Is this normal? If not, is there anything I can do about it?

[Applewhite]

Yeah that kind of made me go "hmm". It's one thing if you live together and person really wants TV and the other doesn't - okay fine, get the TV since you share a home. But this is a new relationship and you don't live together. That's a heck of a utility bill to take up when you don't benefit much.

 

BTW, this is coming from someone who really likes TV (well, certain channels) and has Investigation Discovery on almost every day. I pay for my own TV ($30/month) but I wouldn't expect a SO to have that. If it were important enough to me, I'd get a sub that would allow me to watch remotely since I'd be the one benefiting, not him.

 

I do like ID. not sure it's worth $100 if I wasn't with him though

[boltnrun]

"In case it is relevant, there was one time I suggested we leave the TV off when he comes here and that was something that totally changed his mood for the worse to the point he ended up leaving! "

 

This is what concerns me.

 

Is he three years old? Mommy won't let him watch TV so he's going to go to his room and slam the door???

 

It sounds like as long as you are willing to do things HIS way (watching TV even though it's not really something you're in to...if you were you would have had TV service before you started dating him), staying in an apartment and paying more rent when you wanted to move somewhere else with more activities...he's willing to stick around. It sounds like you're the one doing all the compromising just to keep him.

 

And for what, great sex?

 

You do know that you can get great sex from a guy who is more compatible with you regarding how you spend your time when you're together, right?

 

I made the mistake of staying for years with someone who I wasn't compatible with and who didn't take my wishes into consideration just because sex with him was fantastic. I then met someone else who does like to do a lot of the things I like to do and surprise, surprise, sex with him was great too!

 

I just hope you're not going to do all the bending and compromising while he gets to do whatever he wants. And him choosing a show you two can watch together isn't much of a compromise because he STILL gets to watch TV!

[journeynow]

He never expected me to get the cable. I did it because I wanted to for him. I didn't realize it would make me this unhappy having it though.

 

It is making you unhappy having it, but didn't you also say it is totally worth it? That may make sense to you, but in the big picture, does it?

[katrina1980]

 

I pay for my own TV ($30/month).

 

Wow where do you live?

 

I live in southern cali and I pay $120 per month (includes internet though it's a packaged deal).

 

Without internet it would be around $95 per month without premium channels or "On Demand" (those cost extra).

 

One cannot even watch the basic channels without cable.

 

Total rip off.

[Applewhite]

It is making you unhappy having it, but didn't you also say it is totally worth it? That may make sense to you, but in the big picture, does it?

 

It makes sense *if* he can find a show we both enjoy. I want to test that out first.

 

But to answer your question, it doesn't make me happy yet. If it continues to not make me happy, I will cancel it.

[Applewhite]

"In case it is relevant, there was one time I suggested we leave the TV off when he comes here and that was something that totally changed his mood for the worse to the point he ended up leaving! "

 

This is what concerns me.

 

Is he three years old? Mommy won't let him watch TV so he's going to go to his room and slam the door???

 

It sounds like as long as you are willing to do things HIS way (watching TV even though it's not really something you're in to...if you were you would have had TV service before you started dating him), staying in an apartment and paying more rent when you wanted to move somewhere else with more activities...he's willing to stick around. It sounds like you're the one doing all the compromising just to keep him.

 

And for what, great sex?

 

You do know that you can get great sex from a guy who is more compatible with you regarding how you spend your time when you're together, right?

 

I made the mistake of staying for years with someone who I wasn't compatible with and who didn't take my wishes into consideration just because sex with him was fantastic. I then met someone else who does like to do a lot of the things I like to do and surprise, surprise, sex with him was great too!

 

I just hope you're not going to do all the bending and compromising while he gets to do whatever he wants. And him choosing a show you two can watch together isn't much of a compromise because he STILL gets to watch TV!

 

I had reasons other than him when making my final decision to not move.

 

However even though he was very hurt by me moving, he was still there for me packing, helping and being supportive. (Even though he had some temper tantrums at first when it came up, I explained to him my reasons and he understood, accepted).

[boltnrun]

He has temper tantrums???

 

Holy cow...

[Applewhite]

He has temper tantrums???

 

Holy cow...

 

He had one. He was very upset I was "moving far away".

[Hollyj]

"In case it is relevant, there was one time I suggested we leave the TV off when he comes here and that was something that totally changed his mood for the worse to the point he ended up leaving! "

 

This is what concerns me.

 

Is he three years old? Mommy won't let him watch TV so he's going to go to his room and slam the door???

 

It sounds like as long as you are willing to do things HIS way (watching TV even though it's not really something you're in to...if you were you would have had TV service before you started dating him), staying in an apartment and paying more rent when you wanted to move somewhere else with more activities...he's willing to stick around. It sounds like you're the one doing all the compromising just to keep him.

