Tuna010 Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 I've been trying to get back into dating after a breakup and it's kind of making me feel worse. I've been on 3 dates (none was there any connection) but the first one called me after but the second two nothing and then I can't help think there is something seriously wrong with me. I don't know if it is bad on the second two dates my ex came up and I ended up telling them both the full story of how crazy he went in detail (which I prob shouldn't have) but it just all came out. Anyway I don't care about not seeing them again because there was nothing there but I still feel rejected they don't want to see me again. Do you think it was just because there was no connection or the ex story or I'm just not there type of girl. I really wish it didn't affect me so badly as it has, don't know if I could go through it a third time! Link to comment
ManyDates Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 Get over your ex and stop using people on dating sites Link to comment
JaggerJim Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 You should stop talking about your ex on dates. No-one wants to hear that. Link to comment
Tuna010 Posted March 26, 2017 Author Share Posted March 26, 2017 Get over your ex and stop using people on dating sites I'm not using them, I'm trying to meet someone to date Link to comment
Lisii Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 How long ago did you break up? Its hard to get back into the dating scene after being hurt, and talking about your ex on a date wont help... If anyone asks about your past relationship on a date, just say it ended and it's over... . it's the past. If you can't do this, my humble opinion is you not ready to date. Work on making yourself happy, and build a bridge over the last one. Link to comment
eldasensei Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 I think it's better if you first take your time to deal with the breakup before dating. It's not anybody elses job to make you feel better about yourself. That is your own responsibility, so take it into your own hands as much as possible. Furthermore you don't know the reason why they did not persue you any further so in these cases it's better to not take these things personal and draw conclusions based on your insecurities (I know easier said then done). Link to comment
Tuna010 Posted March 26, 2017 Author Share Posted March 26, 2017 How long ago did you break up? Its hard to get back into the dating scene after being hurt, and talking about your ex on a date wont help... If anyone asks about your past relationship on a date, just say it ended and it's over... . it's the past. If you can't do this, my humble opinion is you not ready to date. Work on making yourself happy, and build a bridge over the last one. We broke up four months ago but it was very dramatic. Maybe I'm not ready to date if I can't handle the rejection that goes along with it. I'll keep working on myself... Link to comment
ManyDates Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 STOP using people to get over your ex Link to comment
Lisii Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 We broke up four months ago but it was very dramatic. Maybe I'm not ready to date if I can't handle the rejection that goes along with it. I'll keep working on myself... At 4 months it's still very raw for you. Take time to enjoy yourself, work on yourself, you will attracted the right person in time Good luck T. Link to comment
Bob2526 Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 I've been trying to get back into dating after a breakup and it's kind of making me feel worse. I've been on 3 dates (none was there any connection) but the first one called me after but the second two nothing and then I can't help think there is something seriously wrong with me. I don't know if it is bad on the second two dates my ex came up and I ended up telling them both the full story of how crazy he went in detail (which I prob shouldn't have) but it just all came out. Anyway I don't care about not seeing them again because there was nothing there but I still feel rejected they don't want to see me again. Do you think it was just because there was no connection or the ex story or I'm just not there type of girl. I really wish it didn't affect me so badly as it has, don't know if I could go through it a third time! It's been three months since my break up. I ended up going on a date almost two months after my break up and I just felt something inside of me knowing I wasn't ready to get back out there. Since then I haven't really tried to talk or date anyone even though she's already in another relationship. I know it's not a race and I'm just now starting to feel like myself again. I can feel myself getting there. Link to comment
Krankor Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 Dating is a numbers game and you are going to miss more often than you hit. That's just the way it is. But no, don't go into details about your ex. In fact, don't bring him up at all. If your date asks, give a quick answer and then change the subject. I don't believe in using people, but I also am not a believer in waiting forever either because it can literally take years to get over someone and life is short. Sometimes the best way to get over someone is by finding someone else you really like. Link to comment
Jibralta Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 Do you think it was just because there was no connection or the ex story or I'm just not there type of girl. Who knows? Doesn't really matter; sometimes you just gotta vent, you know? We're all human. Link to comment
