In need of some insight from the ladies

[Jibralta]

She knows I'm interested, she knows what I want. Why doesn't she back away if she isn't?

 

She may just be sincerely interested in your friendship.

[Jonesey0]

Well, we had another date last night.

We met for coffee late in the afternoon, talked for one hour, then grabbed dinner for another two hours.

Then we took a walk nearby the river, it was cold so i gave her my coat, put my hand behind her, everything you expect on a date. It was perfect.

It was great the whole night, we talked very honestly about who we are, what we want for the future, what we expect in future relationships, why our past relationships didnt work (both out of longterm relationships - she one year out of a 7 year one, me three years out of a 13 year one).

 

But.. at one point when we were talking about relationships, she said to me that she feels its too soon for her to get on a new relationship after her breakup, and that she wants her life to be in order before that (she may be out of work in two months time, and that is stressing her very much).

She said she wants to have a relationship, but now its not the time. She doesnt even know where is she is going to live in two months time, and that makes it impossible for her to make plan ahead and have a commitment.

 

Notice one thing: she didnt say those things because i asked her about us. But i took the hint that she was letting me know of that.

This was midway through dinner, and things went smooth after that. It didnt not affect me one bit, which surprised me.

I was flirty and complimented her through the night, but not too direct. And i didnt express any of my feelings for her.

She said she had a great time, and we will do it again. We hugged and kissed goodbye, and she texted when she got home.

We then exchanged a couple more texts.

 

So, advice please.

She goes out with me, we get along great, we are very close to each other and not in a friendly way.

We go on dates, we do not hang out as friends.

There's always that tension between us, that doesnt exist when you are having drinks and eating something with a friend.

 

Should i keep going out with her, continue to build our friendship, and wait for her to come around?

Or should i forget the relationship part, since she says she isnt ready for one.

Mind you: i am willing to wait for her, but not forever.

 

Thank you.

[Jibralta]

Don't wait around unless you're legitimately interested in her friendship and nothing more. It sounds like there's potential, but now is not the time. And she's not going to appreciate anyone hovering over her waiting for her to be ready.

[Jonesey0]

I really like her, even as just a friend. But i do want something more, and she knows it.

As far as the hovering part...I'm not needy and clingy. Working days, when I see her, I greet her and smile to her, but that's about it.

I don't pressure her whatsoever.

When I don't pay her enough attention for a couple of days because we work together and we are always with people around us, she's the one who comes after me, not the other way around.

 

It's difficult. She's the first person I'm really interested in a long time, and who I really click.

 

But she's younger. We work together (for the meantime). And besides our dates and some occasional facebook messaging, it's difficult for us to interact.

 

Regarding to texting, she rarely initiates. But if I text her something, she always replys, and with interest and substance.

 

Hard to call.

[FlashEng1]

How does she know? Have you told her yet? Why did you take hints?? While you two were pouring your hearts out about your lives, could you not have found the time to discuss how you're feeling? To be honest, this is very borderline nice guy syndrome. It feels like you've built up this environment of "affectionate/sexual tension" between the two of you, and that you've given her enough "signs" to know you want to be with her, and she's simply playing hard to get by saying she's not ready for a relationship; when in reality, you know she wants you!

 

Until the words have come out of your lips or hers, your stories of interaction for the past year does not feel like things are progressing toward a possible relationship or intimacy. Especially after that last update. Moments like the other night, are the moments you want to open yourself up and make yourself vulnerable (you have to be) enough to be honest with her. Even something as upfront as saying that your feelings for her have grown for her spending time with her over the past year and respect the fact that she doesn't want anything more than a friendship.

 

I'd ask if you can find a way to stop skirting around the idea of a relationship, but after the last update she's pretty much made her stance. That date really was your window to... JUST SAY SOOOOMETHING! But at this point I'd say it's best to move on, and if it's a genuine friendship you're looking for, continue being friends with her. But WITHOUT the expectation or waiting for something more.

[Jonesey0]

I haven't told her "i like you, and i want to have a relationship with you".

But i told her the other night that she is special to me, that the first time i met her i knew right along that i wanted her in my life.

Should i flat out say to her "I like you, and want to spend time with you".

Dunno.

[figureitout23]

I haven't told her "i like you, and i want to have a relationship with you".

But i told her the other night that she is special to me, that the first time i met her i knew right along that i wanted her in my life.

Should i flat out say to her "I like you, and want to spend time with you".

Dunno.

 

Well... technically you are spending time with her....

 

I don't know, after the latest development, I kind and think you should maybe stop thinking relationship-relationship-relationship and just enjoy her company and see what blossoms. Just because it's too soon now doesn't mean it will be down the line. Slow down.

[Jibralta]

As far as the hovering part...I'm not needy and clingy. Working days, when I see her, I greet her and smile to her, but that's about it.

 

It's not about being needy or clingy; it's about being poised to charge through the door the moment she opens shop again in the dating world. People can sense that.

 

Consider this: What if one day, while the two of you were spending time together, she told you all about the new guy she was seeing. Would you continue to hang out with her on a regular basis?

[Jonesey0]

It's not about being needy or clingy; it's about being poised to charge through the door the moment she opens shop again in the dating world. People can sense that.

 

Consider this: What if one day, while the two of you were spending time together, she told you all about the new guy she was seeing. Would you continue to hang out with her on a regular basis?

 

No, i wouldnt.

But being who she is, i also believe she wouldnt hang out with me if she was seeing another guy.

And i agree with figureitout23. Its much better to go on dates with a beautiful, smart young woman than to be at home watching Netflix.

So i will do just that, and if it turns out the way i want, great.

Otherwise, it still is amazing to be around her.

[Jonesey0]

Well, we had another date last week, I invited her, she set the day.

Dinner, ice cream, then we walked alongside the river.

I went to pick her up at her house, she was absolutely gorgeous.

Really datey stuff, all around.

It was great, we talked for hours about everything, family, work, future plans, etc.

We also have been on messenger every few days.

But I have to initiate everything. If I say something, she answers back and we message for hours.

If I don’t initiate, she doesn’t say anything for days.

 

It feels like we’re dating when we’re alone, I have told I love being with her , that I think she’s gorgeous, etc.

But she doesn’t give anything to make me more assure, to be brave enough to make a move.

 

Does she want to take it slow? Does she only see me as a friend?

She knows I’m interested. She always agrees on the dates.

Even when we’re around other people, she’s always smiling and looking at me when she says something, or when I say something.

And she’s very secretive of everything we do outside the office.

 

Help me here. What are we doing? What does she want?

Kinda lost on how I should proceed with this.

I know she told she isn’t looking for a relationship right know because of the uncertainty of her future (she may leave our workplace in a month).

But even though she knows I want her, she keeps coming to me.

Kinda childish, but I really want to kiss her!