 

And for what, great sex?

 

You do know that you can get great sex from a guy who is more compatible with you regarding how you spend your time when you're together, right?

 

I made the mistake of staying for years with someone who I wasn't compatible with and who didn't take my wishes into consideration just because sex with him was fantastic. I then met someone else who does like to do a lot of the things I like to do and surprise, surprise, sex with him was great too!

 

I just hope you're not going to do all the bending and compromising while he gets to do whatever he wants. And him choosing a show you two can watch together isn't much of a compromise because he STILL gets to watch TV!

This is a sad situation.

[journeynow]

He had one. He was very upset I was "moving far away".

 

Was he upset (hurt? disappointed?), or out of control angry (as in "temper tantrum").

[Applewhite]

Was he upset (hurt? disappointed?), or out of control angry (as in "temper tantrum").

 

He was upset and hurt and later he explained exactly why, but in the moment he was out of control angry yelling and driving the car unsafe. He actually made me stand up the realtor that was waiting for us.

[boltnrun]

He had one. He was very upset I was "moving far away".

 

You wrote "some" temper tantrums. Plural.

 

And he got into a snit when you didn't want to watch TV and ended up leaving (according to you).

 

Edited to add: And he "made" you stand up a realtor? How? By threatening to leave? And he drove unsafely to get you to give in??

 

Sounds like he cannot tolerate not getting his own way and reacts like a toddler when someone tells him "no" or when someone does something he doesn't like.

 

But hey, it apparently works because you two will be watching TV together and you didn't move.

 

You've set a precedent here. He now knows that all he has to do is throw a tantrum or threaten to leave and you'll give in.

 

Seems more like parent/child (other than the sex) than an equal partnership.

[Applewhite]

You wrote "some" temper tantrums. Plural.

 

And he got into a snit when you didn't want to watch TV and ended up leaving (according to you).

 

Edited to add: And he "made" you stand up a realtor? How? By threatening to leave? And he drove unsafely to get you to give in??

 

Sounds like he cannot tolerate not getting his own way and reacts like a toddler when someone tells him "no" or when someone does something he doesn't like.

 

But hey, it apparently works because you two will be watching TV together and you didn't move.

 

You've set a precedent here. He now knows that all he has to do is throw a tantrum or threaten to leave and you'll give in.

 

Seems more like parent/child (other than the sex) than an equal partnership.

 

You are twisting my words. Threaten to leave? I don't even understand this post so I don't know how to reply.

[mustlovedogs]

Wow where do you live?

 

I live in southern cali and I pay $120 per month (includes internet though it's a packaged deal).

 

Without internet it would be around $95 per month without premium channels or "On Demand" (those cost extra).

 

One cannot even watch the basic channels without cable.

 

Total rip off.

 

You can watch basic tv without cable just get a digital antenna for like $15 off Amazon. I get something like 30 channels that way.

[Applewhite]

I already said that I had reasons other than him to not move and that in the end he was helping me pack and move until I decided I wasn't going to do it.

 

Writing things that didn't happen and speculating is just really not helpful to me.

[boltnrun]

"Even though he had some temper tantrums"

 

This is what you wrote. I didn't "twist" anything.

 

Anyway, if this dynamic works for you then the relationship will probably be successful.

[Applewhite]

You can watch basic tv without cable just get a digital antenna for like $15 off Amazon. I get something like 30 channels that way.

 

I am technologically challenged. I will ask around. It may not be available in every area.

[Fudgie]

Wow where do you live?

 

I live in southern cali and I pay $120 per month (includes internet though it's a packaged deal).

 

Without internet it would be around $95 per month without premium channels or "On Demand" (those cost extra).

 

One cannot even watch the basic channels without cable.

 

Total rip off.

 

I'm on the East Coast. I don't have traditional cable. I use a service called "Playstation Vue". It's a misnomer. You don't need a Playstation to use it. If you just have an Amazon Fire TV stick (it's like a Roku, costs like $30 or something) then you can activate it just fine.

 

Internet costs me $35 (going away soon though, as my apartment complex is installing fiber for me for free) and the Vue TV is $30.

 

I don't get local channels through Vue but I get all of my standard cable channels. It's live TV too, no cable service, no taxes/fees, and outside of whatever you're streaming it on, no extra equipment. It even has OnDemand and cloud DVR for up to 30 days. You can pause live TV for a few min if you must, if you need to go to the bathroom or get a drink. I watch my local stuff (ABC, Fox shows) via OnDemand on Vue and it's all good.

 

You can get the same service. It's available nationwide. It may even have local channels for you.

[mustlovedogs]

I am technologically challenged. I will ask around. It may not be available in every area.

 

I mean I think it should be. My friend in middle of nowhere Wyoming gets it.

