In need of some insight from the ladies

[Sportster2005]

Hmmm, I am wondering if you missed where she visited his project on her day off, and they walked around the river for hours talking about anything and everything?

 

Do you think that is typical co-worker behavior? Male/female? Who only recently met?

 

I don't think they are "co-workers" per se. Not in the typical sense.

 

They are both project managers employed with the same company, but do not work together or even interact.

 

They are each assigned to different projects at different locations.

 

You could be right I suppose S, we are not mind readers.

 

I just read her behavior towards him as interest, and after two years, might be time for him to stretch his emotional muscles and ask her for a drink.

 

Friends ask each other for drinks too, so it doesn't have to be a "date". Just a drink and he will gauge more from that than sending a Merry Christmas text.

 

Playing it safe never got anyone anywhere ...

 

Just my $.02 as always.

 

Best of luck OP no matter what you decide.

Nope, didn't miss anything

 

I hang out with and run with the project manager at my work place. We really like each other. But that's it.

 

I think men chronically overestimate women's interest. I assume all women who are friendly toward me are just being friendly. If they are interested they have to flirt. Friendly is just an expectation.

[katrina1980]

Nope, didn't miss anything

 

I hang out with and run with the project manager at my work place. We really like each other. But that's it.

 

I think men chronically overestimate women's interest. I assume all women who are friendly toward me are just being friendly. If they are interested they have to flirt. Friendly is just an expectation.

 

Okay got it.

 

One question though. Does "hanging out" with the project manager at your work include going out for a drink on occasion?

[Jonesey0]

Nope, didn't miss anything

 

I hang out with and run with the project manager at my work place. We really like each other. But that's it.

 

I think men chronically overestimate women's interest. I assume all women who are friendly toward me are just being friendly. If they are interested they have to flirt. Friendly is just an expectation.

 

Sportster, as i mentioned on the thread title, I was looking for some guidance from the female members of the forum.

 

What you're saying matches what i think of this situation. And I think is a universal truth, that we men usually are way off of the way women think and act.

 

Anyway, really appreciate your input.

[katrina1980]

Sportster, as i mentioned on the thread title, I was looking for some guidance from the female members of the forum.

 

What you're saying matches what i think of this situation. And I think is a universal truth, that we men usually are way off of the way women think and act.

 

Anyway, really appreciate your input.

 

Well FWIW Jonesey, my original opinion still stands.

 

I think she IS interested based on that I highly doubt a woman you hardly know would make a special point of visiting you at your project on her DAY OFF (especially this time of year when there's ton of stuff to do on one's day off), walk around the river talking for hours.

 

I could understand if you were work buds already (like Sportser apparently is with his co-worker) but women just don't do something like that with a man they barely know if they weren't interested romantically. In fact I think it was quite bold of her to do something like that, considering she hardly knows you!

 

Combined with smiling at you, glancing your way at the dinner, talking for hours when you came over to her table, kissing you (okay on the cheek, but what else would you expect at this point), it all leads to yes she is interested.

 

And making a real good faith effort to let you know that too.

 

I mean it really sounds like you guys just click! That there's some genuine chemistry/energy going on there, that's what I'm sensing from everything you wrote.

 

Could I be wrong? Course I could be wrong!! None of us are mind-readers.

 

But you will never know until you go for it. And what's the worst that would happen if I am wrong? She rejects you, so what? Will you die? No course you won't.

 

Anyway, I dunno what some of you guys expect quite frankly. Should she have blatantly thrown herself at you, tossed sexual innuendos at you? Asked you out?

 

She was flirting. With the smile, the kisses, and then visiting you on her day off, talking for hours by the river. I am sure there were other little gestures here and there too that you may have missed.

 

Or that you noticed but disregarded.

 

I get it though. You are used to your ex who apparently chased you.

 

Well she is in the minority IMO. As a general rule, I don't think it is realistic to expect women to chase you.

 

Most women enjoy it when the man takes the lead especially in the early stages.

 

Send her the merry christmas text and maybe add "why don't we share a cup of holiday cheer before Christmas?" LOL, okay that's cheesy, you don't have to say that, but ask her for coffee or something at least..

 

I mean three days (now four) have gone by with nothing from you, not even a simple text to say hi.

 

I say you better hurry if you want something to happen cause there are many women (even on this board) who would assume you weren't interested and as a result lose interest themselves.

 

Read some of the threads and posts from the ladies, I think you could learn alot!

