Boyfriend saves picture of other women, help me please

[Andaco]

Hello. First I would like to state that I am not native speaker, so I am sorry for any possible mistakes. Me and my boyfriend are together for half a year, we met at the psychiatric care center, both as a patients. Both with depression, his better than mine. I also went through some psychotic phases. We both take medication every day.

 

He is 47 and I am 24 years old. A while after we started to date each other, I noticed that he visits web pages with the pictures of revealing girls. He didnt tell me, I just simply saw it when he was on his phone and he didnt absolutely try to hide it. Since then, he does this every day, he saves pictures of those girls and even the pictures of his facebook friends. Not just sexy photos, but also face. I told him many times that it hurts me.

 

We were talking about it and he says that he was doing it in all of his previous relationship and none of his girlfriends were upset about it. He says that I dont like it because I am insecure. It is true, I am very insecure and I have anxiety issues. He just doesnt seem to understand that this ways he makes me even more insecure. I was talking about it a lot with my therapist (I visit her every week) and she said that he doesnt have any respect for me and I have a real reason to be jealous. She said that she would not tolerate this his husband. When I told what she said to my boyfriend, he was mad at her, and also at me that I complain to her about our relationship.

 

My boyfriend says that maybe this his saving pictures isnt completely usual in a relationship, but I can be sure that he doesnt lie to me about it and he does it in front of me, so he is at least completely honest. He has thousands of these pictures of other women. He doesnt just do this, he sometimes shows me some photos and tells me what is nice about this or that girl. He reacts in an upset way when I dont tell anything about it or I am irritated by it. He laughs at me when he catches me staring at his phone when he saves those pictures.

 

He mostly saves the pictures of women with the hourglass figure and mainly women with large breast. I am thin, I dont basically have any ass and small breast. I feel very bad about the fact that he likes something completely different from me. I started gaining weight only in the tummy part, due to my psychiatric medication. Another thing is, that he very often comments on the other girls we meet. It isnt anything unusual that he shows me some girl with the words „look at those boobs, that is a woman, the men have to be turning heads all the time at her...“ and stuff.

 

He also does it when other people hear it. For example, in front of his son and his girlfriend, he showed me a photo of some girl he knows with words „look at her, she is so pretty, isnt she?“. I felt so humiliated. I told him about my feelings later that day and he was surprised that I felt humiliated, he told me that he didnt mean it that way. He says that he is a dog that barks but doesnt bite. I am not satisfied with this explanation.

 

I feel more and more insecure. Last time, he was talking about ass of some girl in front of us who he knew, and I asked if she has better ass than me. He said yes without hesitation. It really hurt me. He said that he will not lie to me. That this girl has a very good ass, but she is really stupid and the looks is all she has. And that he rather choose a girl who doesnt look that good but has other positive qualities. But I dont want to be just the best choice of his brain.

 

On the other side, it doesnt seems to me that he likes me for who I am. When I got a task from my therapist to ask my close people about my positive qualities, my boyfriend said just that I am tolerant, faithful and humble. It just seems to me that he wants to be with me just because I am obedient. I dont know if he really loves me. This can be due to several reasons, but he isnt really intimate with me. We have sex, but he doesnt like to kiss, I ALWAYS kiss him first. I always touch him firts. I always hug him first. He just looks like he doesnt need this kind of affection at all.

 

All of his previous girlfriends were completely different from me. He says that they were my absolute opposite. They were alive, loud, cheeky, even hysterical. He argued a lot with his previous girlfriends. We dont basically argue at all. Some time ago, he was talking about his sexual attentuation to his psychiatrist. They both thought that it is due to his medication, so he started to getting rid of it, but it doesnt help.

 

So last time they were talking together, his psychiatrist told him that it is due to the nature of our relationship, that I am so calm, that he was used to other kind of girls. He told me that he agreed. He told me that with those other girls there was a great uncertainty, he didnt know what they are going to do, what to expect, and the sex was thus a lot more passionate. I felt so sad about it. He told me that I dont have to worry about it, that he doesnt think about leaving. He said that with those other girls, he was always sure that he found the one, that the life led him towards the girl for a reason and he was very very in love. But with me, he isnt on the „cloud“, that it isnt that kind of love. He learnt that with the „hysterical“ kind of girls he coulnd make it work, so he wanted to try something different and he is glad that he did.

