Yolofish Posted September 14, 2017 Share Posted September 14, 2017 So my boyfriend and I have had a lot of arguments recently based around sexual activity. I'm not a very sexual person at all! But he being a male is very opposite! I know I'm not particularly normal in this aspect as I could easily live without sex! I don't see a need for it. I always avoid any type of bedroom intimacy besides kisses and cuddles. So he's recently told me that we need to be doing something at least once a week, and apparently if that doesn't happen then he will have to seriously consider what's right for him. I really don't want to do those things and idk if it's cause I'm less attracted to him than I used to be or that there is something in my brain saying no? (He would never break up with me tho he's obsessed with me) but if he doesn't stop blowing up and making a huge deal fighting and crying about this should I break up with him? Who's in the wrong here? Am I for not trying to want him enough? It him for trying to push me? Link to comment
j.man Posted September 14, 2017 Share Posted September 14, 2017 You don't need to be having sex at any frequency. Neither of you are wrong in your sex drives or lack thereof, but he is wrong in not just moaning or pressuring you but full on blowing up about it. Sexual compatibility is a very real thing and if he's not getting what he needs, then he needs to find a woman who fits the bill. Plenty of women out there ready, willing, and able to oblige at the very least once a week. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted September 14, 2017 Share Posted September 14, 2017 How long have the two of you been together? Do you always lose interest or is he the only one this has happened with? How old are the two of you? Would you be willing to open up your relationship so that he comes home to kiss and cuddle you but has his sexual needs met by someone else? You say he would never leave you so I'm thinking that would be his only other option. Link to comment
Yolofish Posted September 14, 2017 Author Share Posted September 14, 2017 We've been together for a year and a half. I'm 18 and he's 19. I've only had one boyfriend before him and it was sort of same deal but I wasn't super attracted to him anyway And that is definitely not something either of us would do or want Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted September 14, 2017 Share Posted September 14, 2017 If it's not working, it's not working. He won't be happy without sexual intimacy, and you don't have the desire and won't be happy - so instead of fighting , why not just let go? Neither one of you should have to force something that isn't true for you. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted September 14, 2017 Share Posted September 14, 2017 We've been together for a year and a half. I'm 18 and he's 19. I've only had one boyfriend before him and it was sort of same deal but I wasn't super attracted to him anyway And that is definitely not something either of us would do or want Then he will likely break up with you. I think he wants more then a platonic friend as a potential "Life mate?' Sexual compatibility is very important in keeping a relationship together. He's in his sexual prime at 19. I'm not sure how he'd ever just settle for someone who is basically A-sexual. If you don't like him complaining for wanting what every red blooded male wants with the woman (or man) he loves then break up with him. Don't do the selfish thing though and blame the break up on him complaining or blowing up, do it because you feel you're sexually incompatible.... which you are. Link to comment
Honeycomb8 Posted September 14, 2017 Share Posted September 14, 2017 His desires are normal.at your age you guys should be having sex everyday, or at least however frequently u guys see each other. You should break up. Link to comment
rosephase Posted September 14, 2017 Share Posted September 14, 2017 His desires are normal.at your age you guys should be having sex everyday, or at least however frequently u guys see each other. You should break up. There is no 'should' when it comes to sex drives. Different people have different desires and there is nothing wrong with not being terribly interested in sex ,just as there is nothing wrong with having a really strong desire for sex. There is a wide range of sexual expression. Link to comment
Honeycomb8 Posted September 14, 2017 Share Posted September 14, 2017 And that is why she needs to break up with him. I can't imagine dating someone who thought sex was a chore. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted September 14, 2017 Share Posted September 14, 2017 Neither of you is in the wrong - you are just very sexually incompatible. A relationship without intimacy is essentially a friendship. This isn't going to work in the long-term, as you are both going to become very frustrated and fed up. Given how young you both are, I would let each other go. You're not a match, in a very significant way. Link to comment
