In need of some insight from the ladies

[Jonesey0]

You looking for a hookup? Cause that's all you'd get with someone in a relationship.

 

No, im not looking for hookup. And believe me, she really doesn't seem the hookup kind of woman.

She is somewhat shy around me, like she is intimidated.

I want to get to know her better, see if she really is what she promises to be.

I would never engage with someone who is in a relationship. I got dumped after 14 years, because of some crush my ex had with a coworker.

I would never do that to someone else. I know how it hurts.

[Ms Darcy]

I want to get to know her better, see if she really is what she promises to be.

 

I don't understand this. Promises to be? You don't really know her other than being attracted to her.

 

If you want a friend, I am sure you can find one that you aren't interested in sexually.

[Silverbirch]

I think she MAY like you - ir maybe she's just being friendly. As far as FB goes, I don't think it's the most reliable source of info regarding relationship status. When my ex broke up a few years ago, I didn't change my status to single for ages. When I did, I was uncomfortable with people's comments.

 

Regardless of what her situation is, you need to go very slow, especially as you work with her. Eventually, you will find out more about her.

 

I recently found out information about someone who was interested in me a year ago. By weird co-incidence, my oldest best friends daughter once worked for him, and it was just co-incidental that his name came up. I've also had men assume that I am interested in them when I've just been friendly, and that was embarrassing and awkward, and made me feel cautious about being friendly.

 

It's way too early to know anything you can take as factual. Good Luck.

[LadyAbbey31]

Hi, I've read all of this thread, and I think you should ask her out for sure. Yes, I think she seems interested. Please don't go by an old facebook photo to assume anything about her life right now....mine has a few old photos that I'd forgotten about. But again, she seems interested. As a woman I can't imagine acting the way she has if she wasn't. If I guy is showing interest but the girl isn't interested, she'll just avoid him/find excuses to leave the conversation (if of course she doesn't have the guts to tell him outright). If she likes the guy, she will try to be around him more, which is what I see her doing.

 

I mean absolutely no disrespect to other posters, but some (just some!) of the responses about this girl seem quite cynical. Some people are sincere and genuine. Not everyone has an agenda. At least I hope not. Maybe I'm not jaded enough yet!

 

Again, go for it. Good luck and hopefully I'll get to read an update sometime soon!

[Jonesey0]

I don't understand this. Promises to be? You don't really know her other than being attracted to her.

 

If you want a friend, I am sure you can find one that you aren't interested in sexually.

 

I want to get to know her better. She's seems like the kind of person i could have a relationship with.

She's nothing like any girl i met in recent times. She's well balanced, kinda shy, not the random party girl type that is the norm nowadays.

[fwdthinker]

ask her out. If she has a BF or is not interested, she will likely say so and turn you down. If not, you can get to getting to know her. Most women would definitely not put forth the effort to drive to someone's work location if not interested unless she thought it might advance her career. Since you two are peers, that's not likely. Let us know what she says! Good luck.

[Sportster2005]

I've also had men assume that I am interested in them when I've just been friendly, and that was embarrassing and awkward, and made me feel cautious about being friendly.

 

It's way too early to know anything you can take as factual. Good Luck.

 

I don't think it's sexist to suggest this is a universal truth. It took me a while when I was divorced that women can be friendly without having no interest.

[Sportster2005]

If you want to proceed find out if she is single.

 

"What does your boyfriend do for a living"? This solves two of your problems. You'll find out, and she will know you're interested. This is a way to find out without the awkward silence that might come with just outright asking if she is single.

[katrina1980]

I don't think it's sexist to suggest this is a universal truth. It took me a while when I was divorced that women can be friendly without having no interest.

 

I agree with you S.

 

But my question is, what constitutes "being friendly"?

 

Driving to a man's job locale on her day off.... strolling along the river with him for an hour talking?

 

Respnding back to his Merry Christmas text (immediately I might add) with kisses?

 

Is this simply being "friendly"?

 

I have had men mis-read my friendliness as romantic interest, but my behavior was nothing like what this chick's behavior is.

