The Decompression Chamber

[Scoe141]

lol. I think I am losing my mind today.

 

You need the goofy ENA twinsies! :semi-twins:

[Capricorn3]

You need the goofy ENA twinsies!

 

Absolutely! I love goofy, I love happy, I love witty, I love humour, funny, etc .........but feel like I am surrounded by dysfunction on massive levels. It's doing my head in, lol.

[RainyCoast]

4. Collecting admission fees for the "How to not get high blood pressure from continuously having to replace *i'm afraid that you are an idiot and we can't help you with that* with empathic replies" weekend workshop.

has this not happened yet?

 

i read a good joke about twins yesterday and i don't remember it.

i can never remember jokes.

 

except when one of clients said before bedtime "get up earth. i want to lie down".

[RainyCoast]

i will be birdsitting for an amazon parrot for a few days. my dog has met him, and is a bit jelly, but the bird is friendly and rides on Dog Coast's back.

 

when you pick him up he eagerly wraps his little fingers around your arm to be carried. so cute.

[RainyCoast]

oh and also they did NOT move my shows, there will still be a marathon on sundays, they just added episodes throughout the week too. as long as i get my "wild saturday night parteeeyyy" on the couch. i like to live on the edge.

[RainyCoast]

okay. i'm pretty sure i'll come off as completely clueless but this is the first i've seen this and i am fuming.

 

i keep reading about a certain porn craze. i mean i don't look it up, i keep hearing and seeing mention of it, and i had no clue what it was. i am happily ignorant about "porn trends" and the whole idea about there being "trends" in porn is just alien to me, and kind of off putting because they seem to be getting more and more extreme judging by the descriptions, and it's no longer about sex, it's something else entirely.

 

there was a certain foreign phrase i have been noticing so i looked it up half-expecting adult anime or some sh*t, clicked on "videos". didn't look like anime. opened a random one on the page.

 

this.

is.

ing.

sick.

 

so fuuuuu*king sick. she was visibly traumatized from beginning to end, crying in horror the whole time, crying- not even close to moaning. she was NOT liking this one bit.

 

this is an easily accessible video. it literally just requires typing in the phrase and clicking a random hit on the top of the page.

 

her face is there, close ups and all, clearly easily identifiable. while she is being friggin abused. i don't throw around the word abuse. this abuse period.

 

this is sick, and it's up there, documented.

 

why is this site still up, why are these people not locked up????

 

why is it so easy to abuse people and call it fun, and with all the evidence in everyone's face, these sickos get to live and make profit over damaging this girl for the rest of her life???

 

and finally, WHO THE FUUU*K GETS OFF ON THIS??? WHO GETS HARD AND COMES TO THE SIGHT AND SOUND OF A PERSON BEING TORTURED???!!!!

 

 

 

 

THE FUUUUUU*****K IS WRONG WITH THIS PLANET????

 

is all porn today like this???

 

i'm genuinely sorry i looked. is this what sexuality has been reduced to??!!!

 

is this what those women complaining about finding porn on their partner's phones and computers are finding?? i mean if i found this i would be damn bothered, i would friggin want to kill whoever thought this was "fun"?!!!

 

THE FU*CK IS THIS SH*T?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[RainyCoast]

i mean this isn't porn. this is a fu?king documented crime.

[RainyCoast]

i'm out of my eta time, i can't add a trigger warning to that post, sorry.

 

 

i'm still fuming.

 

 

why are they not locked up???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[IAmFCA]

I'm so sorry that is now in your visual memory.

 

All porn Is not like that. Definitely not.

 

Maybe she is acting. Just saying that in case it's true.

 

I agree with everything you have written and wonder what would happen if you said the same to cop.

[RainyCoast]

eta: i forgot again: TRIGGER WARNING. this whole damn page is a trigger. just skip if you're sensitive.

 

it honestly did not look faked on her end, she seemed terrified of what was going to happen from the beginning, which is why i watched the whole thing hoping to see signs of acting because i couldn't believe something like that would be posted, but it just kept getting worse. though i hope she just faked terror and dread extremely well.

