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About LadyAbbey31

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  1. That isn't really relevant in helping the OP with his problem, and he mentioned already not wanting to go into further detail about the procedure. As a woman who has (before 'growing up' emotionally) occasionally acted the way your girlfriend has acted (sending out hints that they're upset rather than admitting/discussing the issue) I can give the reason I did it: I was too weak & too afraid to talk about my feelings in an honest, direct, healthy way. Maybe she took your forgetting the day of her appointment as a sign you didn't care (not true) and was passive aggressively seeking r
  2. I wouldn't go on anti-depressants. I would consider going to counselling, without anti-depressants. As another poster said, you need to feel what you need to feel everything you're feeling. I'd try to walk through this time in your life, and reach the other side, drug free.
  3. I am with a man now whom I adore and am fully committed to. That other man from my past still crosses my mind, but now that I'm in a good relationship, it's less often and less 'intense'. I think being in a good relationship will definitely help, even if you're never able to stop thinking about her completely. I share your hope that if I ever have a child this will all cease to matter. Also, it seems that my occasionally thinking about him has over time become more of a strange, masochistic habit than actually wishing I was with him. If that makes sense. I just got so used to wondering abo
  4. I also have a man from my past whom I think of, feel that I'll always love in some way, and who I might always think of. It sucks, for lack of a better word. It sucks and it's hard, to say the least. In the end I realized I never knew him very well, yet I miss him. What's true is that you have an image in your mind of what being with this girl would be like, as a previous poster said, even though you have no idea what a relationship with her would be like. It's also true, apparently, that we can train our minds to stop obsessing about something. We sometimes daydream and dwell on a part
  5. I read the entire thread and I don`t think he has a very high level of interest. You are grasping on VERY tightly to any little detail that you think might convince us (and yourself) otherwise, and pushing aside all of the red flags and details that show his lack of interest. I don`t see any evidence of him having much respect for your time, or your emotions. I was also in a situation where for a long time I accepted the crumbs a man threw to me and pretended it was enough, and who stepped it up a bit only when he thought I might move on. What a heartbreaking waste of time. I`m not tr
  6. Maybe....probably....yes. Maybe I need some sort of reassurance from him.
  7. That there hasn't been good communication in terms of our sex life is maybe more my fault than his. He and I both have difficulty talking about things, unfortunately. He insists the reason he doesn't last long is because he isn't circumcised. My ex wasn't circumcised but we'd have amazing sex marathons...but I sure as hell am not going to tell my current boyfriend that. Again, I have a lot of ownership with this issue of ours...he knows he doesn't last long, but I have not told him that our sex life is not doing it for me, I have not been very good at sharing my needs either. I know some women
  8. Thanks for the reply. You say you can't blame him for not coming over because of the roommate situation, yet others here are saying he should absolutely be blamed for not making the effort to come to me once in a while. It's interesting to me because the responses are similar to the back and forth in my head about whether I am being silly by asking for too much, or if I actually have a right to feel let down. The different responses tell me that, as in so many relationship issues, there is no definite right or wrong, just what we feel, what we're comfortable with. What we're willing to put up
  9. Thanks for the reply. Maybe I am taking it too personally. When we first met I was ready to date someone exclusively, but not quite ready for a serious relationship. As trite as it sounds, I wanted to take things very slow. I already did the fall in love, buy a house, merging of our things, after which we did the heartbreaking falling out of love, selling the house, dividing of the things. He was through something similar and we've honestly been pretty content just dating exclusively and allowing the relationship to grow without much talk of labels, or 'where it is going', and I'm thankful
  10. He`s a bit set in his ways I suppose. He seems to imply `I am who I am.` The sex issue is that he does not last long. I am trying to do things to get him to last longer. But often just as I am getting started & getting into it he`s just about done. And so there are times when I have not initiated sex, even though I want it, because I know that as soon as I get going he`ll be done and I`ll be laying there...unsatisfied. If he`s had a few drinks he can last longer, so when he`s had a bit to drink I take advantage. Because if I have the chance to have sex for more than ten minutes, I`ll ta
  11. Well, it's not about the drive I suppose, it's about the city. He works in the city, but hates being in the city. And so, once the work day is done, he wants only to get the f*%k outta the city. I do not believe it would occur to him to see if I am done at home (in the condo) & free for a visit. He's not willing to come to hang out in a shared condo situation with me.
  12. I agree that he should be willing to drive 40 minutes to visit me once in a while despite my living in the city & having a roommate. It bothers me, it hurts, and it's a problem. But it's not about the 'benefits'-we don't sleep together every time I'm there, he's not in any way all about the benefits. In fact our sex life is a bit of a problem...but perhaps that's a subject for another day & another thread. In any case thanks for your reply because yes, he should care enough to visit on occasion.
  13. Yes, it is mostly 'all expenses paid' once I get there, he's good to me, good to my friends and family. As for the lifestyle compatibility, we're hugely compatible. I grew up on a farm, he grew up in the bush. We both love quietness, spending time wood splitting for bonfires, fishing, waking up to cook big breakfasts, and more quietness I don't like living in the city, it's slow murder of the soul. (Somewhat dramatic yes, but I heard that somewhere) I just simply can't afford anything else right now. Not that I don't appreciate cities for visits, I love to visit cities and get lost in the
  14. For some reason I feel like expecting him to come visit me is asking too much, because of my unfortunate/undesirable living situation. Still, your reply is what my gut is saying. Funny you say 'we teach people how to treat us' because as I was crying to him, I said "It's not your fault, we teach people how to treat us, and I've taught you that you don't have to visit me and yet still be in the relationship"
  15. Thanks for the reply Yes, we occasionally hang out in the city, things like dinner or mini-golf (I love mini golf haha) which he will suggest actually more than me. He drives into the city every day for work. Yes, he's a country boy which I get, I'm a country girl as well but as I said I am a bit broke, so am in this condo trying to get back on my financial feet.
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