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The Decompression Chamber


RainyCoast

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i'm one of those people who cannot who cannot get used to computerized note taking. i have to write things down on paper. have to. and when there's lots of stuff to write i measure my productivity by the number of pens in the bin by the time i'm done working. in fact whenever i buy a ten-pack and leave it on my desk, i think "death row" every time i pass them. and i'm really starting to fear i'm going to get arthritis in my fingers. so. much. pain. these days.

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hahahahahah rainy

 

that bit when the woman ( totally knew her name , totally now forgot ) starts with all the ahhhh ahhhhhhhhhhhhhahhhhahhhhaaaaaa 's ...it takes me off to another planet .

 

Clare Torry.

 

Best part of that whole album (in my opinion).

 

[video=youtube;cVBCE3gaNxc] ]

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i was thinking of mum when i was walking pooch and i noticed the lawn was all blue with flowers. i tried to remember what they're called, and the first word was periwinkle but those weren't periwinkles. then i remembered...forget-me-nots. waterworks for the second time today and it's not even lunch time yet.

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i was thinking of mum when i was walking pooch and i noticed the lawn was all blue with flowers. i tried to remember what they're called, and the first word was periwinkle but those weren't periwinkles. then i remembered...forget-me-nots. waterworks for the second time today and it's not even lunch time yet.

 

xxx you ok lassie ?

 

my thoughts have also been there , it would her funeral tomorrow and I keep ( foolishly) letting my mind wander ...it was terrible ..anyway , not gonna go on about it ...

 

come on ..lets have a mum hug ..they will be having a cup of tea smiling down at us eh xx

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i'm okay luv, just...unstable? i go from a courageous drive to live in the now and invest in the future and an occasional wail about the past.

 

oh darn, i hope you plan something distracting for tomorrow so that you won't think about it all day

 

yes, had pancakes with blueberry jam, it helped.

 

i wonder what they would want us to know and the only logical answer seems to be we are well, we love you and we are always watching.

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hahahha thought that was just me! online me can talk the talk...but offline me trips over her own stupid a$$

 

Sometimes rainy I cringe at my own words hahahahahaha

 

But .....to be fair to us ...

 

Do we want that lot out there following our mistakes ..feeling like we have/do .. No we don't ....so we must continue our stampede of good sense no mater how bat sh1t crazy we are behind closed doors .

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i was thinking of mum when i was walking pooch and i noticed the lawn was all blue with flowers. i tried to remember what they're called, and the first word was periwinkle but those weren't periwinkles. then i remembered...forget-me-nots. waterworks for the second time today and it's not even lunch time yet.

 

Yes. I remember these sorts of triggers. The triggers now are the same, and what they give me is different. Little gifts. Little thank yous.

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been watching boss dig herself a grave for the past year. she's three limbs in now. i don't feel for her. we lost a 22 year old to her crap and now she's after damaging others vehemently, including a TBI patient, a developmentally delayed boy's mother, and an elderly, recovered, fully functioning, pleasant and cooperative addict. she's furious staff is questioning her and we're not taking her orders, flying her the ethical reasons card. eff you beotch.

 

burn.

in.

hell.

 

pending suspension. praying another client or their family file a report.

 

effing satan.

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yes, it's boiling over and i'm happy for that. i have had to be very careful for a year. when a system offers you a booby trap role, you need to decline and maintain a well differentiated position so that it implodes. i've struggled with self-control so much because it's people who are at stake.

 

wanted to post a thread on this a million times, wrote and deleted, wrote and deleted...anyway i put it there's enough specifics in there, if the wrong person chanced upon it it wouldn't just be a breach of staff and client confidentiality, i don't know whether they might not use it against staff or clients. and i don't want to be the idiot who comes back panicky saying someone saw it can you please delete.

 

i'm aware of exactly what transferential reactions both clients and boss trigger in me and i needed outside perspective so badly i ended up seeing a counselor just to be sure i'm not letting personal things color the situation for me. we actually also have a systemic counselor but until now our boss didn't allow anyone to speak to the counselor, she always spoke as if speaking for everyone. her decisions and treatment of everyone culminated in even the most brainwashed and scared staff demanding also speaking to the counselor individually. the systems consultant should have no trouble seeing the dynamics. we're told the next supervision will include individual interviews. boss is extremely agitated. i'm sorry, but i am not sorry i enjoy seeing her sweat like this.