 

Anyway nuff said from me I guess.

 

Good luck whatever happens I'm rooting for ya, Merry Christmas, and enjoy!

[Sportster2005]

Sportster, as i mentioned on the thread title, I was looking for some guidance from the female members of the forum.

 

What you're saying matches what i think of this situation. And I think is a universal truth, that we men usually are way off of the way women think and act.

 

Anyway, really appreciate your input.

If you want to catch fish, ask the fisherman, not the fish.

 

I'll respond to any post I like. These forums are for everyone.

 

This old fisherman is pretty sure she's not interested. Seems like your mind is made up and your looking for people to confirm your bias. Good luck.

[katrina1980]

^ I don't want to debate this, plus I am on my way out for the weekend, but that's a lousy analogy.

 

If you want to catch "fish" (women) then you ask the opinion of other women, as it's the women themselves who know what they like and how they and other women behave when they really dig a guy!

 

No offense to men, but many are clueless and even men themselves (some not all) would admit that. That they can't read women well or pick up on the subtle signals women send that indicate interest.

 

In this girl's case, they weren't even subtle!

 

Are there women who intentionally mislead men for their own selfish purposes? Of course!!

 

But I really don't think that is what is happening here.

 

She sounds genuinely interested imho, I won't repeat why I think that.

 

However, in any event, like I said above, even if it turns out she just wants to be "friends" (highly doubtful), will you die? No of course you won't.

 

You pick yourself up and carry on.

 

Honestly though, I don't think that will happen unless you have waited too long already and she assumes YOU are not interested and as a result lost interest herself.

 

ETA: Jonsey, if, when you ask her out, she flat out says no, or hems and haws or makes excuses, or flakes, THAT would mean she is not interested.

 

But you haven't even asked her out yet for heaven's sake.

 

If you are looking for guarantees, you won't get very far, except alone most likely. There are never ever any guarantees. It's all one big risk no matter how you look at it.

[mustlovedogs]

Agreed ^^^^ with all of it. OP - ask her out

[Ms Darcy]

No! No! NO! You are there to work and not use work as a singles bar and a dating scene.

 

Sorry, OP, but I have to agree with this. I think that the workplace isn't really a great place to look for dates unless you know one or both of you is leaving the job.

 

It COULD be that she's just new and friendly. I mean, YOU are the one who is interested in her and reached out to make her feel welcome. So, of course you are going to tend to read anything the way you want to read it.

 

Even if there is a little bit of mutual attraction, I get the feeling that if she didn't really want to pursue anything you would be devastated and work would be super awkward.

[Sportster2005]

^ I don't want to debate this, plus I am on my way out for the weekend, but that's a lousy analogy.

 

 

There is no debate. Have a nice weekend.

[Jonesey0]

Sorry, OP, but I have to agree with this. I think that the workplace isn't really a great place to look for dates unless you know one or both of you is leaving the job.

 

It COULD be that she's just new and friendly. I mean, YOU are the one who is interested in her and reached out to make her feel welcome. So, of course you are going to tend to read anything the way you want to read it.

 

Even if there is a little bit of mutual attraction, I get the feeling that if she didn't really want to pursue anything you would be devastated and work would be super awkward.

 

Maybe disappointed, surely not devastated.

And it wouldn't affect us in your workplace in the minimum, because as i said, we've only met once in 8 months, at a Christmas party.

 

In our line of work, we work different places with different people, and never cross paths. Unless we want to! 😄

 

I just like her, and would like to get to know her better.

 

My point with this thread was just to get some thoughts on whether she's interested or not.

 

Just texted wishing a merry Christmas and sending kisses, and she answered right back, almost mirroring what I wrote. Does that mean anything?

[Ms Darcy]

Well, I think I answered your question. I think there may be some mutual attraction. But I don't think that necessarily translates into interest. More information over time would be needed.

[FlashEng1]

^ I don't want to debate this, plus I am on my way out for the weekend, but that's a lousy analogy.

 

If you want to catch "fish" (women) then you ask the opinion of other women, as it's the women themselves who know what they like and how they and other women behave when they really dig a guy!

 

I would still echo Sportster's analogy. If I want to be successful at catching fish, I'd seek the successful fishermen (men who are successful at dating and can pick on the cues/signals of the women they date), while studying the behavior of the fish (women). But to seek their advice? That's what mom was for, but her advice has proven to be like that of many women who have given me dating advice..... sure it may work for THEM but come on "You're a great guy, and some girl out there is.." is the type of horrible advice I'd be given. But that's only speaking from personal experience. Not saying I don't consider, or seek out the advice directly from the source.