 

Frankly, I don't know what's going on with her anymore, she could he be looking for attention or to elicit some jealousy in her long term bf, but then again she could be interested, and simply not bothered to take the FB photo down yet.

 

The fact you suspect she is intimidated by you, speaks volumes too OP. What do YOU think it means?

 

You are playing like you don't know, but I think you do. On some level anyway, otherwise you wouldn't have mentioned it.

 

In any event, I suppose you will never know for sure, unless you ask her out.

 

If she tells you she has a bf, so what? If anything, it will put your mind to rest once and for all, so you can move on emotionally.

 

Also, would like to remind folks they don't work together,.

 

They work in different locations, never see each other, never talk, never interact.

 

So there should not be any "awkwardness" if, in fact, she does have a bf, or otherwise turns you down for other reasons.

[Sportster2005]

I agree with you S.

 

But my question is, what constitutes "being friendly"?

 

The better question is what constitutes being flirty. Nothing she has done is flirty. Everything she has done can be just friendly. There is also context here. If you told me a gal sent a Merry Christmas with xoxo text, without knowing anything else, I would be inclined to think she's interested. The fact they are co-workers and are professional peers, halts the pendulum, and may even swing it back.

 

With or without context I wouldn't be encouraged by a female unless there were more clear signals. Does she face me when we are standing. Does her eye contact linger. Does she her head slightly, yes it's a sign. Does she flatter me, does she laugh at stupid jokes, is she a little nervous around me. Does she make excuses to touch my arm, especially around the bicep. If sitting does she tap my knee, lean into me. Does she whisper in my ear 'F me now or lose me forever". And yes, you could argue those can be friendly gestures. But they are more often signals of interest and flirty.

 

Driving to a man's job locale on her day off.... strolling along the river with him for an hour talking?

If I was doing this with someone I met on POF I would consider it interest. If it was someone in my field/co-worker or an established friend, it would be just friendly. I've done this with friends. I often walk with my friend at the dog park. We go on friend dates all the time. The difference is we've established our friendship. The OP hasn't yet, and should soon.

Respnding back to his Merry Christmas text (immediately I might add) with kisses?

 

Is this simply being "friendly"?

 

Immediately? Maybe she was laying on her couch with her phone on her chest.

 

I have had men mis-read my friendliness as romantic interest, but my behavior was nothing like what this chick's behavior is.

Stop misleading men !!!! Yeah I'm just trolling

 

The fact you suspect she is intimidated by you, speaks volumes too OP. What do YOU think it means?

Something else that hasn't been established. He believes she is. Unless she said she is, it remains speculative. Dang, I would have been a good lawyer. Objection your honour !!! Speculation

 

Also, would like to remind folks they don't work together,.

Semantics. They have the same employer, and are in the same field. All kinds of potential for ugliness.

 

So there should not be any "awkwardness" if, in fact, she does have a bf, or otherwise turns you down for other reasons.

 

There's always awkwardness after a rejection. It's like claiming there won't be any pain when you hit your thumb with a hammer. There is always pain.

 

Not trying to be argumentative. It probably comes across that way in typed text. I'm actually a very nice person. I know because my cat says so.

[katrina1980]

^^I know you're a very nice person S.... I have never doubted that for a second!

 

We just disagree sometimes, which is okay and is part of what makes the world go round.

 

Re your second paragraph, OP can you clarify whether or not she has done any of these things?

 

Lastly, being rejected because a chick has a boyfriend should NOT be a huge, or even a little, ego blow. Imho.

 

Course I am a woman and don't normally ask guys out first, so what do I know? LOL

[Ms Darcy]

I want to get to know her better. She's seems like the kind of person i could have a relationship with.

She's nothing like any girl i met in recent times. She's well balanced, kinda shy, not the random party girl type that is the norm nowadays.

 

Well "party girl" is not the norm. I'm not sure how you are meeting women. Maybe it's just the "physical" type you are into tends to be a "party type" as well. Because most of the women I know are not like that at all. Just my experience. Are you looking into women who are a bit closer to your age?

 

But didn't you say you believe she has a bf? Why would you try to pursue someone with a bf? That's what I don't understand. If you aren't sure she has a bf, then just ask her if she has a bf (without asking her out.)

