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The Decompression Chamber


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wondering if i even need to go through the bother. telling myself stuff like three coats of teflon would fix it. or duct tape.


got the other one's number.


nervous cause i soon have to go to a place that triggers me. thinking i might want to go see it now, there aren't likely to be any people there now, it's dark and empty and i could take my dog. maybe if i face it alone first it'll be easier when there's the added stress of unpleasant and triggering persons.


i'm not going to relax until i've done it and said there, that wasn't so bad, i'm still alive.


it's a short walk from me.


i'm going to do it.

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i should just not comment on the threads about wives supposedly neglecting their husbands for furthering their careers. you'd think the woman spends 22 hours at the office while the husband is changing nappies at home (and why not. if the other way around is acceptable so is this), but nope, these women are doing nothing with their jobs that a man wouldn't be expected to do without there even being a debate about it.


neglecting the husband. for a week long seminar or regular office hours. you've gotta be kidding me man.

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oh boy. i have been warned about this side-effect but didn't experience it on the previous half a dose. in fact, i'm relatively unbothered with side effects that i was sure nothing mentionable would come up even on the full dose. well, i'm getting sudden mini moments of pure st00pid. okay, not st00pid, but unexplained forgetfulness, not like the usual forgetfulness. i had actually gotten A LOT better with my memory so i hope these new episodes of brain vacuum go away soon. i had to forward a note to our team and i left the original senders name in ( it went sth like hello from MissSumpinSumpin and i left it in). looked kinda odd, apparently it wasn't evident the name was there because it was forwarded, even though i greeted everyone personally above the original message but didn't actually include my name because ya know, they can see it's coming from my inbox, right?? i assumed...it's not email, it's our internal messaging service... welll a few were confused about who was sending it. i followed by a brief sorry guys, i forwarded from that person but of course this is Coast R. no biggy but i also forgot to plug in my devices last night. i went to charge them, apparently plugged them into the socket, but the morning revealed i forgot to plug in the other end into the devices. not one device. two. third i forgot to charge entirely. i think the batteries will hold but how i plugged in one end of the cable and just left without plugging in the other is unclear to me. i am trying to remember my movements and all and i could've sworn i did everything...i even thought to myself yesterday wow look at my focus and acumen today lol.

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last night i was scratching my dog's tummy until he fell asleep and that had me thinking about the first people who domesticated animals, the first canine to go belly up and the first human who thought that needs petting...and thought of all the wolves, foxes, dingoes, coyotes and other undomesticated furries who will never know the joys of belly rubs. i don't doubt they're happier undomesticated of course, i just think...i mean...belly rubs...belly rubs are great...every furry should know what a belly rub feels like.

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Man's first friend??




growing up my folks used to warn me about a ravine near our house as wolves lived there. i didn't get why we should be afraid of them they looked all cute, like our dog. pretty sure when wolves appeared near the first settlements someone must have thought "it's so fluffy i'm gonna die!" lol.

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so sleepy since upping the dosage. weird. i was alert on half a dose. yesterday i ended up dozing off in the late pm. it's not even lunch time yet now and i can't wait to go home and nap. i hope this goes away soon. not doing what it initially did for the depression either. needs time. seems like 8 weeks is an awful long time to wait.


i'm so tired it's annoying. i went to get a second coffee (ugh, i was quitting. i don't want to go back to multiple cups to counter this side effect) and for a second there as i held a teaspoon of sugar i couldn't remember where the sugar goes.

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stay awake woman, stay awake.


thank god i'm not driving home today.


sweet jesus this coffee is good.

What kind of coffee??? I didn't have my coffee maker at work last night, so I had to improvise using a styrofoam cup with a couple holes on the bottom, and my best guestimation!

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It did actually! I poked three holes on the bottom of the cup (using a plastic stirrer). Then I added a filter (I had one). I had the grounds pre-measured, so I figured I would need about 8oz of coffee (which equates to roughly 250g of water). We have a hot water machine, so I filled up a cup and slowly added it to the grounds. The styrofoam didn't get too hot, so I was able to hold onto it while I added the water. I know it seems like a lot of work, but in a pinch it worked out really well.

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