Jump to content


Silver Member
  • Posts

  • Joined

Everything posted by Rustysuit

  1. You sound like a freaking spoiled train wreck that doesn't know what she has or wants. Also just shame on you for leading this guy on for so many years and basically using him for your own selfish reasons. Edit because I'm pissed at you for being a horrible person to this dude: tell him exactly what you told us. Tell him you used him and that you're done with him now. Don't let him pine over you and show him the real person you are so it's easier for him to move on. It's the least you can do after what you did.
  2. I'm NC for 6 months and although I have no hope left (really, I don't), I still find myself fantasizing the moment she'll reach out to me to apologize, etc. It's so weird. I know it'll never happen but I can't stop imagining it. I guess I still have some kind of hope
  3. Just wait until you get your heartbroken a second time and you'll be left with "now what?" and wondering "where did I go wrong?" again, because life isn't all about going to the gym or doing X or Y. It's great that it worked out for you, but as someone who went through the same, it means jack sh*t, because next time you'll still do all these wonderful things - go to the gym, meditate, take up a hobby, move forward with your life and she'll end up dumping you again if it's simply not right. No matter what you do, if you're incompatible, it's over. Tell me what will you do when that happens? Will you hit the gym harder? Will you take even more degrees? More volunteering? Anyway, what I'm saying is, the key to moving forward is exactly that. To move forward, to survive. Not about doing this or that. I dunno, it just seems every male in this forum never went to the gym before a BU (lol) and kinda put their dreams on hold because of a girl. I didn't. I was a very good, stable, happy guy before I met her. I'm going to the gym for 6 years now, I have my hobbies and passions and the only lackluster aspect of my life is my career (working on it). Now I'm just a ing mess with low self-esteem no matter how much attention I get, because none of it comes from her. Anecdotal evidence of "what worked for me" is crap. It wasn't the gym or meditation. It was time and our ability to heal from emotional scars. It happens to all of us and it'll keep happening. Just try to take something valuable from it is all I say, even if it's something minimal with consequence. As for general advice: do whatever you think and feel will move you forward and absolutely refuse to be stuck. Refuse that hold on you that says you're not good enough, smart enough, kind enough. Refuse all that noise and f*cking move forward!
  4. Well, if you found someone else like her again, you'd be screwed all over again lol. You need to find someone different who can make things work out with you, not another her who would kill the relationship over petty crap. Life ain't like the movies. We're not all supposed to be driving ferraris and having a "great" 6 digit job. We're all pretty average trying to figure things out as we go. And many times there'll be bumps in the road. Ofc it's hard. Healing a broken heart is the hardest thing you'll ever do, but there will come a time when you'll say "how could I have felt that way for so long?". You just need to hold on and keep moving forward for now.
  5. No matter how much you try and rationalize and justify his behavior, truth of the fact is: he should accept as you are. Sure, pushing you in the right direction in order to have a better life is commendable and we should all strive for it and forward that feeling into our loved ones, but what if you're already happy with your life? What if you don't need an all that fancy job with that much pay? What if you want to be able to relax more, earn a little less and enjoy more out of life? That's not wrong. It just means people are different and differences sometimes create incompatibilities. You're really punishing yourself too hard and let me tell you (from a self-punisher to another), this road won't end well. It will motivate you like hell, that's for sure. For a little while. The problem will be at the end, when you finally achieve that "something" and you realize it's not all that. Or maybe not, maybe it will be something of your dreams. No one can tell this but yourself. The job of a SO is to be there for you no matter what (as long as it's an healthy relationship) and not how to tell you how to live your freaking life. So what if you slacked off for a while? So what if you have all this potential and you didn't tap into it (yet)? Is that grounds to breakup? I don't think so. It's grounds for a talk, to plan for the future, to be understood and to act on them. I really hope this will serve as a lesson for you. Not because you did anything wrong, but so you can know, deep down, that you can do whatever the f*ck you want and if a guy can't handle that, it's his problem. Not yours. Just focus on becoming a better person and doing what makes you happy. if that's going back to college and finally finishing your degree, so be it. But it could be travelling the world or just buying a small house and become a farmer. Who can tell? You. Only you. Not others.
  6. He's an a**hole and he won't change. Can you imagine living the rest of your life with this person always looking measuring you up and your accomplishments and belittle them? It sounds like a freaking nightmare. Be glad he's someone else's problem now.
  7. And also talk about some boundaries as checking someone else's phone is unacceptable behavior
  8. You need to fight the urge to belittle yourself. You may be a loser in her eyes, but that just means you were just incompatible. You don't need a fancy job or salary to be "successful" as there are many variants and the spectrum is wide enough for each and every one of us to fit in there. With that said, maybe this is the perfect time to reflect on some goals/ambitions/passions? As for you and her, you need to try your best to move on, since she's clearly done with your relationship. You're both young so it's normal to go through this. And don't worry, at 18 and early 20's everyone is a "loser" trying to figure things out.