[katrina1980]

Well "party girl" is not the norm. I'm not sure how you are meeting women. Maybe it's just the "physical" type you are into tends to be a "party type" as well. Because most of the women I know are not like that at all. Just my experience. Are you looking into women who are a bit closer to your age?

 

But didn't you say you believe she has a bf? Why would you try to pursue someone with a bf? That's what I don't understand. If you aren't sure she has a bf, then just ask her if she has a bf (without asking her out.)

 

I think we (a few of us) are trying to determine whether she actually "has" a bf or if she simply neglected to remove a photo from 5-6 years ago) 2011, from FB.

 

OP, were there any more recent photos? Or was last one from 2011?

 

Also curious why this bf did not attend the company Christmas party with her?

 

Were spouses or significant others not allowed to attend?

 

That would be very unusual, in most large corps or companies, employees are allowed to bring their spouses or SO's to the company Christmas party.

 

Course I don't work there so can't say for sure, but in any event, while you were talking for an hour, and even on the walk around the river, one would think she would've mentioned him.

[katrina1980]

 

Does she whisper in my ear 'F me now or lose me forever". And yes, you could argue those can be friendly gestures. But they are more often signals of interest and flirty.

 

 

LOL, I missed this earlier.

 

Yeah I think this would constitute a bit more than a "friendly gesture". Or even "flirting."

 

Hell, that is an outright proposition!!

 

Do women really say this to you, when they first meet you?

 

Rhetorical (and silly) question, I am sure they do!

[Dlouise14]

She is definitly interested like katrina1980 said she is going out of her way to come see you on her only day off and is obviously flirting with you. So ask her out and if she isnt interested then hey thats a new friend!

[Ms Darcy]

I think we (a few of us) are trying to determine whether she actually "has" a bf or if she simply neglected to remove a photo from 5-6 years ago) 2011, from FB.

 

OP, were there any more recent photos? Or was last one from 2011?

 

Also curious why this bf did not attend the company Christmas party with her?

 

Were spouses or significant others not allowed to attend?

 

That would be very unusual, in most large corps or companies, employees are allowed to bring their spouses or SO's to the company Christmas party.

 

Course I don't work there so can't say for sure, but in any event, while you were talking for an hour, and even on the walk around the river, one would think she would've mentioned him.

 

All he has to do is ask if she has a bf.

 

It's pretty unusual (in my experience) for bfs and gfs to attend company parties. MAYBE a few spouses might show up in the more relaxed offices, but that's it. So, it's not surprising to me for a bf not to be there.

 

Also, in general, I still caution dating people who work for the same company. If they are in the same city and would attend the same holiday parties, I still think it's a bad idea. One word: gossip. But that's just me. The only "colleague" I consider safe to date is someone who works in a different city - who would not know the people you know at the office.

[katrina1980]

 

All he has to do is ask if she has a bf.

 

 

Sportster had a good idea.

 

"So what does your bf do?"

 

I have asked guys this (about their gf).

 

Like S said, it's a good way to find out without flat out asking. Course nothing wrong with flat out asking either, it's very direct, which most women like, at least I do.

 

Re bringing SO's to holiday parties.

 

Our firm's holiday party was at a restaurant after hours and all our spouses or significant others came.

 

Same with the other firms I have worked for.... if held outside the office (restaurant) after hours.

 

Anyway, like I said I don't know I don't work there.

 

Maybe OP can come back and clarify if he's so inclined.

 

If not, good luck OP hope it all works out for ya.

[Jonesey0]

If you want to proceed find out if she is single.

 

"What does your boyfriend do for a living"? This solves two of your problems. You'll find out, and she will know you're interested. This is a way to find out without the awkward silence that might come with just outright asking if she is single.

 

I think that's a great idea!

It's casual conversation, still shows interest, and gets me some answers.

If she confirms she has a boyfriend, no harm done.