 

I feel he isnt even in love with me. So this is my story. I dont know what to do, he is even looking at the profiles of his exes at the facebook. He says he is just curious. Today he showed me a picture of some girl with words "you would like to have boobs like hers, wouldnt you?" I didnt even know what to say to him. I think I am going crazy. I feel so sad and mad at the time. I dont know if I am wrong or is it him? I lost the concept of what is normal and what is not with him. Help me please. Am I crazy girlfriend? Am I overreacting? Thanks a lot.

[pippy longstocking]

darling you should have time to quickly go back into your post and edit it into paragraphs ,you will get more responses , most of us can't read a huge wall of text like that and you have limited time to edit .

[Shortystylz]

Your therapist is correct. He does not have respect for you.

While I don't think it's unusual for people to look at other attractive people, I do believe it's disrespectful to blatantly look at other women in front of you and also to point out things about these women that attract him. You have let him know your feelings so he should respect that and not cross that uncomfortable boundary.

You can admit you insecurities which I am sure you work on, but if he understands that he should be more supportive.

Good luck and remember that there are plenty of other people in this world that are attracted to you and women with a slim figure.

[Wiseman2]

Your bf sounds very mean to you and inappropriate. What do your family friends and therapist think about your dating him?

[Andaco]

Thank you, I did it

[Andaco]

Shortystylz thank you for advice

[Andaco]

Wiseman2 my family only met him one tíme so they dont really know him. But they are not very glad that I date na older man.

[pippy longstocking]

Thankyou for going in and editing it x

 

What a horrible story , and he is knocking you down everytime he does this .

 

completely usual in a relationship, but I can be sure that he doesn't lie to me about it and he does it in front of me, so he is at least completely honest. He has thousands of these pictures of other women. He doesnt just do this, he sometimes shows me some photos and tells me what is nice about this or that girl. He reacts in an upset way when I dont tell anything about it or I am irritated by it. He laughs at me when he catches me staring at his phone when he saves those pictures.

 

^^^ I am disgusted by that darling . none of us would tolerate that at all , it isn't you been insecure , it is him been a p1g to you . If his exes put up with this crap then good for them , but one wonders why they are all exes !!!

 

You are beautiful for who you are , don't compare yourself and feel inferior because you are not curvy ..look at my pic , if you dressed me in silver I would look like a pair of tweezers .

 

Sometimes two people with mental health problems can support each other ...sometimes they destroy each other ...in this case he is destroying you , chipping away at your self confidence and hell he should be lucky eh on his way to 50 and has a 24 yr old girl friend .

 

Think very carefully about your future , you deserve love and respect and it aint ever gonna happen with him .

[Andaco]

pippy longstocking thank you for your advice, I will think about it. You are very kind

[trickykid]

There are a couple of concerns about this story that jump out at me.

 

First off, that you two were patients, with depression, while there is nothing wrong with this at all, what concerns me is that you were both patients in the hospital, both have depression and are both with each other, and I say that because this could lead to some kind of drama.

 

The age gap, you are half his age again nothing wrong with that but when you put it together with the above, its kind of a bit odd. You say he is a lot "better" than you, in what way? Does he not need medication and you do?

 

And why does he save pictures of these women? his facebook friends, does he have many women friends? What does he do with them?

 

What does the hospital say about patients hooking up and dating each other? i thought they would have advised against such a thing.

 

Something about his behavior seems very odd to me.

 

I dont think you are over reacting but I think maybe you should have a bit of a break from him and try to relax and get yourself better

[pippy longstocking]

pippy longstocking thank you for your advice, I will think about it. You are very kind

 

...and you are lovely and do not deserve this xx

[Hollyj]

Your therapist is right. It is disrespectful and I don't think this would be OK with any woman. BTW, I'm certain that all of his other gfs had a huge problem with it.

