Waiting for the call

[Sunny23]

I met a guy on a dating app and we went for coffee the next week. We talked and talked and time ended up flying and we stayed there for four hours until the barista came over to tell us she was about to close the shop for the evening. At the end of the date he mentioned how great it was that the conversation flowed so well and he would definitely like to hang out soon and that he would text me over the weekend to set something up for later the following week. Then he said that he hadn't done a lot of Tinder stuff and that the few dates through app/online dating he had been on were tedious. And that ours was really cool...that he's not really into the whole "hookup" thing. I told him it was the same for me although I had made a good friend on one, which was true...and that I find dating kinda tedious and don't often go out with people from apps, but he seemed cool. Which is true.

 

So the weekend is over now and no text. I'm going to wait, but I wonder if I should reach out to him on Tuesday or something to see if he wants to hang out. Or maybe just let it go? I mean he could have met someone he likes better between our last date and now or could have changed his mind...but I wonder if I gave off more friend vibes, too.

[SherrySher]

Just my personal opinion. I wouldn't chase a guy who isn't interested in me. And he can't be all that interested if he had all weekend to text (texting takes 2 seconds), and he didn't.

[reinventmyself]

Some might advise otherwise, but if a man explicitly tells me he will call `over the weekend' and doesn't, I don't call them.

[Sunny23]

It's just weird that the date lasted so long and he seemed so enthused and then didn't text. No? Like what is that about?

[Jibralta]

I'd call. What's the worst that can happen? He'll judge you? Who cares? At least you'll have your answer.

[melancholy123]

Today is Monday, perhaps be a bit patient!

[j.man]

Yeah, it's a bit cruddy he said he'd text over the weekend and didn't, but given the stated purpose, to schedule a date for this week, there's still plenty of time. Plus it was the weekend. It could go either way between whether he's interested or he simply isn't good at excusing himself from a prolonged date. Personally, I'm a big believer in whoever got asked out for the first date doing the asking the second time around. Nothing wrong with putting your neck out there. Or wait. Your choice. My inkling is that he'll reach out tonight or tomorrow.

[Sunny23]

Thanks, j.man! Yeah, see I would have been fine getting in touch if he hadn't specifically said that he would be the one getting in touch. There was a long gap between our decision to first meet and the actual first date (like 9 days) due to schedule conflicts, and I'm fine taking it slow. I'll reach out if I don't hear from him by Wednesday, I guess.

[Cope]

He probably will contact you, but I too find no harm in sending a simple text just to be sure. Wait for when you feel ready to send it. Don't force yourself to send it, don't force yourself not to, when it's the right time you will know. Keep it fun and simple!

[Sunny23]

Yeah, I figure if he is into me then me texting him first isn't going to turn him off (and if it does then we're probably not a good match, because c'mon!). But I like the idea of keeping it fun and simple, Cope...or at least convincing myself as such. keeps some pressure off.

[Cope]

Yeah, I figure if he is into me then me texting him first isn't going to turn him off (and if it does then we're probably not a good match, because c'mon!). But I like the idea of keeping it fun and simple, Cope...or at least convincing myself as such. keeps some pressure off.

 

I totally agree! If your text turns him off good riddance!

I was talking about the text but it should indeed extend to the whole relationship, fun and simple. I think all relationships should be like that. If they aren't something's wrong and I'm not including real life problems like sickness or anything. I mean fun and simple to communicate.

 

So try to focus on your life and your self confidence and at a certain time you might wonder, randomly, hey how is he doing? Lemme send him this that reminded me of him. And so on.

[Sunny23]

Oh yeah, I know what you meant...the fun and simple interaction over text. I usually like to approach these things like I'm making a new friend, because ultimately that's what I'm after whether it's a date/relationship friend or a platonic friends. All different shades of friends (i.e., non-relative, non-work-colleague I'd like to have in my life to enjoy social companionship). I find that keeps things easy. Thanks, Cope!

[Cope]

I would "like" your post but I'm on my phone!

 

Absolutely the healthiest way to view the beginning of a relationship!! Keep us updated!!

[ThatwasThen]

Thanks, j.man! Yeah, see I would have been fine getting in touch if he hadn't specifically said that he would be the one getting in touch. There was a long gap between our decision to first meet and the actual first date (like 9 days) due to schedule conflicts, and I'm fine taking it slow. I'll reach out if I don't hear from him by Wednesday, I guess.

 

I dunno.... HE said he would contact you. To me, that means "he will contact you" and if he doesn't then to H with him. I think it's fine to initiate after he texts you to make that date but not before. If he's actually serious then he WILL contact you to see you again. I would take a chill pill and wait and see what he does.

[katrina1980]

It's just weird that the date lasted so long and he seemed so enthused and then didn't text. No?

 

Like what is that about?

 

Sometimes we can get on really great with someone, talk for hours, laugh even, but there's just no spark, energy, chemistry, whatever you wish to call it.

 

I've had plenty of dates like that myself.

 

So you and this guy got on great, lots of talking and such, but the question is, did he try and kiss you? Was there any touching, or mirroring going on? Sexual tension?

 

I realize many people don't feel this on the first "meet" and that's cool, but for me, when the energy is there, well, there is no denying it really.

 

There is a certain tension which can feel awkward sometimes (which may be half the fun of it ), which for me differentiates a guy whom I merely see as a "friend" from a potential boyfriend/romantic partner.

