Other Couple 'stealing' my bf's Anniversary idea -- would this Scenario annoy you?

[Bunney]

Right, my boyfriend and I have been living with another couple for the past 10 months now (our roommates girlfriend doesn't officially live here - she's just always there).

 

This past Friday, my boyfriend and I were supposed to take a 'dolphin tour' which is a specific boat tour at a beach about 1h30min away from our hometown. He surprised me with the tickets on the day of our 1 year anniversary by giving me self-made/self-drawn "vouchers" train ride, ferry ride (to get to that specific beach) and the dolphin tour. His roommate knew all about it all along because he saw my boyfriend make these "vouchers" for me.

 

So Friday came & we went all the way with the train (1h), the ferry (30min) and when we finally arrived at the island where the dolphin tour takes place... He realized that we took the wrong ferry & thus were at the wrong side of the island - and since the tour was already about to start, there was no way of getting there in time (no taxis etc.). Also, these tours only take place twice a day and we had the later one.

 

Needless to say my bf was very upset as the whole thing had taken him a lot of planning & was mad at himself for not checking where the ferry arrived beforehand (he assumed there was only one port). It was awful, he was on the verge of tears as he had really wanted to take me on that tour (as I had talked a few times about it in the past and how much I'd like to see the dolphins). There was no cheering him up that day

 

When we got home later that day, totally tired and exhausted, I told our roommate about it (bc he asked how it was) and he showed a lot of empathy to the situation.

 

Today (3 days later) my bf and I are sitting on the couch watching GoT and our roommates get home. They look at us with this playful "shameful" look like they had something to confess and we were like "what? what have you guys been up to?" and yep you guessed it, they took that exact dolphin tour today - lol.

 

I didn't say anything at the time and just listened to them going on about how great it was - but after they had left the room I did start to feel annoyed. Am I being petty? I really would like to hear how other people in that situation would react. I mean, obviously I am not going to say anything to either of them but inside I do feel like "are you freaking kidding me? Get your own ideas " lol.

 

Mind you, they are NOT the outdoor kind of couple and rarely ever do anything together (the last time must have been end of June where they went to the movies); actually they have one of the most dysfuncional relationships I've witnessed; he has broken up with her twice in the last 3 months, are always arguing etc. So maybe since I am harboring some resentment toward both of them (for several reasons) I am being more annoyed at this situation than I usually would be.

 

Btw we are in our mid-twenties (me and the girlfriend), bf is 31 and roommate is 35.

 

What do you think?

[ThatwasThen]

I think you should reschedule you're own dolphin tour and just forget that there are other people in the world that would like to do that same thing.

 

Would you be upset if they went and seen the same movie that is currently playing at your local theater? Of course you wouldn't... same diff.

[Seraphim]

No, it wouldn't bother me.

[Hollyj]

You are being petty. Why don't you reschedule for another tour.

[j.man]

The other day I KOed my friend with one clean upppercut because he got a slice of pizza when he heard me NO MORE THAN A WEEK AGO say I was thinking about having pizza for lunch. Needless to say, in your shoes, I'd be very, very upset. It's like they don't even know that every couple gets exclusive rights to a certain animal.

[j.man]

Maybe send them an anonymous letter with a black and white photo of a dolphin with the note, "Every show you go to, Flipper loses another brother." Bet they think twice.

[Krankor]

Yes, you are being petty. Going on a dolphin tour isn't now the intellectual property of you and your boyfriend. I mean, what if they had come to you and asked "Hey, mind if we do this?" Now mind you, they had no reason to and normal people wouldn't, but what if they had? Would you have said "Yes" and been fine with it because at least they asked? Said "Yes," but been secretly annoyed? Or said "No, I'd really appreciate it of you wouldn't."?

 

So yes, you are wrong. But at least you have the self-awareness to ask. Time to recalibrate your thinking.

[pippy longstocking]

Maybe send them an anonymous letter with a black and white photo of a dolphin with the note, "Every show you go to, Flipper loses another brother." Bet they think twice.

 

 

 

op you gave them a good idea ..they liked the sound of it and went for it ...

[RedDress]

How long in advance do you have to book the tour? It sounds like they at least waited for a date after you were supposed to have gone? That might have been cheap if they tried to sneak in first.

 

I mean, you can't "stamp" the idea forever. At some point other people need to be allowed to take the tour. Lol!

 

I think what aggravated the situation was that you were supposed to have gone but missed it. THEN they come in and tell you all about it (it would have been courteous to keep it to themselves if they knew you were disappointed)

 

The only thing they did wrong, IMO, is brag about it.

