Two dates and a lot of questions, opinions wanted

[figureitout23]

Look, careerchoice, no disrespect meant at all but I don't think everyone's looking to hook emotionally unhealthy women through manipulation. 2 girlfriends huh? Game playing won't get you a healthy long term relationship. You can brag about it all you want but I don't see too many people here impressed by your prowess, because they're looking for something real.

 

If the OPer chooses to take your advice, no harm no foul, I think other posters here are picking up on a deeper issue rather than lack of experience.

[Careerchoice]

Look, careerchoice, no disrespect meant at all but I don't think everyone's looking to hook emotionally unhealthy women through manipulation.

 

Disrespect taken. On what basis do you have to conclude that these girls are emotionally unhealthy or that I use manipulation? Both of these two items are factually false.

 

2 girlfriends huh? Game playing won't get you a healthy long term relationship. You can brag about it all you want but I don't see too many people here impressed by your prowess, because they're looking for something real.

 

No games being played. And what do you mean by something real?

[bbogdanov]

You went from one extreme to another, and missed the broad gray area between the two. The one option that you didn’t assume is that things are progressing at a healthy pace, ebbing and flowing in the natural rhythm of a relationship between two individuals.

 

So you mean it's natural that we felt good on one of the dates, kissed, hugged etc. , then she disappeared but could as well reach out soon and so on? Like ups and downs? I really feel stupid asking you hundreds of times but I just can't fully get your point, I may be lost in translation as well

 

EDIT: by the way she's seen my last two messages asking her where she'd gone and whether she has a lot of work recently. No response

[Jibralta]

So you mean it's natural that we felt good on one of the dates, kissed, hugged etc. , then she disappeared but could as well reach out soon and so on? Like ups and downs? I really feel stupid asking you hundreds of times but I just can't fully get your point, I may be lost in translation as well

 

EDIT: by the way she's seen my last two messages asking her where she'd gone and whether she has a lot of work recently. No response

 

Yes, that’s what I mean. Everything could be fine, but you are honed in on the extremes of full commitment vs abandonment. The two of you are just starting out. She may be dating other people.

[bbogdanov]

I got it finally Well, I'm not going to reach out anymore. It would be stupid of me to message her again because she's seen my last messages without responding. I take that as a hint she's not interested anymore, although you say there is a gray area between the two extremes.

[Careerchoice]

I take that as a hint she's not interested anymore, although you say there is a gray area between the two extremes.

 

She's right. A girl's interest is fluid and can change from moment to moment.

 

Definitely let it sit now. If you feel so motivated in a week or so, you can message her again. There's no harm in it.

[katrina1980]

She's right. A girl's interest is fluid and can change from moment to moment.

 

Definitely let it sit now. If you feel so motivated in a week or so, you can message her again. There's no harm in it.

 

I'm agreeing with Careerchoice here, IF you feel motivated in a week (or two), reach out.

 

If you do, do not ask her where's she's been (or where she'd gone like in your last message), why she hasn't responded, or disappeared. Text saying hey and would she like to have a drink or see a movie. Make it light and casual, and fun!

 

Your "energy" (sorry Cc couldn't resist) should reflect boldness, confidence, self-assuredness; asking her why she hasn't responded or "disappeared" reflects neediness and insecurity.

 

Continue meeting and dating other girls and having other experiences.

 

As always, relax and have fun!

[Careerchoice]

I'm agreeing with Careerchoice here, IF you feel motivated in a week (or two), reach out.

 

If you do, do not ask her where's she's been (or where she'd gone like in your last message), why she hasn't responded, or disappeared. Text saying hey and would she like to have a drink or see a movie. Make it light and casual, and fun!

 

Don't wait two weeks. It's too long. A week is good. Just try it as an experiment and see what happens.

 

And don't just message her to ask her out. A lot of guys try that and are surprised when they get rejected or flaked on. You telegraph that you have an agenda and that weirds a girl out. It makes her feel like an object. You have to warm things up first with conversation. And if it doesn't feel right to ask her out, just talk to her and have another conversation later. You'll help build a connection between you two with just having a conversation with her. You can always ask her out during the next conversation depending on the circumstances.

 

I like to find out a girl's schedule before I ask her out, i.e., "What cool things do you have going on this weekend?" In PUA lingo, this is called screening for logistics. If a girl says she has something going on Friday and Sunday, she'll obviously have less reason to reject me if I ask her to do something on Saturday. If she says she has something going on each day, I save it and have a conversation with her later. You don't risk an unnecessary rejection if you do things in this order.

[bbogdanov]

I'm agreeing with Careerchoice here, IF you feel motivated in a week (or two), reach out.

 

If you do, do not ask her where's she's been (or where she'd gone like in your last message), why she hasn't responded, or disappeared. Text saying hey and would she like to have a drink or see a movie. Make it light and casual, and fun!

 

Your "energy" (sorry Cc couldn't resist) should reflect boldness, confidence, self-assuredness; asking her why she hasn't responded or "disappeared" reflects neediness and insecurity.