 

Also sometimes after a date, one goes home and lets the date "marinate" for a bit in their brains before realizing "he/she was nice and it was fun, but there was something missing."

 

I've done that myself and I'm sure guys do it too.

 

That said, wondering did you contact him the next day and thank him for the date?

 

From reading this board and others, it seems many men need that "green light" to feel comfortable pursuing.

 

I know he said he'd call, but sometimes people say that as a formality type of thing, having NO idea at the time whether or not they will actually call.

 

In any event, I don't think you should be "waiting" for his call or anything else. If he calls, great, if not that's fine too, it was only one date.

 

Continue doing your thing as per usual. Going out, meeting and dating other guys.

 

My $.02 fwiw, good luck!

[Sportster2005]

He said he would text you, he didn't. Why is this a question? Trust me, when a man is interested, you'll know. Everything else is noise and gamesmanship. It's a common mistake to cut someone some slack because we like them. Don't !! Be vigilant. If he contacts you now, and you let it slide, you've given him license to treat you like a doormat.

[katrina1980]

He said he would text you, he didn't. Why is this a question? Trust me, when a man is interested, you'll know. Everything else is noise and gamesmanship. It's a common mistake to cut someone some slack because we like them. Don't !! Be vigilant. If he contacts you now, and you let it slide, you've given him license to treat you like a doormat.

 

Not sure if I'd go so far as to call her a doormat but I do agree that it's doubtful he's all that interested.

 

When I said sometimes people say they'll call as a sort of formality, I went back and read OP's original post and noticed he said this:

 

At the end of the date he mentioned how great it was that the conversation flowed so well and he would definitely like to hang out soon and that he would text me over the weekend to set something up for later the following week.

 

That is a definitive, not a formality.

 

I dunno it's tough. Because you want to be flexible but you also want a man who is true to his word, which he hasn't exactly demonstrated himself to be.

 

It's really your call, assuming he contacts you tonight.

 

In any event, like I said, don't sit around "waiting." I have never understood this mentality, there's another thread floating around like this too.

 

Why in the world would anyone "wait" for a guy/girl you only met once to contact you?

 

I can't seem to wrap my brain around that one.

[SherrySher]

See, if I had a man interested in me, he would text me 12:01 pm from Friday that turned into Saturday and then again on Saturday morning just to see if I got his text.

 

Men that are interested don't hide it.

 

If he seems meh, then it's most likely meh. But not every one will be. I wouldn't wait around, but it's your call.

[Sportster2005]

See, if I had a man interested in me, he would text me 12:01 pm from Friday that turned into Saturday and then again on Saturday morning just to see if I got his text.

 

Men that are interested don't hide it.

 

If he seems meh, then it's most likely meh. But not every one will be. I wouldn't wait around, but it's your call.

 

Behaviour always tells the truth.

[Sportster2005]

Huh?

that he would text me over the weekend to set something up for later the following week.

 

Not sure I follow. But not only did he not keep his word, he didn't keep his word about something as important as planning a date. Youuuu're OUT.... Game misconduct penalty....Guilty as charged... People treat you the way you train them to. If she lets this slide she's saying "Go ahead and break important promises, I'm O.K with that, I won't stick up for myself". i.e. doormat.

[SherrySher]

And I meant 12 am not pm in my post...lol....some days the days are too long for brain to think straight.

 

Actions definitely do speak louder than words, he might say he's interested but his actions are not bothered and he can wait around and make you wait around.

 

It really is a bad way to start off.

[Sunny23]

Yeah, I'm not going to bother. Screw him...still haven't heard back and not expecting to...not sure I even want to at this point as it would be confusing to deal with.

 

But I just wonder why guys do this? I know I'm not the only one who has experienced this kinda thing...I mean could have had something come up, could have changed his mind after thinking about the date, could have been freaked out because it went well and wanted something more casual, or could have met someone else...any number of things. But do men realize how inconsiderate this is? I mean I ALWAYS text guys if I think I'm gonna have to call things off or whatever. It's just polite.

 

I dunno, what are some of the factors that could lead to this (not just in my case but in general). He's like 40 years old so I'd think he'd know better.

[Sportster2005]

 

But I just wonder why guys do this?

 

I dunno, what are some of the factors that could lead to this (not just in my case but in general). He's like 40 years old so I'd think he'd know better.

 

But I just wonder why people do this?

 

There, fixed it for you.

 

People do this for all sorts of reasons. None of them good. Usually they just want to keep you on a string just in case there number one interest falls through. Sometimes they mean it when they say it, and someone better comes along. Sometimes they have no intention of calling, but are too cowardly to say so.

 

But I guess more men probably do it than women. Generally being the pursuers and all. But still there's enough flakiness to go around.

[Sunny23]

But I just wonder why people do this?

 

There, fixed it for you.

 

People do this for all sorts of reasons. None of them good. Usually they just want to keep you on a string just in case there number one interest falls through. Sometimes they mean it when they say it, and someone better comes along. Sometimes they have no intention of calling, but are too cowardly to say so.

 

But I guess more men probably do it than women. Generally being the pursuers and all. But still there's enough flakiness to go around.

 

Good point. Women do this, too.

[SherrySher]

Basically because people can be jerks, but then when you think about it, he did you a favour in showing you this so early on. Now you don't have to waste your time with a man who is not worth it.