Question regarding the famous NC rule

[snowpeachdoll]

I have a question with No Com. I know it's essential in the healing process. But what if the other party is only waiting for you to reach out and the relationship can still be salvaged? Because most of the threads here strongly suggest NC like there is no hope but to give up the relationship because one of the parties broke it off. I mean even if the other party tries to reach out, the main advise I see is to continue NC, ignore, move on with your life etc even if you love the person just ignore and don't accept him again. or maybe its just me.

 

I'm on my 16th day of NC now and I'm slowly accepting things that aren't meant to be but I couldn't help but think sometimes if he might just waiting for me to reach out.

[Wiseman2]

That's your emotions hoping, because logic would be that if he wanted to reach out, he would, right?

he might just waiting for me to reach out.

[boltnrun]

If he reaches out with "I'm so sorry, I made a mistake, can we talk?" that's one thing. You can choose whether or not you want to listen to what he has to say.

 

If he reaches out with "hey, how are you doing?"...that's a breadcrumb thrown, probably because he's bored, feeling lonely and sorry for himself, can't find anyone else to have sex with, etc.

 

And if he doesn't reach out at all...he's not sitting there waiting for YOU to reach out! That's a fantasy.

 

I know, it's hard to accept someone doesn't want to be with you anymore. But holding on or searching for false hope just keeps you stuck.

[snowpeachdoll]

That's your emotions hoping, because logic would be that if he wanted to reach out, he would, right?

 

sort of yes. But I'd like to keep my NC status for now. I'm killing the thought that we may still be together someday. I just actually always think of the "what if" especially the "what if he's only waiting for me?"

[boltnrun]

sort of yes. But I'd like to keep my NC status for now. I'm killing the thought that we may still be together someday. I just actually always think of the "what if" especially the "what if he's only waiting for me?"

 

You've known him long enough. If he wanted to reach out he would.

[Clinton]

The thing is, there really is no roadmap to a reconciliation. It's all touch and feel and it only works if BOTH parties still have feelings for each other and are willing to try and work things out.

 

NC helps you heal. A side effect may be that they miss you and reach out. But that s rare.

 

If after a period of NC you want to reach out to an ex who dumped you, it's a risk. Odds are they don't want to reconcile. They may or may not want to be friends which could further screw you up. Even if they do want to give it a try, most often the issues that led to the breakup won't be resolved and will kill it again. And yes, every once in a while, two people reconnect and stay together.

 

Life is a crap shoot. There are no garuntees. All you can do is what you think is best for you and live with the consequences.

[snowpeachdoll]

You guys are right. I agree that NC really helps you heal. It might be just me having the hopes and all which makes me ask this kind of questions. But I do agree that I shouldn't be thinking about him anymore and that if he wanted to reach out, he would.

 

Thanks everyone! you rock! I promise

[snowpeachdoll]

That's your emotions hoping, because logic would be that if he wanted to reach out, he would, right?

 

Yes. hard truth

[snowpeachdoll]

The reason why I asked is because one of my friends posted on his profile just now ranting about his former love saying something like "I didn't really hate you, I just wanted you to reach out but you didn't. You went on with your life like I was nothing. I was always the first to reach out and it's always tiring. I wanted you to come to me. I was hurt. but now I'm moved on from you bla bla bla" and so it led me to this question

[lostandhurt]

I read your other posts.

 

After all the time you two were together he didn't lose himself or need space. There were some definite problems brewing with the differing religions you both have and I think he hoped you would one day convert to his and all would be good. You were right not to convert to his just to keep him in your life.

 

NC gives you clarity so you can begin to see that life does go on, it shows you that in spite of what your heart feels you will be okay. NC also gives you the time you need to grow emotionally and socially. How many friends do you no longer see because of the relationship? Have you chased your dreams while with him or have you followed his lead?

 

Here are some words you need to read and accept.

 

You will love again

You will open your heart and let another man love you the way you are supposed to be loved.

You will be happy

You will have your OWN future

and lastly 29 is not even close to being to old to have a baby.

 

NC is a gift you give yourself...

 

Lost

[MasterPo]

Good advice. Hope things work out for you. I did NC for almost 3 years before my heart hijacked the healing. I broke NC and it was bittersweet, I was happy and so confused. Didn't work out like I thought it would, reality and all that shattered me for awhile. I wouldn't say I went back to square one but I fell far enough to see it.

 

Hindsight. I'm glad I did it, I'm glad I found out what was behind curtain. Accelerated my healing as I knew I would never call again. Good luck.

[snowpeachdoll]

I read your other posts.

 

After all the time you two were together he didn't lose himself or need space. There were some definite problems brewing with the differing religions you both have and I think he hoped you would one day convert to his and all would be good. You were right not to convert to his just to keep him in your life.

 

NC gives you clarity so you can begin to see that life does go on, it shows you that in spite of what your heart feels you will be okay. NC also gives you the time you need to grow emotionally and socially. How many friends do you no longer see because of the relationship? Have you chased your dreams while with him or have you followed his lead?

 

Here are some words you need to read and accept.

 

You will love again

You will open your heart and let another man love you the way you are supposed to be loved.