  9. It doesn't go against advice here. Generally speaking we tend to say to avoid dating because nothing will come off of it while you're still in love with your ex and you'll just end up even more hurt and hurting other people. Getting on tinder to talk with people is fine and even beneficial. If you can get casual sex out of it without feeling guilty, even better. Just serious dating and jumping into a new relationship is what we try to recommend against.
  10. We're not therapists, so we can't diagnose anyone based on what you say, but the prime rule you need to learn in relationships: always believe people when they tell you what they are. If she told you she has a split personality, even if that's fundamentally incorrect, it says a lot about the person. If she says she's a manipulative b*tch, believe her, if she says she's going to break up with you eventually and you'll end up hurt, believe her. This goes on for everything. You're not special. You won't change or save her. She can't be fixed by you. ALWAYS believe them when they say what they are. With that said, there's nothing you can do except to move forward and leave this girl in the past as somebody else's problem.
  11. I've been a poster for some time but never quite started my own thread (since many others touched on the same topics as my own), but now I'm facing some sort of a dilemma. There's going to be a literary event in the town where my ex lives (40km away from me) that I must absolutely attend. Michael Palin from Monty Python will be there and I'm a massive fan of his, along with some other fun activities. Perfect, right? Not really. The entrance is free and I'm like 90% sure my ex will be there because the town is kinda smallish and there's not much going on and the event is on a friday. While it isn't certain she will be there or not, the probability alone is killing me with my anxiety going through the roof with the thought of seeing her - possibly with someone else as this is a perfect date to go with someone. Now, I will go no matter what, but I know I'll be in surreal amount of pain if she's actually there, double that if I see her with someone else. I'm trying to find a date to go with me, my brother or some friends, but it's not looking good. I will go alone if need to and face my fear and anxiety because I can't keep living like this, but I want to know your thoughts on this and some tips. I desperately need help. Just some info on the relationship/breakup. Dated for 9 months + 1 months of "talking" with making out and sex. BU 6 months ago via whatsapp stating "she lost feelings" and didn't know how to explain it, but saying I was the best boyfriend and that she never loved anyone as much as me, but that it was bound to happen (she has some issues). NC from day 1 and I have no idea of how she's doing, if she's seeing someone else, etc. I don't look her up anywhere. What to do if I see her there with someone else? I feel like I won't enjoy the event as much as I could if I find her and even if I don't, I think i'll be constantly looking out for her. Am I being paranoid/stupid? I'm literally going crazy. Can't stop running 10000 scenarios through my head and I'm desperately trying to find a date as an emotional support. Is that wrong as well?
  12. You'd be surprised at what people do to avoid uncomfortable situations. It just shows a lack of maturity, respect and general life experience. Definitely not relationship material or LTR dating. Count your blessings with this one, bro.
  13. Not sure what you want from this since you barely can start a relationship or properly communicate with each other. Relationships are hard work, but not in the beginning lol, the beginning is supposed to easy and smooth sailing. If you're having this much trouble without even having anything really, I really don't know what you want.
  14. There's no way people from very different religious beliefs can get together and make it work long term. One of you is bound to resent the other when religious differences come up, especially if the family holds religion as a high moral value. I don't know the specifics of your case, but you're better off either dating within your own religion or just not taking it seriously enough and definitely make sure your side of the family won't interfere with your business. I'm atheist myself, but if I found a good arab girl which I loved, but her side of the family was very religious, I'd be out of there in 1 heartbeat unless she shared some of my views. No right or wrong, it's just how it works. Religion is a big deal breaker, especially when it comes to raising a family and getting both sides of the family envolved. I imagine your ex is catholic or christian? Would you accept the baptism and celebrating all the catholic holidays, going to church, etc.? Would he be all right with you forcing the family (possibly kids) to fast on ramadan? Which religion would your kids be? Would you circumcise your male child or make the girls wear an hijab, a niqab or a burqa? Maybe he just saw that there's no future in this relationship due to religious differences. Depending on how you face your own religion, this might've been it to this guy. Anyway, you're better off looking for someone with the same religion as you unless you REALLY - and I mean REALLY - don't care much for it and you're strong enough to keep your religious family at bay.
  15. Everyone in this forum knows this feeling of "time invested" and that 3 years won't be erased and it feels like a waste, but...sometimes you really need to let go. Go back and read your original post. This woman is very bad news for you. You need to gain some self respect and completely shut her down from your life. You deserve better, man. You deserve a lot better. I almost envy you, man. My ex did nothing like this and the relationship was good - very good - I have almost nothing to "hold on to" and say "yeah, that was never going to work out" apart from a few inner demons and narcissistic traits. She just lost her feelings towards me and I can't put a single ounce of blame on her, which makes me not able to move on properly. I just can't. But you? Holy crap, man. Where do you want to begin? This is a woman that doesn't love you and treats you as a doormat and a safety net to fall back on while she goes and s around with the first dude who crosses her path. You have it so easy, man. It's all spelled out for you.
