Hollyj Posted December 30, 2016 Share Posted December 30, 2016 How rude. He can play with his games and TV at home. If you are together nightly, then I can see it a couple times a week; otherwise, you should be going out or doing other things. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted December 30, 2016 Share Posted December 30, 2016 Couple of things: 1) We don't live together so is it unreasonable for me to request the 1 night a week he stays over to do some activity together instead of him entertaining himself with things only he is interested in? 2) I did not have a TV subscription before him. I only got it and pay $100/month for it because he likes TV a lot. But considering I have been unhappy with having it, is it really fair for me to pay $100 for something that makes me unhappy? Is that really vindictive now that you see the context? You see him only one night a week, and he pulls this! I would be done. I also think it is disrespectful that he comes to you for sex between his gaming breaks. I would feel like a blow up doll. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted December 30, 2016 Share Posted December 30, 2016 I don't see how this post is helpful. I never claimed I feel like a booty call nor do I think that is what I am to him. So I don't see the point of this comment. Obviously I am ready to do something about it so "do something" also not so helpful. I'm trying to get advice you seem to want to trash me without offering any. You should feel very disrespected by your bf. I know that I would feel like a booty call. I don't understand why you do not expect more from your relationships? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted December 30, 2016 Share Posted December 30, 2016 I will try to respond to some of these things because I don't think it paints the most accurate picture. He has his own space, plenty of entertainment where he lives - so he certainly isn't coming here for entertainment. To mention some of the things he does do with me/for me: We will sometimes go to dinner, and even though it makes him anxious he will sometimes go to events I have planned for us to do with my friends like play a boardgame, or go to an escape room, go to a NYE party etc. He also is pretty selfless and attentive to things I may need: Driving me hours to get a piece of furniture for me, building it for me, cooking for me. Surprising me with something that I wanted - buying it then leaving it at my apt as a surprise for me. He was even willing to help me do all of my moving despite being extremely upset I was moving so far away from him. He will always offer to take out my dog if I am tired, he will clean my kitchen for me etc. He talks about our future, thinks of us as a family (with our two dogs). So it is not at an extreme that you paint. I just want to make sure I approach this in the right way to get the best outcome. He is a bit insecure and very sensitive to negative criticism so I have to approach it carefully. Well, then I guess there isn't any problem. Link to comment
Applewhite Posted December 30, 2016 Author Share Posted December 30, 2016 Sorry for the misunderstanding, i do not see him once a week. He sleeps over once a week, i sleep over about once a week and we usually see each other at least twice a week, sometimes as frequent as 4-5 times a week. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted December 30, 2016 Share Posted December 30, 2016 Is this the same guy? Pro-Con list for ManBoobs I wish I could keep coming back to this list to edit, but I don't think the forum allows this anymore. Pro 1)Same views on politics 2)Same views on religion 3)Liberal family 4)Handsome 5)Smart 6)Excited to see me 7)Sexual Chemistry Cons 1)Insecure about his manboobs 2)Insecure about his possible ED 3)"professional poker player" 4)Doesn't know what he wants, wants to keep dating 5)Dated new girl and slept with her while dating me 6)Bites (I think?) toenails! 7)Takes medication for mental health issues 8 )Family history mental health issues 9)Very hairy 10)Didn't respect my time, put effort into planning dates 11)Heavy Weightlifting - risk for injury 12)Can't walk or stand long, his back hurts 13)Not a great hugger 14)Days he didn't contact me - busy sleeping with other girls? 15)Chews too much gum 16)He was planning on moving far from me, but misled me 17)He misled me about wanting a relationship 18 )No attempts to meet my friends or introduce his 19)I hurt my knee and he never asked how I was 20)He said he'd proofread a letter for me, never did 21)Favored seeing random internet girl he spoke to for 10 mins over me 22)Contacts me for "spontaneous" dates when his other plans fall through 23)At age 30, never had a relationship 24)On OKC it says he is ready to be exclusive after 3-5 dates if he clicks with someone 25)I was just so unhappy towards the end especially Link to comment
Applewhite Posted December 30, 2016 Author Share Posted December 30, 2016 No it is not Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted December 30, 2016 Share Posted December 30, 2016 Sorry that's too much. Lay back and perhaps he would be more interested when he sees you. Right now you are together so much it's become boring, over-saturated and dull. Plan romantic evening but much less often. Try not to be clingy and just stick around and hang out when he doesn't even seem to care that you are present. That is really a sign this will implode in a couple months. i do not see him once a week. He sleeps over once a week, i sleep over about once a week and we usually see each other at least twice a week, sometimes as frequent as 4-5 times a week. Link to comment
Applewhite Posted December 30, 2016 Author Share Posted December 30, 2016 So seeing him once a week is too little but at least twice a week with sometimes more is too much. Link to comment
Applewhite Posted December 30, 2016 Author Share Posted December 30, 2016 Anyway, i just asked him can he think of a show that he thinks we would both enjoy watching together and he replied "of course. So lets see how that goes. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted December 30, 2016 Share Posted December 30, 2016 Why do you stay in all the time? Why re you going out and doing activities? How boring! Good God, you live close to NYC! Your post was confusing: do you meet twice a week ,or 4-5 times a week? Link to comment
Applewhite Posted December 30, 2016 Author Share Posted December 30, 2016 Why do you stay in all the time? Why re you going out and doing activities? How boring! Good God, you live close to NYC! Your post was confusing: do you meet twice a week ,or 4-5 times a week? We meet at least twice a week. Depending on our schedulea and availability sometimes its more. We dont live that close to nyc, its winter and he likes ataying home more than going out. We go out every other week or so, sometiems more often but not more than once a week. Someone was pretty on point mentioning he needs tv and games continually like an addiction. Its not a major problem im having with him. Its juat that i want to convert some of our time to more quality time. He agreed to fidn a show we can bith watch so that i feel would be an improvement. I bought us a massage table on the way so that should be fun too Link to comment
