pippy longstocking Posted October 8, 2016 Share Posted October 8, 2016 Thank you for every single advice, you cant imagine how are you helping me. You all are wonderful! bless you xxx I am going to bed as it is early hours in the uk ..keep talking to these lovely people on ena and remember always that you are number 1 xxx Link to comment
Andaco Posted October 8, 2016 Author Share Posted October 8, 2016 bless you xxx I am going to bed as it is early hours in the uk ..keep talking to these lovely people on ena and remember always that you are number 1 xxx Ok bye and thank you once more Link to comment
trickykid Posted October 8, 2016 Share Posted October 8, 2016 trickykid, thank you for your reply. We both need medication, but he had a depression many years ago and he takes medication now only to keep him stabilized. He was in a hospital when we met just for money. It sounds odd, but I dont want to specify it. Yes, he has many women friends, more than men. I asked him what are those photos for, and one time he told me that he does nothing with them, he doesn't even look at them once he saves them, he just likes to collects what he likes, and second time he told me that he has them to jerk off. In a hospital, doctors were quite excited that we are together, so we dont have a non-dating policy here. Ok, I can see both sides of this, the hospital do probably see being together as 2 are stronger than 1. But I wouldnt be so sure if they knew what this was doing to you. A lot of people watch porn, I dont know of any that collect facebook photos for a bit of pleasure, that seems a bit odd. I think to be honest, you can do better, for yourself. I think being with him is going to lead you back to hospital eventually Link to comment
Andaco Posted October 8, 2016 Author Share Posted October 8, 2016 Ok, I can see both sides of this, the hospital do probably see being together as 2 are stronger than 1. But I wouldnt be so sure if they knew what this was doing to you. A lot of people watch porn, I dont know of any that collect facebook photos for a bit of pleasure, that seems a bit odd. I think to be honest, you can do better, for yourself. I think being with him is going to lead you back to hospital eventually Yes, in a hospital they dont know about this side of him. That is quite possible, I think many times about how I could maybe be happier without him. But it is very hard to decide to move on. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 8, 2016 Share Posted October 8, 2016 Why is it hard? What will you be missing, other than someone making you feel less than. What does your doctor advise. This is not like porn viewing, as he is comparing you to others and pushing it into your face. His motivation is to tear you down. He does not care about you, and enjoys hurting you. You would not be here, unless you know that something is terribly wrong. Link to comment
Andaco Posted October 8, 2016 Author Share Posted October 8, 2016 Why is it hard? What will you be missing, other than someone making you feel less than. What does your doctor advise. This is not like porn viewing, as he is comparing you to others and pushing it into your face. His motivation is to tear you down. He does not care about you, and enjoys hurting you. You would not be here, unless you know that something is terribly wrong. It is hard because up till now I was still questioning myself if it is my fault, he is terribly good in defending his actions. And even tough I know deep inside that he doesnt really love me, he cant, he wouldnt be doing this when he knows how it hurts me, I still love him. It is stupid I know. My therapist says (not directly) that I should either try to make drastic changes, or leave him. Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted October 8, 2016 Share Posted October 8, 2016 I would listen to the advice of a trained mental health professional over that of a 47-year-old man who not only collects pics of women, but shoves it into his girlfriend's face and then gaslights her that this is "normal." No, it isn't. A normal man would see it upset you and stop doing it, definitely would not shove it in your face for sure or try to tell you that you were the one with the problem. He'd be ashamed or he'd just make sure not to push that particular button any longer. Come to think of it, while normal men do look at porn I doubt most feel a need to obsessively "collect" pics of every attractive woman they see. Man, does this guy even work. I'm always astounded at posts like this, because all I can think is "I'm barely getting 6 hours of sleep a night just trying to work, handle my family, be a good wife, clean the house, take care of my animals, rescue abandoned animals AND raise a teenager who's parental grandparents are making our lives a living Hades right now. Who the hell has time for all that porn and pointless activities????" It boggles my mind. So does you staying with him. Look, relationships are supposed to make you feel better about yourself, about the world, they're supposed to strengthen you. Frankly this old guy should be kissing the ground you walk on that a woman half his age even gives him the time of day. Dump him, you deserve better and definitely a whole lot more respect. He's actually borderline abusive in how he's rubbing your face in this little "past time" of his since he obviously has no other life. Link to comment