 

Just hook it up to the Coax port on the TV and go through settings and find scan channels. You'll get the major networks like ABC, NBC, and some stuff you don't want. But it's a nice supplement to Hulu, Netflix, etc.

[Applewhite]

I'm on the East Coast. I don't have traditional cable. I use a service called "Playstation Vue". It's a misnomer. You don't need a Playstation to use it. If you just have an Amazon Fire TV stick (it's like a Roku, costs like $30 or something) then you can activate it just fine.

 

Internet costs me $35 (going away soon though, as my apartment complex is installing fiber for me for free) and the Vue TV is $30.

 

I don't get local channels through Vue but I get all of my standard cable channels. It's live TV too, no cable service, no taxes/fees, and outside of whatever you're streaming it on, no extra equipment. It even has OnDemand and cloud DVR for up to 30 days. You can pause live TV for a few min if you must, if you need to go to the bathroom or get a drink. I watch my local stuff (ABC, Fox shows) via OnDemand on Vue and it's all good.

 

You can get the same service. It's available nationwide. It may even have local channels for you.

 

Only channels I watch are Investigation Discover, Oxygen and the like where they have real crime shows. Do you know if there are any of those on there?

[Fudgie]

Only channels I watch are Investigation Discover, Oxygen and the like where they have real crime shows. Do you know if there are any of those on there?

 

Yes to both, because I watch both of those channels regularly, lol. They also have HLN and OWN...HLN often has "forensic files" and OWN has their own Dateline series.

 

I love Oxygen's "Snapped" and "Killer Couples" and I have those shows added to my "DVR" on Vue so when new episodes come out (Snapped has new episodes on Sunday nights), then I can watch the new episode. As long as I do it within 30 days of airing, I'm good.

[Applewhite]

Yes to both, because I watch both of those channels regularly, lol. They also have HLN and OWN...HLN often has "forensic files" and OWN has their own Dateline series.

 

I love Oxygen's "Snapped" and "Killer Couples" and I have those shows added to my "DVR" on Vue so when new episodes come out (Snapped has new episodes on Sunday nights), then I can watch the new episode. As long as I do it within 30 days of airing, I'm good.

 

Oh cool, you know what thank you for that. I am definitely going to look into it.

 

 

Just for the hell of it I want to share some other things about our relationship. And I really think it's important to take any advice here with a grain of salt for sure.

 

M and I have a lot of shared opinions and common world views which is very important to me and hard to find. This ranges from political opinions to how to live, what kinds of things are important to us and what we want from each other etc in the grand scheme of things. On top of all of that he is very supportive and selfless when it comes to making me comfortable in anything day to day related or talking to me after a bad day or a stressful situation. He listens to me, gives me advice, asks me about my day, tells me about his regularly. We connect and talk, and have fun and laugh. We have a great connection intellectually, sexually and emotionally. We exchange I love you's hugs, and smiles often. We encourage each other and most of the time bring the best out of each other. These are all such important things. We expand each others horizons, he has tried and enjoyed things I do and vice versa. He is affectionate and loving towards my dog who is like my baby.

 

So to come here and repeatedly write things like oh, I am so sad for you, oh he is boring poor you etc just to make one's self feel better is just shameless. But people will be people I guess. There always has been and there always will be the kid in the lunchroom that picks on someone to make himself feel better. Someone's life is sad and a bottomless pit. The question remains, who's? (That was a rhetorical question mind you holly)

[Hollyj]

Nope! Just responding to the info provided.

 

You bought an expensive service that you have little to no use for,. Are dealing with someone that has tantrums that doesn't get his way. On the one day he visits, he is glued to his games and TV. I see this as an issue and someone choosing to settle . I also thought it odd when you were so pleased that he agreed to watch a show with you- relationships should be that way automatically. Give and take. It just doesn't seem like you expect much for yourself.

 

Good luck.

[Hollyj]

Actually, I am very social, have different interests and fortunate to have many dear friends. I do not lead a "sad" life, as I am usually not home, but involved with others.

 

I call it like it is. And yes, I would not tolerate this man child

[j.man]

Yes to both, because I watch both of those channels regularly, lol. They also have HLN and OWN...HLN often has "forensic files" and OWN has their own Dateline series.

 

I love Oxygen's "Snapped" and "Killer Couples" and I have those shows added to my "DVR" on Vue so when new episodes come out (Snapped has new episodes on Sunday nights), then I can watch the new episode. As long as I do it within 30 days of airing, I'm good.

Don't have Vue (though I did check it out on my PS4). Totally with you though. Between HBO Now, Amazon Prime, and Netflix, I spend ~$35'ish a month and highly doubt I'll ever have a shortage of entertainment. Girlfriend laments not having HGTV but you know what? **** Property Brothers.