In need of some insight from the ladies

[Jibralta]

I know a lot of people are saying that she's interested in you, but maybe she's just a warm, friendly person. Maybe she just feels comfortable with you and likes you as a friend--but not more. It happens.

[Jonesey0]

I know a lot of people are saying that she's interested in you, but maybe she's just a warm, friendly person. Maybe she just feels comfortable with you and likes you as a friend--but not more. It happens.

 

Sadly, this is what's I'm starting to think too.

But she knows I'm clearly interested in her, romantically.

And she continues to engage me, and not cut me off.

And we don't even have to interact due to work related stuff, because we work in different departments.

And I notice if I spend a couple of days without talking to her (which happened two times the past week and this) she comes to me, and initiates. And always with stuff that isn't related to work.

She ended a longterm relationship 1 year ago. Maybe that has something to do with this behavior?

 

For instance, I texted her Friday asking if she was on the place she lives during the week on Saturday, to go on a date with me.

She answered she was on her parents hometown, which she was.

And come Monday, right when I get to our workplace, she comes to talk to me, asking how was my weekend, etc.

If she's trying to blew me off, why this? I would expect her to pull away from me.

[zippitt]

The problem is with flirting and attraction there are so many non-verbal cues, without us seeing you guys in action we are relying on your interpretations.

 

There are just too many things for me that I would have to know, why her and her ex split, has she dated anyone since, is she open to dating, when you ask her out do you use the word date etc? I think with you two being friends you could broach on these subjects at some point.

 

2 questions...

 

1. What would be the work repercussions if you told her how you felt and it scared her away, what if the opposite happened, what if you started officially dating?

2. If you never tell her how you feel, can you deal with seeing and talking to her all the time at work, or will it drive you crazy?

 

You will have to balance one against the other, but lets say she wasn't a coworker. Outside of work you have two options, man up and go for a kiss, although that depends on the occasion, there might not ever be a perfect one, or, man up and talk to her and let her know how you feel. Of course outside of work if you scare her off no big deal, if it were me eventually I would just have to have a talk and let her know I was interested in dating, to see were things might go.

[Jonesey0]

She knows im interested, i asked her out on "dates", and she came all dressed up and looking great, and not even mentioned it to anbody in our office.

 

To answer your two questions:

 

1. She knows I'm into her, and she hasn't backed away. But at the same time she doesn't give that hint I'm looking for to really make a move. It would be awkward, but I really have really limited contact with her work related. And her contract ends in two months, and I believe she isn't staying in the company.

 

2. If we started dating, it would mean nothing wrong. It wouldn't prejudice neither me or her. I actually think most people in the office would encourage and like it, even my bosses.

 

Regarding why she and her ex split, she told a friend of mine it was because they had different looks on their future. We never talked about exes, or previous dating.

 

Last week, before our movie date, I was entering the office and caught a female coworker of me (who has a crush on me) saying to her; shh, he is coming.

 

So I knew they were talking about me. What she told her? I don't know. Did she asked questions about me? I don't know.

Im 2.5 years out of a 14 years relationship (!!), and never told her that.

[zippitt]

Well you can either keep dragging it out, see if additional dates get any better, if the last date was that bad movie date, I think you owe her at least one other good one,

but it seems like it's hard to get a feel from her, at least from your perspective.

 

If she keeps it up you are going to just have a very open conversation with her to clarify things. The other option is go date other people.

In all my relationships it was pretty easy to figure out if they were also interested, it was never a lot of work, people who are interested show it, reading all this it starting to feel exhausting.

 

Is she friendly with everyone else like she is with you?

 

I dunno man, I would be at my breaking point, I would either be done with it or confront her, sounds like she just might not be feeling it, and yeah it might be awkward, but you can get over it, don't put this person on a pedestal.

[FlashEng1]

Hmm.. my favorite thing about necroposts on this forum, is both getting and working with an update, as it further illustrates one of the many points I often try to make:

 

in 4 months, 5 days from now, it will have been a year since you first posted seeking advice. If you continue this pattern, do not be surprised in 2018 if she's dating someone else and you're just "a good colleague/friend."