trickykid Posted October 8, 2016 Share Posted October 8, 2016 Yes, in a hospital they dont know about this side of him. That is quite possible, I think many times about how I could maybe be happier without him. But it is very hard to decide to move on. Do you know what is worse than making a decision? Not making one. I know you will be happier without him, you know yourself something is not right here if you are already thinking that you would be happier without him. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 8, 2016 Share Posted October 8, 2016 What do you love about him? What do you get from this relationship? Link to comment
Andaco Posted October 8, 2016 Author Share Posted October 8, 2016 I would listen to the advice of a trained mental health professional over that of a 47-year-old man who not only collects pics of women, but shoves it into his girlfriend's face and then gaslights her that this is "normal." No, it isn't. A normal man would see it upset you and stop doing it, definitely would not shove it in your face for sure or try to tell you that you were the one with the problem. He'd be ashamed or he'd just make sure not to push that particular button any longer. Come to think of it, while normal men do look at porn I doubt most feel a need to obsessively "collect" pics of every attractive woman they see. Man, does this guy even work. I'm always astounded at posts like this, because all I can think is "I'm barely getting 6 hours of sleep a night just trying to work, handle my family, be a good wife, clean the house, take care of my animals, rescue abandoned animals AND raise a teenager who's parental grandparents are making our lives a living Hades right now. Who the hell has time for all that porn and pointless activities????" It boggles my mind. So does you staying with him. Look, relationships are supposed to make you feel better about yourself, about the world, they're supposed to strengthen you. Frankly this old guy should be kissing the ground you walk on that a woman half his age even gives him the time of day. Dump him, you deserve better and definitely a whole lot more respect. He's actually borderline abusive in how he's rubbing your face in this little "past time" of his since he obviously has no other life. Thanks a lot for your advice. You have your point saying that he has so much time to do this. He doesnt work every work day, he has a lot of free time. Browsing the internet is by far his favourite hobby. Link to comment
Andaco Posted October 8, 2016 Author Share Posted October 8, 2016 What do you love about him? What do you get from this relationship? I love that he can make me smile or laugh basically wherever he wants. And on the other side Iove making him smile, its like a reward for me or something. We can laugh together a lot. And he is very intelligent, it seems to me sometimes that he knows everything. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 8, 2016 Share Posted October 8, 2016 How much of the time does he makes you feel insecure? How often does he talk about other women or show you pictures? I think that if he knew everything then he would have a stable job, and not look at pics of women all day. I don't think that that is so intelligent , and I don't think that gets you anywhere in life. Honey, he is loser! He would also not try to take advantage of the hospital for money. He sounds like a con artist to me. Link to comment
Andaco Posted October 8, 2016 Author Share Posted October 8, 2016 How much of the time does he makes you feel insecure? How often does he talk about other women or show you pictures? I think that if he knew everything then he would have a stable job, and not look at pics of women all day. Not smart and I don't think that gets you anywhere in life. Honey, he is loser! He would also not try to take advantage of the taxpayers for money. He sounds like a con artist to me. I feel insecure because of him every day, since he saves or shows me some girl several times a day. In reality I know that you are right. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 8, 2016 Share Posted October 8, 2016 You know what you need to do, but are delaying the inevitable. Don't you think you can get better than a man who is old nought to be your father, and who get some sick pleasure hurting you. He gets something out of tearing down your self worth. Have you told your family about this behavior? If not, why??? Link to comment
