My wife is lesbian

[gebaird]

Could you explain please, (Im not English native).

 

This is what I meant: You seem to be blaming yourself for everything that went wrong. She made her choices, too. You may have made mistakes, but you can't change someone's sexuality. You're being too hard on yourself and not seeing the situation clearly. You are hurting, and it's keeping you from making sense of what happened.

[Matt3939]

She wasnt lesbian

 

Sorry to say it but she always has been or has a will to leave of steel

[Wiseman2]

How well did you know each other before marrying and what was the rush to enter this 'arrangement'?

 

If she wants to leave the marriage and pursue this woman then she can file for divorce, no?

 

How did you happen to 'appear in her life'? Did you meet online? You have no children together, right?

the marriage was an arrangement at the beginning. After we got married we fell in love with each other.She was in the relationship with the baby dady who turned to be violent and at the end charged with home battery. after he was arrested in couple months I appeared in her life.

[Salty]

Why does she only pay for groceries? How many hours does she work a week?

 

Shes working and the full time caregiver that seems fair for her to buy the food. I have that arrangement with my fiance. Problem is she isn't being completely honest about what she wants.

[Hollyj]

Shes working and the full time caregiver that seems fair for her to buy the food. I have that arrangement with my fiance. Problem is she isn't being completely honest about what she wants.

 

She said she is gay, and they have no relationship. Sounds over to me.

[RainyCoast]

I earn about 3 times more than her. she is workin 40/week but she is taking care of the boy too, but beeing a mother would be a job too. especially when im not home most of the time

 

is the "baby" nine months or years? does she get child support from the baby daddy? why isn't the child in daycare?

 

you are nothing but guaranteed survival with comfort to her.

 

since she isn't being a wife, she can deal without a husband. get benefits and child support, or a new good samaritan to support her.

 

stop paying for her and the child and put the money towards a divorce lawyer instead.

[Andrei Monday]

How well did you know each other before marrying and what was the rush to enter this 'arrangement'?

 

If she wants to leave the marriage and pursue this woman then she can file for divorce, no?

 

How did you happen to 'appear in her life'? Did you meet online? You have no children together, right?

 

she took my place at my old job where my contract ended, So I was her tutor before I left the job. there we met. in couple months we entered the arranged marriage. and the real relationship started in about 3 months later. We dont have children together. she has a boy from last relationship. also her health doesnt let her have more babes now. if the divorce is coming it then she can file for it.

[RainyCoast]

if the divorce is coming it then she can file for it.

well if you ain't filing, you're going to have to find a way to be happy with a wife who cheats, uses you as an atm and bed and breakfast, disrespects you and offers nothing whatsoever while you also pay for her child.

[Andrei Monday]

is the "baby" nine months or years? does she get child support from the baby daddy? why isn't the child in daycare?

 

you are nothing but guaranteed survival with comfort to her.

 

since she isn't being a wife, she can deal without a husband. get benefits and child support, or a new good samaritan to support her.

 

stop paying for her and the child and put the money towards a divorce lawyer instead.

 

9 y old. the baby dady is in jail for domestic violence towards her

[RainyCoast]

okay. i was confused because someone suggested she is "staying at home caring for a baby".

 

not sure why you don't want to put an end to this, and if you don't, why ask.

you must know this is done, and you're nothing but exploited?

[Wiseman2]

Do you mean you needed a fiance visa to stay in the US when you rushed into this 'arrangement'? Most Americans don't call their marriages 'arranged'. However it sounds like you cut a deal with her that benefited you somehow.

she took my place at my old job where my contract ended, So I was her tutor before I left the job. there we met. in couple months we entered the arranged marriage. and the real relationship started in about 3 months later.

[Andrei Monday]

not sure why you don't want to put an end to this, and if you don't, why ask.

 

She said she needs time to become a better person for me and everybody else. And I live all my life based on hope, hoping that next day will bring something better. and I never stooped loving her. Im too loyal to anything in my life (even the friking job that destroyed my relationship at some point). I was planning to quit my second job so we could spend more time together and work on it, but these news about being lesbian its like a an ice bucket challenge. cold like hell.

[Andrei Monday]

Do you mean you needed a fiance visa to stay in the US when you rushed into this 'arrangement'? Most Americans don't call their marriages 'arranged'. However it sounds like you cut a deal with her that benefited you somehow.

 

marriage with benefits, dont know how to say it right, but we had an agreement which now doesn't have affect after we started the real relationship.

[RainyCoast]

no, that frikin job allowed her to exploit you further.

 

if she expects you to quit to spend more time with her, it'll have to be her who brings in the extra bucks, and survive without your paycheck.