 

Soooo when are you rescheduling with your bf?

[melancholy123]

Do you own the dolphins they had the nerve to go see? Perhaps you own the ferry boat? Come on, how petty can you get? You are mad because you didnt get to see the dolphins and they did. Get over it. Book another date to go see them and make sure you get the right ferry.

[Bunney]

Due to the tour taking up the entire day, the earliest we were able to reschedule is in 2 weeks.

 

They had never even thought of doing the tour before they saw that my bf planned this for us, heck they never ever do anything outdoor together. So it's not even in question that they had been 'inspired' by us. They very spontaneously booked it last night and then went today.

 

The timing of it seems insensitive as they knew how disappointed we were on Friday, it being my anniversary gift and all. When they were going on about how romantic and awesome it was, I wasn't able to shake the feeling that there was an underlying hint of "ha, we got to do it before you guys" rubbing in our face kind of thing.

 

Oh well.

[ThatwasThen]

Did ya say, with a smile on your face, "Gee, way to make us feel even worse about missing it, you guys."

[reinventmyself]

Take it as a compliment. It's your choice on how you want to react to it.

You can laugh at it. . or write it off or let it ruin your day. Your choice.

One thing you don't have control over is whether or not they went.

[Bunney]

Well, something along those lines yes. Never showed a hint of being irritated, just surprised and curious.

 

However I am abit shocked at the tone of "advice" or "opinions" I am getting here especially melancholy's. I never said I was "mad" and you come off as rude and offensive.

 

From a forum I've been a part of for 11 years, I expected a little more mature, kind responses even if you cannot see at all where I am coming from or don't agree with me. There is no need for the insulting vibes and it makes me think twice about writing here for opinions again, which I rarely even do in the first place. Thanks for all the sarcasm and rudeness guys. Disappointed describes it pretty well.

[ThatwasThen]

Well, something along those lines yes. Never showed a hint of being irritated, just surprised and curious.

 

However I am abit shocked at the tone of "advice" or "opinions" I am getting here especially melancholy's. I never said I was "mad" and you come off as rude and offensive.

 

From a forum I've been a part of for 11 years, I expected a little more mature, kind responses even if you cannot see at all where I am coming from or don't agree with me. There is no need for the insulting vibes and it makes me think twice about writing here for opinions again, which I rarely even do in the first place. Thanks for all the sarcasm and rudeness guys. Disappointed describes it pretty well.

 

Okay, what, if anything is exactly is going on in your life/relationship that is causing you to become hurt/offended so easily, bunney?

[reinventmyself]

Well, something along those lines yes. Never showed a hint of being irritated, just surprised and curious.

 

However I am abit shocked at the tone of "advice" or "opinions" I am getting here especially melancholy's. I never said I was "mad" and you come off as rude and offensive.

 

From a forum I've been a part of for 11 years, I expected a little more mature, kind responses even if you cannot see at all where I am coming from or don't agree with me. There is no need for the insulting vibes and it makes me think twice about writing here for opinions again, which I rarely even do in the first place. Thanks for all the sarcasm and rudeness guys. Disappointed describes it pretty well.

So maybe since I am harboring some resentment toward both of them (for several reasons) I am being more annoyed at this situation than I usually would be.

 

Be fair now.

You asked if you were being petty. . I just read the responses and you got the answer. No insults.

Some of it was tongue-in-cheek, funny. Clearly you go that, riiight??

[itsallgrand]

It seems a little petty on their part, to me.

 

End of the day though, you've got a great relationship, you are happy...

 

So like my step dad used to say ' if it makes them smile, and it doesn't hurt me, have at it'

[Mari]

Right, my boyfriend and I have been living with another couple for the past 10 months now (our roommates girlfriend doesn't officially live here - she's just always there).

 

...

 

Btw we are in our mid-twenties (me and the girlfriend), bf is 31 and roommate is 35.

 

What do you think?

 

I think you feel they stole the idea because you two went and it didn't happen. If it happened, instead of being upset, you would be happy that they followed in your footsteps. People go on vacations all the time and tell their friends about it. Then when their friends go they feel happy that someone took their advice. You only feel like they stole it because you didn't go first. And it's ok if they went and got the idea from you. There are lots of people on that boat, you could say your boyfriend stole it from them.

[Hollyj]

I think you feel they stole the idea because you two went and it didn't happen. If it happened, instead of being upset, you would be happy that they followed in your footsteps. People go on vacations all the time and tell their friends about it. Then when their friends go they feel happy that someone took their advice. You only feel like they stole it because you didn't go first. And it's ok if they went and got the idea from you. There are lots of people on that boat, you could say your boyfriend stole it from them.