 

Okay I'm gonna give you a bit of a hard time here, just for the hell of it.

 

Dude are you dense? LOL

 

 

I am wondering, what else are you expecting her to do? Ask you out?

 

You need to ask her out.

 

 

With that, I'd agree with this quote.. What else are you expecting at this point? Asking on Page 4 of your thread if her last response means anything feels like either you don't care to move forward with the advice given, or maybe you are a bit clueless to what's being said and going on.

 

To simplify it with 100% truth and certainty: She could be interested. She could not be. All you can do is take a step, make a move.. If she responds positively (like echoing your texts or agreeing to go out with you) then you take it another step and continue. Anything else and you're essentially misusing your time as everything could come crashing down with a simple "Oh! No, I just see you as my coworker, I'm sorry if I misled you in any way."

 

Coming from experience, "the right moment" isn't as big or magical as you think. If you ask her out for drinks in the morning, or you do it in the evening the answer will be the same if she's remotely into you. Unless the situation or environment is a bad one to make a move to begin with (like... at work during a meeting! or when you see her crying about losing her puppy) to turn what would have been a yes into a no... So with that you seriously need to just make a move already and ask her out! If she says no, there's nothing differently that you could have done to change the response. You collect yourself, and move on with your answer.

[katrina1980]

FlashEng, that was a really thoughtful response.

 

And after more consideration, I will have to echo *your* analogy which I think is more precise.

 

If you want to catch "fish," then ask "successful" fisherman who know how to catch lots of fish! (i.e.men who are successful with *women*, can read them well and their subtle cues/signals).

 

All of which net them "positive" experiences with women, many options, dates and fulfilling relationships.

 

I 100% agree with the rest of your post as well.

 

You should post here more often!

 

Merry Christmas!

[katrina1980]

ETA There are many women who give pretty good advice too though.

[Jonesey0]

Well, from what i saw from her Facebook, i believe she has a boyfriend. A long term one (there's a photo of them from 2011, saying two years together).

 

Think i will back off.

Anyway, thanks for all the advice.

[katrina1980]

Well, from what i saw from her Facebook, i believe she has a boyfriend. A long term one (there's a photo of them from 2011, saying two years together).

 

Think i will back off.

Anyway, thanks for all the advice.

 

And she's visiting *you* at your job locale on her day off, taking strolls along the river with you and sent you a Merry Christmas text message with kisses? Mirroring you.

 

Nice girlfriend. Geez, you'd think she would have mentioned her bf during the many "talks" you had.

 

Guess Sportster called this one right after all.

 

Sorry it didn't work out for you, but if this is how she behaves having a long term bf, perhaps you dodged a bullet.

[FlashEng1]

And she's visiting *you* at your job locale on her day off, taking strolls along the river with you and sent you a Merry Christmas text message with kisses? Mirroring you.

 

Nice girlfriend. Geez, you'd think she would have mentioned her bf during the many "talks" you had.

 

Guess Sportster called this one right after all.

 

Sorry it didn't work out for you, but if this is how she behaves having a long term bf, perhaps you dodged a bullet.

 

Yeah, doesn't make sense.. Maybe OP's personality is a passive one? I mean, surely there was a glance.. a smile.. a move.. SOME thing that would have triggered her "I think he likes me, time to mention the boyfriend!" alarm.... Man, not even during the 1 hour conversation you two had at the work party/dinner or the walk along the river? I'm guessing things didn't get too personal in stories then right?

[nsolo]

I agree with the other posters. Yes, she's into you. Simply ask, "When are you free to get together next week?" for instance. After she answers, say, "Let's do this place at this time if that works for you."

 

She'll say if it does or doesn't work. When y'all agree on a time to meet, say, "Okay! I'll see you at so and so at that time. Looking forward to it!" or something along those lines. Then you can talk to her and get to know her better.

[Jonesey0]

Yeah, doesn't make sense.. Maybe OP's personality is a passive one? I mean, surely there was a glance.. a smile.. a move.. SOME thing that would have triggered her "I think he likes me, time to mention the boyfriend!" alarm.... Man, not even during the 1 hour conversation you two had at the work party/dinner or the walk along the river? I'm guessing things didn't get too personal in stories then right?

 

I wasn't passive at all. I had never talked to her, never even met her.

