Is this normal? If not, is there anything I can do about it?

[Applewhite]

Kind of unrelated but not... where are you living? Kinda baffled you're paying $100 for cable. That's a pretty steep hit to take on your utilities for someone, particularly this soon in. Forgive me if you're in a country that doesn't allow it, but Netflix is like $10, and HBO's got a standalone that's $15 a month. Plus there's Amazon Prime that's $100 for the year, which includes a whole lot of shows and movies to stream. Between those three, or really even any one of them, you should be able to get your fix in and find something you both enjoy. Going with any combination of those might go a long ways in keeping any potential resentment from boiling over.

 

Again, apologies if none of this applies, just tryin' to save you a few bucks.

 

I do live in one of the most expensive areas in the U.S. however money isn't the primary issue here. If it means he is more at home when he visits i dont mind the bill at all. The issue is i am wondering if i felt more connected before i had tv. If thats the case then i resent paying for something that makes me feel lonely when he's over if that makes sense.

 

I will see what idea he comes up with for us to watch together. Maybe that will aleviate the problem and be a compromise of sorts. If that doesnt work ill cancel it and we can watch less, we will stick to a movie once in a while instead of tv always being on when we are at my apt.

 

Make sense?

[j.man]

She's on Long Island.

Thanks, Holly. You know how lazy I can be. Shifting my eyes left a micrometer would have done me in.

[j.man]

I do live in one of the most expensive areas in the U.S. however money isn't the primary issue here. If it means he is more at home when he visits i dont mind the bill at all. The issue is i am wondering if i felt more connected before i had tv. If thats the case then i resent paying for something that makes me feel lonely when he's over if that makes sense.

 

I will see what idea he comes up with for us to watch together. Maybe that will aleviate the problem and be a compromise of sorts. If that doesnt work ill cancel it and we can watch less, we will stick to a movie once in a while instead of tv always being on when we are at my apt.

 

Make sense?

I live in Manhattan. I hear you. Just trying to help.

[Applewhite]

I dont think "break up" is a reasonable or rational reaction to "my bf wants to watch more tv than id like"

 

I know when i need to break up with someone and dont appreciate you implying i am desparate etc. Thats really rude. You already uncovered i broke up with manboobs despite your suspicion that its the same guy. You disproved your own theory but you are still ramming it down my throat for some reason. Does it make you feel better? Glad i could help.

[Hollyj]

No. I just feel bad for you, as the guy sounds incredibly boring. But, that's your choice.

[Applewhite]

No. I just feel bad for you, as the guy sounds incredibly boring.

 

I disagree that hes boring but luckily for you, you arent the one in a relationship with him so it shouldnt bother you even if you believe he is boring.

[Hollyj]

You're right. I'm grateful!!! I would never be satisfied with that nonsense, as my dates are not mainly spent in my home.

[mustlovedogs]

I disagree that hes boring but luckily for you, you arent the one in a relationship with him so it shouldnt bother you even if you believe he is boring.

 

Why are you being so defensive?

[Applewhite]

You're right. I'm grateful!!! I would never be satisfied with that nonsense, as my dates are not mainly spent in my home.

 

Im happy that my thread was able to make you feel better about yourself. Sorry that you need something like this from someone elses life to feel better about yourself. Good luck.

[journeynow]

I disagree that hes boring but luckily for you, you arent the one in a relationship with him so it shouldnt bother you even if you believe he is boring.

 

I recommend taking the advice offered here with a grain of salt. I know some of us can get pretty insistent about our point of view, but of course we are filtering through our own experience, and I think we essentially offer the advice we need to hear. ;-)

[Wiseman2]

What if he just shifts to games again? You seem not to be addressing the issue you pointed out, of lack of attention. How does getting cable and deciding on what to watch resolve the issue of him ignoring you?

 

Are you a homebody too? If so then there is not that much incompatibility. Just taking you for granted because he's bored and he can.

If it means he is more at home when he visits i dont mind the bill at all. I will see what idea he comes up with for us to watch together. Maybe that will aleviate the problem and be a compromise of sorts.

[Hollyj]

Im happy that my thread was able to make you feel better about yourself. Sorry that you need something like this from someone elses life to feel better about yourself. Good luck.

