we dating but what are his intentions-mixed signals

[SoulTaker]

he comes up with great ideas (except that chicken lol) how to spend time, he pays for the dates and ask me out in advance -confirming time and place as gentleman would. Almost by the book....that is why am willing to see him again to see ....I wont be intimate with him - I will stay away from take away chickens near his place lol. He normally asks me out on Wednesdays...if he wont ask me today - I will be very busy this weekend.

 

You've received good advice from people. This update from you stood out. Are you stating that there have been 6-7 dates, and he has come up with all the dates, and has paid for all of them?

 

If true, then you need to start coming up with dating plans, and start paying for some of them. I realize that he might enjoy being in control of everything, but it wouldn't hurt to offer to change things (come up with the dating plans, and pay for it). I wouldn't be comfortable with a woman dating me, mainly because I'm taking care of everything for so many dates.

 

This might not be the case, but I can only go with how you're stating it.

[irka000]

Soultaker...he only paid for the last two dates....otherwise we paid equally from the start. ...Thank you for your comment. He was the one asking me out but I had a say into what can we do...just his ideas were better

well, he texted me yesterday but not offered to meet up.....that means we wont be meeting this weekend. I am bit disappointed. He said last week that his 17 year old daughter has birthday this weekend. He had his on Tuesday too...maybe he made plans. Just a pity he didn't suggested any other day....

Frankly speaking, I think he is backing off ....I have to accept that and cannot react ....let go and let God....

[Batya33]

I agree that unfortunately he is backing off -if the issue was busyness he would have reassured you and made a plan in advance for when he is free IMO.

[Sportster2005]

Don't waste your time with mixes signals. His intentions are irrelevant. He wants you, or he doesn't. If he wanted you, there would be no mixed signals. Treat mixed signals as non-interest. The results are ALWAYS the same.

[Batya33]

Don't waste your time with mixes signals. His intentions are irrelevant. He wants you, or he doesn't. If he wanted you, there would be no mixed signals. Treat mixed signals as non-interest. The results are ALWAYS the same.

 

I'd go further - if he were interested "signals" would be irrelevant - he would call, ask you out (or accept a plan with enthusiasm) and his actions would be consistent with interest.

[irka000]

You both very right....I just wonder what did put him off ...maybe he felt I put a pressure on him...when I said I sleep only with boyfriends and I didn't like when he said that he would like to be with "somebody".....(not me)

Well if he is so easily put off then I guess is better if this will end before it will truly start. I am sad as hell...but I will be fine...

[Ms Darcy]

He may be dating others and/or is more interested in someone who is fine with sex outside of a relationship.

[irka000]

Ms Darcy...I could not agree with you more ....

[Batya33]

You both very right....I just wonder what did put him off ...maybe he felt I put a pressure on him...when I said I sleep only with boyfriends and I didn't like when he said that he would like to be with "somebody".....(not me)

Well if he is so easily put off then I guess is better if this will end before it will truly start. I am sad as hell...but I will be fine...

 

I wouldn't analyze it- many change their minds in early dating. It may not be that he is "easily put off" -might be that he realized that you were not a good match for him - and did the right thing in not leading you on -nothing personal to you.

[SoulTaker]

....so after long hours out, we bought some take away and went to his place.It was my first visit at his place and ..I guess our 6 -7th date.

We kissed a lot and cuddle...when he wanted a bit more - I said that anything more is only for my boyfriend. He said -he respect that....we watched a movie and we kissed again. He started again and I said again the same. I said I would feel uncomfortable being intimate with him knowing he is still on dating website ....he said" I want to be with somebody..." I was a bit puzzled when he said..."somebody" ( I was thinking - so why don't you kiss with somebody...) than he awkwardly said "with you.." but this was soooo awkward....

 

He said being intimate (not all the way) is part of getting to know each other....and that our kisses are VERY intimate. So we are already being intimate.

 

Thanks for clearing that up (paying for dates). I couldn't tell by your earlier update.

 

There is something going on with the above update from you, that probably explains everything. It looks like he expected more from you after 6-7 dates, and he didn't get it (not once, but twice). And his "somebody" comment had meaning to it. It wasn't a "slip up".

 

There are no mixed signals here. You now know what put him off. He is casually dating (by his actions), and you're not. He took you to his house in hopes of taking it to the next level, which he expected after 6-7 dates.

[East4]

it is a good progression that the guy has paid for the last two dates, especially when it comes from a Taurus guy, because they are quite money-minded and from my experience with tauruses a monetary behavior is a good indicator of interest level. This being said, a Taurus man can be annoying because they are extremely slow in making up their mind. Once their mind is made up though, they stick to their decision, that makes them quite solid and reliable partners if they decide that you are good for them.

 

Also a man, Taurus or other, will go as far when physical intimacy goes, as the woman lets him go. So, you did well to draw the line. He will only respect you for that.

I would say, just relax and get used to his slow pace and lack of comms. Taurus people are like that-not very communicative, but quite consistent in the limited contact they give. I think you are worrying too much. Your previous threads was about him being stingy, now when this is out of the way, you get to worry if he's only interested in sleeping with you. One worry goes away, to only be replaced by another. Try to relax and not overthink, give him enough time to move at his own slow taurean pace. When you see him, show him that you are happy to see him.