 

it was super disturbing, i can't for the life of me think of it as porn. true, i've seen very little porn, but nobody ever appeared terrified like this. even if they faked it, i find it hard to believe people could enjoy such a convincing act of anguish...

 

i haven't stopped thinking about it, and wondering if i can and should report something like this, and if, how.

 

it's weird to me that she is clearly recognizable in the vid, if i saw a friend or relative in a scene like that i'd be looking for her and involving authorities.

[RainyCoast]

i went back and skimmed through the other videos, same page, same keyword. nothing out of the ordinary. nobody else seems bothered, and nobody else seems abusive. it's porn.

 

just that one vid. that was different. criminal, forced, unwanted, disturbing. she did NOT want to be there.

 

those people need to be locked up. i keep wondering how she got there and what happened to her after.

 

horrible.

[Scoe141]

Could it have been acting? (To hopefully put your mind at ease.) If not, I'm sure sooner or later someone will be held responsible. Lots of idiots who post their crimes online often get busted. If that's the case here, lets hope it happens.

[RainyCoast]

hopefully. it honestly didn't look like it.

 

i get there is a niche for feigned resistance, S/M and all that stuff, this just seemed different. i have doubted myself since seeing it, wondered about the line between personal taste and discomfort levels, and just plain old abuse. i have even wondered whether i know anyone whom i could safely ask to watch it and tell me whether i'm tripping.

 

the very reason i watched the whole thing after the disturbing first shots was because i was expecting signs of acting. maybe she would laugh, wink, maybe something about her face or voice would give it away. nope.

 

there's also things about that particular video that look like it comes from an elaborately organized place, unlike other vids, which mostly appear home made.

 

my brain blocks it out whenever i try to think of it.

 

i'm trying to imagine the reaction of a randomer just looking for something to yank to and then that ***t coming up. somehow i get the feeling they would also go "da heck is this".

 

gah.

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taking fave client to his ultrasound appointment today and a bit nervous.

 

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will probably take pooch for a field trip tomorrow, and then go pick up the parrot.

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i was going to watch leah remini's documentary on scientology but i think i've had it with disturbing ***t.

[RainyCoast]

Lots of idiots who post their crimes online often get busted.

yeah i really hope that happens. i don't know how vids are submitted to that site and whether they have to go through an admin before being posted or whether members can just post whatever and then if it's inappropriate it gets removed. the site does have a contact us form and a form for reports, but the report only allows two options: copy rights and revenge porn. they do say they remove any revenge porn immediately. i'm still on the fence about sending feedback. on one hand, i don't think i chanced upon that by coincidence. i do think there's reason enough to be concerned about the kid. on the other hand i imagine it being laughed off, and a response like the one i got many years ago when i reported a video showing ppl beating wolves to death- "it doesn't violate our community's standards". (well, then, your community is criminal). if i had a third hand it would say who cares what the response is, just fill out a form, and report to google as well, better safe than sorry. all moot points at this time, since i, for now, can't bring myself to look it up again and save the link.

 

 

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on the funnier side of things, and in light of all the threads "i snooped and found tons of porn in my partner's search history and i'm cool with porn but this stuff was sick", i imagine if someone were to look up my search history now. "OMG. abuse??? what the heck is wrong with her???" and then me receiving a text that claimed "it's just not there, i'm just not feeling it, i need to focus on my...er...my...my stamp collection, i don't really have time to date now...."

[Scoe141]

If you're on the fence about reporting, I would. I mean what's the worst that happens? Someone responds to you and says its fake? At least that way your mind can be put at ease.

 

What if by chance it is real (which I doubt) then at least that way you can say you did something and tried to help.

 

Time to reorganize my stamp collection...

 

;-)

[RainyCoast]

what if the hairclip person wasn't a troll?

[Jibralta]

His post count was 0

[Scoe141]

what if the hairclip person wasn't a troll?

 

Think Mods confirmed it.

 

Ah well, it was a good run.

[RainyCoast]

yeah...

 

i miss the ones with the hilarious stories.

[Scoe141]

yeah...

 

i miss the ones with the hilarious stories.

 

I can dress up as a troll and tell funny stories if you're looking for cheap entertainment.

[RainyCoast]

I can dress up as a troll and tell funny stories if you're looking for cheap entertainment.

