Should I give cheating ex another chance?

[mjoao93]

Hi, I recently made a thread about my ex who cheated on me with a married woman. Since my insult session and us breaking up I did contact him again to get closure (dumb I know) and understand why he did it. He assured me that he loves me and things never got physical between them. I believe it because she lives with her husband and several of his relatives and also has a young baby so they wouldn't have had the opportunity to have sex even if they wanted to. I told him I didn't want to get back with him as I thought it was unfair that he becomes outraged when I have a male friend but he constantly flirts with other women and had an emotional affair with a married woman. I have not texted him since but he's cut everything off with her and has not spoken to anyone else since I left. She's posted that she missed him and wanted to be with him but he has continued to ignore her. I feel he is doing this so I will give him another chance. Should I? I feel as though if he really liked her he would have kept talking to her but he hasn't and I really miss him. Should I forgive him? Thanks in advance.

[milly007]

Don't take him back! I was just reading your previous thread about him and how he did the same thing over and over and over again to his last girlfriend. She kept forgiving him after he would beg for her back and I guess, based on your post, she finally reached a breaking point and decided not to take him back again.

 

I suspect that if you take him back, he'll continue to do the same thing to you. You will then find yourself living in complete misery. Please don't take this guy back, OP. You would be doing yourself, and your life in general, a huge disfavour. You would be living in a constant state of distrust. Don't do this to yourself. You deserve so much better than this!

[SooSad33]

t he becomes outraged when I have a male friend but he constantly flirts with other women and had an emotional affair with a married woman

- read this ^ and your story again... Would YOU want to have involvement with someone like this??

 

Seriously...

 

Not sure how long you've been involved.. but I dont see an ability to 'trust' someone like him.

[Jeffbobo]

No! Just hellah no! Time out for a minute... You said in your previous post that he did this to his previous girlfriend as well. Step back from this situation and re-read your own posts a few times until it really sinks in. Then read it again! Shut the door, lock it, bolt it, throw away the key and don't turn back.

[melancholy123]

The best indicator of future behaviour is relevant past behaviour. Think about that. Do you really think he's changed or will change?

[HeartGoesOn]

You're beating a dead horse. It's time to raise your standards, respect yourself and dump this clown.

 

Please read my signature line...

[ParisPaulette]

Nice set of double standards this guy has. You do know that's called projection, right? He was suspicious of your male friends, because he was cheating on you and has decided in his head that his standards are everyone's standards and having opposite sex people in your life in addition to your partner means you're going to act like him - i.e. cheat. Because he knows that well, he cheats if he's in contact with a woman that isn't his significant other, so of course you're going to do that to him too. And he don't wanna share the harem none, he wants you and her and probably there's been a few others too. Come on, this guy didn't just do this out of nowhere.

 

Plus okay a drunken kiss at a party with some stranger after you've both had a fight, followed by real remorse and amends, I could maybe be fine and say sure give the guy another chance. But this one so doesn't respect relationships that he was actually okay, not only cheating on you, but also helping a married mother who should have been focused on her own family to cheat on them. This not only says he's a cheater who really doesn't care who he hurts over favor of what he wants, it also says something very bad about his general character. I would not even let this man adopt a rescue dog from me let alone do any business with someone like that OR have a relationship. Because that's not the person you can trust, period. Him ignoring his married affair partner now just means he's letting things cool down since he got caught. And maybe her hubs threatened him. It's not that he's suddenly seen the light and oh no, now I'm a good person loyal and true forevermore.

 

Nope, he's putting on act hoping you'll fall for it. Then when it's all good and her hubby has calmed down I'm sure they'll take right up where they left off. News flash about no time to cheat, that's not true, people make time and usually in the ickiest of places. A guy I dated once was screwing his ex in his car or her car on his lunch and cig breaks at work and I caught them. Thank god, I did so early in the relationship. He also tried to tell me how much he loved me, what a mistake it was, blah blah blah. I just wasn't willing to wonder what else he'd be doing on his lunch breaks, so I dumped him and he stayed dumped.

 

If he loved you, if he loved himself, if he RESPECTED women period, he would not have cheated in the first place being so willing to hurt both you and a new family who should have been thrilled with their new baby and bonding together. It's just one of the crappiest things a person can do in my eyes, he helped cheat on a child you know, not just a dad and you.

 

Think about that. This is the paragon of non-virtue you want to go back to? I think you should be more concerned about why you feel you're the type of person who would take someone so low back.

[Hollyj]

Have you actually absorbed what you wrote? How can you want so little for your life. Very sad!

[angrythoughts]

No but you'll probably do it anyway... the heartbroken never listen to sound advice.. including myself. You know the answer to this question.

[No1]

There is something to be said about a guy that has a jealous streak when you talk to a guy but he has the freedom to flirt with a woman. He is shady and he will always be shady. He will have multiple email accounts and hide many things from you while demanding full disclosure on your actions. If you want to be with a guy like that, then good luck.

 

Now as Angry mentioned, you are probably going to take him back and what you are asking is the same as 'how do you launder money?' You probably shouldnt do it, but if you were, this is how I would do it. So this is how I would do it.

 

1. make him earn you back. Dont just take him back so easily. If you do, then you are a doormat and taught him nothing. If he really wants you, he would work hard to earn you. Make him court you all over again and watch his actions vs his words. Words are easy to say.. heck I can even tell you that I love you, but it doesnt mean anything with out action behind it. If he is not willing to work for you, then he is not worth your devotion

 

2. Couples counseling: There are problems and wedges in your relationship. Those must be out in the open and you must be aware of these problems so you can make a clear choice. IF he is not willing to go to counseling, then why would you even consider being with him?

 

3. If you take him back after all of that, then you must forgive him 100% and he must accept your behavior 100% also. You cant hold the cheating against him. If you two are going to start fresh, then both have to have a clean slate.

 

This guy is trouble and he is going to cause you nothing but heartache. Be warned...watch his actions vs his words and see if they match, dont be blind.

[luisannalui]

I took my ex after cheating- she came in with some stupid excuses. She cheated again on multiple times. People will tell you not to do it. But maybe you have to learn from your own.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately it sounds like trust is gone and he is sort of a womanizer and controlling.

 

You did the right thing ending it.

 

Stay strong and stay no contact and delete and block him and any associated people from social media.

I told him I didn't want to get back with him as I thought it was unfair that he becomes outraged when I have a male friend but he constantly flirts with other women and had an emotional affair with a married woman.