 

in a way, i am grateful, she has been a catalyst of my personal growth process. but it was a brutal process because i already have catalysts what with mum's death, the break up, the debt i was in, the health scares. and i don't feel like it's the best way to grow seeing your clients treated like this, and which such devastating results.

 

but it gave me courage, and other staff have recently told me the same. that as the mistreatment culminated, fear left them. they were such brainwashed sheeple when i came here last year. if she ordered them to kill a person, you'd think they would. apparently, not. one cannot be a swine on command.

 

and if someone so vicious can defend themselves so vehemently while harming everyone left right and centre, and think so highly of themselves, and carry them self with such importance and display their misguided use of power with no ill conscience, then i have nothing in me that merits submission, low confidence or self-restraint. so that lightbulb moment i owe to her shyte.

 

she can bite me. i'll take it to her supervisor (that one has been receiving complaints aplenty lately and taking them very seriously) and the board of ethics if i have to.

 

gah pipps the crap she's done with people. i don't get upset with bosses easily, i've always experienced surprisingly low drama with them in the past. but this is unacceptable.

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i feel so odd. everyone wants to spend all this TIME with their partner or text them constantly. it makes the hair on my back stand up. i know i'm kinda unfair with that, and still too easily feel...colonized. but literally anything i could potentially interpret as needy makes me want to do the "shake-the-slug-off-dance".

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you too? you can ramble all you want here, i obviously like it!

 

i also can't tell whether it's just an offer people can take or leave, or if it's somewhat self-centered of me to go on and on like that. i have a hard time telling the difference between an extrapolation people find useful, and a lengthy personalized view that just sounds like i really want to push my perception on people. but when i try to be concise, i tend to sound short in more than one way. so i dunno. a self-disclosure of sorts makes me think i'm appealing to something universally human, that's why i do it. but i don't know whether the other gets i'm speaking from that perspective, or whether it comes off as the opposite.

 

i do think some of it has to do with having a full head. like you need a brain dump. then i tend to comment on peripheral issues, or something i find funny. that i know isn't geared to help the poster, so i'd rather do it in off-topic instead. [/i].

 

I've read a lot of your posts, and I always enjoy what you have to say. Keep being you - you're pretty cool. And I guess I'll keep being me, as weird as I am....or perhaps I should say I am "unique" lol

 

People are gonna interpret us however they want to. Sometimes that's good, and sometimes not so good. Surely it's the effort that counts?

 

I'm rambling about myself now....because I'm a little tired of people expecting me to be what is convenient or easy for them. My reality is that my efforts count in my mind. Everyone else seems to demand results or specific actions - and you know what, people IRL? I'm a full time job for myself. I don't have the slightest interest in sacrificing myself to be what makes life easier for you. (This is the point where I act with grace and maturity, and stick my tongue out.)

 

Good news on your chair!

 

And on my final ramble for the morning....will my cats ever run out of fur? I was proud of myself/full of myself for vacuuming and mopping last night...but this morning, my cats have somehow magically redeposited cat hair everywhere. How does this happen! lol

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I'm a little tired of people expecting me to be what is convenient or easy for them.
i am so done with that too. though i find learning to act with the unwillingness to be convenient in a professional manner confusing. i'll get there, but i would much prefer to just stick my tongue out.

 

cats!!! i always had shorthaired ones so it wasn't a problem, but i have given up on dog hair. it's everywhere.

 

also if you write the business woman's manual to dealing with difficult people i'll buy it.

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well i just did it. i cited the law and informed them of the sum in fines if they refuse to cooperate. i'm off to file one report tomorrow, and if they're not cooperating by friday, i'm filing the other one. they are on location across the boarder, so under double legislature, and will be doubly fined.

 

i'm done. so done. who the eff do people think they are.

 

i've never done something like this in my entire life. that's a high fine we're talking. i can't believe i'm doing this. but i have nothing left to lose. i guess it's true, the saying you should fear people you've deprived everything off, they have no more reason to restrain themselves when fighting back.

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