 

I believe it's been emphasized repeatedly through this topic since last year that she is, in one way or another, interested. What you absolutely *cannot* do, is overthink the details, constantly retracing your steps and wondering "is she still into me? did I play my cards right? was I supposed to turn here, did she like that idea too?"

 

EVENTUALLY the "real you" comes out after hanging out with her enough, and the seemingly endless advice/opinions your receive from others fades into the background, and you doing "all the right moves" just becomes you being you. Decide when you want that to be. When you're ready to toss the inhaler and go up and kiss the girl already...

 

 

 

As well, in all seriousness, you've mustered through the awkward and the ugly. She's still talking to you. Stop worrying about screwing things up or if you're going to turn her off by doing or saying the wrong thing. Clearly she's still hanging on. Clearly there's ... "SOME" thing there. Find out what it is for yourself. It's almost a year later and one way or another a relationship between the two of you has formed. What is it becoming, however? A professional relationship? A casual friendly one? A buildup into a more natural, romantic one? That's between the two of you.. Your story is already being written. Makeup the pages (days) as they go and the chapters (months/years?) as they approach. It very well feels like she could be losing whatever "click/connection" she once had. I agree with zippitt and believe it's been time to take her off whatever pedestal she's been placed on, and approach her with a more direct version of expressing your interest in her and to setup a date that would accommodate the two of you really testing your chemistry levels.

[Jonesey0]

Solid advice.

Thank you FlashEng1.

[Jonesey0]

Well, since my last post we had lunch three times together, two of them last week.

She invited me the three times, i chose the place.

We get along great, she always comes all dressed up and looking amazing.

In our last lunch, we talked about our exes (both out of long term relationships, me 13 years, she 8 years).

We have gone to get icecream together, walk around the park talking.

It's great. But i feel i have to make a move, kiss her, whatever.

Last date she was wearing a very revealing top, it made me go crazy.

 

Were now facebook friends too.

She knows im attracted to her, and want to be more than friends.

Next move?

[mustlovedogs]

Next move... stop letting her plan all the dates!

[FlashEng1]

Well, since my last post we had lunch three times together, two of them last week.

She invited me the three times, i chose the place.

We get along great, she always comes all dressed up and looking amazing.

In our last lunch, we talked about our exes (both out of long term relationships, me 13 years, she 8 years).

We have gone to get icecream together, walk around the park talking.

It's great. But i feel i have to make a move, kiss her, whatever.

Last date she was wearing a very revealing top, it made me go crazy.

 

Were now facebook friends too.

She knows im attracted to her, and want to be more than friends.

Next move?

 

Hmm, were you not able to find a better opportunity see where her head is at, than during your talk about exes?

 

Things really feel as if you're doing all of the .. "actions" (??) of two people that are into one another, and getting to know one another more... buuuut.. Hmm.

 

So she knows, and also knows you want to be more than friends. What was her response? How did feel about that? Did she shrug it off and continue to be nonchalant? Does she think it's sweet but not attracted back? Does she 'value the friendship' you two have formed so far to turn you down and walk away? What did you say/do to let her know of your interest?

 

I'm more curious with some of these questions, rather than alluding to anything. At the same time I have a bit of skepticism that's wondering how she would react to that kiss.

[Jonesey0]

Everytime i said something like "i really like being with you" "i really enjoyed the time we spent together" she doesnt react to it, and doesnt say anything about it.

But she also doesn't run away from me, and keeps coming to me.

Also, outside of work, she doesnt initiate contact, apart from the movie date.

All our dates have been in lunch breaks from work (1,5h). 5 or 6 times.

She talks about the future, kids, where she wants to live, her dream place, her family, everything.

But she dresses up for them, always takes her time to get ready before we leave (hair, perfume, everything...she evens waits for everybody to leave before we go together and she doesn't say anything about it to any coworker)

If i don't initiate a conversation for some days she invites me....

I can't read what she wants.

And that's what's puzzling me.

She doesn't give me any signs she wants to move forward to a relationship or something.

[figureitout23]

Everytime i said something like "i really like being with you" "i really enjoyed the time we spent together" she doesnt react to it, and doesnt say anything about it.

But she also doesn't run away from me, and keeps coming to me.

Also, outside of work, she doesnt initiate contact, apart from the movie date.

All our dates have been in lunch breaks from work (1,5h). 5 or 6 times.

