Hubby filming me without my knowledge

[MrsO]

For the 2nd time in the space of about 2-3 months I've caught my husband out having filmed me without my knowledge. The first time it was while we were having sex (maybe TMI but it was close up enough to not see my face) and now this time I was in the shower. After the 1st incident he promised and swore til he was blue in the face that he'd never do it again, so you can imagine how I'm feeling right now

[happyfrank]

I would recommend relationship counseling. I'm also worried that he might be selling it to the internet.

[Andrina]

Your spouse is the one person you should have total trust in--the one who should have your back in such a stressful world. Instead, he has betrayed you and is the cause of stress. Since you already communicated your feelings and were ignored, it's time to admit that something more serious needs to happen. If you think the marriage is worth salvaging, I'd insist on marriage counseling. Perhaps the counselor will see his psychological problem also warrants individual counseling for him. If he refuses to go, giving him another chance basically tells him you're stayed with him because you accept this fault, since you've stayed after he's done this twice. You will have to decide if this is a deal breaker. I think it should be. You cannot risk having images of your naked body sold to the public or given to the public for free. Your well being, a serious matter, is at stake. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

[DoF]

Ask for phone to not just delete the video but also to see what he has been up to.

 

WATCH HIS REACTION when you do ask him. That will tell you everything you need to know. If he has nothing to hide, he will hand it over right there and then.....if he does, he won't or simply will later on once everything he doesn't want you to see is deleted.

[Seraphim]

I could never trust a man like that. I would probably move out and call it quits.

[sara-pezzini]

Agreed with Victoria, i could never trust someone like that again,once is already shady but okay, but to completely violate my trust and privacy like that again would be the end for me and i would be absolutely disgusted with him and no amount of counseling would fix that

[Seraphim]

It is a sexual violation and I would never never never never put up with being sexually violated. I don't give a crap what kind of therapy they get.

[shellyf62]

Totally agree.

Are you going to lock the door before you have a shower, get dressed/undressed?

I couldn't live like that, I would be gone too

[alli]

I would divorce him. That is a complete violation of your privacy & just because you are married doesn't give him the right to do that any more than a stranger has the right to do that.

 

It kind of reminds me of this story:

/

[toby17]

He's filming you naked without asking you if it's okay. The second time after he said he wouldn't?!

 

What exactly do you want us to give you advice about?

 

Speaking to him isn't going to do anything - he sounds like he has a problem.

 

I get that this is a relationship you're invested in but you need to protect yourself from the one person who's supposed to have your back.

 

I'd be tempted to report it to the police.

[Missed]

He is going behind your back, what else is he could he be doing?

 

I'd be very wary of him.

[HeartGoesOn]

It's a shame, but if you can't trust the person you took marriage vows with, you have nothing. As another poster stated, "He could possibly be selling these photos on the internet."

[saluk]

He's most likely uploading them to the internet, where people post compromising footage of the women they are with (or have been with). It's called revenge porn, and in some countries he could go to prison for it.

[Jd1983]

I would definitely divorce him. How can you stay with someone that betrays your trust, not once but twice? If he's capable of doing these things behind your back, what else do you think he is capable of?

 

Do you want to continue living your life, wondering if he's always spying on you?

[MrsDunkhase15]

Why would he betray your trust like that? Especially since you have confronted him before about these type of actions.

How certain are you about him not uploading them onto the internet? Not saying that your husband would but since this is happening more then 1 time I would definitely wonder about that.

Also, I would like to apologize about your situation.

[catfeeder]

Where do you stand on this now? How did he respond to you catching him the second time, or haven't you spoken with him about this yet?

[metrogirl]

That is just so disturbing. If he would do this to his wife, I can only imagine how many unsuspecting women he is filming. I agree with the others, he is probably uploading videos online.

 

I hope you don't have children with him.

[superfan]

The necessity of consent doesn't end with marriage. Just because you have married someone does not give him the right to take advantage of you physically or sexually. He has sexually violated you. This is NOT OK.