 

I read some article on the net discussing the differences between dating for men and women. The article argued that, unlike in other areas, women are goal oriented, while men are process oriented. Example: after a few good dates if you ask a woman what her experience is, she may say things like "I can see being in relationship/marrying this man". For a woman dating is a means to an end (relationship, marriage). While if you ask a man after a few good dates, he would rather say something to the effect "Oh, she's nice and fun to be around, I'd like to see her again". Male's planning in dating goes as far as the next date. The article explained that men enjoy going on dates, without overthinking about some other goal like titles, relationship status, etc. So, when a woman starts asking questions about "what we are", a guy may be completely clueless about what to answer although he may really enjoy dating a particular woman. Perhaps that was a contributing factor to the clumsy reply that the OP's guy gave that "he wanted to be with somebody". I would take this answer at face value, but will not take it as an insult. After all, if the Taurus guy didn't enjoy your company, he wouldn't take you out on dates.

 

In a way by not agreeing to be intimate with him, you planted the question in his mind, so being a slow Taurus guy he's going to mull over it (may take time) and ne day he will spit out the answer. Till this day he will keep on inviting you on dates. You would e wise to quit questioning him about relationship stuff, I think you already said enough, while at the same time you stand your ground that intimacy is reserved for committed relationship only. You will get your answer, but you have to be patient.

[irka000]

East4, thank you very, very much. This was a very interesting to read...you seem to know a lot about Taurus and men in general.

I really appreciate your comments. I wish you were right. Time will show. As mentioned earlier, this was a first weekend when we have not met. He celebrated his and his daughter bday. Didn't offer to meet any other day. He only sent me a text asking about my week....so he is backing off or he is taking his time. I know he does not owe me a thing but I felt sad for not seeing him. But if he is ok not seeing me - I am perfectly fine with it too.

Sure, if he is dating a few other women, is even easier for him to forget about me. I wonder sometimes...if you multi date - how do you give a chance to someone if your focus can be at another person ? Almost always you are drawn more to one than others...and that means you focus more on this person....however it may appear that this person is a wrong person for you ...and you missed out cause you didn't give enough attention to the other potentials ?

 

I did draw the line and said I only sleep with boyfriends /feel uncomfortable knowing he is still on dating website ....but somehow I don't feel as a winner.

I am gutted...but I guess would feel worse if I would presume we are something that we are not.....

[Batya33]

." I wonder sometimes...if you multi date - how do you give a chance to someone if your focus can be at another person ? Almost always you are drawn more to one than others...and that means you focus more on this person....however it may appear that this person is a wrong person for you ...and you missed out cause you didn't give enough attention to the other potentials ?"

 

I did it regularly but only had sex once exclusive and seriously committed (with one exception where we were not yet that serious). I saw each person once or twice a week and if one became serious, decided then what to do. I did not have an issue with "enough attention".

 

I am sorry you haven't been in touch -one day at a time and make sure you are back on that site/meeting people ASAP.

[irka000]

So this is it...I got a text or two more (after the last date 2 weeks ago) from this guy. The last I heard from him was Saturday. Since than -nothing.He didn't ask for my plans for the weekend. This means we are not meeting -again. I was hoping he needed time to figure things out....and he probably did. He was on the dating website last evening...I am very sad but I do accept the situation. Just wondering...should send him -thank you text for nice time ? Or will he see this as screaming for attention ....he maybe forgot about me by now lol, so am not sure if this is a good idea. Somehow after nearly 2 months, feels weird to not say a word. Also I don't want him to think that the door will remain open.

It is a pity...I really saw a potential for something good...and I almost feel like telling him that he didn't even got to know me that well....we used to talk about everything but ourselves...I almost feel like convince him that he lost best partner ever... How pathetic ?

Sure -wouldn't even make an attempt to convince any man of my worth....

I know he said he wants 50/50 contact and I nearly never contacted him ....cause I didn't feel comfortable enough...he never ever called me ...barely texted. So I didn't feel so free to do so...maybe this also contributed to his decision...

should I send the -thank you and bye note ??

[notalady]

Definitely do not send a "thank you" text or any text at all! What are you thanking him for, he didn't even have the decency to say "I don't think we are right for each other" after two months of dating. Treat him the way he treats you - not important.

 

Also yes it will most definitely come across as attention seeking and leaving the door open.

[missmarple]

Thank him for what? For not having the decency to say 'you know what, all I want is to sleep with you and since you only do that with your b/f and I've no intention of becoming your b/f, I'm gonna disappear?'

[irka000]

Notalady and Missmarple - huge thank you for bringing me back to reality...what was I thinking ? Hoping he will stop me and will do something amazing? I must be out of my mind.

He wont hear from me....

thank you so much

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately you and he are on different planets. You want sexless sleep overs and nice dates and he is doing the wining and dining hoping for sex.

 

You already thanked him at the time and sending that text is like saying 'take me out again for another let's heat up then shut down' episode... or "I haven't heard from you so I'm pissed..Good bye!" Why do this to yourself?

 

He does so many things wrong (except plan and pay for nice dates) that this is not worth waiting for or pursuing or "seeing how it goes". You're not on the same wavelength.

should send him -thank you text for nice time? should I send the -thank you and bye note ??