 

so, she is saying that if you keep paying for her and her child, rather than divorce her, she may in time stop shouting at you, exploiting you, and show sexual interest in you, and undo her discovery of her homosexuality?

 

i'm sorry. not only will she not stop being a lesbian if she indeed is one, but you can't "hope" her into a decent person.

[Hollyj]

"And I live all my life based on hope, hoping that next day will bring something better."

 

This is a foolish approach to life, when reality is staring you in the face - being a dreamer gets you nowhere. Wake up!

[Rising100]

A marriage of this sort would not be accepted where I come from, very conservative. This whole relationship is a mess.

 

Why dont you leave?

Why dont you get your life together and get all this stress out of your life? This is not what marriage is supposed to be.

 

I know you hope for things to get better but have you ever thought they wont ever get better?

Sounds like the girl who hopes her boyfriend will one day stop cheating or stop coming home drunk.

Well, thats my advice. Please think about it.

 

Remember, you are only thinking about "her". What about the people that love and care about "you"?

Your family members, close friends, etc. Your existence affects other people, you are important, someone you love might need you but you wont even see it because you are so focused on this woman who doesnt give a f*** about you.

Try to think about things at least.

[abitbroken]

She looked at you as a white knight - someone to rescue her. The thrill has worn off for her.

She is violating your marriage vows if she wants to cheat with her friend.

You really need a divorce. I am not a fan of divorce, but she is violating your marriage and is unfaithful.

The court can still order the father's money, if there is any, or possessions to be sold to support the child.

Go seek an attorney. You do not belong with a cheating wife.

 

Maybe you could go to counseling to have her speak what she feels in front of someone else.

You deserve someone who loves you and desires you, not a lesbian who was running from an abusive relationship.

[blckknight]

My wife told me she is realizing that she is gay and she has a crush on her gay female friend. we are married almost 3 years. the marriage was an arrangement at the beginning. After we got married we fell in love with each other. Our relationship been on and off all this time. we had a lot of stuff going on all this time. Im a calm person, I would say too calm, Closed inside. its hard for me to share my real feelings that boil inside of me. She is an active strong personality. I was aggravating her with all small things I was doing or not doing. When I see her getting mad on me Im shutting down emotionally (which bring me down). she wants me to be the strong partner, but Im trying to avoid arguing (i dont like to argue with people I care) or to turn into her baby dady (he is a violent person, now in jail) (the baby is 9). what I can tell is that my job contributed to ruining my marriage. (I work over 2 years with no vacation, 6 or 7 days a week mostly in the evening, so when Im at work she is home, when Im home she is at work). I didn't offer them much of my time trying to make some money to pay the rent and the bills. her anger had its role in this play too. when im at work seeing other couples makes me feel horrible. we sleep separate and no sex life. cannot afford a counselor thats why Im here. Now I cant focus on anything. I became very sensitive and this is affecting me a lot. I want to be with her. But if she would feel better and happy with someone else I will step to the side ( even this is not what I want). Sorry for my interrupted story , just cant explain all I have inside. Even if all this story brought me down I still want to be happy.

What do you think about all this?

 

Good morning,

It sounds like she want you to fight for the relationship. If you aren't willing to discuss problems it seems like you don't care. You don't have to argue but you do have to try to come to a solution. I am very much a person that hates fighting, however shutting down isn't the right answer. I find that letting the person vent and then coming from a rational point of view normally works. You shouldn't compare yourself to the ex. That always leads down the rabbit hole. Focus on being a better version of yourself​ and not him. You can only be yourself and if it isn't good enough then it is time to go. Lastly, make the most out of what little time you do have together. Even if it's just a 20 min lunch date. If she feels that you are at least making time for her regardless of how little, it will help.

[abitbroken]

Good morning,

It sounds like she want you to fight for the relationship. If you aren't willing to discuss problems it seems like you don't care. You don't have to argue but you do have to try to come to a solution. I am very much a person that hates fighting, however shutting down isn't the right answer. I find that letting the person vent and then coming from a rational point of view normally works. You shouldn't compare yourself to the ex. That always leads down the rabbit hole. Focus on being a better version of yourself​ and not him. You can only be yourself and if it isn't good enough then it is time to go. Lastly, make the most out of what little time you do have together. Even if it's just a 20 min lunch date. If she feels that you are at least making time for her regardless of how little, it will help.

 

This marriage is beyond "lunch dates" if one party admits either cheating or that they are gay. This marriage cannot be saved with time alone or dates. This marriage is materially broken.

[johnnydanger]

in last couple moths I work about 75-90 hours/week. so most of the time Im not home

That's insane man. You do that 6-7 days a week for the last 2 years? No married woman should have to put up with that, neither should you for your health.