 

Continue meeting and dating other girls and having other experiences.

 

As always, relax and have fun!

 

I doubt I will feel motivated to message her in a week or two, but who knows, I leave that opportunity open. I asked her where she'd been because I don't want her to to think I will accept that kind of attitude, I don't think that's neediness. By the way I said it in a funny and flirty way. I never allow myself to leave messages unanswered so that's what I want from my partner, too. If she can see several of my messages and not respond to any of them - OK, you are not interested in me and I get that or you are interested but there is some other reason. If it's the latter - I don't care what the reason is, you are just not for me. I just don't want to tolerate this behaviour. End of story : )

[Careerchoice]

If it's the latter - I don't care what the reason is, you are just not for me. I just don't want to tolerate this behaviour.

 

You can have this view, but you will find that you will become very jaded against women because they do not work the way you want them to. You can expect this type of behavior from most girls. Especially the hotter girls. And it's not a bad thing. There are reasons for it, which is time consuming to explain it, but I will if you request it. Instead of arguing against the way the world works, learn how women work and go through the extra steps in order to make everyone happy. That's my view and I think it's a lot healthier for you.

 

Once you get past the beginning stages and you have a girl interested in you enough, you can be more strict. But if you do it too soon, they're going to NEXT you. The timing is important.

[bbogdanov]

So I have to be like puppy and accept everything?

[Careerchoice]

No, you say you said it in a funny and flirty way. Ok, that's good. But what's going on inside your head is not.

 

I'm tough, but fair, on my girlfriends, former and current, but I knew when time was to switch it up. And there is a middle ground. It doesn't have to be extremes like seem to gravitate towards.

[bbogdanov]

I said it in a funny and flirty way and it really was like that in my head at the time. But after her seeing it and not saying anything for second time in a row, I was not feeling funny and flirty anymore. I just accepted she's not interested and my interest dropped, too. I've got no time for these things and more importantly - I don't want to waste my energy for a lost cause anymore.

[Pleasedonot5]

Bbog,

 

I think you're on the right path here. She didn't respond, so she's not interested. You obviously don't like that she isn't giving you the time of day.

 

Instead of doing all of these fun and flirty gimmicks, I think you should stick with your gut and find someone who meshes with you better. Imo, it's better to have someone attracted to you on the first several interactions than to use gimmicks and PUA to have to persuade someone to be attracted to you.

[katrina1980]

Don't wait two weeks. It's too long. A week is good. Just try it as an experiment and see what happens.

 

And don't just message her to ask her out. A lot of guys try that and are surprised when they get rejected or flaked on. You telegraph that you have an agenda and that weirds a girl out. It makes her feel like an object. You have to warm things up first with conversation. And if it doesn't feel right to ask her out, just talk to her and have another conversation later. You'll help build a connection between you two with just having a conversation with her. You can always ask her out during the next conversation depending on the circumstances.

 

I like to find out a girl's schedule before I ask her out, i.e., "What cool things do you have going on this weekend?" In PUA lingo, this is called screening for logistics. If a girl says she has something going on Friday and Sunday, she'll obviously have less reason to reject me if I ask her to do something on Saturday. If she says she has something going on each day, I save it and have a conversation with her later. You don't risk an unnecessary rejection if you do things in this order.

 

Yeah I agree with that. And I didn't mean to suggest he "shouldn't" warm things up with convo first. But not too long otherwise he risks coming off like he wants a "texting buddy."

 

If you read these forums and I know you do, lots of women complain about that.

 

Assuming she's local, the goal is to get her out on another date. THAT is how you know for sure she's into you. Texting is easy and women will do it even when they have little to no interest.

 

JMO from reading forums, discussing at my weekly meet up support group (men and women), and course what my brothers share with me about their experiences. And my personal experience.

 

If that's not your experience Cc, I respect that.

 

One week, two weeks, I think whenever OP feels comfortable and motivated to reach out again, he should do it.

 

One guy I dated waited a month after first date; we had had a great date, I was not seriously dating anyone when he reached out, so accepted and we had a great time and ended up dating for a few months after that. The timing was right.

 

Again, JMO based on what I respond to, what women I know respond to, what women on this forum respond to (minus waiting the month to reach out; I contend not many women would go for that).

 

I think finding out her schedule first is the "safe" way to do it to avoid rejection; personally I like a man to be a bit bolder, have more confidence and not be so worried or concerned about getting rejected.

 

My ex was like that. "I'd like to see you again, you free Saturday night? I know this great place..."

 

That type of thing. But he was confidence supreme, nothing much shook him, he was big risk taker and he usually succeeded. The power of positive thinking and all that.

[katrina1980]

I said it in a funny and flirty way and it really was like that in my head at the time. But after her seeing it and not saying anything for second time in a row, I was not feeling funny and flirty anymore. I just accepted she's not interested and my interest dropped, too. I've got no time for these things and more importantly - I don't want to waste my energy for a lost cause anymore.

 

>> she's not interested and my interest dropped.

 

That is actually a very healthy attitude.

