Two dates and a lot of questions, opinions wanted

[Careerchoice]

Meanwhile I was on a date yesterday and thought it went well. Sent the girl a message this morning "Hi, ! I enjoyed our date last night and I'll be glad to meet you again some time soon." to which she responded with "Hi! I'm glad you liked it."... Ugh...

 

I told you to text her tomorrow, but text her a response today. Just have a regular conversation with her. Make it fun. Play.

 

For any guys following this thread: don't ask her out in your conversation starter. In PUA lingo, we call it "closing off the opener". Even if you know her a little bit, don't do it. You need to build up enough familiarity in order to get to the point where you can expect a good response by doing that. Get a conversation going with her, and try to learn when the right time is to ask her out/for her number. It will usually come on a high point of the conversation.

[Careerchoice]

Do you have any single female friends or acquaintances?

 

What purpose would they serve?

[Jibralta]

What purpose would they serve?

 

My boyfriend was a friend of mine for 20 years before we got together. It's quite nice.

[Careerchoice]

My boyfriend was a friend of mine for 20 years before we got together. It's quite nice.

 

Don't try this technique OP. You already have difficulty physically escalating with a girl, I.e., going for the kiss. Doing this to a girl you see as a friend is exponentially harder. Keep meeting new girls like you're doing. You're doing well on that front. It's not even a problem that needs to be addressed.

[Jibralta]

Oh lord. Your intensity. I hope bbog isn't an alarmist.

[Jibralta]

You already have difficulty physically escalating with a girl, I.e., going for the kiss. Doing this to a girl you see as a friend is exponentially harder.

 

I can only speak for myself, but I like to see a man face his fear. I like when he doesn't cow down before difficulty and opt for the easy way out. It shows courage and masculinity.

[katrina1980]

I can only speak for myself, but I like to see a man face his fear. I like when he doesn't cow down before difficulty and opt for the easy way out. It shows courage and masculinity.

 

You're speaking for me too, as I feel the same.

 

And if OP feels an attraction to said friend, why not go in for the kiss?

 

I was friends with one of my long term ex's for a few months, until the night he kissed me.

 

It all changed after that.

 

In fact I didn't even know how "attracted to" him I was (beyond the physical) until he kissed me!

 

Never be afraid to escalate OP.

 

That is how you determine how into you a woman is and how you get things moving forward.

 

Conquer your fears, don't run away from them.

[Careerchoice]

I can only speak for myself, but I like to see a man face his fear. I like when he doesn't cow down before difficulty and opt for the easy way out. It shows courage and masculinity.

 

We're not going to disagree on that. It's always best to face your fears. But we are going to disagree on the method. To use another crude analogy, when kids learn how to ride a bike, they use training wheels. Once they build up some confidence, they take the training wheels off and do it for real.

 

Six months ago I would never think of trying to hit on one of my girl "friends" (which I don't really have any). But now, I know how to escalate, so I would have no problem doing so.

[Careerchoice]

Plus if you try to hit on your friends that are girls, they've already likely put you in permanent friendszone. This site is littered with stories of guys chasing after some girl friend who sees him only as a friend. Don't go down this route OP.

[katrina1980]

I actually don't remember ever using training wheels when learning to ride a bike.

 

Dad bought me a bike and taught me how to balance myself properly and ride it.

 

There is something to be said for the "sink or swim" attitude.

 

"Working up to it" tends to cause people to overthink and become overly anxious.

 

They end up becoming so anxious, they end up doing nothing, ever.

 

Just go for it! You get knocked down, keep going.

 

Builds character and confidence in my opinion.

 

Practice makes perfect as they say and rejection is part of life.

 

Best to learn to deal instead of cowering away from it.

[Jibralta]

Plus if you try to hit on your friends that are girls, they've already likely put you in permanent friendszone.

 

I put guys in the friendzone when they failed to show their bravery. The only way out was to man up.

[katrina1980]

Plus if you try to hit on your friends that are girls, they've already likely put you in permanent friendszone. This site is littered with stories of guys chasing after some girl friend who sees him only as a friend. Don't go down this route OP.