 

noooooo. scoe stays scoe. we'll find a nice, eloquent furry.

 

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i'll fill out the form. i'll look up the vid again and attach. not sure how helpful that is, but currently i don't know an efficient way.

 

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picking up today. i was excited but now i'm kinda worried. god please help me keep the bird alive until tuesday and not accidentally teach it any bad words.

[RainyCoast]

the mini brain vacuums keep happening.

 

i'm scrolling the activity stream wondering why the water for my coffee isn't boiling yet. "my god it's taking so long. did i forget to turn it on?"

 

turns out i already made the coffee and it's right here on my desk.

[Capricorn3]

the mini brain vacuums keep happening.

 

i'm scrolling the activity stream wondering why the water for my coffee isn't boiling yet. "my god it's taking so long. did i forget to turn it on?"

 

turns out i already made the coffee and it's right here on my desk.

lmao!! That totally made my day/night, lol.

[RainyCoast]

i get so many Cap.

 

the other night i plugged in my devices. or so i though. in the morning, i discovered that i only plugged the cables into the sockets. but i didn't plug the other end of the cables into the devices. so they didn't charge. i have no idea how i just walked away before plugging in the other ends of the cables.

 

 

my therapist recently asked if i ever considered i may have ADD. this is the second time it has been suggested and the first time i was adamant i can't possibly have that. now, i'm worried i do. i don't want to think about it too much though, because i tend to diagnose myself with all kinds of disorders, whatever the flavor of the month is, and the few times i mentioned my suspicions to professionals they literally laughed. now that i may have one, i'm chickening out of admitting it.

 

 

reviewing my childhood, it definitely seems possible i have it. i developed good coping mechanisms, and lack the "hyperactive" component so i guess that mislead me. we did a simple test and i scored embarrassingly high on the inattention scale. it's not an official test though. i *could* have a psych evaluate me, but i am tired of diagnoses. i am TERRIFIED of stimulants. i don't want to right now. i am wondering what good it would do me. i think i'll try working on skills and neurocognitive exercises and see if that helps. i can always ask for a referral to a shrink if i want to.

 

i had an unpleasant dream the other day that i was seeing a shrink, he was prescribing meds, i took them, then i by chance discovered that one of the pills was lamictal and i thought that's weird (i used to have a secondary seizure disorder but of short duration, i'm fine now) i don't have epilepsy so he must be prescribing that because he assessed i am bipolar, why didn't he tell me?

 

then i dreamed i saw my neighbor when returning home and they asked "how's things" and i went "meh Ben. i'm sick of it. first MDD, turned out it wasn't MDD but CPTSD, then i recovered from that and had remaining intermittent depression and anxiety, then i recovered from that and now the depression is back and what do you now, turns out i have add as well. i'm so done with this c*ap".

 

i'm not going to get assessed just yet. apparently i am currently sensitive about the labels and the idea that there is always something wrong with me. i want to avoid the nocebo effect. i would rather look at myself as just a person and my traits as just traits rather than symptoms of yet another thing i could put years into learning to cope with. i mean, i am always learning to cope anyway, just like everyone else, i guess i'd rather look at it like that. at least to get comfortable with the idea, and then if i need a dx, i would hopefully feel more comfortable getting one. also, i figured i survived 30+ years with this, i can manage. i would like to get a coach or a support group though, to hear what helps others.

 

apparently, according to T, often when an antidepressant starts lifting the depression, the underlying ADD becomes apparent. it is apparently also often the cause that depression, although treated, keeps returning as long as ADD is left unaddressed.

 

however....we both are still unsure. the confusion may be part of my stress response, the depression itself, remaining anxiety, and heightened by the fact that i have turned all my habits around in a matter of mere weeks...and forgetfulness is a common side effect with lexapro so it could be that since i had improved in that aspect quite a lot in the past year.

 

i dunno. if it starts to mess with something serious, i'll consider a dx. until then, i'll just think of myself as a scatterbrain.

 

 

rambling again.

[Capricorn3]

Ohhhhhhhhh, I had no idea about any of the above! I'm so sorry. Forgive me for laughing. ~so embarrassed and feel so bad~