 

 

Not at all. You have come off as very defensive, when you did not think we would respond as we have. I am assuming this is because you know that there is truth attached.

[Applewhite]

Anyway the main update here is that he has excitedly agreed to look for something we can enjoy together. To me thats something i can look forward to because i process that as a bonding activity and something that would actually make me very happy assuming it works out.

 

Meanwhile part of my frustation is because i have a higher libido than him, but we basically had sex twice last night so i can't exactly complain. This is probably an issue id have with anyone.

[journeynow]

part of my frustation is because i have a higher libido than him, but we basically had sex twice last night so i can't exactly complain. This is probably an issue id have with anyone.

 

It wouldn't necessarily be an issue with someone whose libido matched yours. That's primarily what I remember from our early days, we shared that and a sense of humor and interests. I agree that sex can be bonding.

 

I wonder about making him choose the show to see if he can come up with one for both of you. Perhaps take turns at that, and let it BE turn taking? Sometimes you'll watch what he likes, sometimes he'll watch what you like, and that way you each expand your horizon in that area. Or you could research a handful for him to pick from? Narrow it down for him?

[Applewhite]

It wouldn't necessarily be an issue with someone whose libido matched yours. That's primarily what I remember from our early days, we shared that and a sense of humor and interests. I agree that sex can be bonding.

 

I wonder about making him choose the show to see if he can come up with one for both of you. Perhaps take turns at that, and let it BE turn taking? Sometimes you'll watch what he likes, sometimes he'll watch what you like, and that way you each expand your horizon in that area. Or you could research a handful for him to pick from? Narrow it down for him?

 

Are there really a lot of men in their 30s or early 40s that would have sex more than twice a day most days?

 

I guess i should have some input on what id like to watch too. His tv interests are much broader than mine and he knows more so i think hes more likely to find something. If not ill try too.

 

In his defense sometimes he tries to watch things i like for a little while too.

[j.man]

Are there really a lot of men in their 30s or early 40s that would have sex mofe than twice a day most days?

My girlfriend wishes. Your boi j.man is lucky if he can recharge in 24 hours nowadays.

[journeynow]

Another thought, you could alternate days of being Ruler of the Day. Some days you choose all of the activities/meals/dates, alternating with him, and then perhaps deciding together. (We did that as a family although we did it by the week and it was fun to watch how the kids handled it. The one with all the privilege would end up consulting the other to make sure they got something they enjoyed during the 7 days. They didn't have to do it that way, but seemed to like sharing their power.)

[Applewhite]

I must add that when we have sex it is *amazing*. Best ive ever had by any standard.

[journeynow]

Are there really a lot of men in their 30s or early 40s that would have sex more than twice a day most days?

 

I don't know, I only know what mine was like. But do you need "a lot of men", or just one?

[Applewhite]

I don't know, I only know what mine was like. But do you need "a lot of men", or just one?

 

Lol no i just meed one. I was just pointing out its not fair to complain about libido differences when im the outlier here.

[journeynow]

I must add that when we have sex it is *amazing*. Best ive ever had by any standard.

 

Ah, hmm, so how about making a house rule: "Everyone naked"? See if that affects how much TV-watching and drone-playing he does.

[boltnrun]

I've dated men in that age range who could go multiple times a day.

 

But they didn't sit in front of the TV, a phone screen or a gaming console. We actually went outside. Getting moving increases your energy, it doesn't decrease it.

[Applewhite]

Ah, hmm, so how about making a house rule: "Everyone naked"? See if that affects how much TV-watching and drone-playing he does.

 

Ah idk if hed go for that. He likes being really warm. A lot of times all clothes go right back on after sex. But lets see how we do with the new massage table i ordered! Who doesnt like getring oiled up and massaged???

[Applewhite]

I've dated men in that age range who could go multiple times a day.

 

But they didn't sit in front of the TV, a phone screen or a gaming console. We actually went outside. Getting moving increases your energy, it doesn't decrease it.

 

Maybe when the weather is warmer. We used to go for walks in the summer. Right now it isnt that feasible.

[journeynow]

Maybe when the weather is warmer. We used to go for walks in the summer. Right now it isnt that feasible.

 

Why not? Boots, hats, mittens, layers, and the outdoors is a joy this time of year. It's great, in fact. No bugs to bite you.