Tuna010 Posted March 27, 2017 Author Share Posted March 27, 2017 Dating is a numbers game and you are going to miss more often than you hit. That's just the way it is. But no, don't go into details about your ex. In fact, don't bring him up at all. If your date asks, give a quick answer and then change the subject. I don't believe in using people, but I also am not a believer in waiting forever either because it can literally take years to get over someone and life is short. Sometimes the best way to get over someone is by finding someone else you really like. That is what I thought, if I wait I'll probably be waiting a very long time and I'm not getting any younger. I guess next time I know not to go into details or mention it, I guess if it were reversed and they were talking a lot about there ex I'd be a bit irked too...if that's the reason. Link to comment
Annia Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 I think it's better if you first take your time to deal with the breakup before dating. It's not anybody elses job to make you feel better about yourself. That is your own responsibility, so take it into your own hands as much as possible. Furthermore you don't know the reason why they did not persue you any further so in these cases it's better to not take these things personal and draw conclusions based on your insecurities (I know easier said then done). This. Also, stop talking about your ex on dates. And if you're still so hurt about your past relationships don't get back in the dating scene again so soon. Take your time to heal. And the fact that people you barely know (or anyone for that matter) doesn't want to keep on seeing you after a some dates is no indicator of your value nor does that mean that you have something wrong. Don't take it so personally. You didn't even like them... And finally yes, you were "using" them... because you're not over your ex yet but you seem to want to feel validation/ego boost from them and find a rebound to sooth your pain and you're upset it didn't work out even though you don't like them. It's not up to them for it. Also remember that you also have probably not wanted to date someone in your life and that didn't necessarily mean that they had something wrong. So this means that others also have the right to chose not to continue dating and that doesn't mean you have something wrong. Give yourself time to grief the relationship and accept the breakup and only then you'll be ready to date again. Rebound relationships aren't fair to anyone. I'm very sorry for your pain and I hope you everything turns out well. Link to comment
Annia Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 We broke up four months ago but it was very dramatic. Maybe I'm not ready to date if I can't handle the rejection that goes along with it. I'll keep working on myself... This sounds like a very wise conclusion to me. Good luck. Things will get better in time. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 Never ever talk about an ex when dating. It's a death knell and screams RUN! to your dates. Talk to friends family and therapists about your breakup, not innocent strangers who are not being paid to listen to your woes. It's rude not to focus on the person in front of you and who they are. It's also not in your own best interest as far as moving forward goes.. I don't know if it is bad on the second two dates my ex came up and I ended up telling them both the full story of how crazy he went in detail but it just all came out. Link to comment
Tuna010 Posted March 27, 2017 Author Share Posted March 27, 2017 Never ever talk about an ex when dating. It's a death knell and screams RUN! to your dates. Talk to friends family and therapists about your breakup, not innocent strangers who are not being paid to listen to your woes. It's rude not to focus on the person in front of you and who they are. It's also not in your own best interest as far as moving forward goes.. Yeh i thought about this and even if it's not the reason for not hearing from them again I now realise it is not very respectful thing to do, we live and we learn. Link to comment
yeahyeahyeah Posted March 28, 2017 Share Posted March 28, 2017 Dating is a numbers game and you are going to miss more often than you hit. That's just the way it is. But no, don't go into details about your ex. In fact, don't bring him up at all. If your date asks, give a quick answer and then change the subject. I don't believe in using people, but I also am not a believer in waiting forever either because it can literally take years to get over someone and life is short. Sometimes the best way to get over someone is by finding someone else you really like. +1 Wish I heard that advise after breaking up with my first GF, I was single for 5 years sulking until it took my now ex to help me see otherwise. That my first ex was nothing special. Link to comment
yeahyeahyeah Posted March 28, 2017 Share Posted March 28, 2017 Dating is a numbers game and you are going to miss more often than you hit. That's just the way it is. But no, don't go into details about your ex. In fact, don't bring him up at all. If your date asks, give a quick answer and then change the subject. I don't believe in using people, but I also am not a believer in waiting forever either because it can literally take years to get over someone and life is short. Sometimes the best way to get over someone is by finding someone else you really like. I've been trying to get back into dating after a breakup and it's kind of making me feel worse. I've been on 3 dates (none was there any connection) but the first one called me after but the second two nothing and then I can't help think there is something seriously wrong with me. I don't know if it is bad on the second two dates my ex came up and I ended up telling them both the full story of how crazy he went in detail (which I prob shouldn't have) but it just all came out. Anyway I don't care about not seeing them again because there was nothing there but I still feel rejected they don't want to see me again. Do you think it was just because there was no connection or the ex story or I'm just not there type of girl. I really wish it didn't affect me so badly as it has, don't know if I could go through it a third time! It will take more dates before you find someone who you are compatible with. The key is to meet as many people as you can. You will know when the person is compatible instinctively when it happens. I know it sucks when you meet people who are not compatible, but that is just the way the game is and everyone goes through it. Link to comment