 

You bf is emotionally abusive. He likes to make you feel insecure and less than a woman. I'm sorry, but your bf is a disgusting pig, who likes to humiliate and hurt you.

 

You need to end this relationship immediately. He is dangerous to your mental health!!!!

[pippy longstocking]

Your therapist is right. It is disrespectful and I don't think this would be OK with any woman. BTW, I'm certain that all of his other gfs had a huge problem with it.

 

You bf is emotionally abusive. He likes to make you feel insecure and less than as a woman. I'm sorry, but your bf is a disgusting pig, who likes to humiliate and hurt you.

 

You need to end this relationship immediately. He is dangerous to your mental health!!!!

 

absolutely , I agree with every bit of this

[pippy longstocking]

I am more his age then your age darling , but I had this about 15 years ago ..I am 5ft 5 and he was 5ft 6 , so if I wore heels I would be taller .. he ridiculed me , he said he isn't used to going out with "geezer birds ...in other words , women who look like men !!!! whaaaaat ... he would say he is used to petite delicate women and I felt like a monster ..it shattered me . For a long time I thought I was just a misfit of a woman . I don't think that now , but at the time I felt like you do .

[Hollyj]

One last thing: this is about him and not you. He will not change. He gets something out of hurting people. he is a bully!!!

[Hollyj]

I am more his age then your age darling , but I had this about 15 years ago ..I am 5ft 5 and he was 5ft 6 , so if I wore heels I would be taller .. he ridiculed me , he said he isn't used to going out with "geezer birds ...in other words , women who look like men !!!! whaaaaat ... he would say he is used to petite delicate women and I felt like a monster ..it shattered me . For a long time I thought I was just a misfit of a woman . I don't think that now , but at the time I felt like you do .

 

 

Girl, You're gorgeous! It saddens me that you were with such an abusive creep!

[pippy longstocking]

One last thing: this is about him and not you. He will not change. He gets something out of hurting people. he is a bully!!!

 

yes ..holls keeps saying stuff I am forgetting ...yes it is his problem not yours ..just as my above story was his insecurities , not mine .

[pippy longstocking]

Girl, You're gorgeous! It saddens me that you were with such an abusive creep!

 

aww darling thankyou xxx yeah it saddens me that I put up with it for 3 and a half years ..it's a journey !!

[bunzana]

This man is destroying your self esteem, and his behavior would do that to even the most confident of women. Being that you are already insecure, this relationship is very toxic for you and your mental health. I would not tolerate this behavior, no woman would, and neither should you. The way he is treating you is extremely cruel, and I don't think that anyone who loves you would want to make you feel this way. You should leave him, and work on your mental health and self-esteem. Staying in this relationship will only damage you further.

[Andaco]

trickykid, thank you for your reply.

We both need medication, but he had a depression many years ago and he takes medication now only to keep him stabilized. He was in a hospital when we met just for money. It sounds odd, but I dont want to specify it.

Yes, he has many women friends, more than men. I asked him what are those photos for, and one time he told me that he does nothing with them, he doesn't even look at them once he saves them, he just likes to collects what he likes, and second time he told me that he has them to jerk off.

In a hospital, doctors were quite excited that we are together, so we dont have a non-dating policy here.

[pippy longstocking]

and second time he told me that he has them to jerk off.

 

dear god ..how dare he say that to you !! if you saw my face grimacing now you would know how shocking it is to read .

[Hollyj]

aww darling thankyou xxx yeah it saddens me that I put up with it for 3 and a half years ..it's a journey !!

 

You're out now. That's what is important.

[pippy longstocking]

You're out now. That's what is important.

 

yes absolutely , tucked under my belt and hopefully my story , like many others can use the experience to help others .. thanks holly xxx

[Hollyj]

OP, you need to share this with your family. You need help to get away from this guy.

[Andaco]

Thank you for every single advice, you cant imagine how are you helping me. You all are wonderful!