You will be happy

You will have your OWN future

and lastly 29 is not even close to being to old to have a baby.

 

NC is a gift you give yourself...

 

Lost

 

You are so right about this. Thank you very much. And I'm happy for your healing MasterPro

[Cope]

Good advice. Hope things work out for you. I did NC for almost 3 years before my heart hijacked the healing. I broke NC and it was bittersweet, I was happy and so confused. Didn't work out like I thought it would, reality and all that shattered me for awhile. I wouldn't say I went back to square one but I fell far enough to see it.

 

Hindsight. I'm glad I did it, I'm glad I found out what was behind curtain. Accelerated my healing as I knew I would never call again. Good luck.

 

Sometimes breaking NC can help, i just assume it will be best if you do it when you are not emotional. This is one reason we do go NC after all. 3 years later i am sure you weren't!

 

The alternative of NC is crying and begging and in general losing your dignity and erasing any possibility of reconciliation. Faster way out? Maybe. I totally prefer the harder way of NC though. Like CatFeeder says : Head high.

[MasterPo]

Sometimes breaking NC can help, i just assume it will be best if you do it when you are not emotional. This is one reason we do go NC after all. 3 years later i am sure you weren't!

 

The alternative of NC is crying and begging and in general losing your dignity and erasing any possibility of reconciliation. Faster way out? Maybe. I totally prefer the harder way of NC though. Like CatFeeder says : Head high.

 

I was actually on my way; fewer daydreams, music wasn't so haunting or interpretative and then I got a simple email message, "I miss you". Got me, sucked that message in and with nano thought punched in a number I had long memorized. It was a great conversation and it went on for almost 4 months. She missed her friend not the romance. It was the hardest thing to accept, yeah even though half of ENA had it figured out.

 

I didn't listen but I had the sense to 'harder way' NC and never looked back. No one can say what they would do until it happens and if you break NC - FOR WHATEVER REASON- it hurts but you'll heal. I'm proof. Good luck.

[saluk]

In your case the breakup was for compatibility reasons: the two of you should NOT be together. Finding a new person will be easier than making things work long term when you do not agree on fundamental topics. So you do not need to worry about whether or not he will come back, because even if he would, you are still not compatible, and it would end the same way. Worse even, because more time would be invested.

 

Your only concern is to convince your soul that you will have a better life without him, and that you can move on with head held high. That will take some doing, and it's still early. Continue NC, and when you can, try to get involved with new things. New things are the best thing to help you shift gears. A new class, a new project, a new place to live, new friends, whatever it is, it needs to be new, and attempted to stick with it for a while. It's the best way I've found to cope.

[JTP1994]

Hey this post has been a super positive read. I love this website. It's a lil vain for me to comment like this without contributing to OP's issue, but honestly, this has been a really nice little read at 3:51AM. Time for bed.

 

Much love.

 

Hope everyone heals to their maximum capacity. x

[snowpeachdoll]

In your case the breakup was for compatibility reasons: the two of you should NOT be together.

 

Been repeating this to my head all day yesterday and it kind of helps to give my hopes up because sometimes its just my stubborn self. I had a dream of him again last night that we were about to get married, but I know he wouldn't come, it seems I was only pushing it and I came to a point of begging and him repeatedly rejecting me. I'm so happy it was only a dream because it make sense now. There really is no point for me to contact him at all. Thanks everyone. I have blocked him on my social media too. This is a gift for myself. Love you guys!

[Webb0108]

Hi is it to late for me to use the nc rule after 8 months ?? I didnt even no about the rule up untill not long ago.. I know its a healing process which is good and ive heard it can make the other half in my case my wife i had a relationship with for 15 years and mrried for 10 miss me.. Just wondering if i should bother after 8 months id like to just wanna know your advice...as i think of it if i do its a win win situation either she will miss me or ill get over her any advice would be appriciated thanks

[kbbcoop77]

Hi is it to late for me to use the nc rule after 8 months ?? I didnt even no about the rule up untill not long ago.. I know its a healing process which is good and ive heard it can make the other half in my case my wife i had a relationship with for 15 years and mrried for 10 miss me.. Just wondering if i should bother after 8 months id like to just wanna know your advice...as i think of it if i do its a win win situation either she will miss me or ill get over her any advice would be appriciated thanks

 

You should start your own thread with this question. And FYI NC is for healing yourself. Always recommended after a breakup.

[No1]

NC is a tool and not a solution. Its like a hammer in a tool box. You can hammer nails with it but you cant build a house only using it. NC is the same thing. Its the most used tool but it doesnt mean its always the best and it must be used with other techniques to help you in healing... example

Whats the use of NC if you have pictures of your X around you? NC has no use if you still read texts, emails and notes from your X.. So you must purge your emotions of anything that reminds you of your X.

I also believe that NC is not the best answer. Sometimes limited contact can work in some cases.. it all depends on the situation of course, but if two people are on good terms and both understand that the relationship is over and talking to each other helps then dont see why thats a bad thing. Thats just one example of course.

Since there is to rule book these are guidelines that people use. Use what helps you move forward and it doesnt elevate your blood pressure.