 

Great point.

 

I went whale watching and only saw the tips of the tails - and got really sick from choppy waters. A friend of mine went, got incredibly close to the whales - close enough to kiss them- and got fabulous pics - didn't get ill. I was thrilled for her.

[melancholy123]

Well, something along those lines yes. Never showed a hint of being irritated, just surprised and curious.

 

However I am abit shocked at the tone of "advice" or "opinions" I am getting here especially melancholy's. I never said I was "mad" and you come off as rude and offensive.

 

From a forum I've been a part of for 11 years, I expected a little more mature, kind responses even if you cannot see at all where I am coming from or don't agree with me. There is no need for the insulting vibes and it makes me think twice about writing here for opinions again, which I rarely even do in the first place. Thanks for all the sarcasm and rudeness guys. Disappointed describes it pretty well.

You certainly sounded mad that they went and you didnt. Yes I was harsh but your annoyance is preposterous. I found your comments like those of a young teenage girl who's busy being a dramatic adolescent. I know you are not, but holy cow you come across as whiny. Maybe you are a perfectly nice person, I dont know, but to me it makes no sense to be so upset about missing the dolphins when you can rebook and go again another time. I say what I think and if you find it offensive, so be it. I am not actually a rude and offensive person, but you see me that way because I didnt respond as you thought or hoped people would. The vast majority here think you are being petty.

[Capricorn3]

Am I being petty?

 

What do you think?

Honestly? Yes, I do think you are being petty. This all sounds very very highschoolish (imo) and not something I would expect from adults 25-35 years old. It sort of leaves one with a feeling of "Really!!???"

[Krankor]

OP, trust me, I actually get it. What happened when the other couple walked through the door was that they on some level--perhaps even completely unconsciously, but not entirely unintentionally--was that they were signaling some level of superiority: "Oops! Tee hee. We're sort of better at planning and executing things and so as a result we got to have a fun experience that you didn't get to have. Ahh gee...we're really sorry."

 

So yes, your annoyance--while petty--wasn't rooted in absolute nothingness. However, the way to maintain your dignity (status) is to laugh it off and show that you aren't impressed bit that you are a big enough person to hope they had a good time.

[midnightdeirdre]

OP, I know just how you feel! Your forum actually reminds me back when I was 15---my friends and I went to a Backstreet Boy concert in Boston in September '99. I was so excited as I was a huge fan and loved watching them on TV. And guess what? I had a terrible time at the concert! As you probably figured, our seats weren't the best; the Boys were half the size of my thumbnail (if that) and I could barely hear a word they sang/said. 30 minutes into it I zoned out really badly...and believe it or not, I was messed up over it for months! A girl in my homeroom the next morning said "that was the best night of my life!" and a girl on TV said the same thing.

 

Suffice to say, I sure felt like the odd-girl-out. (Might I also mention that I'm autistic, and this happened years before we found that out. In other words, whenever I'm with people I escape into my own little world; I have no control over it. If we knew that back then, I probably would've felt much better about why the concert went so horribly for me.)

 

And hey, here's an excerpt from Jenny McCarthy's book Love, Lust, & Faking It that really spoke to me: "Have you ever planned a vacation or a girls night out, and months before you had visions of how great it was going to be? you saw you and your friends dancing on the dance floor, shoving cheeseburgers in your face at four in the morning, and then puking it all up the next day. Then days before your big trip, you call your friends, saying, "It's gonna rock!" because in your mind it was already the best time ever! Then cut to the actual trip...the hotel is under construction, you can't get into any clubs, and your friend is on antibiotics so you have no one to drink with. The obvious point being: your fantasies are pretty much always better than the actual event."

[midnightdeirdre]

 

However I am abit shocked at the tone of "advice" or "opinions" I am getting here especially melancholy's. I never said I was "mad" and you come off as rude and offensive.

 

From a forum I've been a part of for 11 years, I expected a little more mature, kind responses even if you cannot see at all where I am coming from or don't agree with me. There is no need for the insulting vibes and it makes me think twice about writing here for opinions again, which I rarely even do in the first place. Thanks for all the sarcasm and rudeness guys. Disappointed describes it pretty well.

 

Omg, Bunney I totally agree! I hate when people post sarcastic comments. I mean ok, maybe some forums aren't exactly life-altering, but people come here to get some genuine advice, feedback, and sympathy. If someone doesn't want to offer that, they shouldn't bother even commenting.