Hollyj Posted December 30, 2016 Share Posted December 30, 2016 Are you really compatible? You don't like watching TV, but most of your time is spent watching TV. I say, get rid of the service and see what happens. Link to comment
Applewhite Posted December 30, 2016 Author Share Posted December 30, 2016 Sometimes i watch now that its there. Its not a priority for me like it is for him. If there was something we could enjoy together i would like that so i am going to try that avenue before getring rid of it. For the record he did still come to my place when i had no TV service. I got it not because he insisted but bc i knew he would enjoy it. Now we just need a middleground. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted December 30, 2016 Share Posted December 30, 2016 Apple, if your best girlfriend were sharing this story, what would you advise? As you have not agreed to anyone's advice on this forum. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted December 30, 2016 Share Posted December 30, 2016 I can't speak to normal but I wouldn't like that either. He brought the drone over and that could have been a fun thing to do together outside without social pressure ( if he is a bit anti social,and it sort of Sounds like he is, more so than just being a homebody). Do you feel like he engages with you and connects with you in general? I find the whole rolling over to sleep and him wanting sex then pretty sad actually. Like, disconnected?! It's so important to have fun together and do things where you can share good times and bond. Especially as life throws difficulties, that helps keep a relationship strong . Link to comment
Hollyj Posted December 30, 2016 Share Posted December 30, 2016 Don't you see that you do not communicate when you are together? Plus, he is incredibly boring. It seems like your over compensate to have a man in your life. Link to comment
Applewhite Posted December 30, 2016 Author Share Posted December 30, 2016 Don't you see that you do not communicate when you are together? Plus, he is incredibly boring. How did you decide we do not communicate? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted December 30, 2016 Share Posted December 30, 2016 How did you decide we do not communicate? If he is sitting there watching TV, gaming and playing with his drone, you are not communicating. You said that you would leave the room and go to sleep, then he would wake you up for sex. Yuck Link to comment
Hollyj Posted December 30, 2016 Share Posted December 30, 2016 "During this time I'd like to talk, touch, laugh, interact, do something together, have sex etc. While we do sometimes do these things I feel like most of our time together is "tainted" with him watching TV (often something I am not even interested in. I don't like TV much anyway), paying a game on his phone or xbox etc. " Your words. Link to comment
Applewhite Posted December 30, 2016 Author Share Posted December 30, 2016 I can't speak to normal but I wouldn't like that either. He brought the drone over and that could have been a fun thing to do together outside without social pressure ( if he is a bit anti social,and it sort of Sounds like he is, more so than just being a homebody). Do you feel like he engages with you and connects with you in general? I find the whole rolling over to sleep and him wanting sex then pretty sad actually. Like, disconnected?! It's so important to have fun together and do things where you can share good times and bond. Especially as life throws difficulties, that helps keep a relationship strong . In general i do think we engage and connect. Its the times when he watches tv or plays games that i feel the disconnect. Yesterday i went off amd played my own game too not knowing what to do. Then he came over all interested about what it was. I think we just need to figure out things to do at home for the times we are home. Does that make sense? Link to comment
Applewhite Posted December 30, 2016 Author Share Posted December 30, 2016 Exactly. Nowhere in my words does it say we DONT communicate, just that id like more of that kimd of intimacy. Am i missing something? Why would you write what you did then? Link to comment
j.man Posted December 30, 2016 Share Posted December 30, 2016 Kind of unrelated but not... where are you living? Kinda baffled you're paying $100 for cable. That's a pretty steep hit to take on your utilities for someone, particularly this soon in. Forgive me if you're in a country that doesn't allow it, but Netflix is like $10, and HBO's got a standalone that's $15 a month. Plus there's Amazon Prime that's $100 for the year, which includes a whole lot of shows and movies to stream. Between those three, or really even any one of them, you should be able to get your fix in and find something you both enjoy. Going with any combination of those might go a long ways in keeping any potential resentment from boiling over. Again, apologies if none of this applies, just tryin' to save you a few bucks. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted December 30, 2016 Share Posted December 30, 2016 "While we do sometimes do these things I feel like most of our time together is "tainted" with him watching TV (often something I am not even interested in. " I give up. I don't think you expected the responses to drop this dud of a bf. I think that you are in complete denial, as you really need to have a bf. I wish you luck! I certainly hope you do not continue to accommodate at your expense and expect better for yourself. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted December 30, 2016 Share Posted December 30, 2016 Kind of unrelated but not... where are you living? Kinda baffled you're paying $100 for cable. That's a pretty steep hit to take on your utilities for someone, particularly this soon in. Forgive me if you're in a country that doesn't allow it, but Netflix is like $10, and HBO's got a standalone that's $15 a month. Plus there's Amazon Prime that's $100 for the year, which includes a whole lot of shows and movies to stream. Between those three, or really even any one of them, you should be able to get your fix in and find something you both enjoy. Going with any combination of those might go a long ways in keeping any potential resentment from boiling over. Again, apologies if none of this applies, just tryin' to save you a few bucks. She's on Long Island. Link to comment
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