 

Not always. Read my post 132 above. We dated for four years after the night he kissed me.

 

Succeeding requires that one take risks/chances in life; if they're unable to do that, preferring the "safer" route to avoid rejection, they may as well be living under a rock.

[Jibralta]

There is something to be said for the "sink or swim" attitude.

 

"Working up to it" tends to cause people to overthink and become overly anxious.

 

They end up becoming so anxious, they end up doing nothing, ever.

 

Exactly. ..

[Careerchoice]

"Working up to it" tends to cause people to overthink and become overly anxious.

 

They end up becoming so anxious, they end up doing nothing, ever.

 

That's not what happened to me. Just the opposite. Putting pressure on myself to "just do it" made me not take any action because it was too intimidating. Once I small chunked my learning, I was able to make progress.

 

So try it both ways OP.

[Careerchoice]

I matched with a girl on Tinder at the end of last month. She said she had just gone on a first date with a guy and it went extremely well so she was going to see where it goes and, if things implode, she would contact me the next time she's looking. I said "Nothing to stress out about. You're cute, so keep me in mind ;-)". Ball's in her court, right? Nope! A week later I message her just to see how things are going. I didn't care if she responded or not. I didn't care if she judged me negatively or not. I knew in my head that I could not rely on her to keep me in mind, so I took the steering wheel and did what needed to be done. We get into a few conversations, I persist through some B.S., get her number, and we went on a first date last night. We hit it off and she can't wait to see me again.

 

The one constant I see out of you OP is that you give up way too soon. You don't persist.

[katrina1980]

I matched with a girl on Tinder at the end of last month. She said she had just gone on a first date with a guy and it went extremely well so she was going to see where it goes and, if things implode, she would contact me the next time she's looking. I said "Nothing to stress out about. You're cute, so keep me in mind ;-)". Ball's in her court, right? Nope! A week later I message her just to see how things are going. I didn't care if she responded or not. I didn't care if she judged me negatively or not. I knew in my head that I could not rely on her to keep me in mind, so I took the steering wheel and did what needed to be done. We get into a few conversations, I persist through some B.S., get her number, and we went on a first date last night. We hit it off and she can't wait to see me again.

 

The one constant I see out of you OP is that you give up way too soon. You don't persist.

 

I like this post! No risk, no reward!

 

You took a risk (she could have knocked you down), and it worked out positively for you!

 

Sounds like you didn't care either way though, so you essentially had nothing to lose by reaching out again.

 

I've done that too!!

 

This is sort of what I was discussing in a thread I started.

 

How much easier it is to take initiative when we are not that invested in the outcome.

 

Unfortunately many people "are" invested in the outcome (especially when we really like someone) so they find it difficult to take the risk (of being rejected). True for me!

 

Anyway, good for you, glad it worked out!

[bbogdanov]

Rejection is not something I like (of course but it doesn't bother me so much. I am guilty, maybe, of not persisting, but the last girl's response meant that she is not interested. That's what I thought? So I didn't want to be stupid and not understanding and backed off.

[Careerchoice]

but the last girl's response meant that she is not interested.

 

No. Misinterpretation. I see that she's still interested.

[bbogdanov]

OK, I will hold you responsible for this particular girl

[Careerchoice]

OK, I will hold you responsible for this particular girl

 

Ok I accept the burden lol.

[bbogdanov]

Punish yourself now That last girl told me (after me having to push things so she have no option but to spit it out) that she didn't see any similarities between me and her Next one!

[Careerchoice]

It's good that you proceded the situation to completion and did not bail out early. A valuable learning experience.

[bbogdanov]

I can't be more indifferent to a woman rejecting me now. I am talking to several women lately. A girl I'd been on a date with a couple of weeks ago messaged me yesterday and we may have dinner on Thursday. I have another two or three potential dates for the end of this week or the next one. Basically I'm in a situation I've never been so I feel really good and nonchalant. My mindset and actions are different and I guess women sense it...