 

I'm beggining to agree with your theory about the fisherman...ahah

[Jonesey0]

The better question is what constitutes being flirty. Nothing she has done is flirty. Everything she has done can be just friendly. There is also context here. If you told me a gal sent a Merry Christmas with xoxo text, without knowing anything else, I would be inclined to think she's interested. The fact they are co-workers and are professional peers, halts the pendulum, and may even swing it back.

 

With or without context I wouldn't be encouraged by a female unless there were more clear signals. Does she face me when we are standing. Does her eye contact linger. Does she her head slightly, yes it's a sign. Does she flatter me, does she laugh at stupid jokes, is she a little nervous around me. Does she make excuses to touch my arm, especially around the bicep. If sitting does she tap my knee, lean into me. Does she whisper in my ear 'F me now or lose me forever". And yes, you could argue those can be friendly gestures. But they are more often signals of interest and flirty.

 

Does she face me when we are standing - yes

Does her eye contact linger - yes

Does she flatter me - no

Does she laugh at stupid jokes - yes

Is she a little nervous around me - yes

Does she make excuses to touch my arm, especially around the bicep. - no

If sitting does she tap my knee - no

lean into me - yes

Does she whisper in my ear 'F me now or lose me forever" - hell yes

[Jonesey0]

Well "party girl" is not the norm. I'm not sure how you are meeting women. Maybe it's just the "physical" type you are into tends to be a "party type" as well. Because most of the women I know are not like that at all. Just my experience. Are you looking into women who are a bit closer to your age?

 

But didn't you say you believe she has a bf? Why would you try to pursue someone with a bf? That's what I don't understand. If you aren't sure she has a bf, then just ask her if she has a bf (without asking her out.)

 

Where im from, single girls above 30 are either party girls, married, about to get married, had bad experience with previous boyfriends and dont want nothing to do with men, unnactrative.

I'm looking for girls closer to my age, but all of the them fit one of the above descriptions.

If you want me to be honest, i get a bit uneasy about the thought of dating a much younger girl.

[Jonesey0]

I think we (a few of us) are trying to determine whether she actually "has" a bf or if she simply neglected to remove a photo from 5-6 years ago) 2011, from FB.

 

OP, were there any more recent photos? Or was last one from 2011?

 

Also curious why this bf did not attend the company Christmas party with her?

 

Were spouses or significant others not allowed to attend?

 

That would be very unusual, in most large corps or companies, employees are allowed to bring their spouses or SO's to the company Christmas party.

 

Course I don't work there so can't say for sure, but in any event, while you were talking for an hour, and even on the walk around the river, one would think she would've mentioned him.

 

No recent photos of the two alone together. Some from 2014, 2015, in group. And they aren't side by side, or anything like that.

Where i'm from, spouses or significant others don't attend corporate parties. It's not the norm.

One thing i started to think more often, was the way she rejected those calls (3 that i noticed) while she was with me. And then proceed to be on the phone for 15 minutes before leaving the park.

[JaggerJim]

She's got a boyfriend man. I'd just leave it alone.

 

Dodgy behavior on her part.

[Ms Darcy]

Where im from, single girls above 30 are either party girls, married, about to get married, had bad experience with previous boyfriends and dont want nothing to do with men, unnactrative.

 

Same could be said about single men over 30.

 

People are usually single by chance or choice. Chance is a breakup. Choice is choosing not to date.

 

But that's a separate issue from their personalities. There is nothing inherently wrong with being single at any age. You have to dig deeper to understand the individual and their specific situation.

 

I don't think 25 is too much younger. But I am not sure you two have life experiences that might be a bit too different.

[Coldarmy13]

All I can think of for all four pages of this is just ask her or find out from her if she indeed does have a boyfriend. If there's only a couple pictures of them, many where they aren't side by side, he could be a long term friend or even a FWB.

 

If you're okay with possibly dating someone from work, find out directly if she has a boyfriend. If not, decide whether you'd want to ask her out. I'm surprised this topic hasn't come up on all of your long talks you had before.

[katrina1980]

OP she is 25? Missed that.

 

So in 2011 she posted a photo with her bf that said "two years together." No other photos since then. Very odd.

 

Regardless, this means they started dating in 2009 when she was 17.

 

She may be ready for a change.... just sayin.