Andaco Posted October 8, 2016 Author Share Posted October 8, 2016 You know what you need to do, but are delaying the inevitable. Don't you think you can get better than a man who is old nought to be your father, and who get some sick pleasure hurting you. He gets something out of tearing down your self worth. Have you told your family about this behavior? If not, why??? Yes, I probably can do better. I havent told my family about his behaviour because we dont talk about such things together. And I was the one who always stood on my boyfriends side when something went wrong between him and my family. I didnt want my family to dislike him even more by telling them about our issues. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 8, 2016 Share Posted October 8, 2016 Well, if you can't be honest about your partner's behavior, then you know there is a big problem. You know that this is not normal, or healthy. The guy is abusive and gets off by hurting you. You are young and have many years ahead of you. don't you think that you should do it with someone that uplifts you, and that you can share with your family and friends? The guy sounds gross and offensive. Link to comment
trickykid Posted October 8, 2016 Share Posted October 8, 2016 Yeah, this guy is a sick puppy alright. A weirdo, do what must be done, get yourself away from him and meet people your own age. If my daughter brought home a man twice her age with no job I would be none too impressed either, I would be looking for answers. Link to comment
Andaco Posted October 8, 2016 Author Share Posted October 8, 2016 Well, I guess you convinced me. Something in our relationship is wrong, and I doubt I can change him, he is used to his lifestyle and I am not worth a change for him. This is sad. Link to comment
SherrySher Posted October 8, 2016 Share Posted October 8, 2016 This is not love. When someone loves you, they build you up and make you feel special, this man is doing the complete opposite. He is breaking you down and has already compared you unfavourably to other women. The fact too that he still has to need to stare at other women while he already has a girlfriend, is terrible!! It does not matter if he would ever cheat or not, the whole point is, he should be a decent enough man that he focus's on one woman. This is not a good man or a nice man. He is treating you very badly and it's up to you to decide if you are okay with him still leering at other women or if you won't stand for it anymore. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 8, 2016 Share Posted October 8, 2016 This is who he is. He does not see a problem and enjoys doing it. He will not work and he will hurt you. HE WILL NOT CHANGE! Link to comment
limichelle Posted October 8, 2016 Share Posted October 8, 2016 Hi, It broke my heart to read your story. Nobody should be treated like that...ever!!! This guy sounds like he has more issues then depression, I'm thinking more narcissistic personality disorder. Something along those lines. You can never change a jerk or make them see what you are worth. What you can change is by leaving and finding somebody who says you are beautiful and treats you like the queen you deserve to be treated as! I hope you will tell this loser to take a hike! Lisa Link to comment
Andaco Posted October 8, 2016 Author Share Posted October 8, 2016 Thanks a lot for your responses. I didnt even expect so many of them. I will definitely do something about my current situation. Link to comment
SherrySher Posted October 8, 2016 Share Posted October 8, 2016 Don't let him reel you back in with his bs of telling you that the past gf's were okay with it, that's again, comparing you unfavourably to other women. And truth be told, he might not even be honest on how his exe's were. As for telling you some good attributes about yourself but then saying another woman has better physical aspects than you...that is just downright mean and it's not excusable at all! NO decent man treats someone they care about like this..not even a little bit. I don't think he will ever change, he is a jerk and you deserve far better. Link to comment
Andaco Posted October 8, 2016 Author Share Posted October 8, 2016 Don't let him reel you back in with his bs of telling you that the past gf's were okay with it, that's again, comparing you unfavourably to other women. And truth be told, he might not even be honest on how his exe's were. As for telling you some good attributes about yourself but then saying another woman has better physical aspects than you...that is just downright mean and it's not excusable at all! NO decent man treats someone they care about like this..not even a little bit. I don't think he will ever change, he is a jerk and you deserve far better. Yes, I was thinking if the story of his understanding exes wasnt just made up. Because I cant imagine a woman who would be totally ok with this. Maybe it was just a tool to make me believe it is normal. Link to comment
SherrySher Posted October 8, 2016 Share Posted October 8, 2016 You've heard from many women on here today...none of is think it's okay, nor would we put up with a man like this. You can find someone who loves you and can only see you because he is so in love with you....it's not this man! Link to comment
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