yeahyeahyeah Posted March 28, 2017 Share Posted March 28, 2017 Dating is a numbers game and you are going to miss more often than you hit. That's just the way it is. But no, don't go into details about your ex. In fact, don't bring him up at all. If your date asks, give a quick answer and then change the subject. I don't believe in using people, but I also am not a believer in waiting forever either because it can literally take years to get over someone and life is short. Sometimes the best way to get over someone is by finding someone else you really like. Never ever talk about an ex when dating. It's a death knell and screams RUN! to your dates. Talk to friends family and therapists about your breakup, not innocent strangers who are not being paid to listen to your woes. It's rude not to focus on the person in front of you and who they are. It's also not in your own best interest as far as moving forward goes.. To add to his point; when I am on a date with a girl, positive energy and high interest levels is what wins me over. OP, talking about your ex is going to kill the mood if it goes beyond a mention here and there. Link to comment
Zippy2000 Posted March 28, 2017 Share Posted March 28, 2017 We broke up four months ago but it was very dramatic. Maybe I'm not ready to date if I can't handle the rejection that goes along with it. I'll keep working on myself... Four months isn't a very long time after a break up. It also depends on how long you were together before the break up. When I was with my ex it took me up to 3 years to get over her. I used my ex as a bench mark to all my dates and couldn't help compare them to her. It best you do your own think for now. Concentrate on a hobby or take up a sport. You wont find your next partner until you move on to your next chapter in life but leaving the old behind. Link to comment
Tuna010 Posted March 28, 2017 Author Share Posted March 28, 2017 To add to his point; when I am on a date with a girl, positive energy and high interest levels is what wins me over. OP, talking about your ex is going to kill the mood if it goes beyond a mention here and there. Thanks for your input, yeh I think I may have killed the mood(not that there was anything super good) but he did say he felt scared my ex may be in the bushes watching us a couple of times. I guess I'll put it down to experience and no great loss. Helps to hear ppl say it's a numbers game I always think there's something wrong with me if they don't like me when really I'd prob go through 100 rejections if I knew it was going to lead to someone really special in the end! Link to comment
James516 Posted March 28, 2017 Share Posted March 28, 2017 What is confusing to me is that you make it clear that there was no connection and you weren't interested in them, yet you are bent that they didn't follow-through. This sounds like dating purely for an ego boost, to have a tally sheet of having interested people that you have no intention to date for long. It can take time to find someone, and the feelings have to be mutual. If you're dating just to build confidence or help get completely over the ex, it's best you pullback for awhile to get yourself more grounded rather than waste everyone's time including your own. Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted March 28, 2017 Share Posted March 28, 2017 I've been trying to get back into dating after a breakup and it's kind of making me feel worse. I've been on 3 dates (none was there any connection) but the first one called me after but the second two nothing and then I can't help think there is something seriously wrong with me. I don't know if it is bad on the second two dates my ex came up and I ended up telling them both the full story of how crazy he went in detail (which I prob shouldn't have) but it just all came out. Anyway I don't care about not seeing them again because there was nothing there but I still feel rejected they don't want to see me again. Do you think it was just because there was no connection or the ex story or I'm just not there type of girl. I really wish it didn't affect me so badly as it has, don't know if I could go through it a third time! Your answer is in your question. You state you didn't feel any connection. There's your answer. We don't connect with everyone we meet. On the contrary. We rarely connect with who we meet. Look at dating this way. There's nothing wrong with you, there's nothing wrong with them. The connection just wasn't there. If you're not getting lots of rejections, you're doing it wrong Link to comment
cousin Posted March 28, 2017 Share Posted March 28, 2017 We broke up four months ago but it was very dramatic. Maybe I'm not ready to date if I can't handle the rejection that goes along with it. I'll keep working on myself... Don't feel bad. The girl I last dated had been divorced for two years. She thought she was ready to date, but she isn't. It's probably a good thing that you bring up your ex so the person you're on a date with can see that you're probably not over your ex. My last girlfriend brought her ex up on the first date. I should have bolted then. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.