She talks about the future, kids, where she wants to live, her dream place, her family, everything.

But she dresses up for them, always takes her time to get ready before we leave (hair, perfume, everything...she evens waits for everybody to leave before we go together and she doesn't say anything about it to any coworker)

If i don't initiate a conversation for some days she invites me....

I can't read what she wants.

And that's what's puzzling me.

She doesn't give me any signs she wants to move forward to a relationship or something.

 

 

Oh for petes sake, its been 9 months, sh*t or get off the pot before someone else takes her then you're on here upset you didn't just go for it.

[dkmgoucher]

Well, since my last post we had lunch three times together, two of them last week.

She invited me the three times, i chose the place.

We get along great, she always comes all dressed up and looking amazing.

In our last lunch, we talked about our exes (both out of long term relationships, me 13 years, she 8 years).

We have gone to get icecream together, walk around the park talking.

It's great. But i feel i have to make a move, kiss her, whatever.

Last date she was wearing a very revealing top, it made me go crazy.

 

Were now facebook friends too.

She knows im attracted to her, and want to be more than friends.

Next move?

 

Kiss her goodnight

[FlashEng1]

Everytime i said something like "i really like being with you" "i really enjoyed the time we spent together" she doesnt react to it, and doesnt say anything about it.

But she also doesn't run away from me, and keeps coming to me.

Also, outside of work, she doesnt initiate contact, apart from the movie date.

All our dates have been in lunch breaks from work (1,5h). 5 or 6 times.

She talks about the future, kids, where she wants to live, her dream place, her family, everything.

But she dresses up for them, always takes her time to get ready before we leave (hair, perfume, everything...she evens waits for everybody to leave before we go together and she doesn't say anything about it to any coworker)

If i don't initiate a conversation for some days she invites me....

I can't read what she wants.

And that's what's puzzling me.

She doesn't give me any signs she wants to move forward to a relationship or something.

 

Damn... after nearly a year, this post has me believing she's not on the same wave length as you are.. perhaps "SOME" thing is(was..) there, and perhaps she just wanted to know or be sure.

 

I am confident that you'll no longer be puzzled for another 9 months to a year, and you will be able to not only read, but know exactly what she wants and get beyond all signs if you flat out invite her to something outside of work (literally anything), and ask her how she feels when you are expressing these feelings to her. If this last update is where you're at after 9 months, I'm not too sure making a move at this point would have a positive impact. I'm more certain she would have at least reciprocated something at this point. Even an "I like being with you too, Jonesey." So just ask. Speak up. She can only say yes or no, and after 9 months in she "knows" you, there's absolutely very little you can do to raise her level of attraction towards you to turn what would be a "NO" into a "YES." Outside of coming down here to Texas and maybe saving a family of 12 single-handedly with a makeshift raft that you built over night with some weeds and broken lumber.. You're not improving your attraction toward her, literally man EVERY day you do nothing, hurts you way more than getting up the courage to finally just speak up already.

 

Because she's a coworker, it's understandable that you played things a little slowly/cool, but you may have missed your opportunity.. You definitely will if you don't ask her out before the month is over (and August is just about done)

[Jonesey0]

Damn... after nearly a year, this post has me believing she's not on the same wave length as you are.. perhaps "SOME" thing is(was..) there, and perhaps she just wanted to know or be sure.

 

I am confident that you'll no longer be puzzled for another 9 months to a year, and you will be able to not only read, but know exactly what she wants and get beyond all signs if you flat out invite her to something outside of work (literally anything), and ask her how she feels when you are expressing these feelings to her. If this last update is where you're at after 9 months, I'm not too sure making a move at this point would have a positive impact. I'm more certain she would have at least reciprocated something at this point. Even an "I like being with you too, Jonesey." So just ask. Speak up. She can only say yes or no, and after 9 months in she "knows" you, there's absolutely very little you can do to raise her level of attraction towards you to turn what would be a "NO" into a "YES." Outside of coming down here to Texas and maybe saving a family of 12 single-handedly with a makeshift raft that you built over night with some weeds and broken lumber.. You're not improving your attraction toward her, literally man EVERY day you do nothing, hurts you way more than getting up the courage to finally just speak up already.