  16. Dude, she wanted to break up with you without all the hassle of actually doing it. Be glad this person is gone
  17. Depends on who dumped who and why. I'll never contact my ex-gf, not in a million years, but I'd be overjoyed to hear from her again.
  18. I agree. If he's still acting like this child after you reached out in a mature, loving, respectful way, then I'm sorry, girl, but this "man" isn't right for you. He needs a lot of growing up to do and how to properly control his emotions. It sucks that we sometimes fall in love with people who don't really "get it", or appreciate it, but trust me that one day they will. Sooner or later he's going to realize the child he was/is to you and maybe he'll apologize one day, but for now PLEASE KNOW that you're not missing out on anything. You can throw a rock and hit a dozen guys who know how to love and carry a relationship forward. Trust me. It will suck for a while, but in the end you're better off.
  19. I don't have kids, but I like to think that if someone else's kids were giving my own a hard time, especially in my own house, I wouldn't put up with it for too long. F*ck that noise. I'm glad you realize this relationship was simply not meant to be and you seem to be doing well with your focus on the career and your kids. We all deserve love though and I hope you find it cause you seem like a good person.
  20. Then it's immaturity kicking in and lack of experience in dealing with emotions/relationships. Good thing is, you can very easily come back from this and forgive each other. The bad is, this type of thing will most likely keep happening until you break up for good, unless both of you grow out of it - which it's possible. Good communication is key in any relationship and setting up "rules" like that is just a recipe for disaster. My best advice would be to always be respectful, even when you're hurting, and honest. It's fine to take a step back and sometimes even necessary, but coming off as cold/cruel/robot hurts, as you well know, and no one likes to get hurt by those we love As for what you should do now, maybe take a look at how you really feel, if you still love him, etc. Wouldn't hurt to reach out one last time, but you'd also be fine with this lesson. So as he when he realizes you both acted like kids.
  21. I understand how you feel. I spent 4 years alone before my now ex and I'm utterly terrified that it will happen again! Although I don't know what will happen in the future, I'm doing everything I can to stop the past from repeating itself. I don't regret those 4 years. I grew a lot and I was still in love with my first EX so I would simply say to myself "She is no Ana." (Ana is the name of my first ex) and I would carry on. After those years, I decided I finally had enough and that I was ready again. Turns out, I really was! I found an awesome girl and we had the best relationship of my life - even though it only lasted 9 months. But it showed me I could date, attract and love again. Now, I'm doing everything I can so I won't be "out" for another 4 years, because, frankly, I don't need to. Don't punish yourself too hard. First thing you need to do is to forgive yourself and move forward. Wherever that may be
  22. Dude, did I read this right You met her on august and you were living together on september? You both have problems.
  23. Sounds like he's a bit of an emotional guy and your "rule" (lol @ rules in relationships) is hard to follow when emotions come bursting. Sometimes it's just not possible to take a step back when you're feelings things. You may want to and know it's the right call, but there are things that need to get off your chest. By the looks of it, you two sound young and immature. How old are you? His reaction is a classic overreaction, but he has some grounds on it. WHen you're with someone you supposedly love and loves you back, robotic, "neutral" language makes you feel unloved, unwanted. It's like "I'm here pouring my heart out and you don't care". He probably rationalized by now that you simply don't care for him or the relationship. I honestly don't know if you should reach out or let his head settle down. Maybe you can message him one last time saying you want things to work out and that your "monotonous answers" were just your way to cope with the argument and not related to how you feel about him at all. Let it at that and wait for an answer from him.
  24. Sounds like a lot of petty issues you have with your GF. Doesn't seem like she's manipulating or even controlling you by what you say. It's just how you're feeling because of some reason. Also, when your SO asks "who's the most important person in your life for you?" you better be sure to include him/her in the list. You could even say, "well, there are some, you of course, my mom, my brother" etc. etc. The engagement ring conundrum is the only real issue IMO because it shows she's a spoiled, entitled women who doesn't appreciate your efforts. Or maybe it's just the way she was brought up seeing her mother or father showing their love by buying expensive things. Anyway, your list is a very poor pack of things of why you should break up. Maybe you need to start being honest with yourself and realize that relationships aren't perfect. Maybe this women just isn't right for you and you're trying to find excuses/reasons not to be with her. That's not a good sign. Some soul searching would do you wonders. And , don't complain about your SO cooking you food! That's ridiculous.
  • Create New...