annapreston Posted August 11, 2017 Share Posted August 11, 2017 Hey everyone, This is my first post on this website but I need advice. My husband and I have been married a year and a half. In the beginning he was doting, happy, and would go out and do things with me and actually have fun doing them. He used to make me breakfast in bed and tell me how beautiful I was and how much he loved me. He was fun, outgoing. Things started to change gradually. He plays professional tennis and so he would be gone for occasional spats of time. When he had local matches I would go see him play to give him support. He was constantly complaining that I wasn't cheering loud enough and I wasn't being supportive enough. It felt like he was blaming his failures on me. Around 7 months into our marriage we started to argue quite a bit. The arguments usually revolved around him not feeling appreciated enough, or him not being present when we went out and did things together. Getting him to do things with me that didn't involve tennis was like pulling teeth. Whenever we did go out together, he didn't have much to say and seemed irritated, angry or just not there. As for him saying I wasn't being supportive enough, I tried my best but I am a full-time student and there's only so much I can do. I would make him food and coffee, get up early to help him pack for his trips, do all his dishes. He would also make me food and do dishes as well, it was a two-way street. I went to all his matches and would even go to the courts with him for two hours two times a week and throw balls for him. It never seemed to be enough. The arguments often turned nasty. He called me horrible names, like "wh**", "c***", stupid cow, using personal things I had told him against me, saying that I had made my ex-boyfriend hate himself and that's why he had broken up with me (it was an extremely tough break-up and I had opened up about it to him). My self-esteem plummeted. Whenever he used these words against me I told him it was emotionally abusive and how it affected me. He continued to do it until I threatened to leave him until we got counseling. We went to one session and it improved for two months. Now it's slowly sliding back to the way it was. He continues to call me names. He continues to be distant. When I ask him what's wrong he always claims that it's nothing, but he never seems happy. I always have to initiate anything physical with him, and half the time it seems like he perceives it as a chore, or something he has to do. I booked a trip together to Romania, and since he's training for tennis it was during a Futures Tennis tournament here. I understand he's here for work, but we went out for dinner last night and I was so happy and excited to be in a foreign country and he couldn't have been more of a bummer. He seemed bored, didn't seem invested in the conversation that I was trying to start with him. It feels like we've run out of things to talk about. He doesn't seem excited about life or interested in me in the slightest. He refuses to talk about it with me. I'm so tired of going to his tennis practices and waiting for him to get off just so he can be horrible to me when we finally get to spend time with him. I'm invested in this relationship, but for some reason it feels like he's given up. I feel trapped, and distant from him. I want a divorce but whenever I think about it I'm overwhelmed with fear. I want to leave him but I don't know if it's the right thing to do because I still love him, but it doesn't seem fair to me to continue this. I snapped at him this morning because he left the door wide open to our apartment that we're renting, and he exploded, calling me a "greedy c***", and told me to fly home. I shouldn't have snapped at him, but I am so fed up with his apathy and his lack of interest in anything except tennis. I need advice, I'm not sure what to do. I think it was a mistake getting married to him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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