 

Because she's a coworker, it's understandable that you played things a little slowly/cool, but you may have missed your opportunity.. You definitely will if you don't ask her out before the month is over (and August is just about done)

 

I believe you're right.

But since she is a coworker, if she doesnt feel the same way and i pour my heart out, things would get awkward for both of us.

But this taking it slowly and see where it leads...has taken me nowhere.

I think the movie date was the test, and the result came down negative.

[Jonesey0]

And another thing:

 

I've know her for 9 months. But for the first 7 we had very very limited contact.

These last two months, completely different. I talk to her everyday, we grab lunch together, etc.

So this hasnt been dragging out for 9 months. Only two.

[Sportster2005]

 

If I had some assurance that she's into me, I would followup right away. She's one in a million.

 

Follow up anyways. Sometimes you just have to chance it. Fate favours the bold. Go for it. Don't let her get away because you reject yourself. That makes no sense. Let her reject you, then you'll know. And obviously, she may not reject you.

[Sportster2005]

I believe you're right.

But since she is a coworker, if she doesnt feel the same way and i pour my heart out, things would get awkward for both of us.

But this taking it slowly and see where it leads...has taken me nowhere.

I think the movie date was the test, and the result came down negative.

 

Don't pour your heart out. Just ask her out.

[Jonesey0]

Asked her out yesterday, to go on a date with me today.

Said she couldn't, already had plans.

Guess i got the answer i was looking for.

Wont waste more time in this situation, as she is not into me as i am into her.

Thanks for all the advice.

[IAmFCA]

Asked her out yesterday, to go on a date with me today.

Said she couldn't, already had plans.

Guess i got the answer i was looking for.

Wont waste more time in this situation, as she is not into me as i am into her.

Thanks for all the advice.

 

You gave her 1 day notice! of course she has plans.

[figureitout23]

Asked her out yesterday, to go on a date with me today.

Said she couldn't, already had plans.

Guess i got the answer i was looking for.

Wont waste more time in this situation, as she is not into me as i am into her.

Thanks for all the advice.

 

You're kidding...You asked her out once and gave her 24 hours notice.I've told men I was very much into 'no'. If I have other plans or just plain don't feel like going out, I'm not going to force it. Unless you know something we don't, the worlds not ending tomorrow, there will be other opportunities. She didn't turn you down flat, she said she had plans.

 

I personally think your overthinking and lack of confidence are hindering you here and possibly in the future.

 

Didn't you say you've been on dates before?

[mustlovedogs]

Agreed. 24 hour notice is nothing.

[Jonesey0]

You're kidding...You asked her out once and gave her 24 hours notice.I've told men I was very much into 'no'. If I have other plans or just plain don't feel like going out, I'm not going to force it. Unless you know something we don't, the worlds not ending tomorrow, there will be other opportunities. She didn't turn you down flat, she said she had plans.

 

I personally think your overthinking and lack of confidence are hindering you here and possibly in the future.

 

Didn't you say you've been on dates before?

 

Yes, we've been on dates before.

For lunch, and one time to see a movie.

And today when she sees me, she's all smiles and looking straight at me when i'm talking to other people.

I really don't understand women.

 

Also, i invited when we were speaking on messenger.

I didnt answer back after she said she couldnt.

Was i rude?

[FlashEng1]

Try some time next week. And try to ask her for something 3+ days in advance please? If it's more than 5 days, try to make sure it's for a specific event (concert, opening exhibit) that requires advance tickets or notice. Otherwise, for something simplified like the movies (again) or glow put-put golfing, try on a Tuesday/Wednesday for that Friday/Saturday.

[Jonesey0]

A few days went by, and I had minimum contact with her apart from greeting her and a few small talk with the other coworkers at coffee.

I guess i backed away a bit, and she noticed.

Today, during coffee with the other coworkers I interacted a bit more with her, she smiled a lot and really wanted me to talk to her and later in the afternoon I went to get coffee, she came in, talked with me a bit about work, then approached me, stand right in front of me, and said to me that she did have things arranged when I asked her, and that we should arrange to meet, to grab lunch or something else.

 

It's official: I don't understand women.

She knows I'm interested, she knows what I want. Why doesn't she back away if she isn't?