AlanaNoskcid Posted September 14, 2017 Share Posted September 14, 2017 I hear ya girl. My bf and I haven't had sex in literal months... I don't know why my sex drive has dropped significantly because I find him attractive I just could live without it which is not like me in past relationships... he's also similar to your guy in that he'd never leave me... ahhh I feel like I have deeper issues I'm not ready to address lol Link to comment
Rustysuit Posted September 14, 2017 Share Posted September 14, 2017 Sex and physical intimacy is a very important aspect of any relationship. Unless both sides are happy with no sex, then changes need to happen. If this keeps going you'll both end up separate. Either you'll break up with him because of the pressure or he'll break up with you because his (very reasonable needs) aren't being met. No one is in the right or in the wrong...just different needs. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted September 14, 2017 Share Posted September 14, 2017 In a previous post you were having issues with him being clingy, insecure, having no friends and were considering breaking up. You very well may not a have a high sex drive, but being with someone like him would not turn most women on. Could it be combination of the two? Link to comment
AtitAgain Posted September 14, 2017 Share Posted September 14, 2017 There are two sides to this. 1 - once a week is already an extremely small amount - I have sex with my gf pretty much every day unless one of us is sick, extremely tired, or something out of the ordinary. So I do empathize with the guy. It is not your "job" to do it with him, but if you don't, he is perfectly within his right to leave you and find someone who does. 2 - If he truly is clingy, needy, insecure, etc etc - that will dry up a vagina like the Sahara desert - I do get why you wouldn't want it with him... Link to comment
Bigbren Posted September 14, 2017 Share Posted September 14, 2017 You have no respect for him or his needs. You know the type of man he is. You say he is obsessed with you yet you're not allowing him to fully embrace you. You are keeping him around for your selfish needs, whatever they are. You need to end the relationship and let him heal. If you give in and give him what he wants for the wrong reasons then this will come back to bite you in the future. Your sex life is going to very boring and blend and the chimestery won't be there. It will change your attitude towards each other outside the bedroom in a negative way. Let him find someone he can have sex with and enjoy that part of a relationship Link to comment
Bigbren Posted September 14, 2017 Share Posted September 14, 2017 There are two sides to this. 1 - once a week is already an extremely small amount - I have sex with my gf pretty much every day unless one of us is sick, extremely tired, or something out of the ordinary. So I do empathize with the guy. It is not your "job" to do it with him, but if you don't, he is perfectly within his right to leave you and find someone who does. 2 - If he truly is clingy, needy, insecure, etc etc - that will dry up a vagina like the Sahara desert - I do get why you wouldn't want it with him... She sounds like the one who is clingy, needy, and insecure in my opinion. She wants to cuddle and kiss in the bed room but isn't confident enough to give her man what he wants. She won't even try and look at the situation with an open mind. She might find out some things that she likes during sex / try new things. Link to comment
Chelsea54 Posted September 19, 2017 Share Posted September 19, 2017 You said that you're not attracted to him and you weren't attracted to your previous boyfriend either. Why do you get involved as a girlfriend then? When you meet the next guy who likes you, be honest. If you don't "like" him then do not be his girlfriend. Be friends. Try flirting if it's not too confusing for the guy. But don't call yourself a girlfriend if you're not even attracted. Maybe you aren't matured or fully know your own desires yet. Nothing wrong or strange about it. But this boyfriend knows what he wants..... Hopefully you are learning that if you haven't felt that jolt! of attraction-it isn't gonna happen. You will both end up resenting each other. Part friends. When you are ready, find a person who triggers your mind to give you butterflies and zing! If you're frozen--let it go! Lol. Link to comment
j.man Posted September 19, 2017 Share Posted September 19, 2017 If you're frozen--let it go! Lol.chelsea stoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooop Link to comment
Chelsea54 Posted September 19, 2017 Share Posted September 19, 2017 Impulse typing. Stopping. Sorry. Link to comment
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