I was flirty, but not excessively, and she knows i'm interested in her.

When she came by to my location, i even touched her a few times, to help her through some obstacles.

And i sent her the christmas text, with the kisses and in a more personal tone than what a usual christmas text is exchanged between coworkers who just met!

 

If shes knows i'm interested in her, and she is reciprocating...maybe she just likes the attention.

I honestly don't know.

[Ms Darcy]

Guess Sportster called this one right after all.

 

And Mrs Darcy!

 

My inclinations were towards "bored with or mad at boyfriend" or "likes attention." Mixed signals happen more than you would think in the workplace. That's why it's good to avoid romantic entanglements there.

[katrina1980]

And Mrs Darcy!

 

 

Oops, my bad!

 

How could I have left out Mrs. Darcy!

 

Edit: "Guess Sportster AND Mrs. Darcy called this one right after all."

 

Apologies to Mrs. Darcy who deserves due credit as well...

 

I vote for she needed attention too, and/or to stir things up (elicit jealousy) with bf.

[Sportster2005]

Oops, my bad!

 

How could I have left out Mrs. Darcy!

 

Edit: "Guess Sportster AND Mrs. Darcy called this one right after all."

 

Apologies to Mrs. Darcy who deserves due credit as well...

 

I vote for she needed attention too, and/or to stir things up (elicit jealousy) with bf.

 

I think sometimes the psychological payoff is simply adoration or drama, or both.

 

I met a woman once. She added me quickly to FB. We rode in a social motorcycle club. She was smiling at me, paying a lot of attention to me. We started talking every night on FB. It started to turn flirty, so my interest was piqued. Until this point I was assuming she was just being friendly. We both ride, we are in the same social circle. It would be natural for her to like me, but didn't necessarily mean was attracted to me.

 

I think because I didn't ask her out, or show interest, she ratcheted it up a bit. We came back from a ride, and she texted "So nice to see you again tonight". A couple of days later she texted me "We both work downtown, let's do lunch". So I was still not convinced, but I approached openly, as she "might" be interested.

 

We sat down for lunch, within minutes she was talking about her BF, who was married, and just kind of made be sick on a couple of levels. She noticed my disappointment and enquired. I told her I thought she might be interested. She apologized. I said no need to, just a misunderstanding. I was very calm and tried to steer the conversation away from this awkwardness. She wouldn't let it go, and started to make a scene. She loudly and very dramatically let out "Oh my God, you must think I'm horrible". I said no. No big deal, it happens.

 

There's more, but I think you get the picture. I generally bend over backwards to give people the benefit of the doubt. Buy by the time we left the pub, I was pretty confident I was just some minor actor in the drama she call Her Life. I didn't even say good bye, just walked away. She would like/comment on all my FB posts after that. I blocked her.

 

There are people who simply lead others on for sport. And it just makes it that much harder out there when you are trying to assess interest. I've come across a few gals that I believe have done this, but won't go as far to accuse them of it. I simply don't know for sure. Well, except for this one story, I'm pretty sure there.

 

So O.P. if you're still reading, try not to be too discouraged, most people do not do this. Think of it as an outlier and move on. Good luck.

[Jonesey0]

Yeah, I think you're all right.

But why didn't she even mentioned, at any moment in our conversations, her boyfriend?

I am assuming she has one, that Facebook post that I saw it's 7 years old (weren't friends on Facebook, that's a public photo).

One thing I didn't mentioned: when she came see me at my location, her phone rang like three times and all three times she looked at it, and rejected the call.

Then i noticed when she went to her car, that she was on phone like 15 minutes before leaving.

 

I want to call her, and ask her to come meet me at my new location (like she told she wanted to) and then proceed to ask her to go have lunch or drinks with me.

 

But I'm not sure that's a wise thing to do.

She told me she wanted to come meet me again, maybe I just should wait to see if she really steps up and contacts me.

 

That way, I would really know she's interested?

[Ms Darcy]

I want to call her, and ask her to come meet me at my new location (like she told she wanted to) and then proceed to ask her to go have lunch or drinks with me.

 

But I'm not sure that's a wise thing to do.

She told me she wanted to come meet me again, maybe I just should wait to see if she really steps up and contacts me.

 

That way, I would really know she's interested?

 

You looking for a hookup? Cause that's all you'd get with someone in a relationship.

[JaggerJim]

Some woman like to line up new boyfriends, before discarding old ones.