 

You don't have to be pissed about it though or cop an attitude yourself, which is sort of how your sounding here.

 

You've reached out, she's not responding, you have lost interest. Period, end of.

 

You are a man with options, and not gonna allow one woman's rejection ruin your day.

 

THAT attitude will take you a lot farther than whining about it or becoming bitter.

 

NOT that you are those things OP, but many men do become bitter and it works against them in the long term.

 

It negatively affects their "energy" and women can sense that negativity and it turns them off.

[bbogdanov]

Bbog,

 

I think you're on the right path here. She didn't respond, so she's not interested. You obviously don't like that she isn't giving you the time of day.

 

Instead of doing all of these fun and flirty gimmicks, I think you should stick with your gut and find someone who meshes with you better. Imo, it's better to have someone attracted to you on the first several interactions than to use gimmicks and PUA to have to persuade someone to be attracted to you.

 

Hey, I didn't use any PUA tactics or something like that. I really asked her where she'd been in a friendly way and like it was some kind of joke, I didn't want to be bitter, demanding etc. But after several unanswered messages I just left it at that... I don't want to persuade her to be attracted to me.

[Pleasedonot5]

Bbog,

 

Think you misunderstand. I said you should stay the course and keep doing what you're doing. I was contradicting CareerChoice.

[bbogdanov]

>> she's not interested and my interest dropped.

 

That is actually a very healthy attitude.

 

You don't have to be pissed about it though or cop an attitude yourself, which is sort of how your sounding here.

 

You've reached out, she's not responding, you have lost interest. Period, end of.

 

You are a man with options, and not gonna allow one woman's rejection ruin your day.

 

THAT attitude will take you a lot farther than whining about it or becoming bitter.

 

NOT that you are those things OP, but many men do become bitter and it works against them in the long term.

 

It negatively affects their "energy" and women can sense that negativity and it turns them off.

 

I can't be pissed about it, because it's just how it is. I can't hate all the women because some of them have rejected me. I may be discouraged sometimes, a little sad, puzzled or whatever, but the show goes on. I can't force someone to like me, love me, want me and anything else.

[bbogdanov]

Bbog,

 

Think you misunderstand. I said you should stay the course and keep doing what you're doing. I was contradicting CareerChoice.

 

My mistake, I've not understood you correctly.

[figureitout23]

Bbog,

 

I think you're on the right path here. She didn't respond, so she's not interested. You obviously don't like that she isn't giving you the time of day.

 

Instead of doing all of these fun and flirty gimmicks, I think you should stick with your gut and find someone who meshes with you better. Imo, it's better to have someone attracted to you on the first several interactions than to use gimmicks and PUA to have to persuade someone to be attracted to you.

 

Agree with this wholeheartedly and I really think if you keep bombarding her with texts it's just going to cause you anxiety.

 

When it comes to texting it's not that complicated. Men and women both know how to message, you don't have to wait a week to 'remind' us, hoping our interest picked back up. That's like pulling teeth, and it's game playing and a waste of grown adults time. She's either interested or she's not and if she is she would have answered you. In a week she may throw you a bone out of boredom but why would you go back to chasing a low interest woman. Move on, work on yourself and find a woman who knows how to respond.

 

I would not keep texting. she knows your number, she knows how to find you, the balls in her court. Move on and if she decides to come back around decide where to go then. That's my advice. Your interest was low anyway so I think if you keep on it'll only trigger your issues and you'll be right back where you were with the other woman.

[bbogdanov]

I am not bombarding her with messages at all. And I would not keep texting, like I said. I sent couple of messages after our last date and that's it. She knows where to find me but I don't know if I will still be interested.

[reinventmyself]

Just go with this simple principle: If someone is interested you will know it - They will let it be known.

[bbogdanov]

That sounds good : ) Meanwhile I am speaking to few other girls online. I have two potential dates for Sunday, one for the next week and I am texting with couple more women. I don't know how this happened so suddenly but it's fun Even texting/going out with different women is a valuable and pleasant experience : )

[willdation]

I have two potential dates for Sunday, one for the next week and I am texting with couple more women. I don't know how this happened so suddenly but it's fun Even texting/going out with different women is a valuable and pleasant experience : )

 

 

Way to go!! What you will notice now is that the amount of women that will want to go out on dates with you will MULTIPLY. It is always like this when you have other women interested in ya

 

You know what worked for me when I tried using Tinder once and is kinda funny? For my bio I actually never wrote anything about myself...I just wrote what I was looking for, something like "I like beautiful women, that are feminine, love to travel, are into fitness, are great communicators, positive, drama-free, intelligent....if that is you, then swipe right "

 

 

 

So basically, I got TONS of matches just from that and never even had to write anything about myself..funny...mostly from women who were thinking, "Wow that sounds just like me!'

 

Just have a few nice pictures, ideally where you are smiling etc....I once heard there was a scientific study done and women were the most attracted to pictures of guys holding puppies with their shirt off They said that is like CRACK to women But I would never do that!! haha