that our sex life is not doing it for me, I have not been very good at sharing my needs either. I know some women might find it easier to be open, but opening my mouth and saying certain things is so just so much harder than it sounds. What scares me as I know this will be a big hit to his ego and confidence in bed if I go about it the wrong way.

 

Maybe that he doesn't try more often to 'please me' before or after is half my fault, but also half due to what I think of as his 'sexual laziness'. Sometimes he has a boner but doesn't use it. He lies there beside me with a boner but doesn't do anything. I ask why he doesn't just do me if he has a boner. I've never turned him down except for ONE morning when I was grumpy. His response: "I dunno."

How many years are you going to tolerate lousy sex? How sad.

[DancingFool]

Maybe....probably....yes. Maybe I need some sort of reassurance from him.

 

Thing is that reassurance needs to come from you. Own your life and the choices you've made. Would you really trade the travel experiences for a 9-5? They've made you the interesting woman you are today and probably why he is attracted to you. Right now, you are doing what you need to do to move forward financially for yourself and have your head screwed on straight about it. Give yourself some credit for all that.

 

When you accept yourself, it will be easier to accept the differences of others and see where they are coming from without taking offense at it and making it all personal.

[Wiseman2]

Don't talk about it. Just take charge and turn him on by gently guiding his head downtown before sex. This way no awkward 'you stink in bed' convos. Actions speak louder than words about sexual faux pas.

he knows he doesn't last long, but I have not told him that our sex life is not doing it for me, I have not been very good at sharing my needs either.

[tattoobunnie]

That there hasn't been good communication in terms of our sex life is maybe more my fault than his. He and I both have difficulty talking about things, unfortunately. He insists the reason he doesn't last long is because he isn't circumcised. My ex wasn't circumcised but we'd have amazing sex marathons...but I sure as hell am not going to tell my current boyfriend that. Again, I have a lot of ownership with this issue of ours...he knows he doesn't last long, but I have not told him that our sex life is not doing it for me, I have not been very good at sharing my needs either. I know some women might find it easier to be open, but opening my mouth and saying certain things is so just so much harder than it sounds. What scares me as I know this will be a big hit to his ego and confidence in bed if I go about it the wrong way.

 

Maybe that he doesn't try more often to 'please me' before or after is half my fault, but also half due to what I think of as his 'sexual laziness'. Sometimes he has a boner but doesn't use it. He lies there beside me with a boner but doesn't do anything. I ask why he doesn't just do me if he has a boner. I've never turned him down except for ONE morning when I was grumpy. His response: "I dunno."

 

Don't let him penetrate you for a while. Let it build up. Be on top too. If you feel he is about to come, take it out, and go back to some foreplay. You can just say, I didn't cum, and tell him to go down on you. I don't see how that would beat up his ego. Or bring a vibrator to bed, and have him use it on you first.

[angeldavis]

Hi everyone, I feel like this is a somewhat common problem, yet I still need another perspective.

 

I have been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half. He is a good man, and we have a pretty good relationship.

 

In that year and a half however, he has never once visited me. It is always me who goes to him. We live about 40 minutes apart. He has his own house in the country, whereas after I moved back home after four years of travelling and living well beyond my means, I moved into the city into a cheap shared condo situation (1 roommate) so that I could save for a few years and 'rebuild' myself financially. So of course, it is much more enjoyable to hang out at his place where we have a house/yard/space to ourselves, than it is to hide in the bedroom of a city condo for privacy away from my roommate. I get that.

 

He says he hasn't visited me because he doesn't like the city, and going into a condo is just not something he's gonna do. He is very aware that I would like him to visit me at least once in a while, I've talked to him about it a few times. I have cried to him, saying I just need to know that despite his deep disdain for the city, I need him to come see, even occasionally. Just come to me once in a while, hold me for a while, sleep next to me, show me that he's willing to do that. I need that occasional effort. I spend time/energy/money getting to him once or twice a week.

 

He makes effort in other ways, he has come out to my parents/friends...lucky for him, they all live in the country.

 

He has suggested I move in, he says he does want me with him. So, am I just being nit-picky & over-emotional??

 

It's a good relationship....yet I don't know if I'm built in a way where I can move in with a man who continually shows me that spending a bit of time with me is simply not worth a 40 minute drive....

 

I am kind of in the same situation but not the country/city living thing. I stay with a roommate, while he has a mansion. So hanging out at his place is much more convenient and nicer for both of us. I have never invited him to my place, because of the roommate. (my roommate and I even verbally agree to no overnight guest). I didn't think for a second this could even potentially be a problem?

[angeldavis]

He`s a bit set in his ways I suppose. He seems to imply `I am who I am.`

 

The sex issue is that he does not last long. I am trying to do things to get him to last longer. But often just as I am getting started & getting into it he`s just about done. And so there are times when I have not initiated sex, even though I want it, because I know that as soon as I get going he`ll be done and I`ll be laying there...unsatisfied. If he`s had a few drinks he can last longer, so when he`s had a bit to drink I take advantage. Because if I have the chance to have sex for more than ten minutes, I`ll take it.

 

It sounds like a sad sad thing, and it is, but some men don`t last long and I am trying to work with him. It`s definitely a very real obstacle but when you want to be with a man it isn`t a dealbreaker, and what kind of a soulless woman breaks up with a man simply because he doesn`t last. I just never knew how hard a year and a half of two and a half minute sex could be on me.

 

Now, this is a real problem. This is one of the reasons I broke up with my ex, despite dating for 3 years and married for 5 years. After the divorce, I really regret for wasting 10 years of my life (esp when I was young & pretty) for 2.5 mins sex.