 

After the first time it happened, you made your feelings known about it. You told him it was not OK and he didn't listen.

 

I would leave this relationship. He has no respect for you, your privacy or your body. Who knows what he is doing with these videos. No amount of counseling in the world would get back the trust he has violated.

[Unreasonable]

I know this doesn't excuse his behavior, but have you asked him WHY he did it?

[smithpeter]

Totally unacceptable.

[MrsO]

Thank you everyone so much for your support and advice. Just knowing I was justified in my extreme and emotional reaction was an amazing help in this situation.

So update on where we're at so far... He offered to leave if that's what I wanted and has promised to do whatever it takes to try to build trust etc again, even counselling which is major for him because he had a pretty f'd up childhood and had a lot of forced counselling and bad experiences, he swears there was nothing else, no other times, no sharing etc which I am inclined to believe only because he wouldn't know how to upload anything even if he desperately wanted to and he's very open with his phone, hands it over willingly if I need to use it for anything and I back it up regularly but randomly to my laptop. As for reasoning he has no idea why he did it just that it seemed like a good idea at the time and he likes seeing me naked. He says his plan was to watch it before going to sleep and then delete it but he got distracted when we ended up having sex and he fell asleep without thinking about it again until I woke him up at midnight. And he when I confronted him about it at that time he had genuinely forgotten about it coz he assumed he'd deleted it like he planned.

As I've said to him and he said to me, they are only words and 'excuses' and I have no reason to believe or trust him so we are really at the see how things go point. If I can't get past it and trust him then it will have to be over coz that's no life to be living. Prime example; I have a psoriasis rash on my back which I can not reach to put the cream on. 1 night without it and it was a mess. I gave in and asked him to do it last night and I ended up in tears (as did he) realising that I didn't/couldn't trust relax to even let him put cream on my back.

But thank you again everyone, you have been more help than you will ever know.

[Seraphim]

He needs to move his backside out because that's the only way you're going to prove that you mean business. He can move out and do his counseling if you let him stay chances are he's going to fall back into old patterns.

[abitbroken]

Thank you everyone so much for your support and advice. Just knowing I was justified in my extreme and emotional reaction was an amazing help in this situation.

So update on where we're at so far... He offered to leave if that's what I wanted and has promised to do whatever it takes to try to build trust etc again, even counselling which is major for him because he had a pretty f'd up childhood and had a lot of forced counselling and bad experiences, he swears there was nothing else, no other times, no sharing etc which I am inclined to believe only because he wouldn't know how to upload anything even if he desperately wanted to and he's very open with his phone, hands it over willingly if I need to use it for anything and I back it up regularly but randomly to my laptop. As for reasoning he has no idea why he did it just that it seemed like a good idea at the time and he likes seeing me naked. He says his plan was to watch it before going to sleep and then delete it but he got distracted when we ended up having sex and he fell asleep without thinking about it again until I woke him up at midnight. And he when I confronted him about it at that time he had genuinely forgotten about it coz he assumed he'd deleted it like he planned.

As I've said to him and he said to me, they are only words and 'excuses' and I have no reason to believe or trust him so we are really at the see how things go point. If I can't get past it and trust him then it will have to be over coz that's no life to be living. Prime example; I have a psoriasis rash on my back which I can not reach to put the cream on. 1 night without it and it was a mess. I gave in and asked him to do it last night and I ended up in tears (as did he) realising that I didn't/couldn't trust relax to even let him put cream on my back.

But thank you again everyone, you have been more help than you will ever know.

 

If he likes to see you naked - well, you are right there. He could see you naked if there was trust - live and in person. And its not like he was drifting off the sleep alone - like a soldier falling asleep looking at a photo of his sweetheart, etc.

 

He really seriously needs counseling. Maybe from his "had childhood" he has really, really messed up boundaries but that does not mean that you have to live with this. I definitely would insist on counseling. Having him sleep on the sofa and you in the locked bedroom until he finds a place to stay for a while aside from his messed up family's house would give you time to think and to feel safe.

 

To me, this is a violation of boundaries and abuse.